The Secrets We Keep

CHAPTER FIVE

By the time they reached Auckland City Hospital, Olivia was desperate to see Leo, to know he was alright, so she was disappointed when a nurse directed them into the relatives room, saying they could see Leo once he’d been assessed.

“Given its size I’m guessing the relatives of only one patient can be in here,” Hunter murmured, “What a dreadful little room, no windows and nobody to ask for an update.” He was pacing the small room like a caged animal and Olivia looked up from where she was sitting,

“Do you remember the male polar bear at Auckland Zoo when we were kids?”

“Yeah, oddly enough I do. It was heartbreaking, remember how we wanted to set it free?”

“I do. So, you recall how he paced back and forth endlessly, just like you’re doing.”

“Sorry, I’m not very good in hospitals, I think it’s the smell, disinfectant and cabbage.”

Olivia gave a short laugh,

“Disinfectant and cabbage?”

“Yeah. You don’t think so?”

“I can’t say I pick up disinfectant but there are times when I can definitely smell cabbage or cauliflower.”

Hunter eased himself onto a bench seat next to her, his long legs stretched out in front of him,

“Where was Leo born?”

“North Shore. Just got there in time, he was in a hurry.”

“Jack was like that, but Izzy took her time.”

“The man in the car with Nina, he was Izzy’s father?”

Hunter nodded, “She left me a note and by the time I read it she was dead. I had a DNA test done, just to be sure because Nina was a stranger to the truth ninety nine percent of the time. In hindsight I think that relationship had been going on for a while. Just can’t believe how stupid I was.”

Olivia watched him grimace and she touched his arm,

“Sometimes we think we know someone and then the relationship implodes with lots of collateral damage, and you’re left wondering what the hell just happened.”

He turned to face her, “Personal experience?”

She lifted her chin, “Yes, as a matter of fact. I thought I knew you but then you bought the biggest load of BS and decided Nina had to be right.”

“I’m sorry,” he rasped, “I know it’s too little too late, but I want Leo to know he’s my son.”

“I realise that, my concern is whether you can cope with another child in your life.”

“I haven’t been the best father for Mason and Izzy, even after all this time I’m still stumbling around in the dark. I openly admit my kids have had to squeeze themselves into my life because I spent the better part of ten years feeling sorry for myself and being angry. I would never hurt them physically but there are other ways kids can be hurt and I’m probably guilty of that. Not intentionally, but it has happened all the same.”

“Have you had any counseling?”

“No. Do you think I need it?”

Olivia shrugged, she was bone weary and didn’t want to discuss whether Hunter needed counseling, right now that was in the too hard basket.

“Are you saying you want to delay having a family conference?” He asked.

“Perhaps we ought to wait until we know how Leo is rather than rushing to do something that will need some planning.”

Hunter got to his feet, pushing his hands into the pockets of is jeans and began pacing again,

“I thought we had agreed, have I missed something?” He was facing her, a deep frown creasing his brow.

“Calm down, Hunter. Of course, I’m concerned about the gossip, but we’re talking about three teenagers here, they are at a crossroads in their lives, most times they don’t know where they’re at in terms of their thought processes and reactions.”

“Are you embarrassed to bring the matter up with Leo?”

“No!” She massaged her temples where a headache was gathering steam, “Look,” she said wearily, “Can we focus on Leo’s health for the time being?”

He sighed, “Sure, whatever,” he ground out and resumed pacing.

Olivia needed space and fresh air, despite wanting to see Leo as soon as possible, being confined in that small room with Hunter pacing and prowling as he was, did not help. She got to her feet,

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I need fresh air; I’ll just be at the front entrance if needed.”

“I’ll come too.”

She put up her hand, “I need to be alone Hunter. My head feels as though its going to explode and I’m staring to feel quite nauseated.” Olivia pulled the door open and heard it click behind her as she walked toward the entrance of the trauma centre. The change in light once she stepped outside had her squinting to protect her eyes and realised, too late her sunglasses were in the bag she left with Hunter. Spying a shady tree, she wandered over to it and sat on the bench underneath it’s welcoming canopy of shade. With some fresh air and a few moments alone, her nausea at least was under control. In her rush to get away from Hunter not only were her sunglasses in her bag but there might also be a strip of pain tablets she could have taken for the headaches. Hunter. It seemed so much ugliness had filled the chasm between them, and she had no idea how they might get onto some even footing and aim for something like friendship. As it was, Hunter’s anger was palpable, and she was worried that his inability to redirect the anger into a more positive mindset would cause lasting emotional scars on both Mason and Izzy.

“You left this behind.”

She looked up to see Hunter standing in front of her, her backpack in is hands and she slowly took it from him, their hands brushing as she did so.

“I told them we’re out here getting some fresh air, so one of the nurses will come out and tell us when they’re done with Leo.”

“Thanks.” She dug into the bag, found her sunglasses, a bottle of water and the last two pain tablets. She offered him the bottle of water and he took a swig before sitting on the bench next to her.

“Okay if I sit here?”

“Of course. Can I be frank with you?”

He chuckled softly, “You weren’t being frank when we were in that room?”

“I want to be even more frank.”

“s**t,” he groaned, “Go on then.”

“About counseling. I think you would benefit from some, just to get some techniques on better ways to channel your anger.”

When she looked at him, she found him searching her face intensely and she blushed,

“Is that it?” he asked.

“No. I need to tell you something about Izzy. I don’t want you to blow a fuse nor do I want you to say anything to Izzy. Do you understand?”

“I’m not five.”

“Good to know.”

She took a deep breath, and sensing his impatience she fixed him with a hard stare,

“Patience,” she instructed, “Leo mentioned that a group of girls are making life difficult for Izzy at school. Queen bees and all that.”

“Queen bees? Olivia, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He was frowning so hard, she smiled,

“No surprise there,” she quipped, “Queen Bees and Wannabees are the girls who want to be Miss Popularity and the wannabees are her clique who follow her around and do all her dirty work.”

“Geez, sounds like school is pretty complicated these days.”

“Queen Bees have been around for a long time, even when I was at school. Some girls are equipped to brush past these little madams while others have no mechanisms to deal with them. New girls, nerdy girls and girls deemed not pretty enough are the usual targets.”

“And these girls are targeting Izzy?”

“Yes. I told Leo he needed to speak to their coordinator because I can’t get involved until the problem beings escalating and the coordinator seeks my intervention.”

“So what? Izzy is threatened and the school is doing nothing?”

“No! See, that is what I mean by your anger issues. I know this is your daughter, Hunter, but there are protocols in place.”

“So, Leo told the coordinator?”

“He did and she came to see me, told me what she knew. She also alerted me to the rumour about us doing the rounds.”

“So, what will happen now, with Izzy?”

“The coordinator will speak with the wannabees, try to gauge how far the problem has progressed, then she’ll ask the ringleader in for a chat.”

He scoffed, looking at her with disbelief, “And you believe this system actually works?  Tell me, does it solve problems, or does it make the victim the one who has to change?”

Hunter stood, balling his fists, and doing his best to push down all of the inadequacies of his parenting, his constant need to blame someone and most of all the notion that he had failed Izzy even more than Mason. Shouldn’t he have noticed she wasn’t happy at school? Thinking about it, over the last few days she had been more withdrawn than usual for her.

“Hunter.” The softness in Olivia’s voice made him turn and he saw she was patting the bench beside her, “Sit and we’ll talk about this.”

“Like we talked about Leo? Like we talked about you keeping the fact you’d had my son a secret?”

“Okay,” she said, getting to her feet, “I don’t care Hunter. Get that. Do what you want, keep paddling your way through all that crap you’ve loaded onto yourself and by extension your kids. I’ll sort out the school matters, we’ll no doubt need to speak to you in a professional capacity at some point. Go home, Leo and I don’t need you.”

With that she stalked off, head high. That went well, didn’t it? No! What was wrong with him? Was he like this as a teenager when he and Liv were crazy in love or did this feeling of darkness happen the day Nina Larsen crossed his bow? He groaned, he ought to go after her, if nothing else he wanted to be there for her if she got bad news about Leo. But, as he watched her disappear behind the automatic doors of the hospital entrance, he turned and walked to the car park. How was she going to get Leo home if he took the car? Leaning against the car he scuffed at the ground then pulled his phone out of his pocket and called his mother. Who else could he call?

“Hunter?”

“Hey mum, how are things?”

“What’s wrong? Is it the children?”

“No. Sort of. I’m in a mess and I keep digging a bigger hole every time I open my mouth.”

“Mm doesn’t sound like you. Marcus I’d believe but not you. Tell me what’s going on.”

And he did, he talked for what seemed hours while his mother simply listened and when he had finally run out of words, he cried, cried as never before, not even the thought of someone entering the carpark and seeing him was enough to make him stop.

“Hey, now,” she soothed, “So you know you have another son, Leo. He’s a wonderful boy.”

“Why did you never tell me?”

“And what would you have done? Olivia did open up to us about the argument you had and then you were gone.”

“I know,” he sighed, “Ever since Nina’s duplicity I’ve been totally f****d up, haven’t I? Excuse my French.”

“Just this once I will. Hunter, you’ve always been such a loving person, the first to help, the first to understand. When Nina came along, we lost you. We didn’t make a big deal out of it because on the surface you appeared happy together. I know we didn’t see much of you at that time, so I guess it was easy to hide the reality from us.”

“Yeah. As soon as she got pregnant it was like she was possessed or at least someone with a split personality. Nice to the outside world but hell to live with. Or maybe I was hell to live with too. I wasn’t happy she got pregnant so soon, but she didn’t get pregnant by herself so that’s as much on me as her.”

“I think she knew she couldn’t hold onto you, that Olivia was always there, and she hated it.”

“I didn’t mention Liv, at all. I was honest in my efforts to make the marriage work.”

“Okay, so I’m going to make a deal with you. We’re not talking about Nina. Not now, not in the future. If the children ask questions that’s different but you need to forgive yourself for making a stupid mistake, we all make them, and you need to forgive Olivia. She deserves that if nothing else.”

“What about Leo?” He choked out the words.

“You’re a smart man Hunter Lewis, and Olivia is a smart woman, you will work something out. And, as distasteful as it might be to you, the idea of counseling could help you, Hunter.”

“Yeah?”

“Remember what Grandma used to say, a problem shared is a problem halved.”

He smiled at the memory of his maternal grandmother who lived to the ripe old age of ninety-seven, with her arthritic gnarled fingers and caustic wit.

“I remember. When are you coming back to Auckland?”

“Middle of next week according to your father. Your uncle is much better, and your father is missing his grandchildren and going fishing.”

“I forgot to tell you that Leo pruned some vines absolutely perfectly, first time. I couldn’t believe it.”

“You ought to go back to Olivia, time to step up Hunter, your boy needs you too. You can’t keep running away because it doesn’t work. In the short term yes, but in the long run? No, nothing was ever achieved by running away.”

“Okay. Wish me luck?”

She laughed, “You don’t need luck, honey. You need love, you deserve love and in turn open that big heart of yours, let people in. Not just your father or me, but Olivia and Leo. That conversation with Leo might be tough, but it’ll be worth it.”

Half his mother’s confidence would be helpful, he mused as he made his way back to the hospital. He opened the door of the room he and Olivia had sat in earlier but she wasn’t there, so he approached the desk.

“I came in with Leo Porter, I’m his – I’m his father.”

“Of course, Ms Porter said to tell you Leo has been moved to a ward.” She scribbled down the details and handed the piece of paper to him. He smiled to himself as he walked toward the bank of elevators. Olivia must have some faith in him, otherwise why leave a message at the desk?

Hunter found the ward and Leo’s room. He was sitting up, a large bandage around his head, an ugly red bruise under his cheek bone but looking remarkably good. Leo beamed a smile at him when he entered,

“Hey, Hunter! Mum said you might have gone back to Waiheke.”

“Not a chance. I needed to see you were okay and apologise to your mother. Big time.”

He faced Olivia, searching her face for any indication that she might at least take pity on him.

“Wow. You must be in serious trouble!”  Leo laughed, then lifted his hand to his bandaged head, “I forgot, it hurts to laugh.”

Olivia smiled at Leo, “Do you need more pain relief?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“There’s a chair over there,” Olivia pointed to a chair in the corner and, rather than dig himself even deeper, he pulled it over.

“How long are they keeping you in?” he asked Leo.

“Maybe a couple of days.”

“He has a lot of bruising to his back as well as cuts and abrasions, they want to do another scan of his back tomorrow morning and suggested I – we come back around lunchtime tomorrow.”

“Okay, sounds good. I’m happy you don’t have any spinal injuries, Leo. I need my number one vine trimmer.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Spontaneously, he reached over and squeezed Leo’s hand, not sure if he would appreciate the touch or not. But, as Olivia had explained earlier, Leo was a sensitive boy and he squeezed Hunter’s hand.

“Leo and I have had a talk,” Olivia said from the opposite of Leo’s bed, “About secrets and how they hurt people, especially people we love.”

“You’re lucky you have a very cool mum, Leo. Kind, understanding and forgiving.”

“I know. What about your mum, is she like that?”

“Yes. Yes, she is. In fact, I was talking to her a short time ago and she helped put a lot of things into perspective for me.”

“She’s my other grandma, isn’t she? I’ve seen her and my grandpa quite a few times, of course I didn’t know who they were exactly, but I always had a good time with them. Do you know my other grandparents?”

Hunter’s head went back, was he hearing right? His eyes met Olivia’s and she gave him a sweet smile, the sweet smile his memory had tucked away.

“Mum told me, although you guys are a bit behind the program because me, Mason and Izzy had worked it out for ourselves, especially with that rumour running around school.”

Olivia was nodding as Leo spoke and Hunter felt small, stupid, and incredibly pathetic. But then he remembered his mother’s words, he wasn’t thinking of himself as any of those things from now on.

“When did you know about the rumour?” Olivia asked Leo.

“Couple of weeks ago. About the time – about the time those girls started threatening Izzy.”

“I’m sorry for not being here for you. I’m sorry I missed seeing you being born and for missing your first steps, first tooth, first day at school. We can’t get those back, but I’m going to make sure I’m here for you from now on.”

“Cool. Can’t believe I have a brother and a sister. Lucas and Jack know, it was Lucas who noticed that Mason and I look alike.”

Olivia laughed, “I think you and Mason could pass for twins.”

Hunter watched Leo grin at his mother, the easy affection that flowed between them was something he wished he had with Mason and Izzy. He sat back in the chair, a lump in his throat as feelings of loss and regret swamped him. He sure as hell hoped his mother was right, that he had a big heart and capacity to love because watching Olivia with Leo, he was going to have to lift his parenting game. And what about Izzy? She had no biological connection to himself or either Mason or Leo, her parents were dead, and she was being targeted by bullies. Surely there were some circumstances where keeping a secret was the safest and kindest option?