The Secrets We Keep

CHAPTER EIGHT

Hunter waited for Tom to arrive and when he did, Hunter noted he was still the hippie, the same flared jeans, floral this time and another paisley shirt, his hair tied into a ponytail. He carried a cup and because this was the third time Hunter had seen him, he was now accustomed to the aroma of green tea. He stood to shake Tom’s hand and sat when he motioned Hunter to sit.

“Still can’t interest you in one of these?” he asked, lifting the mug up.

“No, I’m good.”

“Well now. Where are we on dissecting your f****d up life?”

“Last time we spoke mainly about Nina and a bit about Olivia.”

“Ah, yes. Nina. That made you uncomfortable?”

“A little.”

Tom nodded thoughtfully and sipped his tea before placing the mug down.

“From memory you mentioned your daughter is not your daughter. I think that might be a good place to start today.”

Hunter groaned, must he? The whole issue of Izzy and her paternity still had the ability to fill Hunter with anger and frustration.

“You’re not happy about that?”

“It makes me…” Hunter broke off. It made him what? Angry, frustrated, sad, and how could there be a resolution?

“Go on,” Tom prompted, “I know I would find such a thing hard to swallow.”

“I don’t know how to start. I don’t want to feel like this because I’m worried Izzy will pick up that there is a problem.”

“Okay. Tell me this. Do you love Izzy? Love her in the same way you love Mason?”

“Of course! The minute that little princess was put in my arms I promised to love her, protect her, whatever might happen in the future.”

Tom was nodding slowly, “Good, good. I like that you had an emotional reaction to holding her. When did you find out she wasn’t yours?”

Crap. This was going to get complicated because not only does this issue centre on Izzy, but it also brought in Olivia and Leo.

“You have the look of a panic-stricken man, Hunter. This is more than simply having to raise another man’s child, am I right?”

“Yeah. It’s so complicated and is most likely the reason I’m failing as a human being.”

“I doubt it – the failing part, I mean. I have all day, so you start when you’re ready.”

Hunter got to his feet and began pacing because this is what he did when this issue reared its ugly head.

“When she told me she was pregnant again, Mason was four months old and I’m not so stupid that I don’t know how babies are made and what is needed to make a woman pregnant. Nina had been unwilling to resume the physical side of our relationship since Mason’s birth. She claimed she wasn’t interested, was worried about another unwanted pregnancy, there were a hundred and one reasons she raised. So, I moved into another room, because hey, what’s the point of sleeping with someone who can’t bear to be with you?” He stopped pacing and pushed his hands into his pockets and then it hit him. His hands were relaxed, not curled into a fist he usually made. Wow, maybe there was hope for him?

Again, Tom nodded.

Hunter cast off the last of his reservations because if he wanted a future with Olivia, this poison that lived inside him had to be dealt with.

“Can’t believe how easily she manipulated me, to be honest.  I went to see Liv because she has always managed to help me back onto an even keel. I was so angry, pacing like I am now and yelling. She tried to calm me down, but I kept ranting and raging against Nina. I’m not proud of what I did next.”

“Go on,” Tom urged.

“I was lonely, my wife had moved out of the bedroom and Liv – well she held me while I cried like a baby and one thing led to another.”

“You had intercourse?”

“Yeah. It was ugly, I didn’t force her, but I wasn’t gentle. I keep seeing the look on her face, the confusion. She was devastated. I ripped her heart out. I didn’t take any care; I wasn’t kind nor was there any respect. When I’d finished, I began yelling at her, warning her to stay away from me. Jesus I was so angry at her and I don’t even know why because she had tried to help me.”

“And then?”

Hunter shrugged again, “I don’t know. I left her there, left her naked, her clothes torn.” Hunter formed his fists in balls and began to cry, his body racked with sobs. Tom moved closer, placed a hand on his arm,

“Let it out, Hunter. Let all of it out.”

“Not long after that, Nina wanted us to have counselling, wanted to try for another child. Just like that, she suddenly changed her mind and wanted us to try harder at making the marriage work. I thought, why not?” Hunter gave a shrug and a harsh laugh blurted out, “She moved back into the bedroom and all of a sudden she wants s*x twenty-four seven,” Hunter began pacing again, the anger rising, “I’m all sorts of schmuck, aren’t I? I mean I was only thinking with my d**k, I’d been in a s****l no-man’s land. “

“Hunter, sit down. Pacing isn’t helping although I realise you pace when you want to vent. Correct?”

He scrubbed a hand over his face, “Correct.” He slumped into a chair and leaned forward burying his face in his hands,

“Would you like some water, Hunter?”

Hunter ignored him, he wanted this out, it sat like an ugly boil in his subconscious, and he wanted to lance it, eradicate it, and make himself whole again. “This interlude lasted about three weeks. Three weeks of unprotected s*x because she told me she was using a contraceptive device, so she was safe.”

“But she wasn’t?”

“Ha! She was already f*****g pregnant! It hurts, Tom! It hurts right here!” Hunter stabbed his chest, the pain so intense his tears came fast, streaming down his face. Tom sat and listened to his pain, listened to a grown man cry like a small child.

“My mother asked how far along Nina was and I didn’t know so when I asked Nina, she was evasive, said she was booked for a scan and that would give a better indication of how far along.”

“You believed her?”

“Not really. There was already a history of a pregnancy that was most likely not mine or perhaps not even a pregnancy at all. I said I would like to come to the scan, and she lost it. She went into a total rage accusing me of not believing her.”

“How did you find out?”

“She went all cold again, so we were back to separate rooms and I decided I didn’t give a s**t if we never had s*x again. A few weeks later she comes to me, cosies up and tells me she’s pregnant. Obviously, I was surprised because she was so adamant, she couldn’t become pregnant, but she was happy, so I went with it, although I was sceptical about her story, she could lie so easily, so effortlessly, they simply dripped off her tongue.”

“Did your family know?”

“Yeah, well bits. I never told anyone what I did to Olivia. I was too embarrassed. Worse, I loathed myself, that I had been reduced to a bastard who took advantage of the sweetest, nicest person on the planet. Nina and I hardly spoke during those nine months, I desperately wanted to put things right with Liv, but she had moved to Auckland and I saw that as a sign she didn’t want to bother with me. Five weeks after Izzy’s birth, Nina packed up her things, got into her lover’s car, crossed to the city, and died when the car hit a concrete barrier on the motorway.”

“Ouch,” murmured Tom.

“I had a thirteen-month-old and a newborn and I had no f*****g idea what I was doing. I drank. A lot. I basically checked out and my parents took over. I woke up hung over every day. Loathing myself a bit more each day.”

“What happened to Olivia?”

“Because I’m such a prince among men, I ran away. I went down to Hawkes Bay for a couple of years then moved to Spain where my brother has a vineyard and winery. What I did to Liv was unconscionable, but worse still was the fact that I made her pregnant.”

He waited for Tom to make a comment, instead the sat there, wanting Hunter to proceed. A fantail landed on a wooden rail outside and Hunter watched it flit and dance along the rail. It was like a balm to his soul, that little bird because he felt calm.

“All this time,” he said at length, “All this time she had my son. Nobody told me, not even my parents, that’s how damaged they believed me to be.”

Tom crossed one leg over the other and clasped his hands in front of his knee,

“Be honest, Hunter. This is a small island, both you and Olivia are here, you are raising a daughter who isn’t yours and she has been raising your son. Tell me how you see the future panning out, a future where honesty rather than secrets is important.”

“I don’t know,” he choked out the words, “I want…I know we can’t go back. I know that. Leo does know I’m his father so there’s that. But I worry about Izzy. How can I tell her she’s not mine because in every way bar one, I am her father? Don’t you see, she’s the odd one out in the equation. Mason and Leo are my biological children.”

“That’s a tough one, Hunter. The longer that secret hangs between all of you, the more difficult it will become. How old is she now?”

“Fourteen.”

“Have you ever wondered what would happen if she had a health issue, one that required a kidney transplant or blood transfusion?”

“Of course. I worry about it; I try working out different scenarios so that she doesn’t get hurt.”

“What does Olivia say?”

“She has concerns, especially when it comes to health.”

“And how do you see your relationship with Olivia?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

“Do you love Olivia? I ask only because when I looked at you today, you seemed lighter, more able to deal with some of the crap you’ve been carrying around. Am I right?”

Hunter nodded; this guy was a freaking psychic!

“The feelings are deep. We’ve – we’ve slept together a few times. I want her and Leo in my life, but she needs a person who is whole, not half a man who’s carrying around so much baggage he can’t see where he’s going.”

Tom laughed, “Hunter, you are whole! I don’t understand why you would think otherwise. Open your heart, Hunter, let her know what you’re feeling.”

Driving back to the vineyard Hunter struggled with Tom’s parting words. If he opened his heart, he risked being hurt, being rejected and it was bad enough the first-time round. He had no desire to put his hand up for another serve of pain. But don’t you want a future with Olivia and Leo? Olivia is not the sort of person to inflict pain on anyone or anything, he argued with himself. Firming his grip on the wheel and taking a deep breath, if Olivia was his future, he had to stop being so childish.

Olivia was stunned. Tabitha Collins, indeed, the Collins family had come to the attention of Social Services on numerous occasions. Tabitha had been removed from her parents twice and was placed in foster care. Olivia knew it wasn’t easy for kids who found themselves in care. Sometimes they struck it lucky, being placed in a family who were truly committed to making the best of the difficult situation the kids found themselves, often through no fault of their own. Other times, well, it caused damage. Ada Burgess, the Social Worker she knew from working at her previous school sat across from Olivia and Lou. She had brought the file compiled by another social worker.

“She only came to this school at the end of last year,” Olivia stated, “Just in the last couple of weeks of term. Her mother, said they wanted her to start so she could make some friendships and hopefully over the long summer break, they would firm and starting the new school year wouldn’t be such a challenge.”

“You’re sure it was her mother?” Ada asked, “Lisa Collins has been in and out of rehab for more than two years now.”

Olivia suddenly felt inadequate, here she was, in a position that brought with it a huge amount of responsibility and she never once doubted that the woman who went through the enrollment process with Tabitha, was not the girl’s mother.

“I feel pretty stupid,” she admitted out loud. “Tabitha didn’t speak but she’s fourteen, so I guess speaking is optional at that age. She certainly wasn’t happy to be here and since the school year began, she’s been getting herself deeper and deeper into trouble.”

“Also,” Lou started, “The day her father came here looking for trouble, he was arrested and charged with aggravated assault plus some other charges. If her mother is in rehab, who is looking after Tabitha?”

“Apparently there is an aunt, not sure if it’s her mother’s or father’s sister. Perhaps that was the woman who came here to enrol her. Or maybe her father has moved another woman in. At fourteen, that’s a devastating move if there hasn’t been any discussion between the child and the adults,” Ada said.

Taking a deep breath, Olivia said, “I’m going to have to go to the home and see for myself. I’m in a difficult position here, Ada, because Izzy Lewis is my son’s half-sister and she’s the student Tabitha has been tormenting with her clan of Wannabees.”

“Yikes, that’s a tough call, Liv. Lou, would you be willing to come to the home with Liv and I?” Ada asked.

“Of course, although I should add that my husband, Dan Martin, is the local police sergeant and he arrested Tabitha’s father. In fact, he’s arrested him so many times he’s lost count! I don’t want the family turning around and saying it’s all a conspiracy to make them look bad.”

Ada was nodding as she reached for a tumbler of water,

“What we can do, what you as educators can do is engage and partner the family which, in this situation is not going to be easy because it requires a certain level of trust from all parties. Liv, I think you’re doing a wonderful job with this and Lou, you’re doing all the right things. Obviously, communication is the key, if we arrange to talk to the family and Tabitha, perhaps we can gain some middle ground.”

 Ada’s words were right on target, Olivia decided, visiting Tabitha’s home without her father being there might yield a better outcome for everyone.

“I’ll get Tabitha in for a chat,” Olivia said, rising from her chair. She opened the door and was quite surprised to find Tabitha was still sitting there. Smiling she said,

“Tabitha? Come on in.”

Olivia held the door open and as Tabitha passed, she noticed the unmistakable scent of poor hygiene and she grimaced.

“Come in, Tabitha,” Ada welcomed her with a warm smile, “I’d like it if you would sit next to me, if that’s okay?”

Tabitha shrugged, “It’s okay, I guess,” she said and slumped into the chair.

Up close, Olivia noticed the dirty fingernails, her uniform was torn in places and her shoes had seen better days. This kid was not just crying out for help, she was screaming.

“Tabitha, I really appreciate you waiting back to talk with us,” Olivia said, “As a school principal, I’m responsible for every single student who walks through the gate in the morning as well all of the staff. Do you enjoy coming to school here?”

Another shrug and silence.

“I only ask because I wondered if you were unhappy, if there was something happening at home that made you sad or angry or even uncomfortable.”

Bingo! Tabitha’s head went down, she fiddled with her fingers and in the silence of the room, she heard sobbing.

“Tabitha? I’m sorry, I didn’t intend making you cry.”

“I cry all the time at home. I hate it. I just want my mum, but he said…” her voice drifted away, and the tears fell like raindrops, her sobs filling the room. Lou got to her feet and placed a box of tissues in front of Tabitha.

“Tabitha?” Ada said, “My name is Ada and I’m a social worker. I’ve seen lots and lots of sad kids and I must tell you, it cuts me up a lot of the time. Is your father threatening you, physically harming you?”

Tabitha shook her head, “No, he just gets drunk and yells. He doesn’t want me talking about mum, but it’s her!”

“Her?” This time it was Lou becoming involved.

“Celeste,” the girl looked directly at Olivia, “She came with me that day. The only reason she wanted to enrol me there and then was, so she didn’t have to put up with me.”

“I’m so sorry, Tabitha. I’m sorry you’re living in such an unhappy and unhealthy environment.”

“Look at me,” Tabitha sobbed, “My clothes are torn, they came from the Op Shop, we don’t have a toilet or bath in the house, they’re both outside. She doesn’t cook any meals and now that Dad is on remand, she’s totally pissed off with me!”

Ada touched Tabitha’s arm making her flinch, “Sweetie, is she physically harming you?”

Slowly, Tabitha pushed back the sleeves of her sweater to reveal angry bruises, red welts and what looked like cigarette burns. Olivia wanted to throw up and cry at the same time.

“Sweet Jesus,” she murmured, “Oh Tabitha, why didn’t you just come to me or to Lou?”

“I didn’t know if I could. Then I saw Izzy Lewis with her brother, and I know she doesn’t have a mum, but her dad was so clean and seemed so nice and I just knew they had a nice house and food. Same goes for Leo. He has you and I have nobody. I hate my life!”

“Do you have any other relatives?”

“Not here in Auckland, but my mum has a sister down in Hamilton. I was staying with her for a while but then Dad came and took me away. Brought me here because that b***h is here.”

“Do you like it here on Waiheke?” Olivia asked.

“I do. It’s nice, I miss being able to talk to my aunt and my cousins, but Waiheke is okay. It’s too bad everyone hates me.”

“Well, I’m going to give you some alternatives and you can decide what you would like us to do. Okay?”

Tabitha nodded her head, Olivia looked at Lou then Ada, and slowly they put operation Tabitha in motion.