The Secrets We Keep

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Hunter sat in his car, debating whether he ought to cancel his appointment with Tom because he was quite the coward, wasn’t he? Bugger it, he thought, Tom Gordon was the only person who could deliver him into normality, so driving away was not an option. He pushed open his door and walked into Tom’s consulting room, taking the seat he always went to and wondered if that was indicative of a psychological disorder? The door opened and Tom entered, today he was conservatively dressed, well by Tom’s standards. He had foregone the flares, instead opting for a black t-shirt and black jeans, a pair of Doc Martins on his feet. He also carried two cups and handed one to Hunter.

“You need to start drinking this Hunter, it will do you the world of good.”

“At this stage I’ll try almost anything, even this.” He raised the cup in mock salute and took a sip. Jesus! It tasted like grass cuttings!

“It’s an acquired taste, you’ll see.”

“Approximately how long will it take me to acquire a taste for it?”

“You’ll know. Now, what’s going on?”

Hunter placed the cup on the table, “It’s more like what isn’t going on. My life might have been f****d before, now it has been turned on its head.”

“I see. Carry on,” he urged.

“Mason tried to apologise to Leo, but he decked him instead.”

“Mm. How long after the incident did this take place? Was it a few days?”

“No. It wasn’t a few days; it was more like weeks. He asked to speak to Olivia at school, she agreed but she lost patience with him when he asked if he could text Leo with the apology. Fair point, they are in the same school, in the same classes for the most part, she told him to apologise face to face.”

“And?”

“He began yelling at Leo, then he punched him so hard he fractured Leo’s eye socket, he spent a few days in hospital because they were concerned about his eye.”

“So, this was an angry response? Has Mason exhibited anger issues before?”

“He becomes frustrated easily. I don’t know why but he does. I’m worried he has inherited Nina’s mental health issues. Are they hereditary?”

“We would need an assessment of Nina’s psychological status to say with any certainty. How did Olivia deal with this? Have you apologised to her? To Leo?”

“Um, I tried calling Leo a few times, but I chickened out and didn’t leave a message but then I found out Leo had won a science competition.”

“How long did it take before you plucked up the courage to do this, Hunter?”

“There was a confrontation between Mason and me. He had a go at his sister, and he started on Leo. I never saw that resentment, Tom. I never saw any of it coming! Mason showed me an invitation to Leo’s birthday which was to be in a few weeks. I didn’t know if we ought to go or not, I wasn’t sure what the reception would be.”

“Did you want to go? Did you want to celebrate you son’s birthday?”

Hunter nodded, “Yes,” he rasped, “It was his first birthday with him being in my life and I wanted to be with him, but I was worried about causing a scene!”

“Understood. But you managed to leave a message on Leo’s phone?”

“I did and I started crying, just like I always do, Leo was listening to me blub away like a baby. I didn’t say I was dad, I just said it was Hunter and that hurt,” with a fist he punched at his chest, “But I didn’t push it. I apologised, I apologised for not supporting him and his mother when his grandfather was unwell. I asked if I could come along to his rugby game and then he -,” Hunter paused, his tears came freely and the pain in his chest was so intense he thought he was having a heart attack.

“Hunter?” There was a concern in Tom’s voice he hadn’t noticed before, “Are you alright?”

“I thought I was over it, over the pain but that conversation was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

“You mentioned going to his rugby game. What happened there?”

“Nothing, because Leo withdrew from the team, he thought animosity between himself and Mason could affect team morale. That was the killer.”

“I see. Quite a mature outlook for a young man, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. It made me realise there’s a world of difference between Mason and Leo, that Leo is composed, sure he gives his mother a hard time, but he knows he is so loved by her, by her parents. I don’t think I’ve given that to my kids.”

“Is Leo alright now? No longterm damage to his eye?”

“He still has a bit of bruising but from what my parents told me; his vision is okay.”

“Are you not able to see Leo?”

“I’ve been seeing him when he visits my parents, it’s not as though Olivia is stopping me from seeing him, she said she would never do that. How the hell do I find my way back to her?”

Tom reached for his tea and smiled,

“Do you want to find your way back?”

“I do, I miss her and I’m not just talking about the s*x. I mean I miss her, the person she is, I miss being able to unload to her and she listens to me, I miss being able to bounce ideas off her. I feel as though I’m going through the motions of living although I am busy, I’m helping someone out with their winery as well as my own, so I do have a distraction which is a good thing. There is also the protest group that was formed a couple of weeks ago, and I do see Olivia at those meetings.”

“You’re going to fight the development?”

“Yeah. I’ve had a look at the plans, that whole development is being built over our boundary for the Deans Point vineyard. I have a financial stake in that although we have a lot of work to do before its anywhere near ready.”

“What are you doing about your son Mason?”

“Olivia gave me the name of a counsellor who specialises in teenage behaviours and he’s been attending weekly sessions.”

“Do you go with him?”

“No but the counsellor has asked me to see her next week for an update. I hope she’s not going to tell me he has a personality disorder.”

“How about we go back and talk about Olivia. You miss her, miss being with her. Were you beginning to see yourselves moving toward something permanent? I don’t necessarily mean getting married, but perhaps a more permanent living arrangement?”

“I don’t know, maybe I was, at least in the back of my mind because it felt right.”

“Have you told Olivia how you feel?”

“No. I haven’t really spoken to her since that awful morning, I spoke with her briefly when Leo was at the medical centre. She did raise the possibility that the DNA on the rope might not have been Nina’s per se. That if she had an identical twin, the DNA would be close enough to be a match to Mason and Izzy as that of a parent.”

“ I see. And did you apologise?”

“Not properly.” Hunter stared at Tom then without thinking he leaned forward and picked up the green tea which, now that it was only lukewarm was even worse than when it was hot.

“How about you touch base with Olivia, maybe you could meet for coffee at a café or go to lunch together. If you love her, you need to tell her. If she doesn’t feel the same way you need to hear that as well because neither of you are going to move forward with the way matters stand currently.”

“I don’t know if I can tell her I love her, Jesus do you think I want her to laugh in my face and call me a loser!”

“Not at all. And do you really believe she would laugh at you? From what you’ve told me that isn’t something she would do. Hunter, there is no point in stewing over what might have been or could have been if you don’t pull your head out of the sand and take some positive action.”

When Olivia pulled her front door open to the last person she thought she would see. Hunter.  And he was smiling. This was the first time he had been to the house in almost two months and although they had caught up briefly during the meetings held at either Marron’s or Alex’s to discuss the marina development, there was no other contact. When Leo visited Julie and Ted Lewis, she knew Hunter frequently stopped by and a couple of times Hunter had taken Leo to Auckland where they had visited the museum as well as several other places of interest. Leo had also confided in her that he decided Hunter had been punished enough, he was going to start calling him Dad again.

“Hunter. This is unexpected,” she looked around, “You’re alone?”

“I am. I was wondering if we could talk.”

“Sure, come on in. I was having a lazy morning and Leo has yet to appear.”

“You haven’t eaten?”

“No.”

“Good, I brought you some breakfast, well there’s enough if Leo is joining us.”

“Oh, that’s thoughtful of you,” she looked at the bags from Baker Bill and smiled, “Yum, I am so addicted to everything that guy bakes. Come on, I’ll get some coffee happening.”

He followed her to the kitchen where she set out plates and got the coffee maker going. She looked at him, he was uncomfortable, she realised.

“You can sit, you know.”

Still, he hesitated before pulling a chair out, “Um, thanks.”

“Was there anything in particular you wanted to discuss?”

“Yes. I know an apology is way overdue and I don’t have a good reason other than I’m embarrassed and scared. I wanted you to know I have missed you every single minute since that stupid day. Sure, we’ve seen one another at the meetings but it isn’t the same. I said I was scared and I am. I’m scared of my feelings because for the first time in a long, long time I am alive and that is down to you.”

“Wow. I’m not sure how to respond. Let me get the coffee and we’ll eat.”

She placed the bakery items on a plate and brought the coffee pot to the table along with milk and sugar. He remained seated, his fingers interlocked, a sign he was tense, and she didn’t want that. For him to get to this point, to come here was nothing short of a herculean effort and before the series of events that had brought them to this point, she would have instinctively reached for him to let him know she was there for him. But now? No, she would wait to see what else he had to say.

“Dig in,” she said, “At least that’s what Leo would say.”

Hunter laughed, “He would.”

Olivia was about to restart the conversation when he surprised her by sitting back in his chair and off he went!

“Anyway Liv. I have a thousand things I want to say, but I won’t tell them all today,” he returned to eating his pastry.

“Why not?”

“Why not what?”

“Why not say them today. I’m listening, I’m a good listener.”

“I know. You’re good at everything.”

At that she giggled, “I’m not. I’m good at some things but I suck at others.”

“Name one thing you suck at.”

“Sewing. I can sew on a button and that’s about it.”

“s**t, I didn’t know that. Isn’t your mum good at sewing?”

“Yeah and knitting, I didn’t get the gene.”

“I suppose she’s knitting up a storm for Marron?”

“Oh yes. She and Diana are like a cottage industry with their output, your mum is in on it as well.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Now, getting back to what you want to say. Say it, without being afraid, without feeling silly or any other negative emotion. I won’t laugh, I have never laughed about you or at you.”

He lifted his cup and sipped his coffee,

“That morning? I ought to have come after you in fact, I ought to have said something to Mason and Izzy then and there. But I didn’t and I’m ashamed of that. It was Leo who defended you when it should have been me which just goes to demonstrate that my son is more of a man than I am.”

“I’m not going to sugar coat this Hunter, your actions hurt bigtime, and I broke all of my self-imposed rules, the rules that were there to prevent me being hurt by you for a second time. I allowed myself to believe there might be a future for us, although it was early days however, the attraction was still there, the fact I enjoyed being in your company, your love for Leo, all of those things clouded my judgement and made me deaf to any warning bells that might have been clanging themselves stupid.”

Olivia searched his face for a response and what she saw in his eyes brought a lump to her throat, the pain in Hunter’s eyes was so intense there was no way he was not being sincere, but she wasn’t going to give him a free pass just yet. This was for his benefit although he might not see it that way right now.

“What I’ve just said?” she continued, “I’m not saying we can’t have a friendship, a relationship even but this has been a setback and on reflection is probably a good thing. Are you okay with that?”

“Of course! Jesus Liv, you gave me a second chance and I threw it away and I doubt very much anyone gets a third chance, do they?”

“They might. I mean some people are deserving of multiple chances, especially when they recognise they have jeopardised a friendship. A deep friendship can usually withstand all kinds of crap, Hunter.”

Hunter nodded, “I need to talk about the elephant in the room, Nina.”

“Go on.”

“Remember how you brought up the possibility that she was a twin, an identical twin?”

“I do.”

“Rick dug up some more information on DNA and identical twins. I haven’t read all of it because it’s heavy going however, there was a case in New York where a woman was r***d and there was DNA collected at the time, but it didn’t match on the police database however, it did match a guy who had just been sentenced to jail and he had an identical twin.”

“So, they arrested the other twin?”

“It wasn’t so clear cut, and it took several years before they were able to prosecute successfully. The main point is the children of identical twins are both half siblings and first cousins.”

Olivia was stunned and once she had recovered from the shock her mind filled with all sorts of possible scenarios,

“Hunter, that’s amazing and I can’t help but wonder if we were dealing with identical twins all those years ago, raised in a family where the parents were working undercover doing who knows what and maybe they both decided to keep doing that work once their parents retired,” she emphasised the “both” and waited to see his response.

“Jesus, Liv! Do you think I was married to one crazy but the other crazy was in the shadows and they swapped in and out?”

“I don’t want to think about that, Hunter because that was a cruel and vindictive action on someone who was completely innocent, not to mention the children.”

Hunter scratched his head, “I don’t understand why she or they went and had children, alright one of them tried to abort Mason and one of them got careless and got pregnant with Izzy, but why? Why do that to innocent children?”

Olivia reached across the table and took his hand in hers, “Hunter, why didn’t you say something to your parents? Most of us wanted to run Nina out of town but we held back because we didn’t want to upset you or offend you.”

“Yeah, that’s on me because I was too full of pride to ask for help. I knew everyone thought I was nuts for marrying her, but she told me she was pregnant, and I thought Mum and Dad expected me to do the right thing, because I’m Hunter and I always did the right thing.”

“Have you asked your parents if they expected you to marry her?”

“Never. They couldn’t stand her, and she couldn’t stand them, she was pretty awful to them to be honest. I cringe when I recall some of the arguments where she hurled all sorts of verbal abuse at them. Of course, which she it was, I don’t know. God, they were both f*****g psycho!”

“Who’s an effing psycho?”

They both looked up and Olivia smiled. Leo had just crawled out of bed, his hair a mass of untidy curls, wearing a t-shirt that had seen better days and a pair of shorts.

“Good morning, Leo,” she said, “I think a haircut is in order during the holidays, don’t you think?”

“Dunno.”

She saw him give Hunter a sheepish look before his face brightened,

“Hi Dad, how come you’re here so early?”

Olivia almost cried at the look on Hunter’s face when Leo called him Dad and she watched him struggle for a few seconds, even then his voice breaking.

“I wanted to talk to your mother about a few things. How’s the eye now?”

“Better, I can smile and laugh which is a big improvement,” Leo saw the Baker Bill bag and his eyes lit up, “Are there any left?”

“Hunter brought enough for you as well. Are you joining us?”

He looked from one to the other, “Are you discussing secret adults’ business?”

“No!” Both of them laughed at the same time.

“Cool, then I’ll sit.” He reached in the bag and pulled out two pastries “Oh, look at that, I’ll have to eat both of them seeing as I touched them.”

“Smart Leo, very smart,” Olivia said.

“Dad? About my birthday, you know it had to be rescheduled because of my accident but we rescheduled it for next weekend and the invitation is still open if you want to join us. I’d like you to be there.”

“I think it would be nice if you could celebrate Leo’s birthday with everyone, Hunter.”

“You do?”

“Am I prone to say things I don’t mean?” she asked.

“Never.”

“At least think about it?”

“I will,” Hunter got up, “I should go, you two probably a lot of things to do.”

“No, we don’t do we Mum?”

“Leo’s right and you did say you wanted to talk.”

“Right. Yes, I did.” He sat down.

“Can we talk about Mason and Izzy?” Leo asked.

“If you want.”

“Why do they hate me?”

Olivia’s hand flew to her mouth, “Leo, maybe that’s not such a good topic.”

“No Liv, we can’t dance around this. Leo, I don’t believe they hate you as such. For whatever reason Mason was resentful, he thought I loved you more, that I am happier when you’re around, that sort of thing.”

Leo frowned, “But everything was okay up until that day, so I don’t understand.”

“I don’t know what happened Leo. If it’s any consolation, Mason was pretty savage on Izzy as well. A few days after that he had a meltdown a complete meltdown, I’ve never seen him like that before.”

“Leo,” Olivia cautioned, “What Hunter tells you is confidential, right? It’s not to be repeated at school or to anyone. Do you understand?”

“I already knew that and don’t worry, I’m not a blabbermouth.”

Hunter smiled at Leo and her heart somersaulted its way around her rib cage.

“Mason has been seeing a counsellor and I have also spoken to her which has given me a better understanding of where we’re at.”

Leo finished his pastries and looked in the bag for more, but Olivia snatched it out of his reach, “If you’re still hungry have some cereal, mister.”

“I’m going to have some Milo and then I’m going to finish watching a movie, I only came out of my cave because of hunger.”

With Leo out of earshot, Olivia decided to take the bull by the horns and ask what was happening with Mason.

“He’s going okay. The counsellor is confident he doesn’t have a personality disorder, but she asked me if I knew anyone by the name of Holly.”

“Holly?”

“That’s right and this will blow you away because it certainly blew me away, the twin? Her name is Holly.”

“Hunter, no! She’s here, really here on Waiheke?” The hairs on Olivia’s neck stood up as goosebumps covered her arms, “She cut the rope?”

“Possibly. Apparently, she approached Mason after school, he tried to get rid of her until she mentioned she was his mother’s sister then tried to get him to go with her because his mother wanted to see him.”

“Did he go?”

“He refused and she took off when Jack called him over. But she came back a few days later with a letter apparently written by his mother, she wanted to see him and to see Izzy. She apparently had things she wanted to tell them, explain to them.”

“Poor Mason,” she whispered, “Imagine playing mind games with your children like that. What do they want? After all this time what is it that they want?”

“This is where it gets weird because she told Mason, they have something that their mother needs.”

“Like what? Brain cells?”

Hunter laughed, “You were a bit more polite than me. Anyway, since then he hasn’t seen her or if he has, he’s keeping quiet.”

“Are Mason and Izzy in danger?”

“The counsellor doesn’t think so but Liv, you need to be careful because she thinks Nina or Lana and Holly’s behaviour is escalating,” he reached across the table and picked up her hand, kissing the palm, “Promise me you’ll be careful?”

“Of course. What about Mason? Is he back at home with you?”

“He is, but I hate to admit this,  I’m not sure if I can trust him.”