The Secrets We Keep

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“Do you intend being mad at us for the rest of our lives or are you going to let us all move on?”

Hunter looked up from irrigation hose he was trying to fix and saw Mason, hands on hips, looking as though he wanted a fight.

“Us, Mason? Which us are you talking about. The you, me and Izzy us or you, me, Leo and Izzy us?”

“s**t Dad! How many times do we have to say sorry to you?”

“How many times have you apologized to Leo and his mother? Do you honestly believe it was easy for Leo to step away from playing a sport he loves? Did it ever occur to you that maybe you ought to have been the guy who made that sacrifice?”

Mason shook his head, “How many times have apologised to them, Dad? Have you even spoken to them?”

Mason had a point there because he hadn’t contacted Olivia, hadn’t left a message for Leo despite calling him a dozen times, each time ending the call when it went to his voicemail. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree in this family, did it?

“Fair point,” Hunter conceded, dropping the spanner he’d been holding into his toolbox.

“We needed to apologise to them straight away, didn’t we?”

“That we did.”

“Leo’s avoiding me at school, even at the science project, he basically ignored me.”

“Did you talk to him?”

Mason shook his head, “I didn’t know what to say,” he mumbled.

“Sorry might have been a good start.”

“He won that competition by the way. Just thought you’d like to know, and I heard Jack and Lucas talking about Leo’s birthday party that’s coming up.”

Hunter wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear. Leo and Olivia were better off without him in their lives although he doubted Olivia would welcome him back in her life anyway. Despite Tom urging him to do what was needed to try and restore or repair the relationships, he couldn’t do it.

“Is he having a party?”

“On Motutawa. His birthday falls during the school holidays and they’re all going over there. Those chalets Blake was renovating are all complete now.”

“Did you get an invitation?”

“We all did.”

“Who’s we?”

Mason reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a printed card, handing it to him. Hunter swallowed hard, trying to move the lump in is throat because sure enough the invitation was made out to himself, Mason, and Izzy.

“Gran and Pop got one as well. Do you want to go?”

Did he? It could be uncomfortable as hell because Xavier and Blake were cool toward him the last time they were at Deans Point and he got that. Olivia was like a sister to Alex and Marron, and he felt like the guy who shot Bambi’s mother.

“I don’t know Mason. Do you and Izzy want to go?”

“Maybe.”

Hunter bent down to pick up the toolbox,

“Come on, I’m done here for today.”

“What were you doing anyway?”

“Fixing that irrigation hose. It’s not that the grapes need gallons of water, but they need a drink now and then.”

The walked in the direction of the house without speaking. He returned the toolbox to the utility shed and secured it. Until he knew for certain that Nina was no longer on the island, he was taking no chances. When he entered the house, Izzy was in the kitchen, but since that awful morning nearly a month ago, she hadn’t once hummed a tune.

“Hey Dad,” she said, her voice sombre.

“Listen, we need to have a talk, but I have a couple of phone calls to make.”

“Talk about what?” Izzy wanted to know.

“Use your imagination, Izzy. I’m fairly sure you’ll come up with the answer,” Mason taunted his sister, and this was not the first time Hunter noticed an increasing level of sarcasm being directed Izzy by Mason.

“You know Mason, that sounds an awful lot like bullying your sister, so maybe you can tone that done a bit?”

“She pisses me off Dad! She’s going around as though she’s so freaking perfect, all the freaking time as though she would never make a mistake! Well, she make a mistake, a big one when she bounced Olivia and Leo out of here with her stupid behaviour.”

“You did it first!” Izzy countered, “And you said you didn’t care if Leo was your brother or not!”

Hunter rounded on Mason, “Is that true?”

He watched his son’s defiant body language ramp up a notch, “What if it is?”

“I’ll ask you again, Mason. Did you say that?”

“Yeah, I said it. I was getting sick of his Mr Positive crap all the time, he’s not normal, nobody is that happy!”

“Oh, because you’re a miserable little git, you think everyone else should be like that?” Hunter challenged.

“Takes a miserable git to know one. You know what else?” Mason lashed out, “I don’t care that he had that accident either!”

Hunter reeled from Mason’s outburst and the words of his parents and of Tom bounced around in his head, confirming what everyone else knew about his children, everyone except him.

“I’m sorry Dad,” Izzy whispered, “I’m sorry about all of this, Mason and I started it and as Gran and Pop said, we need to finish it.”

Mason rolled his eyes, “Jesus Izzy! You sound like freaking Pollyanna!”

“Well, I’d rather be Pollyanna than a mean-spirited Grinch like you!”

“Enough!” Hunter bellowed, “Your grandparents told me that I had ignored your bad behaviour for far too long and by that they referred to your collective bad behaviour. Because I was so hell bent in compensating for what your stupid mother did, I check out of parenting in a balanced way.”

“They said that?” Mason asked, his defiance and aggression had gone, instead he wore a shocked expression, shocked that his grandparents would say that about him.

“They did and before either of you start yelling and screaming that nobody loves you, that is just their point. Because we loved you to the point of obsessing over your happiness because you didn’t have a mother, this is what you’ve become.”

“Do you believe that as well Dad?” Izzy asked, her voice soft.

“I do. In fact, I know it to be true. Why do you think I have never had a serious relationship since your mother left?”

“What about Olivia? Wasn’t that serious?” Mason asked. He had pulled out a chair and sat at the kitchen table, Izzy continued to lean against the bench top.

“Olivia? It might have been moving toward something serious Mason, but that ship has sailed. I haven’t had a serious relationship because of my own guilt regarding your mother who, by the way, didn’t love me, wasn’t who she said she was, and I don’t even know why she -,” he stopped mid-sentence. If he was going to change Mason and Izzy’s perception of the world and life in general, he had to stop justifying every thought he had or every decision he made to them.

“Did you love her, Nina?” Mason asked.

“No. Sorry if that upsets you, but it’s hard to love someone who lied every time she opened her mouth. Now, I’m going to make those phone calls and you can either call for a pizza or I’m sure your grandmother has left a ton of food in the fridge or the freezer.”

“Do you want us to save you some pizza?” When Hunter looked at Mason’s face he saw hope there, but the angry exchange they had a few moments ago was still too fresh in his mind and Mason wasn’t going to get a free pass this time. He ignored him and left them both in the kitchen.

In his office he closed the door and sank onto the sofa, placing his head in his hands and spent the next few minutes crying. When no more tears would come, he pulled out his phone and punched in Leo’s number and it went to his voice mail, but he didn’t hang up. He couldn’t.

“Hey Leo, its Hunter. I won’t say dad because you were right, I don’t deserve that title, not from you because I haven’t been much of a dad and after what happened a few weeks ago you might never want to call me dad. Anyway, I heard you won the science project and wanted to congratulate you and let you know how proud I am. I also wanted to say how sorry I am that I wasn’t there for you and your mother when your granddad wasn’t well, and I hope he’s feeling better soon. Thank you for inviting us to your birthday party on Motutawa, I’m sure you’ll have a fantastic time but at this stage I don’t think it would be the right thing to muscle in on your special day, especially considering what happened. I should have defended you and your mother, and I didn’t. Mason and Izzy should never have spoken like that and I was hurt and embarrassed that they did that. Okay, I’m going to stop now. Um, if you wanted, no guess what? I’m going to try calling you again and maybe we can talk? I love you Leo, I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you in my life.” Tears streamed down his face and he seemed to lack even the energy to end the call, so he sat there, miserable as all get out,

“Hunter?”

He looked at his phone, holy hell!

“Leo?”

“Yeah. Thanks for your call. I’ll let mum know you finally left a message, she said I ought to change my number.”

Hunter sniffed,

“Sounds like your mother.”

“Are you crying?”

“Just a bit. No, I lie, a whole lot. I know we can’t go back to where we were Leo but maybe when I see you at the next game we can have a quick chat?”

“Haven’t you heard?”

“Heard what?”

“I’m not in the team anymore. I pulled out.”

“Oh Leo, no! Why?”

“I couldn’t deal with any animosity from Mason, it’s not fair on the team.”

With that Hunter’s heart cracked open,

“I’m sorry,” he choked out, “I didn’t know Leo, I truly didn’t know.”

“There’s always next year.”

“I guess.”

“My dinner is ready so maybe you can give me a call another time.”

“Yeah, sure. I love you Leo.”

He so desperately wanted Leo to repeat the words back to him, but he didn’t,

“Thanks Hunter.” And then he was gone.

“Liv?” she looked up and smiled at the school’s administration leader at her door.

“Jane, come in!”

“Two things. How’s your dad? Is he doing okay now he’s home?”

“Thanks Jane. Yes he’s fine, getting back into fishing with Ted Lewis, bowls, he’s even been helping Xavier Weston construct a goat mountain for Xavier’s goats.”

“A goat mountain?” the other woman echoed.

“Goats love to climb, and Xavier had been at some expo or conference and saw the idea and of course, Dad being Dad, it’s all happening.”

“That’s wonderful, Liv. I’m sure you and your mother are relieved.”

“We are. You said two things?”

“Mason Lewis has asked if he could see you. He has a free period.”

Mason wanted to see her. Not that she’d been counting but five weeks had passed since the implosion at the Lewis household and not a word. Yes, Leo had heard from Hunter, so she was happy with that, but Hunter hadn’t reached out to her and while that hurt like a b***h, she was concentrating on other things.

“Is he in trouble?”

Jane shook her head, “Shall I divert him to his year level co-ordinator?”

“No. Send him in.”

Mason appeared in the doorway, looking lost and sad.

“Close the door Mason,” she said, “And have a seat.”

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “What I mean is, I should have done this over a month ago, but I didn’t have the guts. My grandparents said Izzy and I are ungrateful and spoiled because Dad was too busy obsessing over us not having a mother and feeling guilty that he over compensated.”

“I see. So, what is it you’re sorry for Mason?”

“I’m sorry for being rude and disrespectful. And I’m sorry Leo made the decision to stop playing rugby.”

“Leo needs to hear that apology Mason. I won’t sugar coat the truth, it has broken his heart to make that decision and I’m not being dramatic.”

“I know,” is voice was barely a whisper, “I’m jealous. There I’ve said it. I’m jealous of how talented he is at sport, I’m jealous that Dad always seemed to be happier in Leo’s company than with me and Izzy. I wanted to win the science competition so that Dad could be proud of me.”

“Jealous or envious Mason? There is a difference and I think perhaps you envy Leo’s sporting ability and your father’s perceived happiness when he’s with Leo. Don’t you think Hunter is proud of you? You’re an A-grade student, you excel at sport, I think your father is proud of you, he just isn’t adept at articulating those feelings.”

“He said he was proud of Leo,” Mason grumbled, a reaction that reminded her of his mother. I wish a boy would notice me the way Hunter looks at you.

“And I’m sure he has frequently told people how proud he is of you and Izzy.”

“Maybe.”

“Mason, thank you for coming here to apologise and although it has taken you some time to do so, I’m pleased you made the effort. About Leo, you need to find a way to reconnect with him.”

“It’s not just Leo though. It’s the other guys as well, sure they talk to me but it’s not the same now and I want to put it back how it was.”

“None of us can ever get back what we throw away, Mason. We can try and replicate it but we can’t make it the same, the best thing is to identify where you went wrong and then work forward, making new memories and friends.”

“What about Dad? Can you please talk to him? He hardly speaks to me and Iz, he’s working long hours, doesn’t have dinner with us and is already out on the vines before we go to school,” Mason crumpled in front of her, sobs racked his body. Mason’s whole existence had been upended and although he understood why he was this point; he lacked the ability to make complete sense of it or to make it better. This was her office however, and she was mindful of the limitation she could and could not do in terms of the emotional care of a student.

“Mason?”

He sat up, his face red and streaked from crying so she leaned over and pulled a few tissues out of the box on her desk, handing them to him.

“Sorry. I’ve been crying like a girl for weeks now, please don’t say anything will you?”

“That won’t be a problem, Mason. But this isn’t the place for the conversation you want, I’m bound by Department regulations and can offer you the opportunity for counselling which, I do think you could benefit from.”

“I need to see a shrink?”

“I said counselling, there is a difference but it’s not compulsory. You are distressed, you are angry, sad, frustrated, all emotions that are jumping off you like fleas on a dog.”

“But with Dad?”

“I can’t Mason. It was wrong of me to blur the lines between school principal and the mother of a friend because had I maintained the boundaries this might not have happened.”

“Does that mean Leo won’t be able to see Dad or Gran and Pop? I thought we were going to be a family!”

Which was Mason’s way of asking if Leo was ever going to see him again.

“I have never stopped Leo from seeing his father or his grandparents, in fact he has seen his grandparents regularly. As for your father, he knows where Leo lives, and he knows he can see Leo if he makes the first move. He hasn’t done that and I think the events of a month ago showed all of us we are a long way off being a family.”

“He’s scared. He told me.”

“I’m sorry Mason. I wish there were more I could do. We invited you to Leo’s birthday party, but your father declined.”

“He thought we wouldn’t be welcome.”

Olivia shook her head, Hunter Lewis you are a basket case, she fumed.

“Nobody has said anything about the Lewis family not being welcome. Your grandparents are coming, and nobody has said they shouldn’t. Marron and Xavier, Alex and Blake are all genuinely nice people. Marron, Alex, and I were at school with your father, growing up here people stick together even though the gossip can be a bit savage from time to time.”

Mason got to his feet, “Would I be able to call Leo and talk to him?”

“Good grief Mason! Leo is at the same school as you, why don’t you seek him out at lunch break and talk.” She doubted Mason would do that and she didn’t intend making it easy for him. This lesson, as painful as it might be, could be the difference between Mason transforming into his mother or developing into an individual with a conscience.

“Thank you,” he said and closed the door behind him, leaving Olivia to expel the breath she’d been holding in. Julie and Ted Lewis were spot on in their critique of Hunter and his children, because they appeared unable to empathise with anyone, preferring to focus on their own pain and this undoubtedly sprang from their father’s inability to come to terms with the fact he did nothing wrong in his marriage, other than he married a woman with more than a few screws loose, who cheated on him then ran out. The results from the burden of guilt he carried with him for sixteen years was now so obvious even his parents had to call it what it was. Yes, she could have invited Hunter, Mason and Izzy to the house and discussed their current situation, but she had Leo to consider because he was the one who had made the biggest sacrifice in all of this. Not once during their conversation did Mason offer to stand aside from the rugby team, he still couldn’t bring himself to talk to Leo face to face even though they were at the same school and took the same classes for the most part. Standing, she was distracted by shouting from somewhere outside and when her door burst open to reveal Lucas, she frowned.

“Lucas? What is it?”

“You have to come! Please, it’s bad,” then forgetting where he was, “Hurry Liv, its Leo.”

She followed Lucas and they were joined by Lou and Byron Lancaster, the deputy principal. Lucas led them to the basketball area and the first thing she saw was Leo on the ground while Mason was being restrained by Jack Forrester, Alex’s son. Olivia crouched down beside Leo, an angry bruise on his cheek just below his eye which was swelling already.  Blood came from his nose and his ear.

“I didn’t mean to!” Mason cried, “Honest. It wasn’t intentional! I just wanted to talk to him.”

“You’re lying, man,” Jack muttered, “You yelled at him and he told you he would talk if you stopped yelling. But you kept going on at him like he was the dude with the problem and not you.”

“Mason? You need to go with Mr Lancaster who will contact your father.”

“Paramedics are on their way,” Lou said, “I haven’t contacted Dan, do you think I should?”

Olivia shook her head, “He’s dealing with a load of crap right now and I don’t want to make this any worse for Leo than it already is.”

“Mum?” Leo opened his good eye and tried to lift his head off the ground.

“Stay where you are, bud. The paramedics are on their way, just stay nice and still.”

Leo closed his eye and Olivia looked around at the group of onlookers,

“Everybody get back to what you were doing, we’ll be off the court just as soon as the paramedics get here.”

“Leo!” Izzy cried and from the corner of her vision, Olivia watched the girl fly across the courts to where Leo lay.

“Leo?”

“He’s unconscious Izzy, so you need to clear the area so the paramedics can sort out his injuries.”

Izzy nodded and forlornly walked away from Leo’s prone form and Olivia might have called her to stay if the paramedics hadn’t arrived and she moved back to let them do what they needed to do.