The pain he now know (TPHNK Book 2)

#1

Chapter 1

Napasapo ako sa dibdib dahil sa gulat nang paglingon ko ay agad kong nakita ang pagmumukha ng ama. He was looking intently and sympathetic at me.

"Sorry dad. Pinakialaman ko yung phone mo" ani ko sabay abot nito sa kaniya.

"Si kage ba yun?"

"Opo" ngiti ko ng mapakla sabay sunod sa attendant ng nakayuko.

Pumasok na kami sa pribadong eroplano na pagmamay-ari pa ng lolo't lolo ko, magulang ng daddy. Giniya ako ng daddy papasok sa mini room ng eroplano.

"Pahinga ka muna dito anak. Alam kong pagod ka" suklay niya sa buhok ko.

"Ikaw dad?"

"Doon na lang ako sa labas." Banayad na ngiti niya,

"Kakayanin ko naman 'to diba dad?" I looked into his eyes and i saw pain but he was fast to cover it with a smile.

"Oo naman anak. Matatag ka. Mas matatag ka pa nga sa'kin. You know, life isn't all about rainbows, and i think this is your rain. You just have to trust the process. Titigil din yun and in time.." hinawi niya ang buhok na tumatabon sa mukha ko. "Sasaya ka din—sasaya ka ulit."

"I just have to wait for it to pass." I finished.

"Exactly"

Two days after arriving on the U.S, nagpa admit kaagad ako because dad said and i quote "pumunta tayo dito para magpagamot ka, hindi para mamasyal"

As if naman namasyal ako, wala naman akong ginawang iba kundi magmukmok sa kwarto. Or was that his way of delivering a sarcastic message?

"Dahan-dahan princess"

Napairap ako nang alalayan niya pa ako pababa ng sasakyan. We already arrived at the hospital. This was according to dad, the best hospital in country that specializes in any sorts of cancer treatments.

"Dad, hindi ako imbalido" simangot ko. Tinawanan niya lang ako.

Pagkapasok ay agad sumama yung mukha ko. I don't really like the smell of hospitals. It somewhat brings a negative memory on me. And how ironic, that memory na pilit kong binabaon sa limot ay nangyari din sa akin.

"Hospitals really make me remember mom." Bulong ng daddy sa gilid ko. Malumanay ko naman siyang nginitian. This is both hard for us.

"You and me dad. You and me" i said looking at my sorroundings which will be my home for God knows how long. Months? years? Hindi ko alam.

As we were being led by the nurse to my hospital room, naglilibot yung mata ko. I even saw some of the patients outside, inhaling fresh breaths on their mini garden. And i also saw patients being wheeled across the hallway. But what really caught my attention is the little girl playing with her little rag doll outside the garden's bench, her skin was pale as a paper. She had her hair completely fallen out and left nothing, not a single strand. She has this cute little pink flower bow on her head which made me giggle out of cuteness. Ilang segundo pa, ang ngiti ay unti-unting naglaho when i thought of how unfortunate life was to her. To experience that kind of life threatening sickness. She should be out there, enjoying life, but for such a young age, diagnosed with cancer is somewhat depressing. I wonder how she handles that kind of situation.

Napaisip ako. Kung kaya niya, kaya mo din zephyrine. How can a little girl naively boost my self-confidence like that?

Sa wakas ay dumating na kami sa tapat ng aking kwarto. Bago pa ako makapasok ay napakurap ako sa gulat nang marinig ang malakas pagbasag ng kung ano sa kabilang kwarto, sumunod ang isang napakalakas na sigaw na tila dulot ng hindi mapigilang sakit. Ilang segundo pa ay nagsidatingan ang mga nurses at doktor at pumasok sila doon sa pinanggalingan ng ingay. Sumusunod pa din yung tingin namin. Hindi ko na nakita pa yung pasyente sa loob dahil sumara kaagad yung pintuan.

Ilang minuto pa, ang sigaw ay unti-unting naglaho. But it left a slight fear in me. I wasn't oblivious with that shouts, i know it was a shout of pain. At alam kong pagkalipas ng ilang buwan ay magiging ganon din ako. I would also be put in that person's shoe. I would experience the same pains. Napalunok ako.

"Don't be fazed by her scream. In fact, dapat masanay ka na. A lot of shouting happens here from time to time"

Napabaling ang tingin ko nang may nagsalita sa aking gilid. I was expecting that the person was a patient but it turns out it was a doctor, the robe can justify to that. And he looks..kinda hot. Goodness!

"Hello" he smiled, stretching his pouty lips. He looked like he had lip fillers but i can tell that it was natural. Overall, he looked innocent because of his dilated-looking pair of eyes and messy brown curly hair.

Nagdadalawang isip pa ako kung tatanggapin ko ba ang nakalahad niyang kamay, pero sa huli ay ginawa ko na lang din. "Hi?"

"You look quite familiar. Do i know you from before?"

His question made me scoff.

"Was that suppose to be a pick up line or something?"

Napasunod ang tingin ko sa mukha niya nang tumawa siya.

"No. Don't get me wrong...You just reminded me of someone"

"Ahh" simpleng sabi ko. Tatalikuran ko na sana siya nang biglang lumabas ang nurse mula sa magiging kwarto ko.

"Oh! Doctor Ferrer! You're here" tumingin ang nurse sa akin. "So i assume you met your patient already?" The nurse exclaimed making me look back at the guy who claimed to be my doctor.

"He's going to be my doctor?" Pag uulit kong turo sa kaniya.

"Well not completely. I mean, he's still a junior doctor but..he will be the one attending you from time to time, together with his senior, Dr. Williams." After explaining, she excused herself. Tumingin naman ako ulit sa lalaki.

"So..trainee? Ilang taon pa?" Huli na nang matanto kong tagalog pala yung sinabi ko. I was about to apologize and recorrect my question when he looked at me amused sabay tawa.

"Siguro aabot pa ng tatlo hanggang apat na taong residency."

Napaawang ang labi ko.

"Pilipino ka pala?" I stated the obvious. Tumango siya.

"And obviously you are too? Mabuti naman pala. May kasama na ako dito—kasamang hindi puro ingles ang lumalabas sa bibig. Jusko! Kaumay!" kunwaring drama niya sa matinis na boses. Maarteng Pinaypayan niya pa ang sarili gamit ang kamay at natigilan nang mapansin ang uri ng pagkatitig ko sa kaniya. Umayos siya ng tayo at inayos ang robe. Napangisi ako.

"Vasilius bryant ferrer" pinalalim niya pa ang boses niya. Hindi ko napigilan ang pagtawa. Humalukipkip ako at nanunuring tumitig sa kaniya.

"Zephyrine linnett Nava. Nice to meet you" tinapik ko ang kaniyang balikat. "And your secret's safe with me" i winked while smirking.

"So that's how you met your friend van?"

Tumango ako sa mga kaibigan at tumango-tango naman sila.

"What is his full name again?" Tanong ni yassy.

"Uhh..vasilius bryant? Akala ko ba sinabi ko na yun?"

"Nakalimutan lang" she rolled her eyes and took a sip on her champagne while she was leaning on our table, arms leaned for support.

"So he's gay?"

"Sis! He's not gay. Ang manly kaya ng pangalan niya!"

Napatigil kami ni tas dahil sa biglaang pagdepensa ng kapatid niya kay van.

"Who's gay?" Tanong naman ng lalaking kanina pa namin pinag-uusapan. "Anong pinag-uusapan niyo?"

"Wala. Kinekwento ko lang sa kanila kung paano tayo nagkakilala" i smiled at van. He handed me a glass of water at hindi ko alam na nakasunod pala ng tingin sa amin ang magkakapatid.

Napatawa naman siya na tila may naalala.

"Oh yeah! it was quite an impression."

Napadapo ang tingin ko kay yas nang makitang nakatitig ito sa nangingiting si van. Kumunot yung noo ko.

"So van..may nagtatanong sa akin. Na kung ano..bakla ka nga ba?"

"Sino naman?" Kunot noo niya, nginuso ko naman ang mga kabigan.

"Ahh!" He chuckled. "Ah—oo! Yes ladies, I'm gay. Pero secret lang nating apat yun huh?" he batted his eyelashes at us making us laugh, i mean me and tas laugh. Yassy was I don't know..quiet after that.

"Ano? Okay ka na ba?" Van asked after i handed him back his handkerchief na inabot niya sa akin kanina sa banyo.

"Ah oo, okay na. Maraming salamat" i smiled at ibinalik ang tingin sa dancefloor. Hindi gaanong marami ang nagsasayaw doon dahil mostly, busy lahat sa pag-uusap sa kaniya-kaniyang table. Nagulat akong nang may naglahad sa akin ng kamay kaya napataas ako ng tingin only to find out that it was van's, he was now standing up.

"Anong gagawin ko diyan?" Sarkastiko ko. Napairap naman siya.

"Boba ka talaga zephyrine kahit kailan" nahampas ko siya sa kamay dahil sa sinabi niya. Nagreklamo naman siya at hinila na ako patayo. Muntikan pa akong mawalan ng balanse dahil sa heels. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

"Saan tayo pupunta?"

"Sumakay ka na lang. Nakatingin si dad kay kunwaring sasayaw tayo" sabay kaming tumingin sa banda ng daddy niya at tama nga siya. Nakatingin ito sa amin.

After years of being with van, i almost knew everything that has going and happened in his life. At kasama na doon ang kwento niyang pagiging homophobic ng daddy niya. Not that everyone knew about his inner femininity, actually, ako pa lang talaga ang nakakaalam. And of course, sila tas pa pala. The thing is, he doesn't have enough courage to speak himself out. Kaya eto ako, naging instant covergirl. Who could imagine na napapayag ako ng shuklang 'to diba? Siguro dahil sa utang na loob na din. He was always been there for me in those times wherein i needed him the most. I owe him my life.

"Nakatingin pa din ba?" Bulong niya sa tenga ko.

"Wala na. Kaya lumayo ka na sakin please lang"

"Wow huh! Excuse me, Mas nandidiri ako zephyrine!" He exclaimed making me chuckle.

"Sumayaw na nga lang tayo! Let me enjoy this night" binawi ko yung mukha ko sa dibdib niya at sumayaw nang hindi tugma sa tono ng instrumental music. Kinawit ko yung braso ko sa leeg niya as i sway my hips sideward, in a sensual way. Nakita ko naman ang pagdidiri sa mukha niya at mariing pagpikit ng mata.

"Makakapag enjoy ka pa ba zeph kung sasabihin kong nakatingin sa atin yung prince charming mo?" Tingin niya sa corner ng hall kaya napatingin din ako doon. Napalunok ako nang makitang nakatingin nga talaga si kage sa amin. He looked formal yet serious with his neat black tux and both hands inside his pockets. "Gusto ko pang mabuhay zeph kaya bitawan mo na ako, parang awa mo na"

Nang matanto, agad ko namang binitawan si van na tila napaso. When i looked back at kage's direction, wala na siya doon. Nilibot ko yung tingin ko at nakita ko siyang papalabas ng hall. I excused myself to van at aakmang susundan siya nang harangan ako ng kung sino.

"Dad"

"Princess, nandito ka na pala. You look stunning"

"Ah..thank you dad. Actually, kanina pa kita hinahanap" i turned to look at kage went at tuluyan na nga siyang nakalabas. Nagmamadali akong bumaling kay dad. "But will you excuse me first? May gagawin lang ako"

"You mean susundan mo si kage?"

"No, i mean.."

"Oh come on zeph, you can't lie to your old man. Mamaya mo na siya puntahan. I'm sure babalik din yun. For now, ipapakilala muna kita sa mga kaibigan ko"

"But dad—" hindi na ako nakapalag pa nang hatakin niya na ako. We stopped on a certain table. Puro mga oldies ang mga nandoon, oldies na mga ka batch ng daddy oldies.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my daughter zephryine" nahihiyang ngumiti ako sa kanila nang lahat sila ay tumuon ang attensyon sa akin. There were five people on the table, 3 fine gentlemen and the remains are women, the wives, i guess.

"Good evening po" i said politely.

"What a beautiful daughter you have there eduardo" sabi nung isa.

"Uh? Thank you po" i smiled warmly.

"So polite. Hindi nawawalan ng po ang mga salitang binibitawan" the other mentioned then chuckled. Ngumiti lang ako.

"Hindi kita gaanong nakikita sa mga nagdaang mga parties. Why is that hija?" A woman in black asked.

I looked at dad at tinanguan niya lang ako.

"I went abroad po kasi. For business"

"Ahh! Will she be the one to handle your business once you retire eduardo?"

"No. I don't think so. She has a different passion in mind."

"And that is?"

"Knitting clothes" sagot ko.

"Knitting clothes?" Napakurap sya. Tila hindi makapaniwala.

"Fashion Designing po"

"Ahh!" She chuckles at uminom ng tubig.

"Mmm...would you take that passion seriously? I mean, magpapatayo ka ba ng shop in the future?"

"I wouldn't be taking up business and go abroad if I didn't have plans ma'am." I faked a smile making hers fade.

"Zeph!" Bulong ng daddy.

Unti-unti na akong naiinis pagiging usyoso ng matandang babae. Hindi naman ako makakaramdan ng inis kung hindi lang tumaas yung kilay niya nang sabihin ng daddy na wala akong balak na manahin yung business niya.

"I apologize hija. For my wife is like a paparazzi asking questions like that"

"It's okay po. She's just being curious" and judgy.

"I'm sorry hija...yung nag-iisang anak ko kasi, babae. Maybe she's just like your age" sabat na naman niya. I mentally rolled my eyes. Jeez! Nagtanong ba ako? "She's already training to handle our business. In fact, she had greater plans for our family"

"Who? Your daughter? Charmaine is it?"

Who?!

"Your daughter is charm. Like charm tuazon?"

"Yes. Do you know her?"

"Kinda. We were schoolmates in college"

"Oh! Coincidence!" No lady, your daughter was obsessed and insecure with me that she tends to ruin my every day by transferring to the same school like mine.

"So anyway. She had plans on merging our company to the Argulles'."

Doon ay napaayos ako ng upo. I got attentive all of a sudden.

"Arguelles? They are one of the highest and most powerful businesses in the country. Is that even possible to have a merging with them?"

Powerful? Bakit hindi ko alam yun? Do i even know them before? did i even had a proper introduction? I looked questioningly at dad. He just looked away.

"Well my husband here constructed their son's lab five years ago."

"Really?" Exclaimed by the other woman on the table. "You mean their son? Kaden gage Argulles?"

Just by mentioning his name gave me goosebumps and butterflies. Naalala ko. Oo nga pala, he mentioned years ago that charm's dad was the one constructing his facility. Kaya nakikipagkita siya kay charm noon. Naalala ko pa na pinag-awayan namin yun.

"Yes kaden. That boy has a large amount of net worth as of this year. Imagine, just five years! napaunlad at napalaki niya ng ganon ang kaniyang negosyo? He even beat ours. Goodness!"

"No doubt, he's an Arguelles" nagtaka ako nang tumahimik bigla ang buong lamesa at nang tingnan ko ay nakatingin silang lahat sa akin. What?

"Anyways, that boy and my daughter, is quite close. Kaya siguro hindi kami mahihirapan sa pagkumbinsi sa kanila" She bragged. Napairap ako sa kawalan. As if!

"Is there, you know...something going on between the two?"

The ugly mom laughed annoyingly. No wonder mainit ang dugo ko sakanya. Mana-mana pala, parehong manlansa ang amoy, nade-detect ng radar ko!

"Oh i wish veronica."

Yeah, you wish. He's mine bitches. Sorry not sorry. Tiningnan ko ang daddy at nakikinig lamang siya. If only they knew, maybe dad was already laughing on the inside now. Yung tinitingala nila, kalevel lang namin. Yung pinapangarap nila para sa anak nila, unang naging akin.

"Dad, can you excuse me? Hahanapin ko lang si van. And i think I'm not needed here anymore"

"Sure princess. You can go"

Tumango ako. Bago pa ako makatayo ay narinig ko pa ang mga pinagsasabi nila.

"sa tingin ko bagay sila. Is it possible? Can you hear wedding bells?"

I felt my blood boiling up to my head. Natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili na hinampas ng malakas ang lamesa which made the things above it clink. Tumayo ako at dinampot ang purse. I didn't bother to excuse myself at bastang tinalikuran na lang silang nakatanga sa akin.

Polite my f*****g ass!

Bumalik ako sa lamesa namin nang nakasimangot at natanto kong nakasunod ng tingin sa akin yung tatlo. When i sat down. Nagtaka ako nang bigla na lang silang nagpalakpakan. Yung mga nasa kabilang table ay nakatingin na sa amin dahil sa kanila.

"Anong trip niyo?"

"The b***h is back. Akala ko tuluyan ka ng nagbago eh."

"Nagbago?" Van scoffed. "I don't think so. Eh halos ma stroke na ako sa konsumisyon diyan eh. Halos magpalagay na ako ng katabing kama sa kwarto niya. Limang taon din akong nagtiis diyan!"

"Tatahimik ka o sisipain kita?"

"Kita niyo?" Turo niya na tila nagsusumbong. "Tatahimik na nga" his lipes thinnes, shutting up when he saw me glaring at him.

"Bakit mukhang bad trip ka ata?" Tas asked.

"Wala. May narinig lang akong sabi-sabi" madilim kong sabi.

"Tungkol sa?"

"Tungkol kay kage."

"Na ano? Na mayaman na siya?"

"Matagal na siyang mayaman sis. Ano ka ba!" It was yassy.

"Oo! I mean is, na naging successful yung takbo ng business niya. Now he's an eligible bachelor with a thick bank account" her sister.

"Alam niya yun girls. She was kept updated" ani ni van.

"Is this.."

"Yes. It's the boy"

"I don't believe it" i stared at the magazine front page fondly. My eyes started tearing up. This was the best news I've received so far after two years of being here.

"He's all successful now. He even made it to the forbes. Rank 16. Expanded his branches all over asia and the U.S"

I felt overwhelmed with pride and excitement for him. I felt proud. I even forgot what excitement felt until now.

"This is my man" i whispered looking at his picture.

"If i send him a letter of congratulatory, do you think he will write back..dad?"

"Let's see. But mind you not to keep your hopes up high princess. Baka madami ding nag e email at nagsusulat sa kaniya. He's not your regular man anymore"

"Yes dad." I smiled. "Can you give me a piece of parchment please? And also a pen" inabutan niya naman ako. I placed the paper above my bed table at napatigil nang sumigid ang kauting sakit sa pupulsuhan.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just want to write something"

"Pwede namang mag email nalang tayo zeph"

"No dad. Gusto ko handwritten, baka sakaling makilala niya ang aking sulat kamay"

"Okay" mahina niyang sabi.

"Daddy?" I asked after handing the letter to him. He hummed as a response. "Pwedeng pagbalik mo, magdala ka ulit ng maraming ganito? I want to keep in touch with his life. In that way, he would not be a stranger to me once i get back"

Everyday after daddy went home to the philippines, i would feel excited and gleeful everyday. I was expecting for some response. Even though sinabi na ng ama na wag mag expect, i still did. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. And a year passed. Walang kage na sumulat pabalik. And back to square one. Where pain and sadness was the only thing that wakes me up everyday.

"Bachelor huh? Let's see about that" i whispered.

"That's the spirit!" van proudly said.