SOLITARY CONFINEMENT

IN THE BEGINNING

JULY 29, 2010.

“Mother, Lucas and Janet broke up a long time ago. Their relationship was a lie from the beginning. Besides, I knew him first. And I love him. That is all that matters”, I yelled, glaring at my 64 year old mother whose arthritic knees appeared a little shaky and seemed incapable of holding her heavily built stature.

“Maria, you should be ashamed of yourself for spewing such rubbish from your mouth. The time you met him is inconsequential. The fact remains that he was brought into this house by Janet, your sister, and introduced as her fiancé. We cannot acknowledge the same man as the significant other of two daughters of the same mother. It is never done. You shouldn’t be the one to start it”, my mother spat back vehemently.

I irritably gave my chesty mother a quick once over with my angry eyes. She was obviously in a fit of rage, her buxom chest heaving hard and fast as though she has just finished a race. We’ve been bickering like bitter rivals for the past one hour. “Mother, that was then. This is now. Lucas and I have been an item long before he met Janet. I don’t see why I can’t be with him and even marry him, especially now that they are history”, I pressed on obstinately, as if my point was not made the first time.

“It doesn’t matter whether they are still together or not. You cannot have anything to do with a man who was engaged to be married to your own blood sister. It is an abomination!” my mother shouted.

“Mother, they were not even engaged. They only…….”

“What is going on here?” my father interrupted my high pitched shriek as he walked gallantly into the sitting room, quietly closing the door behind him and settling into his favourite armchair. “I said, what is going on here?” he prodded impatiently, turning to look at my mother who still stood hyperventilating, both hands on her ample hips.

“Why don’t you ask your daughter? Let her tell you about the abominable act she is insisting on committing”, she spat, waving a derisive hand towards me.

“Maria, what is the matter?” my father asked, turning his bespectacled gaze on me.

“Father, it is about Lucas”, I offered hesitantly, scratching a non-existent itch behind my ear and looking out of the window behind my father’s throne-like armchair.

“Yes, what about him?, my father asked, screwing up his pleasant face as if he perceived something foul in the air-conditioned, rose-scented air of our magnificently furnished sitting room.

“She insists on continuing her detestable relationship with him. In fact, she is ready to take the shameful union to the altar. I don’t know what is wrong with her. If I didn’t know better, I would think she is doing it for his money” my mother interrupted bitterly, her voice dripping with unconcealed hostility.

“Why does she hate him so much anyway?” I wonder ruefully.

My father glanced at me, his eyes beginning to cloud with an indecipherable emotion. “I’m sure you are aware of the fact that the boy in question is the reason why we don’t know where your sister is. That boy is the reason why we have not heard from her in months, and I believe we laid the matter to rest the last time it came up for discussion. Why are we having this discussion again?”

“Dad, it is unfortunate that Lucas was once romantically involved with my sister. But that was over ages ago and long forgotten. Janet doesn’t even like him anymore. We were all here when she made up false stories about him. Janet and Lucas are over. Lucas and I love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together”, I said, wishing that my staunchly orthodox parents can somehow understand the depth of my feelings for Lucas.

“My dear, your mother and I have repeatedly told you that a union between you and that boy will not be possible. It is morally and culturally wrong for two sisters of the same womb to share a man. It is a taboo and…………” my dad’s firm voice came to an abrupt stop as I interjected with more force than I intended.

“Dad, we are not sharing the same man. Janet and Lucas are no longer together”, I lamented harshly. My parents just gaped at me for a few surprised seconds.

“You now talk back at me?” my ex-military father jabbed his perfectly manicured fingers at me, thumping his kaftan clad chest with his other hand.

“No dad. I’m not talking back at you. I’m only trying to explain myself”, I said, sounding exhausted, even to myself.

“Now listen to me young lady”, my father began in that menacingly low voice he used to reserve especially for mutinous junior officers. “This is the last time we will discuss that boy in this family. You will cut off all ties with him and forget about him. Do I make myself clear?”

I stole a quick glance at my mother, who was abnormally quiet, hoping for some sort of support. But she just stood there, silently regarding me with a demoralizing look of scorn. I shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, my heart fluttering at the thought of what I was about to say.

“Dad, it will be impossible to do that. I’m pregnant!” I whispered.

“You are what?” My parents asked in shocked unison.

“It is bad enough that you are sleeping with your sister’s fiancé; worse that you are estranged from your own sister. Now you stand before us and brazenly declare that you are pregnant for your sister’s fiancé? Are you out of your glorious mind? What will people say? I am disappointed in you Maria. How could you? How could you be so shameless? How dare you……” my mother wailed.

”That’s enough Doris!” my mother’s developing hysterics were silenced by my father as he raised his palm. Clearing his throat, he said ”As of today Maria, you are 25 years old, a graduate and an employer of labour. I have given you all that a good father can give his children. Even though I brought you up to be a responsible young woman, you have done the unthinkable by falling pregnant for your sister’s betrothed, out of wedlock for that matter!”, he exclaimed as he slowly searched my face for signs of remorse. I remained blank-faced. “I will not waste too much of my breath on this mess that you have irresponsibly created for us all but as long as you remain under my roof, I expect you to abide by my rules as your father and as the head of this family”, my father continued, his now furious eyes trained intently on me. “Now listen to me carefully”, he continued, “you will get rid of that thing growing within you, and cut off all ties with that boy. Otherwise, you will cease to be welcome in this house. Do I make myself clear?”, he bellowed, rising to his full six feet two inches frame and glowering at me.

Impulsively wrapping my arms around my already thickening waist, carefully hidden under the voluminous long dress I was wearing, I stood resolutely as I unflinchingly meet his intimidating frown, wondering whether an unfamiliar spirit was speaking through my father. “Dad, I can’t stay away from Lucas. And I am keeping these babies”, I said, finding it hard to believe that my staunch Roman Catholic father was telling to abort my pregnancy. My nearly five months old pregnancy!

“Who is this man, and what has he done to my father”, I wondered.

“Did you say babies? As in twins?” my mother asked unexpectedly.

I had completely forgotten that she was there. She slightly swayed towards me as she asked, suspiciously eyeing me as though undecided as to whether she should approach or back away from me- as if I had a contagious disease. It has gotten to that? I stifled a laugh at the thought.

“Maria, what did you just say to me?” my father asked harshly, preventing my mother from talking further.

“Dad, my babies need a father, and they already have one in Lucas”, I replied mulishly, my surprisingly unafraid gaze still holding my father’s angry one. My father’s reaction was to slide his feet into his expensive favourite croc-skin slippers and walk towards me.

“In that case MaMa”, he called my pet name lovingly as he came to stand directly in front of me and bent over my petite five feet seven inches frame. Holding my braided head between his big palms and placing a quick kiss on it, he continued “You, Maria, are no longer permitted to call me father. I hope that boy will be father enough for you and for those things growing inside of you”. With that unbelievable pronouncement, he turned with the agility of a big cat and bounded out of the room, leaving my mother in a state of wide-eyed stupefaction.

I stood bemused for what seemed like an eternity until I felt two fat tears drop from my eyes, pooling in a salty confection and seeping into my suddenly dry mouth.

“Maria, did you hear what your just father said?” my mother’s tongue seemed to have suddenly been released by the cat that got it. “Do you really want to risk it all, for a man who is clearly being used by the devil to destroy this family?” she continues softly as if she was afraid of someone hearing her voice.

“Mother” I began weakly, “Father has all but given me the option of choosing between my happiness and his own authority. I will have my children and raise them with the man of my dreams. Even if that means becoming an outcast to my own family”, I sniffed.

“Now it is clear that something is wrong with your head. You will risk being disowned because of a man? Should your father be serious about his threat, who do I choose? You or him?” she paused, waiting for me to say something. I kept mute. 

“You better sit your pathetic self down, and use your head, while I go in and try to talk your father out of his bad mood”, she said in her signature university lecturer voice as she brusquely brushed past me and left me standing in the middle of our huge sitting room like a stranded commuter at a deserted bus station.

I just stare blankly into space. Oddly, my mind was made up and I was prepared to stand my ground; but I was still reeling in shock that I had just been disowned by my father, as casually as a site foreman would dismiss an errant labourer. I felt betrayed by my own family. First, my sister labelled me as the architect of all her romantic misfortunes- she never dated again after Lucas dumped her- my mother thinks I’m out of my mind and now, my father had just disowned me, adoringly calling me by my pet name and kissing me while at it!. Talk about a Judas Iscariot moment!!!

Whether I liked it or not, it was over. My influential and wealthy retired naval officer father never makes empty threats. There was nothing my mother would say that would make him change his mind. As far as my father was concerned, I stood disinherited, even if that killed him.