My adored queen

7

"Queen Dowager, don't forget yourself. And it's not certain you'll become queen mother. You had no power under my brother, and now you've lost it entirely. So, I repeat: don't confuse my daughter and show some respect. If you had raised your son properly, you wouldn't be in this situation," Mother enunciated each word clearly.

"I care about Annie first and foremost! Your thirst for power blinds you to what's best for your child! She's not ready, she knows nothing! How is she to rule a great kingdom, tell me?" Clarissa wasn't leaving things to fate, ready to defend her son and her power by any means possible. And now I understood her, so I wasn't angry. I didn't have the strength for self-defense. My mother handled it perfectly – a true princess who knew how to be kind and show her teeth when her family was threatened. Until now, the queen had felt superior to the late monarch's relatives, but I could see that was about to change. And in fact, if I took the throne, the wind would blow in my family's favor, granting them extra privileges. If I allowed Robert to take the crown, the queen mother would retain power and undoubtedly assert herself, issuing orders that wouldn't benefit us. Then I, my parents, aunt, brother, and sister would become hostages to her will. That was a significant argument...

Arguments... I needed to gather them to dare to do anything.

"If Annie decides to refuse, it will be her decision, not yours. I will support my daughter no matter what she chooses, and you will bow before her if she becomes queen, as I would have bowed if Robert had taken the throne. Do you understand? And don't you dare come here again!" Mother thundered, but the uninvited guest didn't hurry to leave.

"Who do you think you're dismissing, Ileria?" she retorted, and I, too, felt indignant. In solidarity. What was unclear? She was dismissing you from my chambers, which you barged into simply because you felt like it.

"Please, that's enough!" I couldn't bear any more of this quarrel, so I jumped off the bed, where I had been embraced by Orian and Nicole, to stand beside my mother, putting on a stern expression. "Your Majesty, Uncle's decree was as unexpected for me as it was for you. You accuse me of wronging your son. You're a mother, I understand you, but it's unfair. I'm grateful for your concern, and I'll say this: my mother is right, I will make my decision personally and won't let anyone do it for me. Until then, you, like everyone else, will remain in sacred ignorance. I need more time. And now I'm very tired, so I'll ask you to allow me to rest..."

Clarissa listened attentively, looking at me with a slight air of superiority, which annoyed me immensely, but I kept my emotions in check. A crown princess shouldn't have outbursts in front of those who already lacked respect. A slight smile played on her lips. She smiled gently, nodded, and then sang melodiously:

"As you wish..."

When the door closed behind her, breathing became easier. "How quickly the masks fell," I thought. While Uncle was alive and I was far from power, everyone smiled sweetly, not seeing me as a threat. Now, Queen Clarissa had been the first to show her true colors. Mother was probably right: there was too much falsehood in the palace.

"That's why Leonard was so confident you would make a worthy queen," Mother smiled, gently touching my shoulder. "Ruling is in your blood, you just need to learn the laws."

"Annie, you will be queen, won't you?" Orian asked in her tone. I shrugged. I didn't know... It was all too sudden. Nicole jumped off the bed and ran to me, taking my hands in hers and pressing them to her heart. Her expression was so eloquent that she didn't need to say anything.

"Annie, you must. If you squander this chance, our lives will turn into hell. Do you know what Queen Clarissa will do first? She'll marry us off, you and me, since our mothers were already bearing children at our age. Uncle was a proponent of love; he was the only one in the dynasty against arranged marriages. I don't want to marry an old geezer! Annie, please. When you have power, we'll all be safe. You won't abandon us, you won't forget us, will you?" Finally coming to her senses, she asked. I smiled and hugged her tightly. Nicole feared the changes that would inevitably come, but she was right. Becoming queen wouldn't just protect my family, but also save me from a marriage of convenience. Thank heavens the laws of Lantonia allowed an unmarried girl to ascend the throne and even permitted her to have favorites, just as a king could have mistresses. This was probably the only aspect Robert liked: a legal harem, what could be better?

Of course, I knew that strengthening the kingdom through a beneficial marriage with some prince would be the main task of all the advisors, but the point was that in this scenario, I could choose; I would have the final say (thanks to the rules of our absolute monarchy), whereas under Clarissa's rule, I would be forced to accept my fate, however terrible it might be. That was also an argument.

"Of course, I won't forget, Nicole. You're my family," I whispered, hugging my friend. Talking to her always gave me more confidence. She and Orian, who always annoyed me, tickled me, threw things at me, were my most loyal friends, never leaving in times of sorrow and always supporting me. So were Nicole's parents, Aunt Palmira and Uncle Henry. Having an excellent relationship with my mother, they loved and supported Orian and me, often inviting us to their estate and sending their daughter to us. I had no doubt they would all be with me now.

When Father entered the room, we were sitting on my bed again, discussing all the difficulties that would now face me on every path. The prospect, I tell you, was something else. But just one look at the Duke of Alvina (who, by the way, looked younger, broader in the shoulders, and altogether so majestic, as if he were about to be crowned. I even twitched to bow, but restrained myself: at home, we tried to avoid court traditions) filled my heart with hope, as if I were about to hear something that would solve all my problems, dispel my fears and worries.

"Well, what's the news?" Mother asked, unable to hide the notes of anxiety in her voice. To fill the moment of Father's silence with dignity, she began smoothing out imaginary wrinkles on her dress, made of bottomless black satin.

The duke, exhaling a cubic meter of air and inhaling as much, first sat in the chair opposite me, and then announced the news:

"The advisors, the nobility, the dignitaries are very agitated. Everyone is discussing the decree, and most agree with it: no one took Robert seriously. Many are concerned about Annie's inexperience. But everyone wants to know one thing: will you accept the crown?" The last was directed at me, and Father's strong hand took mine and squeezed it gently.

"And what will happen now?" Just like two days ago, I asked this again, but now because I truly had no answer. And neither did anyone else. Unfortunately...

"I don't know," Father shrugged, but then his face softened with a gentle smile, "Only you can know, daughter. But remember: whatever your choice, we're with you."

"Thank you," I whispered, unable to express anything but boundless gratitude. Intellectually, I understood that by not limiting my will, they were allowing me to choose my own life, a luxury we rarely, if ever, could afford. And yet, besides support, I needed advice. But first, I needed to sort out my feelings, weigh all the pros and cons, to understand myself and find the harmony that had been shattered by the sudden death of someone dear to me.

"I want to walk in the garden, I need to be alone. With your permission," I said with a forced smile, carefully stepping onto the soft carpet, my toes sinking into the pleasant-to-touch fibers. Bliss! I glared at the uncomfortable high-heeled shoes with bows on the toes. Who invented such torture for women and why couldn't we walk barefoot?

"Of course, dear. Go for a walk," Mother smiled gently and, following my example, also got up from the bed. She said something to the relatives, but I, slipping into my shoes, was already leaving the room and heard nothing but the voice of my mind. And it, colluding with my memory, endlessly sent fragmented images of shocked subjects and the main points of what had been said in the last few hours. My head was a monotonous bedlam, everything suddenly in stark black and white, as if gray, as if the rainbow had never existed. I walked down the corridor, proudly straightening my shoulders, and those who met me bowed and followed me with gazes that had never been mine before. Only not mine. Until now, in the minds of the courtiers, I was gray, faceless, ordinary... The king's favorite, often living at court, bathing in luxury, interfering in nothing and kissing cavaliers behind tapestries at balls... Now they were looking at their likely future queen. They didn't have to love me, but they had to respect me. And that gave me extra confidence. I walked through the palace for the first time as if I were the mistress, though in reality, I was a fugitive. I was running from myself, from my doubts…