Glimpse of Yesterday

Chapter 5

"Are you now okay, Ms. Oh s**t?"

He loosened his grip on me and I immediately turned my back on him at the thought that he'll see my miserable face. Now, I'm facing the pond and he's just behind me.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I followed you. You don't look okay and I have this strong hunch and... I was right."

I heaved a sigh and sat down on the grass in a lotus position, still facing the pond and not to whom I am talking to right now.

"Are you hungry?" He suddenly asked.

"What if I am?"

At my peripheral vision, I saw him by my side. He swiftly pulled the hem of his gray jacket, revealing his white shirt. At first, I thought he was going put it down the grass so he could sit but I was shock when he landed it on my thighs maybe because I was only wearing a short skirt with shorts underneath it, he then sat beside me.

He was still wearing a face mask even though his body screams perfection for a teenager like him.

"I have one chocolate in my pocket that was meant for me but I could give it to you if you want."

"I want it." I shamelessly said because I'm hungry right now.

He chuckled and then shoved his hand inside his pocket, I then turned my head towards his direction, anticipating for the chocolate and hell! It was Goya!

"Here." He was referring to the chocolate.

"Oh, I love this."

I grabbed the chocolate on his hand and then opened it afterwards. Drooling, I finally took a bite of it.

"Oh shit." I unconsciously cursed while munching the chocolate.

"Well, I have another pack if you want."

I immediately turned my head towards his direction, anticipating for another batch of delicious treat.

"Where? I want to taste it." Well, I'm a shameless b***h so this is nothing.

He chuckled and then pulled the hem of his shirt upward which made my forehead knotted but then suddenly, after seeing the inside of it, I choked because of that one hell packed abs!

He laughed.

"You want to taste it?" He asked in a frisky tone.

So that's the chocolate he was referring to?!

I blushed and avoided his gaze.

Oh s**t.

"How old are you? So much for a nice body."

"17. Well, I do workout a lot especially when I 'm frustrated with my surrounding."

"So, you're bragging about it, huh?"

He chuckled.

"I was just kidding! I was just trying to make you laugh, Ms. Oh s**t. But it turns out... you blushed." He then laughed in an annoying manner, teasing me.

"Who in the hell would laugh with a damn s**t abs?"

"Well, who knows? It might make you feel better?"

"Hell, I will never drool oven an abs."

He chuckled but he didn't respond and so silence enveloped the surrounding. We were both eyeing the sunless sky and yet even without sun, it managed to give off a very peaceful ambiance were birds from above were humming a song, enjoying their freedom as if their own little worlds were full of gentle music which made the wind dance into rhythms I failed to fathom.

Staring profoundly at the clouds, I can't help but miss my mom, reminiscing the past I want to bury yet at the same time I want to dig in order to remember our own little conversations that was simple yet peaceful.

"You know what? It's such a great coincidence that the song you had sang is my favorite song."

He was quiet and so I continued.

"I was supposed to hate that song but I just can't find myself hating on that masterpiece."

"Well... music has always had a certain part on a human's heart, it's nostalgia I guess or something like that since it has a power to touch people's heart."

"And to hurt you with that certain part of memory." I added.

I remember my childhood friend and mom. That friend was my only real and true friend.

"I miss White." I blurted out.

He coughed.

"Why?"

I thought he was going to ask me who was White.

"My friend." I simply said while looking up above the sky.

"So... what kind of friend was he?" He curiously asked.

My forehead knotted when I look back at him.

"How did you know it was a boy?" My suspiciousness about this person arose.

He avoided my gaze and then coughed once again.

"Didn't you say it earlier?" He asked innocently.

"I didn't. And besides, White is a name basically for women so how come you knew that it was a boy?" I skeptically asked.

"W-Well... I just guessed it! And... I-I was right!" He then nervously laughed.

"Do you perhaps... know me?"

"Of course not!" He immediately denied.

I just nodded and took a bite from the chocolate as I turned back to the sky.

Silence between us enveloped the surrounding and only the howl of the wind with the bird's chirp are the ones that made noise from the serene atmosphere.

"Do you always carry your guitar with you?" I unconsciously asked.

"It was always in my car. And... I've had never played it ever since then not until now."

"What was the reason?"

"Well, I loathed the person who gave me that." He bitterly said.

"If you loathed that person then you should've thrown the guitar."

He chuckled.

"It also reminded me of that special someone."

Special someone? And who's that?

Instead of asking that question, I remained quiet, afraid that he might think I'm interested in him.

"Ethan, you don't know me right?"

"Yes, Ms. Oh shit." He immediately said.

"Then I'll tell you my secret."

"Go ahead." He pushed.

I heaved a sigh and closed my eyes as memories crashed into my minds as if the wind who's currently hitting me carried that painful past.

"I have a trauma."

He was quiet.

"Well, I don't trust anyone anymore as those people whom I trusted when I was a child ruined it."

Again, all those painful traumas I've had has now crashed into my mind once again: the gallon of water, the excruciating sobs, the painful farewell, and the last hello took my mind in a whole new level of hell.

"Every night my mind would always push me to come back from the past as if it wanted me to suffer and I did. I can't get enough sleep; my eyes would always feel sore very morning and my stifle sobs will always have an effect with my breathing. It was just painful as hell."

"And I salute you, Ms. Oh shit." He gently said.

I smiled bitterly, still, my eyes were locked, reminiscing all those painful nights I have.

"And that's the reason why I can't have any friends, because I'm afraid to trust anyone and sick of being betrayed."

"Oh... so does that mean you can't be my friend?"

In a moment, I was silent.

"I feel like I was born to be alone. Nobody deserves me as well as I don't deserve anybody. I deserve no one." I said in a matter-of-fact.

"Then... I'll be that no one." His voice trailed off.

My locked eyes suddenly unlocked, shocked by what I just heard.

Once again, silence dominated the atmosphere between both of us.

"Are you hungry, Ms. Oh s**t? I could take you to the restaurant if you want." It was long before he stated those words.

"Restaurant seems like a date." I bluntly said.

He chuckled.

"Okay, convenience store then."

"By the way, do I sting?" I worriedly asked when I remember that I didn't even get to change clothes.

He avoided my gaze, suddenly being anxious.

"N-No."

My eyes squeezed.

I bet he's lying.

"No thanks. Just give me money so I can buy my own food alone after washing."

He nodded then gave me lots of money. My eyes widened but he just stood then shove both of his hands inside his pocket.

"I'll go ahead, Ms. Oh s**t. I should at least attend my afternoon class. I cut class just so I could be with you, you know."

What? He cut class just to be in here? Am I that important?

"But I didn't regret it since I was able to save you. Hope this accident won't happen again, Ms. Oh s**t. See you." He then turned his back, fetched his guitar and head his way out.

I was for a moment, unable to make any move, staring only at the air where he vanished.

And when I was back at reality, I slapped myself as hard as I could because of the emotions I was feeling right now; empty, lonely, and... longing.

Shit. What kind of feeling is this?

Breathe in. Breathe out. I did that a couple of times before deciding to head my own way too.

Just like what I said, I took a shower, went to the convenience to eat and then... went to my sister's hospital room.

I was only wearing a leggings partnered with oversize gray shirt. I'm currently carrying my guitar with me, planning to sing a song for my sister and really has no plans of going to school.

And when I was about to grab the doorknob of the hospital room, I paused when I heard my father's voice from the inside.

"H-Huh?"

"Where did you get that amount of money? Are you sure you didn't have any debt with loan sharks?" It was the voice of my mom.

"I don't! Stop inquiring me! Shouldn't you be happy that our daughter is finally getting treated?!" He raised his voice, once again.

"Y-Yes. I was just asking! Goodness! You're too hot tempered, William!"

I let out a sigh of relief and then grabbed the door knob not to see those 2 people talking but to see my little sister.

"Alessia!" She eventually rose from lying on the bed after seeing me.

Mom and dad who were at the couch stood, glaring at me as if I'm an outcast and doesn't deserve to be in here.

My dad... I noticed that there were stains on his uniform and her hair was messed up. He also has this hidden anxiousness behind his glare but I didn't mind him.

"Hi, Andra." I smiled at her, not minding their stares.

"Get out." It was dad.

"Just for your information, I'm not here for you, dad. I'm here for my sister so you have no right to kick me out of this room because she's my family too." I said in a monotone.

Mom massaged both her temple as if she was stressed by my presence.

"Alessia, just follow your father. You should be at school right now. Not in here."

"Mom... let her be. Please." It was my sister's begging voice again.

"Get out before I can even hurt you, Alessia!" He exclaimed.

"Oh, Father. Don't act as if you're stopping yourself from hurting me. You've always hurt me subconsciously. Your hands are used to it as well as I am so don't scare the s**t out of me and just let me be with my little sister."

"Alessia!" He raged.

Mom went near me but I acted composed even though I was mentally preparing my cheeks for another batch of painful slap.

"You asshole! You shouldn't have come back! You should've lived with that b***h! Or could've die!"

"Mom!"

"Just get out, Alessia! Your f*****g face is f*****g displeasing just like your arrogant attitude. Just leave!" He roared.

"I'm not leaving! I'm going to stay here with her!" I insisted.

"You asshole! Just leave, Alessia! You still have a great sin for stealing the money that was supposed to be for your sister's treatment!" It was mom, in front of me.

"I said I don't have her money! Who in the hell would proudly spend that w***e's money?! Probably only you!" And there you go, a great slap.

"You ungrateful child!"

"Oh, I've never been grateful with my life full of shits and pests." I said in a matter of fact.

"Are you saying that were shits and pests?!" She asked in an offended voice.

"Aren't you?" Wow, another great slap, but this time, from my father's big palms.

"Get out!" He shouted with all his might.

"I won—" I freeze when he swiftly grabbed the gun from his pocket and pointed it at me.

"No!" My sister sobbed.

Mom gasped and covered her mouth out of fear.

"Don't test my patience, Alessia. Just get out of this f*****g room." His voice was stern.

A tear fell from my eyes just by looking at my hopeless sister's state.

"All I wanted was to be with her..." I said in a small voice as I clenched my fist.

"Just get out!" Mom shouted in a panicked voice.

"She was just my little amount of happiness. Just little part of happiness and you're depriving it off of me. Am I that unworthy to be happy?" I bitterly asked as tears once again pooled my face.

My heart started to clench. I freeze as I felt the coldness of the gun's mouth on my forehead, I swallowed the huge lump and did my very best to be composed even though deep inside... I'm damn scared and frightened.

"Dad! Please no..."

"All I wanted was you to get out of this room but you're so hardheaded!" He exclaimed.

"What did I do wrong? I just want to be with her... I just want to spend time with her while she's healing. Can't I at least do those things?" My voice cracked.

"Alessia. P-Please, l-listen to dad! He'll kill you!" My sister begged.

I shook my head leading to her paled face.

"Get out, Alessia! Get out!" Mom was panicking.

"No! All I did was to insist that I want to be with her! All I want was to be by her side! All I wish was to sing her a song! But you two are selfish! Why can't I be with her?! Why can't I at least spend a little time with her?!" I raged, unable to control my emotions.

I paled when my dad mercilessly grabbed the guitar from my back using one of his hand and then harshly smashed it on the floor.

"No..." I mumbled while looking at my guitar bag.

"This huh?" He sarcastically asked.

I consecutively shake my head to stop him even though I know I can't. I covered my mouth to stifle my sobs when he pointed his gun at it and shot it many times with his silencer gun.

The guitar... the guitar that was my only remaining memory of mom.

"P-Please stop..." I sobbed.

But he was like a deaf, he continued shooting at it as if he was transferring all his anger on my poor guitar.

"This stupid guitar did nothing good!"

He smashed it on the floor the same time when my feet already gave up. I kept on sobbing while my dad was looking at me with wrath.

Even though my hands were trembling in fear, sadness, and hatred, I managed to get my ruined guitar and hugged it tightly.

"You don't know how much this guitar means to me!" I shouted with full of hatred towards him.

He pointed his gun towards me with his eyes being drowned in rage expressing his deep repugnance.

"Shut the f**k up or else I'll shoot this to you just like how I shot your precious guitar." He said in a monotone.

"No!"

I was shock when my sister bended her knees in front of my father to beg, sobbing.

My mom, on the other hand, was just staring at nothingness and seems distress.

"Thank God, you're offering me such a great opportunity to finally rest in such a one of a hell great sleep. Go ahead, shoot me. And forever, I shall close my eyes, burying my hatred with you up until hell."

——————————