Professor C (camren)

9 - Light

Where do you find light in the darkness?

Children would be Lauren's answer. She'd concluded that those blameless little souls gravitate towards the broken. And she was not just a c***k, but a shattered glass with pieces that could no longer be found as she had given them to Camila Cabello. Lauren never considered that it was her gentle essence that kept them from wandering away and that innocence needed protection from the cruel, as well.

They felt safe around her.

Camila held Lauren's shards in her heart and after she'd been left, she moved them to her hand and held them tighter in the hopes of holding onto remnants of their love. But over time, the pointed pieces have drilled onto her palm, tearing her skin and left her bleeding, which prevented her from planting a firm grasp on anything and anyone anymore.

While pieces of Lauren may have been scattered in places she knew she'd left them, Camila's have slipped in cracks, lost for all eternity. In all the years of her pain, she had lost herself.

Camila decided that people leave anyway and that the ones that come to her life are nothing but a temporary, fleeting episode of a bigger picture. With that in mind, she'd scare them off with those menacing scowls and sharp responses, and relish in the blood of her victims. She avoided forming friendships - more importantly, relationships all together.

Camila allowed darkness to overshadow her life. Her once bright and endless tomorrows became nothing but a bleak oubliette, and the little latch hovering above was either unreachable or getting farther. The evils of the world harass her as if she had not had enough, and yet she was still able to stand up.

Only that, she'd become an angry, vindictive little villain; no longer fighting against the shadow.

It is an undeniable fact that Lauren brought change to Camila's life. Janette Zack's problem was not Lauren's considering Camila practically threatened to sever ties from her parents, unfastening herself legally. Now, the problem with losing someone who played a key role in your reformation, is when they're gone, you find yourself crawling back to what you once knew - what was once normal.

Camila's normal was pretentious and all consuming.

After Lauren became nothing but a fragment of her past, a body who took another road, Camila crawled back to lies and deceit - fooling her own self into thinking that everything was just dandy. Her anger had devoured her, and all she ever wanted was to be better than everyone else. She became spiteful and malicious, and with that combination, she was never able to find closure. Instead, she became obsessed with the crippling pain that not only inundated her heart into shattering but also stripped every bit of resolve in her body; leaving her limp and frail.

Camila's cynicism grew and she trusted less and less people; shutting her family and old friends down, ending with just one persistent, bright soul, Luca Clausnitzer.

It was 10 minutes until six in the morning, and Camila was groggily dragging her feet towards the bathroom, bursting in from the balcony, where she exhausted three cigarette sticks into butts. Her vision was obstructed by her unruly mane as she continually blinked the soreness of her eyes; failing to sweep the thick drapes away from her face was a terrible idea.

Camila had spent her Sunday organizing everything she needed for a two-week-long trip to visit one of the companies she worked as a consultant in in Washington State. And since she'd be gone during the week of her exams, she'd have to give instructions to the facilitators of her tests. She had printed out test questionnaires the previous Friday and she adamantly refused to think about what happened on Saturday.

The kiss. Camila shivered, and it wasn't because it was a cold morning and her body had not adjusted well into the day just yet. Lauren's lips fervently pressed on hers had a spine tingling effect that even every inch of her skin endured ripples of desire.

Shaking her head, Camila physically jogged her brain - forcing her racing mind to think of something else. She had left her messy bed and had no desire of tidying it up, knowing that someone would come up immediately after she'd get in her car. Her wide desk had piles upon piles of documents and books that needed to be organized but no one dared think to; unless they wanted a verbal assault courtesy of the professor.

Camila instinctively stood in front of the wide mirror by the sink, flicking the light switch to the left to light up the halogen bulbs hovering above. It was an installation she had particularly asked her husband for. The isolated lighting allowed the rest of the bleak room to be covered in shadows, which was such a shame.

The bathroom was molded to look like a log cabin. The whole interior - save for the granite counter, porcelain tub, rustic stone-tiled shower - were covered in natural-colored wood. It was an escape from the world, an illusion of a vacation, and Camila needed that.

The first thing that Camila's brown eyes found was an old, tattered, yellow sticky note that she wrote on Christmas day - her and Lauren's supposed second year anniversary. On the upper left hand corner, it was securely plastered by a tape as the adhesive on the top of the note had been covered in dust.

"Don't settle! You can do better than that!"

Camila was better than a pathetic, crying mess. She was better than relying on other people for anything. She was better than her nagging conscience. She was better than heartbreak. She was better than missing everyone that ever mattered to her.

Camila was better than just being Lauren Jauregui's girlfriend. She was better than the girl who fell in love and got her heart ruthlessly ripped from her chest.

Camila was better than anyone.

The note had always provided her with a surge of determination with an underlying bitterness and anger. It was what pushed her to get up and stand on her own two feet. It was the same one that propelled her to obtain a Master's degree and got her to deliver the final project to carry a Ph.D. at the end of her name.

To Camila, that note made her Professor C.

Camila wanted to feel better and she was unable to settle for whatever she had, she had to have more and yet her desires were insatiable. Even if she was indulging, basking in success, she was not complete.

And in all the years of her living up to her own established mantra; Camila didn't realize she craved being loved.

Beneath it, was another note - not much older than the one she had. It was in green and written in a familiar, feminine cursive that had managed to etch its way into Camila's broken heart. No, she will never forget the curves and the lines of Lauren's handwriting. But the inscription on the small paper was one that squeezed her heart dry and transported her back to June 17th, four months shy of nine years prior.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I love you. -Lauren."

As always, Camila was evasive. She'd seal her eyes shut, squeezing her lids together as she shakes her head to unsettle the thought that she was processing. Camila never liked thinking about Lauren. The psychologist equated to heartbreak, and no one wants to be heartbroken.

When recalling a person that someone had not seen for a really long time, they remember good things and preserve that certain individual's humanity. That did not apply to Camila. When she recalls Lauren, she recalls that note first and all the sadness would come crashing down instantly, like an avalanche of agony that would suffocate her into death.

For almost nine years, Camila waited for the dawn of the new day and each morning, she'd try to be hopeful, and yet, each time, she was disappointed.

Every time Camila washed her face, she dreaded looking up. When her hands leave her face and when all the excess water trickle down to drip from her chin, she'd find the ruthless professor most everyone feared but then, she'd also find a miserable Camila Cabello, who wished she could turn back time.

Over half an hour of showering later, Camila sauntered over to the master's suite to change into something appropriate for work. Luca had also left the king-sized bed, and like Camila, he didn't bother to tidy up. The man would always be up early to help prepare breakfast for Elf in tandem with their house cook, Linda.

It wasn't long after that Camila was satisfied with her subtle make up that wiped the misery from her face. She'd opted for navy blue paints that subtle white streaks that practically worshipped her ample behind, a button-up dress shirt and a gray coat.

"Good morning, Mrs. Claus." Elf greeted from the wide kitchen counter, where he sat next to Luca, as soon as Camila made an appearance through the arched doorway.

Camila intended to respond but the boy had subsequently scrambled to jump off the high stool - with the help of Luca, of course - and rushed towards his foster mother to wrap his small arms around her legs. He had abandoned his half-eaten bowl of Cap'n Crunch cereals, floating about on the surface of the milk.

The sudden movements not only shocked the professor but also attracted the attention of their basset hound, Rudolph. The two-year old predominantly white dog jumped out of his comfortable bed and charged for Camila, skidding to stop right in front of her to sit and wag his tail as he patiently waited for his human to pet him. The commotion created little scratching noises against the tiled floor from the friction of Rudolph's nails.

As she set her hand on the boy's back, Camila raised her brows at her husband, who merely shrugged, looking as clueless as he was. He then proceeded to scoop some scrambled eggs up into his mouth to resume eating but his eyes remained glued onto the huddled group.

"Good morning, Les." Camila smiled albeit the confusion, brows fighting to stitch together as she descended to level with the boy's gaze. "Are you done with breakfast?"

Elf was hopeful and his young eyes twinkled upon being acknowledged, shaking his head to answer. Without thinking further, he threw himself onto Camila and wrapped his arms around her neck, closing his eyes to savor the moment. It was probably instinct that Camila swung one arm around the boy's body while she reached for Rudolph with her free hand, scratching his ears just the way he liked it.

"I'm glad to see you, too." Camila genuinely told him, clenching her teeth as her emotions began to suffocate her.

The professor held her breath as a warm, fuzzy feeling tickled her swelling heart and if she hadn't noticed her prickling eyes, she would have shed tears at the oddly satisfying feeling of having the boy securely hold her, afraid to let go.

Luca had to stop eating to admire his little family, smiling at Camila, who was holding back a scowl. Thinking he'd help prolong the moment for Elf, he stood up to make his wife some coffee; a dab of sugar and a little bit of cream. He then proceeded to stuff two slices of bread onto the pop-up toaster, standing by the counter and tried to be as discreet as possible.

The couple both racked their brains up, trying to figure out why the boy had a sudden urge to be affectionate with his foster mother. Camila was close to pinning Luca as the primary suspect but the man looked serene - too serene to be guilty. And as for Luca, he was simply telling himself to get to the bottom of it on the way to Elf's school.

It was Elf who pulled back from Camila, and she'd make sure to brush his recently trimmed hair to one side and set her palm against his cheek. The woman mustered her sweetest grin, prompting the boy to duck his head down to hide his wider smile. He knew Lauren would be proud of him but the gratification he felt when Camila actually awarded him her attention was unmatched.

"Did the sitter just drop him off this morning?" Camila asked her husband as she watched Elf saunter back to his eat.

"Yeah. Apparently, he didn't want to come home." Luca chuckled, eyes intently trained onto the two freshly toasted bread that slightly startled him as it shot up. He retrieved them and set them onto a smaller plate, joining Camila and Elf around the table. "Do you need anything else? Linda isn't off 'til seven."

"No, I'm fine. Thank you."

During large family gatherings, Rudolph would be shipped to his sitter's home. It seemed as though the basset hound preferred the smaller house compared to the grand estate with all the open lawn he could leap around. The couple knew the sitter and her family would have given the dog more attention than the Clausnitzers.

Luca and Elf finished before Camila did, having eaten earlier than she did. The boy is in kindergarten and school starts at 7:30. Luca had been running up and down the stairs to look for his driver's license and keys, while fetching Elf's school bag along the way.

"Let's go, Elf!" Luca muttered, ambling through the door way with everything he needed.

Smiling, he had stopped when he found the boy sitting on the basset hound's bed while his head was on Elf's lap. Elf was delicately stroking the dog's back, looking up at his foster father before he gently eased Rudolph off him. The movement prompted Luca to walk across the room towards the back door.

Luca and Camila thought Elf would simply get his bag and follow the older man out, but both were surprised when they heard the boy speak.

"Drive safe, Mrs. Claus." Elf expressed, shyly smiling as he tucked his thumbs beneath the straps of his Jurassic Park backpack. "See you later."

"Thank you, Les." Camila acknowledged, surprisingly getting off the stool and sauntering over to Elf to cup his cheeks. "Be a good boy, okay?" She then planted a tender kiss onto his forehead, squeezing his face gently.

Somehow, Camila had an urge to take the boy to school herself but was aware that she would be late as it was the opposite way of Lafayette Community College. She didn't even try to chastise herself. Instead, she relished in the lightness of her chest as she stood up.

"I will." An unbridled smile broke the boy's lips, accepting the gesture without question.

There were millions of thoughts racing in Camila's mind when she got in the car and headed towards the community college. She was dreading the thought of running into Lauren and having to discuss what had transpired in their bathroom just two days prior. The psychologist was bound to have questions, grievances - all the jazz.

And what was she supposed to say? It was a spur of the moment decision riddled by anger? That wouldn't suffice. Because deep down in her stubborn heart, she knew she wanted it. Camila could remember it to have the same intensity that practically defeated her perpetual winter clouding her heart. It was as strong, if not...stronger.

Camila didn't want to see Lauren but she wanted to. It's complicated but that's fine.

Camila was worse than disheartened when she found out Lauren was to facilitate the test should a professor fail to do so. The thought of asking Lauren a favor, albeit professionally, was sickening. However, she'd just have to deal with whatever it is the world will throw at her courtesy of her ex-girlfriend. After all, there's nothing Camila couldn't handle, she thought.

If she bravely tackled every bullet that Lauren shot her way, she'd use it to her advantage - to come out superior. That seemed easy. Camila had paced around the parking lot, smoking 3-4, maybe five sticks of cigarette, psyching herself up.

She figured she was ready then.

Conversely, easy became an alien word with a definition that was even more complicated than the term when Camila laid her eyes on a stunning Lauren Jauregui as she pushed the door open unannounced, bearing three folders.

"Ida, you just came in here and told me you had more important things to do." Lauren grumbled - eyes remained stuck onto the document she was signing. "Is this the more important thing you were talking about? Annoying me?" She mocked, finally tilting her chin up to see Camila frozen in place.

Mortified, Lauren's eyes widened as she haphazardly let go of the pen and paper, and stood up, pushing her wheeled chair far in the back until it hit a drawer. It had been the second time she had irritably addressed the professor by accident. It was Ida who didn't have any regard for Lauren's privacy.

Yes, it was Ida's fault.

"Professor." She expressed, gulping hard; attempting to compose herself and threw her arm towards the seat in front of her table. Her wildly beating heart had been adding up to the mass strangulating her and no matter how many times she swallowed, it remained. Wiping her moistening hands on her black pants, she watched as Camila broke free of her stupor and approached her. "Good morning. What can I do for you?"

"Good morning." Camila retorted dryly, masking the nerves that have slithered in her veins. As per usual, she didn't sit down. "I've been told you expedite exams in place of teachers and well, I have three sets of tests this week. Unfortunately, I have a business trip and I won't be back for two weeks." She extended her arm to set the folders in front of Lauren, whose eyes had been carefully inspecting the label on the one up front that said "Economics 102."

Lauren's wandering eyes were still when she caught a whiff of a familiar scent. It was an odd combination of fruity sanitizer and some stale smoke. Oddly enough, it was whirling around the same perfume, too. Her eyes widened as she remembered smelling her hand after shaking Camila's, in a completely non-creepy way.

"At the end of every folder, there are projects due the Monday I come back from my trip. It's a group project to keep them busy next week. You may group them by three to five - whichever, really."

"Yeah, sure. Of course." Clearing her throat, Lauren incessantly nodded; remembering she had to answer. Slipping her fidgeting hands in her back pockets, she looked up to meet Camila's eerily blank eyes. "I'll ask Miss Greene for the schedules and the rooms assigned for the tests."

"The questionnaires are in my office and they have all been labeled and arranged in order. You may leave the completed ones on my desk - separately, just to avoid any mix up when I come back to grade them." Camila forced a smile out, slightly relived that their conversation was nearing its conclusion. "Thank you, Miss Tremaine."

The professor swiveled, wanting to simply make an exit and breathe a sigh of relief. There was a desire to simply go about her day as ordinarily as possible and ordinary meant carrying out her teaching duties of the day by delegating her tasks for the two weeks she will have been gone.

Camila was merely two steps away from the exit when she heard a very shaky, uncertain voice that prompted her shoulders to raise and her entire body to stiffen while her heart did the exact opposite.

"Camila, c-can...can we talk?" Lauren stared at Camila's head, waiting for her to swivel while she untucked her hands and held them by the sides, clenched and defensive.

Lauren saw the professor take a deep breath by the movement of her shoulders, prompting her to do the same just because she needed it. She couldn't afford to simply pass out while she was about to ask a critical question. She was growing impatient just because her own body seemed to have been working against her, stealing her breath while revving her tired heart up.

Unfortunately, there was no such sign that Camila was going to turn back around to face her.

"Why did you kiss me?" Lauren queried with a certain tenacity in her voice albeit sounding quite winded. She demanded an answer more than she was simply asking for it and somehow, she was beginning to be quite irritated.

Camila initiated the kiss, she should own up to it.

Lauren's indignation pushed her arms out and limply allowed them to smack against her sides, bravely stepping closer despite the table being in the way. Her hands reached up to her hear, fingers mingling with her dark tresses. She was quite thankful she didn't decide to pull her hair back like she originally planned that morning.

"Because I have been racking my brain thinking of why you would do it and I have arrived at nothing." Lauren reasoned even without Camila asking for it. Her exasperation was showing in her tone, annoying the other woman, as well. "I-I have...I've gone over everything that I know and...and I-"

"Don't psychoanalyze me, Lauren! That's not a job I hired you for." Camila spat, hastily turning in her spot but and revealing her menacing glare and tightly pressed lips while her nose flared as she heavily breathed through them. She was feeling attacked, and she'd usually felt that even when she really wasn't; only this time, it did seem as though Lauren was blaming her for everything that transpired in her house.

The sudden movement stole a gasp from Lauren's lips, sending the psychologist slightly to the back as if bracing for impact. There was a quiet pause and all they both could hear rather clearly are the heavy beating of their hearts and the ragged breaths both took to survive the altercation. The heat of fury settled over their shoulders and quickly cover their torso and head, strangling their necks as if asking for submission.

Everything else was silenced and unnecessary.

"I'm not! As you can see, I-I can't." Lauren shot back, admitting her incapability to swim in Camila's jumbled thoughts, surprising herself by her sharp tone. She shook her head, running her tongue over her suddenly dry lips to continue speaking. "Because you...you're a labyrinth and I don't know which direction I should go to make me understand you. I don't even know how I feel right now and how I felt last Saturday."

That hurt. Camila was offended; she was hurt given that she was sure as hell elated by that damn kiss that Lauren had just unintentionally undermined. Her rational thoughts were somehow erased from her mind and she was just a monster, bruised and beaten, and ready for revenge. With a heavy heart, she charged towards her ex-girlfriend, much like Rudolph did that morning, only that she was forced to stop as she was faced with a desk that she was almost sure she could throw with no difficulty.

Anxiety inundated all of Camila's being and her hands instinctively found each other, and by the way she attached them together, it looked as though she was digging for something - most likely relief. She'd throw her hands to places as she spoke but they always ended up interlocked somehow. It was as if both her hands were craving a specific item.

"It's always about you, huh?" Camila grimly expressed, barely opening her mouth as her eyes narrow at Lauren. Leaning closer, she set her hands on the desk with the intention of scaring the psychologist into leaning away from her, and it worked. Lauren's resolve had crumbled.

"Camila, that's-"

"No." She interrupted hastily, unwilling to hear any sort of explanation that would remedy the situation. "There is nothing, absolutely nothing, you can say to m-"

"I understand!" Lauren raised her voice with an immature stomp of her foot, silencing the professor. Her features were crumpled as if she was expecting for her voice to go unheard. Daring to open her eyes, she found those brown pools, set ablaze by the anger that she was certain she lit. "I understand why you're upset."

"I'm more than upset! I'm...I'm furious!" Camila corrected, slamming her hands against the desk hard, creating a loud noise that spooked Lauren into leaping slightly. She would have felt how her palms were throbbing, how her delicate fingers were sore - if only adrenaline stopped inundating her veins. "You know, I was fine without you. I was doing well, but then, you decided to magically pop back into my life out of nowhere like we're in some freakish magic show. How do you want me to-"

"I was never really gone." Lauren hesitantly raised in a quiet, defeated voice. Somehow, she knew that she was going to lose the argument. Then, there's her badgering conscience that barked louder than a nagging wife. Regardless, she explained just so Camila would understand her side as she bowed her head down in shame.

"I stayed in the same town; in the same school. My phone number's the same, you have my addresses - my parents'. You just didn't reach out to me. I never left, Camila." She continued, shakily raising her head and still cringed despite expecting an angered bull looking back at her. It still hurt. "I-I left our apartment but I was always there. I couldn't stand for you to be-"

Camila should have been silenced by her guilt because she knew she was why Lauren decided to break up with her. If she didn't give her a reason to, Lauren would have stayed. It just was almost hilarious that it wasn't just a reason or two, it was more than that - ones that probably scarred Lauren into dating men instead of women.

Camila should have kept her mouth shut but she didn't. She was bitter and angry, and the latter feeds irrationality, and irrational words to be unleashed into the world, psychologically and mentally slashing all in its path. From then on, it was her malicious irritation that called the shots.

"I believe 'always' has been used incorrectly so many times." Camila interjected mockingly, unable to merely just listen to Lauren speak of the past that she had been trying to forget but had been unable to. It was as if she had taken multiple steps towards a beautiful tomorrow but was immediately snatched back to the starting line just by seeing Lauren.

"What do you expect? You left, Lauren!" She reminded her, pointing an impolite, wicked finger at the psychologist, who had actually took a step back. "Regardless of whether you stayed in town, you left! How do you expect me to just welcome you back after you just abandoned me? Do you want me to thank you for breaking my heart? Because I feel like you want me to. Without this," Camila slammed her hand against the middle of her chest that would definitely leave an imprint later on just to prove a point. It should have hurt but she didn't wince; Camila looked unscathed. "This broken heart; I wouldn't have been who I am, and who am I right now? I'm important to people that I don't even care about. And the people that used to matter to me? They're all gone!

"You have taken everything from me. Everything that I loved to do, I shared with you and suddenly I had to do it all by myself with a haunting reminder of a person that left me." Camila huffed air out, deciding on taking a breath as her lungs burned with desire for oxygen. She paused, just long enough to swallow but that didn't deter her spirit. She was not done.

It wasn't long before Camila realized the difficulty of recalling certain parts of her past that involved grieving over a love that had perished. Her eyes began to sting and the heat that had covered her entire body was irritating her skin into breaking sweat. But Camila was not going to cry. Despite her painfully constricted chest and squeezing heart, she was not going to cry.

Lauren was not ready for that outburst but she knew it was necessary. She promised herself to allow Camila to move on, for her to actually back off and simply pray that Luca gets caught. She didn't want to be the reason for another heartbreak; she had had enough of it. Hurting Camila further was out of the question.

The kiss confused her. It really did. She wanted to know why because that stupid kiss lit up the candle of hope that had been withering away despite the absence of the flame. Lauren thought she deserved answers but not like that, not when Camila was obviously close to tears.

That would be Lauren's undoing; seeing tears brim those velvety chocolate eyes.

"Why do you think I like books so much? It's an alternate universe. I simply have to follow their stories and feel what they're feeling. If I suddenly feel pain because of them, it's vicarious and not mine to begin with and at the end of it all, there's closure, and I did not get that from you.

"And that note you left? That was your chance to say goodbye when I didn't - I couldn't. It took me a long time to let go of you and you just had to come back and mess everything up again. And now, since...since eight years ago, stories remind me of you; even the ones that don't have anything to do with you. It shows me what might have been and the bliss they feel is a mockery to my misery and I hate it!" Camila's voice shook, announcing the seemingly imminent tears that would gracefully glide down her cheeks, a beautiful tragedy that would wordlessly describe her pain.

"I hated you for so long, Lauren and I hate myself more right now for still wanting you." An ominous smile made it to Camila's lips as she shook her head. She was simply ridiculing herself, seeing how pathetic she seemed, pouring her heart out to the girl who was why she was broken.

The motions of her head ceased and suddenly, her pained eyes reattached themselves to those green ones that shone with pain and guilt.

"But I'm not going to make the same mistakes again." Camila concluded, finally racing towards the door; needing to vacate the premises just so she could regroup.

Students and faculty were scattered about in the hallway, all of them regarding her with respect and some were brave enough to flash her a genuine smile. All those gestures did was rile her up more and she was considering chucking something at them, anything that would hurt them and wipe the grins off their faces.

It sucked that her face had been drained of all its malignity, she was close to tears and all she could do was bow her head down and pretend that they didn't see them. She couldn't afford to see the chairman in her disheveled state; especially, not with Ida there.

It baffled her why no one actually heard them. If they did, she was certain there'd be people barging through that door that had been marked as Lauren Tremaine's.

She continued to wring her hands as if they were wet laundry, feeling a desire to wedge something between her index finger and thumb. It had begun to hurt as the rush slowly dissipated into oblivion and what was left was her craving.

Camila needed cigarettes and she remembered she had some stored in her car. Perfect. It was like hitting two birds with one stone; fresh air and polluting it with her cigarettes.

Thanks, Lauren.

Just like most of their encounters in her office - and the bathroom - Lauren was left stunned. Again, what had just happened? She was not sure. Somehow, she felt as though they both needed that; Camila more than her.

It didn't quite make a tremor in her being as violent as when they kissed, or something more intimate, but it did cause a ruckus - one that never allowed her to breathe for maybe 10 to 15 seconds, maybe longer. It was quite the problem. Her shoulders were trembling in response to her harsh heart. It seemed as though it wanted to kill her instead of sustaining her. It's quite the dilemma.

It wasn't the tone that massacred Lauren, it was the content of her impromptu speech. To hear of the aftermath of her decision and see the agony in those hazy brown eyes wrecked her. Camila's ridiculously unapproachable exterior had fooled not just Lauren but everyone else around her; but maybe, not Luca.

It seemed as though Camila had everything, and oftentimes, people confuse it with contentment. Some would equate the abundance of possessions with happiness, and the professor did not just have a huge estate, she was achieved in the education and job department. She had everything an average person could ever want.

The whole ordeal made Lauren really think about the extent of heartbreak and it wasn't like she needed a reminder. She was a walking example. It's ruthless and somehow, endless, and the damage could linger on for years - she knew that much. But it was different with Camila; the professor had a consuming defense mechanism while others merely cry, feel it to its entirety. Regardless, Lauren was ravaged by Camila's pain.

Lauren's thoughts were in shambles and it did not even register to her that she was backing up until she could feel the chair against her legs, urging her to just plop down with a loud thud. She didn't feel much; it was because she was drowning in her thoughts, wallowing in guilt.

Suddenly, a knock. Lauren hoped for it to be Camila; actually, she begged for it but as she signaled for the intruder to come in, she was met by a screech.

"Mauwen!"

And just like that, Lauren had all she needed - for now, at least. She was due for another conversation with Camila, one that didn't involve yelling hopefully.

Meanwhile, Camila was out in the parking lot, puffing smoke out like a chimney. The cold February air was a beautiful melody to her skin. Well, that and the heat that protected her body courtesy of the white smoke that she'd sucked in her lungs and released just seconds later.

It was therapeutic; a temporary nirvana.

Camila had unloaded some baggage onto the person who practically stuffed the luggage and set it over her shoulders. Of course, it blessed her with breathing space. However, calming down meant Camila was back to the land of rationality and while she enjoyed drifting in the river of fury, she had just been abandoned and set to free fall down 75 feet of waterfall, knocking her senses back.

And now, Camila was compelled to apologize. It was her who initiated the kiss and it was her who avoided the question and went on a rampage. She didn't expect that regrouping meant having guilt creep up on her. She did anticipate the reprieve.

Camila thought she had gone soft, and it was for the girl who froze her into an icy mess; incapable of feeling anything other than hurt and anger. If it weren't for Elf that morning, she would have been certain that she'd never be thawed.

Camila decided she could buy time and just head towards Lauren's office after she finished a couple more cigarettes. She needed it in her arsenal to prevent from yelling.

Unexpectedly, she did follow through with her promise and simply climbed into her car to retrieve a sanitizer and covered her hands with it, vigorously rubbing. She then found a mint tin somewhere in the compartment and popped three in, four for good measure.

Before she knew it, Camila found herself twisting the knob open and allowing herself to get into Lauren's office. However, instead of finding her increasingly annoying, gorgeous ex-girlfriend, she found an empty desk while the adjacent room was holding two students. That wasn't what caught her attention, though. It was the little girl who had just woken up from her nap, secured within safe ground by the colorful railings around.

Pebble looked up to find Camila staring at her as she blinked incessantly, rubbing her eyes with the back of her tiny hands. She was too adorable for words and the professor wasn't adamant about denying that anymore. Although, there was still the vile head of jealousy poking at her with the thought that the kid spent more time with Lauren.

Camila felt quite immature but didn't really realize that.

"Do you know where Miss Tr...Lauren is?" She asked in her stupor, watching as Pebble sat up carefully until she was on her two feet, holding onto the plastic railing. She had managed to correct herself, just so she could make sure the little girl understood her perfectly.

"Mauwen?" The toddler queried, c*****g her head slightly as her little face crumpled.

Camila nodded, having to hold her hands to the sides to prevent herself from reaching over and pinching the Pebble's cheeks.

"Over there." Pebble pointed towards the next room; the admissions office. "Why?" She asked, the first of the string she will have unleashed.

"I need to talk to her." Camila answered vaguely, unconsciously stepping to the side to close the door and approach the little girl that had Lauren wrapped around her tiny little finger. And by the looks of it, she was bound to be joining the psychologist.

"Why?"

"I have to apologize to her." The professor retorted, holding in an adoring grin as she admired the good-natured questions sprung by a curious, little mind. She come closer and sat on the floor, similar to what Lauren often does.

"Why?" Pebble prodded further, wanting to piece the puzzle together all by herself and her curious little face was too endearing.

"I was mean to her this morning." She admitted with a sigh, having to recall something she'd rather bury but would in turn be haunted by it as if it were a ghost.

"Why?"

By that fourth similar question, Camila was supposed to lose it. Her patience wasn't built to last that long. She was supposed to be annoyed but instead, she was close to laughing her socks off. And in the hopes of not offending an easily corruptible mind, she merely huffed her amusement out.

Her behavior was quite peculiar that the students within the adjacent room, including Robert McIntyre looked up and paid attention to the conversation just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Perplexed was only the beginning of their emotions. It was nothing short of a miracle for them to find a person behind their dreaded professor.

"She said something I didn't want to hear and I got mad." Camila explained briefly both for her own and Pebble's sanity.

The little girl simply hummed inquisitively, as if she had thrown all the clues together and form a verdict. As expected, it wasn't vindictive; nor was it tainted by some form of irritation.

"It's okay." Pebble cooed, bravely reaching to set her small hands against Camila's cheeks, making sure the woman was paying close attention to the crucial little information she was going to share with her. "Mauwen will forgive you. I know Mauwen will." She stated with such conviction that Camila almost wanted to beg for her to listen to more of her dreaded problems.

Without warning, Pebble threw her arms around the professor's neck, bringing her in for a hug. And just like that, Camila's bleak little world found a glimmer of light, a firecracker that made sure she knew she was okay; that she was going to get out of that hell hole and be happy. Elf's all too sudden gravitational pull towards Lauren was rational and Camila felt it in Pebble's arms.

The professor closed her eyes, relishing in the most beautiful profession of care, or maybe love that transcended through the gesture.

Camila had just solved a conundrum.

Where do you find light? In the arms of a child and there was one in her home that she needed to hold.

"Thank you, Pebble." Camila mumbled, her words encompassing her gratitude towards what the child had told her, what it made her feel and just Pebble, herself. It was an oddly exhilarating feeling, to be able to relish the purest form of love that she had deprived herself of.

"You're welcome, Pr-"

"Camila." She corrected, not necessarily thrilled at the thought of a little child having to call her by the proper designation. It made her look like a douchebag.

"You have pretty name." Pebble expressed, nuzzling her head in the crook of the professor's neck as she squeezed tightly.

"Not as pretty as yours." Camila playfully countered, earning an adorable little giggle from Pebble.

Reluctantly, Camila let go of the little girl in her arms. Smiling, she traced Pebble's soft forehead and tucked strands of her shiny brunette mane behind her ear. Her heart raced as adrenaline hyped her veins up, desperately needing to be on her way but there was also a certain pull that kept Camila in place.

Camila wondered how Lauren was able to part with such a precious little creature when her heart was already so heavy after only conversing with Pebble for less than half an hour. Camila concluded that she was worst at goodbyes.

It was a predicament and Camila settled for planting a lingering kiss on Pebble's head followed by promises of a reunion. Of course, the toddler was excited; she had made a new friend. Pebble's leaped in celebration, arms extended up in the air; eliciting a soft grin from the Economist - one that Camila had not felt in a very long time.

With a quick stop to drop her test questionnaires at Purdue and an awkwardly light conversation with their counselor, Camila was racing towards the closest toy store to grab a dinosaur - one that she was sure she had not seen in their house. a*****e assistant happily aided her in her quest to find a prehistoric creature while she went on the internet to find a "cool" fact about that.

"Les?" Camila excitedly called, clutching onto the foot-long plastic toy in one hand as she ventured through the back door that lead towards their kitchen. In her eagerness, she had forgotten her purse in her car - phone and all.

"I think he's in his room doing his homework, Camila." Linda, their head cook answered respectfully, nodding her head to acknowledge the professor and proceeded to duck her head to check the cupcakes she had been baking. Blonde, graying hair tucked neatly in a bun, the middle-aged woman fanned the aroma up to her nose, inhaling subsequently and smiling contently before swiveling back to find Camila still in place.

Linda was one of the few people that had the guts to talk to Camila. She was at least 20 years older than the professor, and used that to her advantage. Apparently, Camila didn't lose her manners and had respected her authority. In fact, they had gotten along and had grown quite close over the years.

Linda was pleased that she didn't have to demand for respect or had any problems with regards to Camila. Otherwise, the Clausnitzers might have lost one of their most trusted employees.

"What is that?" She asked, eying the oversized toy cradled in the younger woman's hands.

"For Les." Camila answered proudly, unable to hold back to smile forming on her lips.

"He'll definitely love that." Linda commended, offering Camila a grin to show her approval.

Linda was standing by the commercial six-burner stove/oven that is normally found in restaurants. Its stainless steel make had been polished and shined to Linda's standards. Actually, the entire kitchen was neat and tidy, and incredibly clean with the help of her two kitchen assistants who had tensed up at the sound of Camila's voice; one was measuring ingredients for raspberry coulis while the other one was washing dishes.

Everything in their streamlined kitchen was metallic and up to restaurant standards, even the fixtures were placed efficiently to decrease travel time to retrieve ingredients. Everything was so sleek and glossy that Camila could see her reflection on the refrigerator door.

And again, for the first in almost a decade, Camila smiled to the girl staring back at her.

"Thanks, Linda." The professor sang, practically skipping across the room into the hallway, prompting curious, perplexed looks to be exchanged among the other three.

"Anytime, honey." Linda chuckled to herself, laugh lines boring deeper onto her aging skin as she shook her head. The woman didn't dare question the lightest mood they'd ever seen Camila in but was instead, happy for her.

Slightly panting, Camila took a deep breath and raised her balled hand up to knock on Elf's door. She had managed to tap onto the timber structure two times before she could back out, tucking the plastic dinosaur behind her back as she waited. Patiently, she observed the mild rustling settle on the other side until the door swung open, revealing a stunned nanny - eyes bulging out as her jaw hung low.

"You can go have half the rest of the day off. I got it from her." Camila told her without much thought, forcing the best kind of smile she could muster amid the awkward air. Her words were only adding up to the confusion, prompting the young nanny to unconsciously tilt her head slightly as if to see if what she was seeing and hearing was real.

"He's safe with me." She assured her through gritted teeth, seeing as the younger woman didn't budge.

It offended Camila and there would have been quite the words that she could undulate with her tongue but she congregated every strength in her body to simply calm down. Everyone's reaction had got her thinking and she was spiraling down into a hole whereby all her mistakes pertaining to their five-year-old foster child taunted her.

It was true that Camila had never paid attention to him; she never gave him the time of day. There'd be longing glistening in those innocent eyes but Camila's stone-cold exterior had the boy shivering just by standing before her eyes. Really, she didn't have any right to be upset, let alone be angry, for the boy's nanny's hesitation.

Naturally, Camila felt attacked. Her brown hues were fighting against her resolve to glare and her hands were shaking, in a battle against simply chucking the hard plastic towards the nosy nanny. Her pulse had raced, and in turn, ignited her irritation, and all she ever wanted to do was beat the lights out of the person before her. But for some miraculous intervention, Camila merely let out an exasperated sigh as she stepped to the side and made her way into the threshold.

"Hey, Les." Camila called out amid her quickly drying throat; pushing the door close and practically shoving the boy's nanny out of the way. "Where are you?"

Camila leaned against the timber structure, steadying her thrashing heart. Now that she was inside, her anger was replaced by nerves, sending sweat to break out of her clammy hands. She stared at the lifeless creatures in her hands, reasoning with it and somehow asking it for help. The professor was beginning to envision the worst, fearing that the surprise may come off as a bribe for her forgiveness - that even his favorite kind of creatures could never buy Camila his love.

"I'm over here." Elf's timid voice coupled by the sound of water gushing out of the faucet came from his adjacent bathroom, echoing into his bedroom.

Camila repositioned the dinosaur, hiding it from plain sight upon pulling herself away from the door. She expectedly smiled, waiting for the boy to appear out of the opened door while rocking herself on her feet, fighting to breathe as the rush of anticipation suffocated her heart.

Elf appeared in shorts and a t-shirt, hair slightly disheveled as he hurriedly wiped his dripping hands onto his clothes. He was cautious and he refused to attach his gaze onto his foster mother's. Instead, he held his head low, inching closer to her; only expecting he'd hear an earful about why he hugged Camila that morning.

"I got you something." Camila announced happily, lifting his chin up to expose those youthful eyes. The tone in her voice earned a small grin to crawl its way to his adorable little lips.

Without ruining the suspense, Camila abruptly pulled the toy dinosaur out into the open and into the arms of the gaping boy. He had audibly gasped as his eyes scan the ridges of the toy dinosaur's back while his nimble fingers held it delicately as if he was holding the thinnest glass ever blown. His mouth parted just for him to whisper "wow" as he marveled in its glory.

Camila's lips tugged to reveal a tender smile, gratified by her sudden choice, not just to make time for him but to get him something she knew he loved.

"It's huge! Bigger than Godzilla!" He exclaimed, brows raised but his eyes remained glued onto the plastic object.

"Do you know what it is?" She asked, crouching down to his eye level as she watched his features glow with excitement.

"It's a titanosaurus."

"What does it look like?"

"A brontosaurus!" Elf exclaimed jovially and Camila was quite impressed. The boy took his dinosaurs seriously and that made her a proud mother.

"It's bigger than a brontosaurus." Camila exaggerated a gasp, hand flying up to her mouth as her widened brown eyes twinkled with delight. She fought the urge to pat her back for doing the research. "They found bones in Argentina and you know what they said? He's 130 feet long! Do you know how big that is?"

"That's two times longer." He gushed as if it was the coolest thing known to mankind. Well, to him it was because to his knowledge, the brontosaurus was only 72 feet long and he thought that was too massive to top.

"Do you want to name him?" Camila tried, smiling softly as she reached to slightly pinch his little squishy cheeks.

"Why me?"

"Because..." He mumbled, shyly dropping his head down.

Because Elf wanted to prolong Camila's strange new fondness for him.

"Alright, let's see..." Camila pretended to be deep in thought, tapping her fingers against her chin as she aimlessly looked up. She then refocused her gaze onto the boy, eyes wide with splendor. "How about Titan?"

There were loud cheers that ensued after and Camila was just as jubilant as he was, even to a point where she secured her hands in his armpits and she lifted him up in the air and settled him down onto the bed. All the while, Elf had the titanosaurus clutched against his chest.

The inexplicable warmth in her chest came back with more intensity than she remembered. This time, it was fierce and had devoured her entire torso in a frenzy. She was just so happy and that happiness stemmed from Elf; the boy who had sought for her attention in all the days he'd spent in the same house as her.

In reality, it was quite harsh and heartbreaking. Yes, he'd escaped the crowded rooms of the orphanage, but he had walked right into an ice castle, barren and chilling. And somehow, some miraculous intervention, Camila actually wanted to make it up to him.

"Do you want to play? With me?"

Elf didn't give the woman an answer, instead, he left his newest toy before Camila and sauntered over to his shelf to retrieve his favorite, Godzilla. They were in for a harmless match, one dinosaur against the other, which was somehow unfair considering one was a meat-eater and the other had an advantage in size.

"You know he's an herbivore, right?" Camila regarded, helping Elf climb up the bed carefully as she chuckled. She didn't let go of him until he was sitting comfortably, legs crossed. "He won't steal Godzilla's meal."

"Yes, but Godzilla is mean and Titan can fight him." Elf reasoned with conviction and Camila knew better than to object. After all, the boy was a dinosaur expert and Camila only knew, at most, five dinosaurs.

Before they could proceed, something caught Camila's eyes; Elf's. The boy was eying the titanosaurus that Camila didn't claim just yet. The herbivore was simply idly looking Elf with its creepy, stilled eyes.

Elf wanted the new toy dinosaur but didn't want to disappoint Camila, and oddly enough, the thought of the boy's discomfort bothered her. If she could avoid it, she knew she would do anything to keep the boy from frowning.

"Then I want to be Godzilla." She insisted.

And Camila was right, Elf's face lit up as he bounced in bed, smiling brightly at his foster mom, who mirrored his gesture.

Camila hadn't noticed she didn't change clothes. She simply shed her coat and enjoyed the rest of her day with Elf, playing with dinosaurs she could not name to save her life. Before seven in the evening, they had gone downstairs to eat and Camila had given her foster child a piggyback ride. She even fed him, while she enjoyed a meal of her own.

Camila was exhilarated but exhausted at the same time.

At the end of the night, Camila had tucked Elf in bed after helping him into his pajamas. That came after they had a heck of a good time, splashing each other while the boy was bathing. Camila had allowed him to take some toys into the tub as they both animatedly spoke for the lifeless creatures.

It was an activity filled day for both of them, and by the middle of the bedtime story Camila was reading, Elf was relentlessly yawning. Camila figured it was best to pretend that she had reached the end of the story, closing the book and setting it to one side. She tugged at the boy's duvet just to make sure it covered enough of his body to keep him warm.

"You should sleep. You're tired." She cooed, running her hand from his forehead and through his hair; relaxing the boy further.

"Okay." Elf nodded, not even attempting to keep his eyes open. He had been defeated by the sandman, who may have been dancing on his forehead. "Thank you, Mrs. Claus. Good night."

"Good night, Les." She retorted, leaning in to plant a gentle kiss on his forehead, eliciting a sigh of pure content from the boy. "Sweet dreams."

As per usual, Camila was out in the balcony a couple of minutes later, a white stick wedged between her index finger and thumb. She was finally changed into something comfortable and was set out to find peace in her rollercoaster of a day and she'd desperately hoped that it would just fly by until she would just miraculously find herself in the plane, buckled and ready to soar through the clouds.

It was much colder than it was when the sun was out but oddly enough, she loved the dawn more. The mesmerizing colossal star dramatically climbing up to the top while its counterpart, the moon retires for the day. Everything looked serene during the measly hours of the dawn that even the sun's rays didn't hurt as much. The gentle breeze would brush against the mighty trees, rustling their leaves as the sound of various animals announce their presence.

It wasn't long before her little paradise had been invaded by a little pesky bug she referred to as her husband. Thankfully, Luca was bearing alcohol. But then, it was red wine and Lauren loved that drink, and suddenly, she didn't want to drink anymore.

Who was she fooling, though? A willing hand was unconsciously waiting for the glass to land on it, just so she could finally take a sip and relish in the tranquilizing serum.

"What was that?" Luca quietly queried rather disbelievingly and to Camila's dismay, her peace was disrupted.

She should have known better. Right hand securely holding onto the glass, Luca leaned towards the railing, forearms resting onto the smooth and cold surface of granite. He seemed as though his gaze was set across the vast land but in reality, his vision was out of focus and he was just thinking.

Maybe Camila had an epiphany. Who knows?

"What was what?" Camila dumbly queried, buying time before she even made sense of her actions herself. She had both cigarette and wine glass in her right hand and she was aimlessly watching the smoke travel up until it simply disappeared as if it never really existed to begin with.

"You and Elf." He stated simply, shrugging but still not quite playful enough to reflect the usual Luca Clausnitzer Camila knew. "His nanny told me you let her have half the day off. She could not believe it; I could not believe it. What happened?"

"He hugged me this morning and I don't know. I kind of felt bad. He's been with us for almost two years and I didn't really get to spend time with him ever." Camila reasoned, huffing her words out as she set the glass down. "I don't really know why he hugged me and there was just a lot of hope in his eyes, that maybe, maybe I could change; that maybe I could be there for him."

"Thank Lauren." Luca mumbled upon gulping at least half of the deep red content of his glass. He slowly stood back up, pushing himself up to his feet to face Camila.

Scrunching her brows up, she looked at her husband as if trying to make sense of what he said by finding it in his serene face. "Why her?"

"Apparently, she told him to hug you. Elf wanted to hug you yesterday but you never left your cave. He's been afraid to do it all this time but she got through to him somehow. She's really great with children for someone without one."

"Yeah." Camila lifted the cigarette up to her lips and took a long drag, having no energy to actually make snide comments about her ex-girlfriend. She couldn't find a reason to actually offer a rebuttal, Lauren was undeniably great with children to the point that Camila was jealous of Sean Tremaine. "I actually talked to Pebble. Just the way she looks at her, or just mention her, I can tell she feels that Lauren loves her."

"Ready to tell me why you two broke up?" Luca raised his brows expectantly, offering the smallest of smiles to comfort his wife but only received a shake of Camila's head as she exhales the smoke out of her lungs. "Do you plan on telling Lauren about us?" He tried, hoping to get another kind of reaction from Camila.

"What about us?" Camila looked up to him, conspicuously confused as she frowned. The rest of her body stayed in place, refusing to actually fully acknowledge Luca. "She knows we're married."

"Does she know why?" He prodded, dipping his head slightly to level his gaze with his wife in a way that he was simply curious but harmless. "Are you going to tell her?"

"Time will tell." Camila answered evasively, looking out into the vast land before her and taking in a lungs-worth of air.

Camila had had too much problems for one day, and for now, she wanted the night to mean relaxation. She desperately needed it. A huge part of her refused to talk to Lauren once more but then she had to thank for...for Elf.

Damn it!

At least, she had two weeks to rehearse it.

"Go to sleep, Cammie. You have an early flight."