Old Soul Fate

MIA

MIA

Under the covers of the night was where I presumed it started...life purpose, thoughts and foresightings of the future without bags of reasoning it all felt true till it wasn't. As the moon begs the stars to accompany its glow every night, so does water to the sea with each wave; as humans, it is believed that people we come across each day serve a specific purpose within a lifetime or so.

This is not a journal of a lifetime or an afterlife epistle, it is just a meeting with a GLIMPSE of what could be if there is a maybe attached somewhere close enough to hold onto.

It all happened under the wrapped vines, sights of a tree, sharp height, huge smile, well-groomed like the shaping of a friendship longed for before birth. They could tag it as Past lives getting in touch but we could never let each other go...like we complete each other's story by just existing in our separate but fragile lives. Blessing the night skies for our meet, without the intention of stumbling into this world, I began this uncovered journey of euphoria.

One was fate playing a game with our minds, dancing through our hearts like it was a wave that had not been driven. The chants of prayer were the only breakaway from this chained luck.

MIA

“Another dance, my love. Death won't stop us now”,

he says without the fear that he would lose his grip and fall off the balcony. He wasn't afraid of death, not less a fall to death from a five-storey building, but I was petrified even, any miscalculated steps and I'd join him in the other world, six feet below earth. Now I'm thinking if it was as bad as I thought it would be…

He didn't wait for fear to suck me back into reality, his hands behind my back as he guided me into a smooth waltz. He is a good dancer, the smoothest I knew, with my black hair behind my ear, showing off my piercings like an artwork.

Simon liked them, he said they were like stars whispering their secrets to me. If only I could display my secrets out to him, the ones that I think he didn't know, he knew me like a blank sheet, every stain of ink on my line was diffused by his pen but endlessly his ink now bleeds out at the end.

“Mia, my darling you promised not to cry again, you're staining my precious orb, your eyes. I'm the one dying, aren't I”.

What was the world without him, I just wanted to go with him, anywhere we ended up would be special, only when I was with him. Yeah, I know I was in love with a dying man and I just signed a contract with the angels to take me with him. But that was the least of my worries.

As we walked back into the room, he occasionally glanced at me as I fetched a new bed sheet in the cupboard, his stares were not one you could just ignore, you would know his deep green eyes are fixed on your every movements, piercing through your mind like he was chanting your name with his eyes.

“I can feel your eyes, Sick boy. What do you need?”,

I didn't turn around, from my current position as I replied to him. He sat on an arm chair not too far from me or his bed. He had this ritual since I met him of always teasing the person that lays his bed in the evenings, like he was waiting on his last tease before he kicked the bucket.

“I need you to leave that bed, before they employ you in this place. I'm your only job”.

If he really needed me to stop, then calling his personal nurse would be the best, but in-between me, his nurse, Sarah and his bodyguard, Kyle. We would play games, to know who would go through his tease during evening calls and this night, I lost to Sarah.

“You sound like a couple of part time jobs squeezed together for one man”, and now I realised I was now the tease this evening. I ran my hand through my hair roughly, gathering it into a bun to tie up, then I felt his warm soft hands go through my waistline to my stomach, pausing and tracing on my skin, making me hate my choice of clothing.

Simon grabs my legs as he bends over to interlock them behind his back, giving him access to be inside me. As he latches on my breast, everything I tried to think about goes blank for about five seconds, as he sucks on my n****e, all I can do is hold onto him and the hospital bed.

I've been living in this room with Simon here all of two months, and so far it is everything I oddly thought it would be; funny, spontaneous and the smell of clinical soaps.

Growing up in a small family with not much space to roam around, his room felt like a large sitting room where buffet dinners and gatherings could be held. I have lived more than a deity, well I don't mean in reality, in different varieties of timeless novels. I have undoubtedly seen several characters to either their tragic or happy endings. I made my way to the warm pages of books when my parents died, well my mother took her leave from this world first, when she got into a car accident, then my ever loving father decided to go with her after.

It really captured the depth of their addictive love, doesn't it?, but no one argues with their picture frame more than the only child they left in this cold harsh world.

Now I'm 23, with a boring ass job as an accountant and a part time librarian, living in a white and grey themed apartment, housing only myself and occasionally my best friend Alice.

Alice Cooper, the only reason I now live with a man in this hospital. If there's a girl you would want to bury a dead body with, find yourself an Alice. After her close to near death experience, food became her direction rather than friends. I remembered her call like it was pinned somewhere at the back of my head.

“ If you don't wanna lose another sibling. Come to DC hospital. Bring food” , I dialled her line numerous times waiting for her to pick up after the beep, but it all went back to voicemail. I contemplate whether to leave her a message or just call back by the time I hit the road.

'Was she joking, hospital. Who did she hit this time',I thought as I dropped the phone in my purse. I can feel the heat rashes that build up on my neck, as I cross the busy streets, occupied by crowded people. I'm determined to get a cab within these few seconds of my walk. From my stance, one could easily detect that I wasn't hailing a cab but chasing one. Dressed in two piece casual joggers, strangers stared at my petite body frame trapped inside my choice of clothing.

I pause in my jog, to enter the cab I ran for. Pressing down the window, to feel the cold breeze smeared on my skin, as my hair gets engulfed by the wind. It felt for a minute, all my worries on why life has to be this tough took a break and just quiet, no lingering fear of what tomorrow would be. I take in my reflection and I don't like what I see.

An orphan that has no sense of family love, a broken child, a girl that hates her job and finds nothing in this world entertaining enough to live for. A girl whose continuous pleasures was to dabble into the fictional world, without a thought of reality. Lately books and novels have been my refuge from this insane world, that feeling every page gives you, a tingling warmth, as you scan through the words as if they were written for you.

“Ma, Ma, Madame”,

The sound of the horn brings me back to reality. I drop down from the cab, taking a step back to access the building I'm standing in front of. I've passed it everyday, but this time, it seemed taller than I noticed. Probably because I spent my time walking past it rather than actually staring at it.

Entering the hospital, I walked past women and men gathered at the waiting room to the receptionist up front. She looked like a calm lady. I hope she was.

“Good afternoon ma, I'm here to see a patient brought in from a car accident, Alice Cooper”.

Waiting for the nurse to dabble through her records,I scan the white floors of the hospital as that nauseating smell of drugs mixed with clinical soap hits me. Lord, I hate hospitals. The last time I came here were the last days of my father. I can still remember the pain that ran through my chest when they announced him dead, it felt like acid poured down my throat, prying through my flesh, melting my fragile bones to where it felt my heart ripped apart. I clutch my hand to my heart as I could still feel it.

“Yes ma'am, she is in ward B, Room5. Just take the elevator”. The nurse smiled at me, it felt like a warm lie. I couldn't help but notice the wrinkle below her eyelids like she hasn't had any proper sleep.

“Thank you”, all I could do was to return the smile. I knew mine is certainly a fatter lie.

After no less than two minutes, I was already on the second floor, getting off the elevator,I peeked to check the ward I was in, scanning the writings on the doors as I walked further down the hallway. As a random door swinging open, to show a young man sitted up on his bed, I get a short image of his side view.

“Beautiful”, I sealed up my lips as those words ran off my lips but my guardian angel decided to let me have this alone. As the man now gave off a low laugh, staring at me were a set of deep green eyes. His eyes were bold ,more wide but after taking in my image like he had drawn me at the back of his mind there was a canvas, he let out a sigh.

“Can that word be also used for a man”, he asked me, as I stood unfolding to answer the question. I nodded my head and walked off to find the girl that brought this upon me. As I walked off my ass to room 5, he stared to keep me in check as both my feet were bumping into each other.

“I hope you broke bones”

I immediately said, as I saw Alice laid on the hospital bed, all stringed up with beeping machines behind her. Her right arm, bandaged and folded to her chest.

Here, laid the only other trouble in my life, with her hazel coloured hair spilled around the pillow, her brown eyes filled with a hint of curiosity as she stared at me like I hid a boyfriend for sale. The freckles on her cheeks and nose didn't do enough justice to how rebellious she actually was.

“I hope you brought food”, pulling my attention back to her current situation. I smiled as I held up my purse for her to scan.

“What caused this accident, this time”, I asked her as I sat down at the side of the bed, accessing the wrapped arm and her head. Maybe I'll call for a brain scan, she really needed one sometimes. It would be the best time to check that.

“Mom, got me a boyfriend this time, and she expects me to get married after two months of relationship”, she shakes her head at her mother's another reckless decision. Alice's father had died before she could learn how to walk, which relieves her from the pain from losing a loved one. But that pain would be a blessing in return for the unimaginable method her mother uses to clip her wings.

At 18 years, she already knew how to drink more than an alcoholic which her mother later learnt about and was sent to rehab. At 21, she dated a young rich smoker, she didn't have any issues with Mark's smoking because he later taught her months into the relationship. After her mother's thoughtful intervention, the relationship broke off into a fight which led her to be now single.

Not for long though.

“Two months!You don't even know this guy. Your mom is something, babes”.

“Is she aware of your accident?”.

“If she knew, you would have been stopped from the door. Where she would have her men check your ID card and serve you questions”.

I laugh wildly as she explains why her mom took Best Mother of the Year, every year without any pause. She suddenly stops and takes several looks at me, I check myself if there was any stain on my clothes but there was none.

“Your cheeks and ears are red, Mia. Did you actually give a quickie before meeting me? You shameless slut”.

My hands ran through my ears and cheeks, holding them down in pauses. Oh My God, why now!. His image came into my thoughts as I realised why I blushed this hard on a sick boy.

“I didn't. Are they?”, she looked at me in disbelief, she waited for my words to flow fluently as I calmed down gradually.

“I actually bumped into someone before I found your room. He was funny, that's all”.

I sealed my lips from further embarrassment, as I took a sip of water from the cup on the table, beside the bed. She hit my hand and gave off a sarcastic smile, pinching me in the stomach, churning off my guts. No, I knew this feeling, this disruptful feeling that ran through my chest as she pulled closer to me and before she asked me, I knew the answer.

“Do you like him?, because your body denies you”.

I do. I think I do, well I'm not certain but…if there was a game to justify my feelings, I would sit it out to think while I allow his stares break my every cell, dismembering me till I'm certain.