21 Instances

I feel like killing myself

I feel like killing myself

until Andy slaps me on the back and says she’s teasing me great he’s sitting on the next couch to my left Oppie and Nepreska are sitting on the aluminum couch on my right on the next couch over on their right is an older man who’s wearing a tuxedo at least that’s what I think it is I’ve never seen anybody actually wear one and another guy also older he’s wearing a black robe and has a raggedy hat on his head that looks like it’s made out of fur Andy introduces us the tuxedo guy is a graphic arts novelist his name is Andray the other one is Peeyot or something like that and he’s a sha-man I have no clue what that is I could look it up but I’m too paralyzed by Nadja he looks at me and holds up his hands and begins to circle his left hand with his right first slow then faster and faster Nadja whispers that he’s trying to hypnotize me wow they’re all big-time crazy no wonder Oppie wanted in Nepreska picks up a silver bell on the table and shakes it so it rings twice about a minute later a tall guy dressed all in black comes into the room from a door I didn’t even know was there until it opened he’s carrying a white dish with a bowl on it he sets it down next to Nepreska pulls a spoon out of the bowl and scoops some kind of red liquid out and into a white bowl on the table in front of her Nepreska thanks him he gives her a dirty look Nadja whispers that’s he’s an anarchist I don’t know what that is either and I still can’t talk to her all that comes out of my mouth is a little squeak this is a major overload I would run for it but she holds eye contact and puts her left hand on my right thigh oh my god time stops until the anarchist slops some soup into the bowl in front of me and the hand comes off my thigh but she’s sitting closer and her left knee is resting against my right knee oh my god Andy asks her something in Russian I look around while she’s answering but I keep my knee where it is Nepreska and Oppie are belting back the vodka and the graphic novelist has joined them the sha-man is still working on me the writer says that in the future all novels will be graphic novels we will watch them on our handhelds Nepreska rings the bell and the guy in black comes back he’s got a big dish and this one has some kind of roast meat he stops by each person at the table and uses a metal fork to throw a slab of meat on their plate and the meat is real greasy and splatters when it hits the plate Nepreska thinks that’s hilarious she laughs every time he does it I tune it out because somehow I have a glass in my right hand and Nadja is pouring red fluid into it from a bottle I’m guessing it’s wine after she fills my glass she grabs her own glass and sort of points it at me Andy nudges me he’s got a huge glass of vodka he’s pointing it at me too he says Nadja wants toast I want to ask them where the hell they think I’m going to get a piece of bread let alone toast it Nadja laughs and leans way over to tap her glass against mine oh my god her boobs almost come out she sits up grinning and Andy taps his glass against mine too and I get it I smile at him and then at her and I drink and they drink that’s a toast apparently and we have to drink it all I got that too they both hold their empty glasses upside down over their heads and what the hell I do that too I’m laughing the anarchist gets to me and throws a slab of meat on my plate it smells funny I take a little bite it’s awful Nadja says it’s goose that’s hung and does that mean they torture animals whatever they did to the poor critter they must have left it where they killed it for a long time before they cooked it I hope they cooked it I pretend to eat it Nadja smiles and whispers that I am the only person she has ever trusted and