Spy Of My Life

Chapter Seven

I sit facing Jamie and Ray, or as I first knew them as Dan and Don.

‘- Good morning, Sofia. How are you feeling today?’ Raymond asks, smiling.

I look at Jamie, then him, and say:

‘- It’s a bittersweet feeling, you know. I am so excited to start working, but this also means I have to say goodbye to a lot of good people here, like you Raymond, and Jamie, and everyone who has taught me so much. But I’m ready to serve.

- Good to know. I like your attitude. So, here’s how this is going to happen. I’ll be giving you an overall training assessment. And after I’m finished, Jamie here will talk to you about your first mission. Okay?

- Yes.

- So, Sofia. Besides being one of the only two foreign people in the program, you have adapted rapidly. You’re a fast learner, and you’re an eager one. You have nothing but praise from all your instructors. So if we were to give rankings in here, you’d be ranked first. You have shown great ability to adapt, learn and work well alone as well with others. You have also shown a very unique emotional intelligence, and this particular thing will be an asset to you in the field.

Now that I’ve said all of this, you need to be aware of your shortcomings. There is something as to be too brave. And that could kill you. Also, oh my god you’re so stubborn sometimes, you just make everyone around you crazy. You need to learn to take a step back from time to time, assess the given situation, and rethink your approach to things.

Aside from that, all I can say is good luck dear. It was a real pleasure to get to know you. You’re a special gal, Sofia. Keep your head straight. And always trust your gut. Come on get up, give Ray a hug!’

I stand up and hug Ray, crying. This wonderful man has been like a second father to me. And it surprises me to see him shed a tear too!

‘- Oh, Raymond, it’s so sweet! You know I’ll miss you too.

-I’m not crying. Hum, it’s just allergies, man. I’ll miss you too kiddo. Too bad I didn’t win you. We could have worked together.

- What do you mean you didn’t win me?

- Well, that’s the second part of this meeting. I’m not supposed to tell you that, but I like you, so to hell with it. At the end of every training program, the instructors get to chose if they want to handle some of the new recruits. And since you’re at the top this year, there was a small situation about who would get to be your handler. And I didn’t win you.

- So who did?

- Me.’

My heart almost skips a beat when I hear Jamie speaking. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Did he just say he was going to be my handler? Is this what he meant when he asked me to trust him?

I try to remain calm, and just turn to Jamie, and force a polite smile.

‘- That sounds… great. I’m glad to hear that people want to work with me. I’m truly honored. Thank you Jamie.’

-Good. But before I continue any further, Ray?

- Oh yes. Sorry man.’

I give them both a questioning look. Ray answers.

‘- I’m not cleared to have details about your mission. The information is on a need-to-know basis. And I don’t need to know. I’ll leave you now, handler to agent.”

Ray stands up, and gives me a last hug, then leaves. The second the door closes behind him, I turn to Jamie and say:

‘- Can I speak freely?

- What do you mean?

- Is it safe for me to talk to you? In this room, like there is nothing to worry about?

- Yes. This is a clean room. No bugs.

- Then go to hell Jamie. You just made things so much complicated. What were you thinking? Why the hell would you volunteer yourself as my handler? Why would you fight for it?

- I couldn’t risk not seeing you again. And I wanted to protect you. Maybe I didn’t think things through, but I won’t apologize for it. I love you, Sofia.

- No, no, no. You just ruined everything. Before, our relationship was maybe frowned upon, but now, it’s definitely forbidden. You just made yourself my boss. You and me, we’re over. There is no way in hell that I can be involved with my handler. No way. Not even if I love him…

- Sofia…

- No, Jamie. You just ruined everything…’

I get up from my chair and turn to leave. I couldn’t look at him, even if I wanted to so much. I would break and fall apart if I do. I just walk towards the door, open it and leave, not even bothering to close it behind me. Suddenly every movement I made felt so heavy. I just couldn’t believe what was happening. It was all too much. All I wanted to do was go to my room and hide under the blanket, like I used to do when I was a child.

It felt like forever to reach my room. I go in and straight to my bed and lie down. The tears start flowing down my cheeks. I feel sad. But I also feel angry. How could he do this to us? He just took away any chance for us to be together. I knew that we had to break things off at the end of training. But I thought it was going to be temporary. I thought we would figure out a way to keep seeing each other, find a practical solution. I knew it could be hard, but loves conquer all. All except this. This is an impossible situation. This is the end.

***

I wake up on a wet pillow, head hurting and eyes burning. Apparently I dozed off while crying, like it couldn’t get any worse. At the same moment, Jade enters the room and just looks at me, wide eyed.

‘- Oh, you look awful dear. Have you been crying?

- Yes. Do you have a problem with that?

- Angry crying, I see. Let’s not be mean to our friends, yeah? How about we go out for a drink?

- Isn’t early for drinking?

- Looks like you need it. I won’t judge if you won’t. I’ll even throw you a bone and not criticize your choice of clothing. Do we have a deal?

- Are you paying?

- I guess I am.

- Then we have a deal.’

Not long after, we’re already in the bar, sitting down in the booth on the far end of the place. Once I realize which booth it is, I start crying again, head in hands, arms on the table. Jade sighs and gives me the sweetest look.

‘- I promised myself not to pry. I convinced myself that maybe you were crying because it’s the end of training. But this is clearly about something else. I won’t leave your side until you tell me what’s going on.’

I look up, and hesitate, before she adds.

‘- You can trust me Sofia. Your secret is safe with me.’

And that’s all it took for me to finally open up. I told her everything, the story about how it all started in this very booth, and how it turned to a weekly Monday meet-up, about the hotel room, the breakfast tradition, and the feelings that were born. I told her about our intimacy, how we talked about our lives, our families, our hopes and dreams. I told her that I love him, and that he loves me too. And then I told her about this morning, when my world finally exploded. I kept talking, and crying, and smiling from time to time, remembering the last five months of my life.

I look up to Jade, but for the first time in my life, I can’t decipher the expression on her face. She stays quiet for a while, then takes a deep breath and sighs.

‘- This… This is a lot.

- Tell me about it.

- And there is no solution to this mess.

- Not one.

- And now you have to work together.

- Can you please just stop stating the obvious?

- I’m sorry. I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. I do not want to be in your shoes, even if the shoes are as hot as Jamie. Way to go by the way.

- Really?

- I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to react. I’m having mixed feelings about this. I want to punch you for getting involved with an instructor, and give you a high-five because it’ a cutie, but also hug you because it’s the whole thing is so sad. You finally find someone you love and who loves you back, and it has to end this way? It’s just awful!

- Aren’t you supposed to make me feel better? This is not helping.

- Oh Sofia, I’m so sorry! Let me get you another drink. I’ll call some people from the Farm. We can’t stay like this all by ourselves. The situation calls for a group hang. Having other people around will definitely get us out of the sad wallowing and groveling. Go to the bathroom and wash your face. You don’t need people to ask you why you were crying.’

And soon after, we were joined by some few friends from the complex. I lean towards Jade and ask her:

‘- Why did you invite Brendan? He’s a racist douche bag who thinks the world revolves around him.

- I didn’t, I texted Jeremy and he was with him. He just invited himself.

- Well, I guess it’s alright now. We won’t be seeing his smug face anymore after tomorrow.

- Now you’re talking. See? It doesn’t hurt to be an optimist.

- Oh shut up and get me drunk.’

Jade and I get up to the bar and drink three shots each of Jägermeister. We then join Julie, Allison, Jeremy, Brendan and a couple of other people I didn’t recognize.

We spend the next few hours singing karaoke, dancing by the booth, and playing drinking games. After a while, things quiet down, and as usual, Jades feels the need to fill the silence.

‘- Did you know that the instructors were ranking us?’ And then the questions start pouring in. She shouldn’t have said that. Oh stupid Jade.

‘- Are they allowed to do that?’ Asks Julie.

‘- It’s an unofficial thing between them.’ Answers Jade.

‘- And how did you know?’ Asks Brendan.

‘- Who told you?’ Jumps Allison.

‘- Ray did.’ Says Jade. ‘He’s my new handler. He told me I was ranked second.

‘- I wonder who was first.’ Jeremy says.

‘- I bet it was me.’ Brendan says. And I just couldn’t resist.

‘- What makes you think so?

- Seriously? Look at me!

- Well, You weren’t first.

- And how can you know that for sure?

- Because it was me.’ I reply nonchalantly, leaning on the wall.

And in that moment, I can almost see smoke running out of Brendan’s ears. He slams his fist on the table and grunts.

- There is no way YOU were ranked first. And YOU second. Does everyone think it’s normal these two were supposedly top of our class? No way!

- Maybe it’s because we make twice as much effort as you all to fit in, to adapt and to learn.

- I still don’t believe you, you lying little Arab b***h.

- Come say that to my face, imbecile.’

And without hesitation, Brendan stands up from his seat and in a moment, we are facing each other, him with a red angry look and me with a big smile on my face.

‘- Are you sure you want to get your ass kicked by a girl?’ I say taunting him.

All this anger I had inside from this morning was ready to be let out. And I wouldn’t mind letting it all out on this pathetic waste of oxygen, this embarrassing excuse of a man. I keep smiling, waiting for him to make a move, when Jeremy stands up and tries to defuse the situation.

‘- Bro, I’m not should do this.’

- Shut the hell up. She doesn’t get to come to my country and think that she’s better than me.

- Oh, but I am better than you, in every single aspect. So, are you going to spend the night talking or are you going to do something about it?’ I say, laughing.

And like I expected, he throws an aimless and angry punch to the air, which I dodge and surprise with one to the flank. He steps back, in pain, and as I’m about to raise my fist again, someone blocks my hand and turns my arm to my back, restricting my movement. I turn and realize it was Jamie.

As he lets me go, Brendan lunges at me when Jamie comes between us and subdues him the same way he did me. And then he turns to the rest of us and says, with a serious voice I never heard before:

‘- Party’s over! Everybody go back to your rooms now.’

Everyone looks at Jamie and freezes.

‘- I said NOW!’

The whole groups jumps up and everyone flees like ants. Jamie looks at me furiously.

‘- You, you stay back. And you!’ He turns to Brendan.

‘- I’m going to make you regret ever thinking about hitting a girl, and don’t think I forgot that sucker punch you were going to give me. Now get the f**k out.”

As Brendan runs to the doors, Jamie turns to me again.

‘- What the hell were you thinking? No, don’t speak, not here.’

We go outside and go towards his car. He opens up the passenger seat for me, and as soon as I get inside, he slams the door shut so hard it startled me. He then goes in, starts the engine and drives away from the bar. As I’m about to speak, Jamie turns the radio on. It takes him a few seconds to switch it back off. He then pumps the breaks and stops at the side of the road.

He takes off his seatbelt and turns to my side, angrily eying me. And for the first time ever, I am actually scared at him.

‘- What the f**k were you thinking, starting a fight in a bar?

- Jamie…

- No seriously, what were you thinking? What was going on in that smart little brain of yours?

- …

- Answer me!

- Jamie, you’re scaring me!’ I whisper as I start crying and shaking.

I suppose Jamie was taken aback because he just looks at me, surprised. He puts on his seatbelt, and once again we are on the road. A few minutes of silence later, he parks the car. I look outside to see we’re at the hotel. I turn to Jamie, confused, and he says.

‘- I thought we’d have a conversation somewhere private and comfortable. I already booked a room for myself tonight. It’s the same room, our room.’

Let’s go along with this, whatever it is, I think to myself. I am too tired to talk back or be defiant right now.