Spy Of My Life

Chapter Two

“- Okay guys, I know you’re excited about the party tonight, but bear with me for a few more minutes.”

Dr. Gonzales started to feel the anticipation that was filling up the classroom. She knew we were all excited about the end-of-training party that was going on tonight, as per the tradition. She gave a kind smile to everyone, and if I’m not mistaken, there was a bit of sadness in that smile.

Dr. Maria Gonzales was our human psychology professor for these last six months. She was a Hispanic woman in her forties, who always wore pant suits and would always give her lectures while walking through the room with her hands in her pockets. Throughout our training, it was my most favorite subject. She had an amazing way of teaching the ins and outs of human behavior, how to look for micro-expressions, and how to understand their meaning.

She would often say: “Your job will be first and foremost about human connection. You need to understand the person standing in front of you in order to extract the right information. Mastering the human behavior will be crucial if you want to be safe. Never forget that.” She was truly a wonderful and accomplished woman.

“- As I was saying, people have a need to feel good about themselves. Always remember to look a person in the eye while talking, it gives them confidence. A slight touch to the arm gives them comfort. A slight nod will keep them talking. Never interrupt. Ever. And don’t forget…

- Be aware of your own behavior!” we all said in unison.

“- Well, I’m glad to see you’re all on point. And now, my lovely students, I’m happy to announce that you are officially done with training. Go! Enjoy your night, but moderately, please!”

Her last words got lost in the commotion everyone was making to leave the room. We had only a few hours to get ready for our party.

As I reach the hallway, I feel a tap on my shoulder, and turn to find that it was Jade, my training partner. Aside from me, she was the only other non-American trainee in the program. She was a beautiful Hindu woman, about the same age as mine, and she really was a funny girl.

“- So, are you excited? I’m so excited! We will finally work as spies, Real spies! We will travel the world, go on missions, and live these amazing lives! Oh my God, I wish I could tell my parents what I really do for a living. They’re so disappointed in me right now. They think I’m living a non-traditional life in America, working as an assistant in an office building, instead of getting married and having a family.

- They think THAT is non-traditional? Wait until you tell them that you will be carrying a gun and lying for a living. Your mother would have a heart attack. Trust me on that.

- Oh my God you’re totally right! I guess it’s better they think I’m an office girl. What about you? Are you planning to tell your parents even if we are forbidden to do so? What do you think their reaction will be?

- I don’t think I’m going to tell them. They won’t be able to sleep, knowing that I might never be safe again. Now let’s change the subject. What are we going to wear tonight? I was going to wear a dress, now I’m thinking I’d better go casual, you know a top and shorts.

- Come on, Sofia; don’t do this to me again. The last time we went out you promised you’d wear a dress. You ended up with a jean and sneakers. Don’t be such a tomboy!

- I AM NOT A TOMBOY. I just feel more comfortable when my thighs are not sticking to each other. You know what, let’s change the subject back. Let’s talk about your parents’ disappointment.

- You’re so funny, you now that?” replies Jade sarcastically, as we go in our room. “I’m going to shower first. That’ll teach you to make jokes on my behalf.”

I jump on Jade, giving her a big warm hug. She is so cute when she gets upset. She wears this little frown that always makes me laugh. You just can’t hate her. I’m actually grateful she ended up being my roommate. The similarities in our cultures made these last few months so much easier. We became really good friends. And I guess it helped because we had our share of looks and stares, and being called “the foreign girls”.

As I step in the shower, her question started haunting me. Should I tell my parents? I don’t think I can keep something this big from them, and I think they can keep the secret. I shake the thought off my mind, and resume cleaning up. Let’s just think about tonight for now. Let’s leave that for another day.

***

As we step into the big ballroom, we notice a few people already on the dance floor. The DJ is one of my training mates, and I see some familiar faces scattered around the place. All of our teachers are here, and my eyes come across Jamie, who is our combat instructor. He smiles at me, and I smile back. He’s talking to Ray, who was the go-to guy for this year’s trainees, kind of like Human Resources, or “Talent Management”, as is his way of describing it. He likes to kidnap future recruits and scare them a little. I guess everyone should have a little fun while doing their job.

As the music gets louder, you can see people jumping and screaming. Everyone looks happy and like they’re fun. Jade is dancing with one of her crushes. She had so many, I think I lost count. I’m sitting on one of the chairs, observing the scene, revisiting my earlier thought. Suddenly, I feel someone sitting next to me.

“- Is that your idea of fun? Go, dance, and make some memories. The serious stuff will come soon enough.

- Hi, Jamie. I’m good, really. I’ve danced enough for this evening. I just want to have one last look at all the people I shared the last half of a year with.

- So you’re that kind of person.

- What do you mean?

- I don’t think you want to take a last look at these guys. You like to have a view from the outside, never getting close. It makes you feel comfortable. It makes you feel safe. I’ve been watching you, Sofia. You haven’t made any friends. You’re nice and helpful with everyone, for sure, but you never open up. Your conversations don’t continue past the pleasantries.

- What are you talking about? I’ve made a friend, Jade.

- Sure, if you think that’s friendship. You’re friendly, yes. But she doesn’t know your life story, your deepest thoughts, and what you’re actually about. You like being a spectator. You like having control. You like feeling invulnerable. I get it. But you need to let someone in once in a while, if you want to survive. Trust me, I’ve been playing this game long enough to know what I’m talking about.

- You mean, like I let you in?”

As Jamie opens his mouth to answer me, the music stops and the piercing sound of a microphone surrounds the room. Ray jumps on the stage, about to give one of his speeches.

“- Okay, children, calm down. Yours truly is about to speak. Thank you.

I don’t want to keep you from having fun. So I’ll be brief. My little spies, first I want to congratulate the ones who are still with us tonight. Be proud that you have gotten this far. I know it hasn’t been easy, as some of you would come to my office crying. I’m talking about you Jeremy. I’m so happy the Farm will be so quiet and peaceful without you, you little assholes.

On a more serious note, as you’re packing your things this weekend, we will have a series of en-of-training interviews with each and every one of you, starting tomorrow. Everyone will have a very personalized goodbye, with an assessment summary, and details of your very first missions.

Enjoy the rest of your night. Hey DJ, put the damn music back on!”

Everyone screams, some whistle, some clap and other throw their hands in the air. And not long after, they resume dancing. I turn my face to Jamie, who’s still sitting next to me. For a minute, we keep looking into each other’s eyes, then, he breaks the silence.

“- Do you want to continue our conversation?

- I don’t think I want to.

- Look, Sofia, I don’t know what to tell you, except to trust me on this. We can’t be repeating the same conversation over and over again. Let’ just enjoy the now, okay? Can I buy you a drink?

- It’s an open bar, but you can fetch me one.”

He stands up, goes to the other side of the room, and comes back with two glasses.

- Okay, I’ll admit. You might be right about enjoying the moment. But like I said, I don’t think I’ll ever cross paths with any of these people. So why make the effort?

- You won’t go far in this business by keeping to yourself. You want to seem like an open and sociable person. At least learn how to fake it. Make people think that they know who you are, what you’re about. Do you understand?

- I do, I do. Let’s start now. Ask me a question.

- What was your childhood like?

- Okay. Well, I was a happy person; I was blessed with wonderful parents. But when I was just twelve years old, I lost my father to a horrific car accident. After that, everything changed. My mother had to work twice as hard to provide for me and my two little brothers. Every day I would see how much she was struggling, between work, house chores, being the affectionate mom and the strict dad. I felt like it was my duty to help take some of the responsibility off her shoulders. So I would set the alarm early in the morning, wake my sibling up, help them get dressed and prepare our breakfast. I guess that made grow up really fast. But seeing the smiling face of my proud mother every morning was more than worth it. Making her happy was all I really wanted.

- See? That wasn’t so hard. If I didn’t already know everything about you, I would have totally fallen for that. But that was good. Just don’t overdo it the next time.”

I laugh, and Jamie laughs back. He gives me this gentle tap on my arm, and suddenly I feel the mood changing around us. I start feeling this sadness overflowing my heart. We stare at each other once again. And for a little while, all I wanted to do was forget everything and everyone and just kiss him. And again, a tear slip my eye.

Not long after that, I hear someone screaming my name. Jade comes running my way all sweaty and flushed. I quickly dry my tear and force myself to smile.

“’- Sofia, you haven’t danced with me at all tonight. You promised we’d have fun together. Sorry Sir, but I’ll have to steal her from you. No shop talks tonight. Have a great night. Bye!” And she pulls me up from my seat and drags me to the dance floor. She looks at me and frowns: “Dude, are you crazy?

- What? What did I do this time?

- I’ve seen how you were looking at him. He’s your freaking superior. Don’t go on having some idea. Don’t ruin your career before it hasn’t even started!

- I don’t know what you’re talking about…

- Oh, come on! You were eating him with your eyes. I know what I saw. He’s really cute, I’ll give you that. But don’t go crossing any limits you can’t cross back. Just thank me for saving you.

- Thank you, sweet Jade. You’re my knight in shining sequin dress. How can I ever survive without your chivalry and wisdom!

- Oh you think you’re funny now!

- Correction: I think I’m hilarious.”

We both burst into laugh and go toward the dancing floor.  She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She thinks I have a crush? Oh sweetheart, I’m full on in love and we kind of just said our goodbyes this morning in bed, in a hotel room. As I start laughing at my miserable situation, the DJ puts on Bruno Mars’ 24K Magic, which earns him a scream from the whole dancing floor.