The Arrow's Betrayal

How Do I Follow You

Unconsciously, I followed the familiar tune and lyrics. So familiar that it almost ripped my insides, as if someone punched my chest, creating a hole that would forever live inside me; burning with pain.

As I got closer to the sound, it seemed like there had been horse racing event happening in my chest. The pounding became even louder that my ears could literally hear it, reverberating through the crawling sensation of throbbing from my temple, making its way behind my ears.

Five steps more. Three. Two. One. I froze. The familiar sound became distant, confusing me if I was really awake or it's just my subconsciousness playing mind tricks with me. The place was suddenly quiet. I shut my eyes as tight as I can to the point that I felt a tingling pain on my eyelids.

I gradually opened my eyes. Black spots started dancing in my vision, growing bigger and bigger, pertinent enough to block my entire vision. When the black spots began to fade and dance away, I realized that I was standing in front of a house.

It was small, as if the insides cannot fit a whole family without smelling each other's breaths. Imagine waking up and greeting everyone good morning. Hell yeah, what a great way to start a morning.

As I completely froze, waves of memories came rushing through me. Memories that I never knew I possess. It felt like someone tampered it, and replaced the times I spent in the orphanage, as a lonely orphan who was trying to fit in.

I tried shaking it off by jerking my face from left to right, but my body seemed like in a state of comatose. Except I was standing, and obviously, eyes opened wide.

I blinked my eyes continuously to pull myself together. To drift myself away from my own cloudy thoughts. From the surge of memories of people whose role in my life were unknown. As if writing in the sand by the shore as the waves acted as an eraser, completely washing away the letter you have written.

Without noticing that I was drifting too far from the depths of my reality, a voice echoed through my surrounding, melting me from my frozen state.

"What's wrong, honey? You look awful." The lady said. She was around early 40s, I guess. From the way she was dressed, with the scarf hanging loosely around her neck, a pink blouse I have seen a lot from countless of grandma's, and a skirt so long with animal patterned lines it covered her feet. What an odd fashion sense, I might say.

"Uhm, n-nothing." I stammered and stared at her face. Suddenly, the reason why I walked through this path resurfaced.

"Can I ask something?" I said abruptly, playing with my fingers to ease my nervousness. She nodded so I spoke once again. "Are you the lady who was singing?" She looked at me with confusion.

"The lullaby, I meant." I added. Her thin pinkish lips formed into a smile.

"Yes, that was me," she answered. "How'd you know that was a lullaby?" She immediately asked, leaving me astounded, struggling on my feet. As she holds her purple watering can, leaving her 4 inches plant that seems its lack of sunlight.

"A hunch." I replied with a shrug and smile, with a hope of not getting caught. Wait, getting caught from what?

Her mouth turned into an O shape, informing that she agreed without voicing her thoughts. I bowed my head and stared at my feet, still playing with my fingers.

I don't know what to do. A feeling inside me wanted to burst, wanted to be free. But I can't put the right words on what the feeling was. I don't know anymore.

I was about to bid my goodbye and run for my life when the lady spoke with her voice resembling the sweetness of a honey.

"Why don't you come in and join me for a tea?" She offered smiling. Something's inside me was telling me to say yes and befriend her, otherwise was saying the complete opposite. That I should run and turn my back from her lovely face.

I nodded. "Sure, ma'am." I answered with a formal tone. The lady chuckled and hovered her hands, as if patting someone's shoulder. Her chuckle echoed.

"Just call me Judy," she said without loosing her sweet smile. She looked like she would make a perfect mom who would bake cookies as her kids were playing. I flashed a smile and followed her inside the house.

Forgive me for judging the house earlier, but it was definitely the contrast of what I had said. It looked small from the outside, but it's not small. Well not massive, but big enough for a family to fit in without smelling each other's morning breaths.

"Sit, my darling. I just baked some cookies. I reckon you love chocolate chips." She voiced and this time, her smile reached her eyes. They were sparkling.

I replied with a smile and when she entered the kitchen, I had enough minutes to notice everything inside the small yet spacious house.

Upon entering the front door, the living room greeted me with its baby blue interior with white linings above and below the walls. The stairs were beside the kitchen doorway. A small chandelier was hanging in the middle of the ceiling, stretching its light in all corners of the room.

The couch was also blue in color, this time much darker. A navy blue, perhaps. There was a couch big enough for two persons, and beside  it, both left and right, was a single seater. The couch's enclosed a coffee table in the middle, with various of magazines placed under it.

There were no signs of a television, or even a fan. But it didn't felt so suffocating. In fact, I was constantly feeling a cool breeze hitting my face every now and then. Then it registered in me that the wind was coming from the open big glass window on the right side of the couch, stretching towards the lush of greeneries of California (?). I can also see the orphanage from here.

Almost half hour had passed and I reckon that Judy was about take out the cookies from the oven. My eyes continuously drifted from one detail to another, as I got bored waiting.

I sat alternatively on the single seater and the big couch out of boredom. And then in a snap, I felt a tugging feeling in my gut. Like my stomach was twisted in a knot I can't seem to untangle. I sat straight, trying my best to not feel nauseous.

"Here are the cookies!" Judy said with obvious enthusiasm. She was holding a silver tray with a plate of chocolate chip cookies and two cups of tea. She placed it on the coffee table in the center and handed me my cup of tea.

I shyly accepted her offer and looked down as her warm familiar smile enthralled me. I also took a cookie and took a bite. The flavors creeped to the insides of my mouth, as if there was suddenly a burst of celebration happening.

"Wow," I exclaimed. "These cookies are phenomenon! I have never tried a cookie this good ever." I added, praising her baked cookies. I wasn't lying nor exaggerating everything I had said. It was really that good.

"You are fluttering me too much." She replied and took a sip on her tea.

"You deserved it. It is really good." I said and took another bite. Then I remembered something.

"By the way," I uttered. My hands started shaking without a reason. It seemed like whenever I think of it, I feel panicky and nauseous.

"What was that song?" I asked, biting my lower lip to prevent it from quivering. She was silent for a minute, then she smiled and took another sip.

"You are right. That was a lullaby." She answered and looked at me intently as she crossed her legs.

"Really? Whose lullaby?" I asked with more curiosity this time.

"Mine."

"What do you mean yours? As in you wrote it? You sang it? You composed it?" She laughed to my sudden abruptness and curiosity.

"Easy, darling. I can't answer all of that at once." She let out a soft laugh, like a shy mademoiselle. Her hands gently flew to her mouth to cover it as she laughed.

"Sorry," I said, scratching my head although nothing's itchy at all.

"It's fine," she replied. "Yes, yes, and yes." She continued and stood up. I was about to ask another question when I caught a glimpse on the wall clock above the entrance to the kitchen.

The clock's short hand pointed at the roman numeral 6 while the long one pointed towards 5. All of a sudden, with all forces, I stood up. I almost shook the whole house with my precipitous action.

"Oh no," I exclaimed and put the cup of tea back to the tray. I shoved the remaining cookie into my mouth and chewed as fast as I could.

"Why are you in a sudden rush?" She asked when she noticed my actions.

"Orphanage's curfew's at 7:00. I need to get back to avoid getting caught." I may have spoken too fast, some of the crumbs from the cookies I just ate flew into the thin air.

"Okay, hold on." Judy said and raised her index finger. She rushed to the kitchen and came back with a transparent jar full of cookies.

"Take this. You seems to like my cookies that much." She said with a laugh and handed me the jar full of cookies.

"Thank you so much, Judy." I said and gave him a quick hug to send my gratitude. She smiled and walked me to the front door.

"Take care, Celestine." She said and waved her hand. I shivered down to my spine, but I ignored the feeling. Maybe it was the cold breeze as the sun touched the horizon.

"Thank you again," I replied. Before completely turning my back from her, I noticed something dashing on her hair. How come I didn't noticed this earlier?

"What a nice hair clip you got." I mentioned and pointed at the blue hair clip with what seemed like a feather on his hair.

She delicately touched and felt it. "This is the most important possession I have. Even more important to my own house." She said and smiled, pointing her house behind. But this time, it didn't reached her eyes.

The sky became darker and gloomed above my head and reminded me of what time was it. I need to go home. As the silenced engulfed the surroundings, I decided to not push her too much on answering my questions.

I smiled for the last time and ran away while securing the jar in my arms. The orphanage wasn't that far, it only took me for about 5 minutes of running.

Slowly, I entered the gate without making any noise. I snuck behind the main building, opened the window that directly led me to my bed. Ah, my own safe space.

I placed the jar on my bedside table and took one cookie. I bite onto it and hummed enthusiastically. What's this cookies' special recipe? They suddenly made me happier than ever. Like the hollow inside me was filled with the warmth I've been looking for.

I laid down and faced my bedside table where the jar was placed. I started into the jar and noticed a small image in the center.

A peacock. Celestine.

A memory came over me. That's it! That's why she looked so familiar. Even her voice and face was familiar. She was the lady at the zoo while I was so fascinated by the peacock.

Everything seemed to fit perfectly except one thing. The lullaby and...

Take care, Celestine.

Have I mentioned my name?

With exhaustion from the long day, I drifted to sleep.

The scorching sun hitting my face woke me up from my beauty sleep. I stretched my arms, glanced at Freya's bed, few spaces after mine. She ignored me and held Oliver's elbow as she walked towards the front door.

Huh. It's been years since the last time we talked. Since that fire started. Whatever her reason could be, I don't have any idea. Still, I noticed Oliver glancing from time to time without saying anything.

For the past years, specifically six, I always come at Judy's on Fridays. Except for my daily 3PM of archery, one thing that made me keep going was during Fridays because I got to go to Judy's.

Okay, maybe I skipped some Fridays to look for something. Yes, I was still looking for the missing piece inside me even thought I had no idea what it is. Judy helped me and made me sane most of the times. She's the one who offered it, anyways, the tea party during Fridays. We met again after the little get to know each other in her house the day she gave me the jar of cookies.

The jar was still alive and with me, but not the cookies. They were probably in the deepest part of the sewage.

My sweat fell from my forehead and I felt it stung my eyes. I flicked my eyes continuously and went straight to the bathroom. With a rush, I changed my clothes to a simple sweatpants and a gray t-shirt that's way too big for my body frame.

I clung my backpack to my shoulders and snuck out. I probably became an expert when it comes to sneaking out for I had done it for the past six years. If you need tutorials, just hit me up.

Alright, maybe I spoke too soon.

"Where are you going?" The voice I hadn't heard for like my whole life echoed in my ears.

"Again." She added with authority.

I rolled my eyes and faced her. "Guess who finally talked to me after six years?" I snarled. "It's none of your business, Freya," I added and clenched my jaw.

"You don't understand, Cel—" My hands hovered in an instant and placed my index finger to her cold, quivering lips.

"Yeah, I don't understand you at all," I responded with a hint of bitterness in the tone I used. "You left me hanging." I turned my back at her and walked away.

"Please, Celestine..." her voice was so soft it wobbled my knees. I can't stand hearing her voice.

"Just go, Freya." I firmly said without facing her.

I heard her footsteps banging the wooded floor until the sound slowly disappeared giving me awareness that she already left the room. I froze, clenching my fists to a ball and biting my lower lip intensely.

I knew she always loved Oliver, but Oliver never felt the same.

I shrugged the building anger inside me and jumped from the window close to my bed. My escape route. I wonder if people in this orphanage are merely stupid, or I'm just really good when it comes to sneaking out.

I went straight to Judy's, entered her house without even knocking. We were that close, yes. No one greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug. I roamed around the house. The kitchen, her room, the bathroom, and even her backyard. No sign of Judy.

I noticed some divergence in the interior of the house. The baby blue paint of the walls were now pink, and the couch's were now a long wooden bench. The chandelier was gone.

"Hey, kid. Who gave you the permission to enter in here?" A deep voice spoke behind me. A voice of a man.

I turned at the direction of the voice and smiled awkwardly.

"Uhm, this is my friend's house. I'm just wondering what had happened—"

"Oh, you mean the lady who always wore a long skirt and scarf? She left days ago. Hadn't she told you if you're her friend?" He asked as baffled as me at the moment.

I scratched my nape. "Oh no, of course I know. I just forgot." I told him. He nodded reluctantly

"If that's the case, would you mind?" He uttered and pointed the door, signaling me to leave. I chuckled, but not really.

"Oh, okay. Sorry." I responded with a smile. The man left and I roamed my eyes once again. She left? Without even telling me? My fist formed in a ball as I felt my knees weakening. Why is everyone abandoning me?

I felt betrayed. No, I got betrayed by my two closest friend. Questions started circling my thoughts, making me dizzy with all these confusions.

What had I done to make them leave me?

My shoulders shuddered as I breathed in and out, trying to calm myself from too much anger. My hands were shaking and so as my knees. I leaned on the wall to avoid getting to my knees.

I grabbed for the railings of the stairs and felt something my hands were seizing. Feathers.

"What a nice hair clip you got."

From that day onwards, I never heard anything from Judy. I never got to talk to her, or even ask why she suddenly left without letting me know. Not even an explanation.

Weeks after that incident, my memories of her for the past six years started becoming blurry. Starting from the day we met at the zoo until the recent events. They were all fading away, as if she never really existed.

I grasped for anything that I can that will remind me of her. To remind me that she was true.

I felt something in my pocket.

Long, cold metal. Feathers.

Her most important possession.