Chapter 10: "Conversations"
1363 Words
I wait a few minutes and there I see them, I see how Mom and Dad come through the door. They both come directly to hug me, one on each side. The most beautiful thing is to feel the hug, the loving warmth that your parents provoke, feel them close and feel their love.
"Oh my god daughter" says dad a while after being hugged together like that.
"Luckily you're fine Sari" Mom speaks now while holding my hand tightly, her eyes are watery and that kills me.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry, seriously sorry" now I'm the one crying, I feel so bad, what was I thinking? Jeez, seriously, what was she thinking? If my parents love me, they have just lost a son that they never got to know, and I was about to do the same to them but by choice? "I'm so sorry, but so sorry" I say again.
"You do not have to apologize beautiful" Dad hugs me and gives me a short kiss on the head.
"Exactly, it was how you felt, although well I didn't mean that. It would have been good if you told us or at least told us that you are wrong, we will always do our best to help you. Killing yourself is never the way to solve things, problems do not end because you decide to take away your visa, it is not the way. We have always said that problems must be faced face to face, and show them that you can do more" says mom, exchanging glances from my dad to me, and back to my dad. "Now you are going to do rehabilitation and everything will be fine I hope".
"Do you want to continue going to university?" my dad asks, which surprises me, I can't stop going to college.
"Yes, dad, the year ends in two months, so yes" I answer very confidently and they smile at me.
"Good that you tell us that daughter".
"Do you want someone to come by now?" Mom asks.
"The twins stayed there, didn't they?"
"Yes, they stayed with your uncles little one" that discourages me a bit but at the same time it makes me happy, I would not like them to see me like that or for them to be in a hospital for a long time.
"So let Damián come in, he saved me, you know?" they nod happily.
"We have already been talking with him a bit, we like him very well" Mom tells me. "And I think he's gay" that comment surprises me.
"He's not gay mom" I laugh at what she said.
"We have no problem the same, we will not dislike it for being one, I just say" I keep laughing and they leave, by God.
They leave and immediately Damian comes running to hug me.
"Oh my God Sara" is the first thing he says when he sees me.
"I'm very sorry, sorry Dam" I cry again, today is my day of tears apparently.
"Hey, you don't have to apologize. I do not like at all that you have done this, but I could not do anything to prevent it, I wish I had done it but I could not" lower your head.
"You do not have to feel guilty, it is more than clear that it was not your fault, seriously, get that out of your head please. Thank you for donating the blood I needed" I say this last while resting my head on his shoulder.
"You know what that would do and much more" we smile. "And I have to tell you something super important to me, and since you are almost or literally my only friend, I'm going to tell you first".
"What happened?" I ask worried, please don't tell me that you are going to move to another country or something like that, please don't.
"I'm gay ..." I cry out and he covers my mouth with his hand. "And what was that?"
"I'm super happy" he looks at me stunned. "And I must say that my mom told me before she left".
"What your mom what?"
"Yes" I laugh because I had said no.
He laughs and I follow him, he makes me happy. It makes me forget where I am, how I am and why I am. Laura is the next to pass, but first I send a message to Mom.
Me: you were right
Mommy: I always have it, but why in this case?
Me: Dam is gay
Mommy: I knew it
Mommy: Well I'm very happy for him
"Sari" I hear Laura come in crying so I put the cell phone aside. "I'm sorry, we didn't know what was happening to you and we couldn't help you".
"Do not worry It's OK".
"I love you, don't forget, okay?"
"No, Lau. I also".
She is walking dragging her feet. The next to enter is David.
"Oh little sister" a tear falls when he sees me here. "I'm sorry, I can not..."
He turns around and leaves, I understand. It must not be easy for him to see his sister on a stretcher plugged into different things and with her arms bandaged from the wrists to the elbow. The next to enter Sebastian.
"Hello" he says as soon as he enters. "I'm sorry David left like that but he couldn't bear to see you here".
"I understand" I smile. "Nothing happens".
"I don't understand how you could do this".
"There is no way you can understand it either" I say to myself half badly.
"Did you know that we all love you right?" I nod because I know, but lately they didn't show it. "Well, now April and Denise will pass for sure".
"Hello beautiful" they say as soon as they both enter.
"Hello" I greet you.
"How do you feel?" Denise asks, and what question ...
I feel so tired, so stressed, so empty. I don't know if I need to get drunk, take a hot bath and massages, a rainy day with coffee or I don't know. I feel like I hate almost everything, I don't tolerate anything. I also found out what it feels like to sit in the bathroom with bloody arms, wishing it would all be over at once.
"Sara?" April runs a hand over my face. "Denise asked you something".
"Oh yeah, sorry. I feel so much better, thank you".
The next and clearly last to enter is Cameron, the person I least want to see right now.
Upon entering, he stays at the other end of the room, as if fearing my reaction to him.
"I can ask you a question?" he says approaching and I nod. "Before this, did you cut yourself?"
"Yes".
"And ... did it hurt?"
"Do you know what hurt me?" I answer. "It hurt not to be enough for anyone, it hurt to feel alone (except for Damien), it hurt to have to say I'm fine when in reality I was screwed up, that hurt".
"So sorry".
"Okay," I say simply.
Apparently he doesn't know what else to say, I don't blame him, and he leaves.
1 month later
At last I left the hospital, I was getting tired of being there. In the month I was there, everyone visited me, even Cameron.
Now I am going to university, this last month I have all the exams so I am going to spend it studying, at the same time I had to send work almost every day online. I honestly feel a little better than before, well actually I feel a lot better than before.
As soon as I enter with my brothers (since the others were here) Margaret comes running.
"Cami my boyfriend told me, so you wanted to commit suicide? Why didn't you make it? You would be less garbage in the world".
"Cameron is not your boyfriend" says David.
"Yes it is" she reproaches.
"It's not Margaret" Denise speaks.
"And if not, how did I find out?" question.
"I would say that how you do to find out everything, spying" Laura and Abril answer.
"By God, I hate them" he turns and leaves.
"She is not his girlfriend Sari" Sebastian tries to console me even though I haven't shed a tear.
"I don't care if it is or not, now let's study!" I say with a smile on my face.
If Cameron doesn't come (since he's the one who started the fight), I'm not going to crawl like a lapdog to his door.
- Writer
