If trust is lost (Fall in love and other problems 2)

Chapter 6: "No"

"Well, the first thing is forgiveness, I want to ask you. Sorry for not believing you, sorry for not letting you explain anything, sorry for everything. Damien explained everything to me and it is more than clear that I did not believe him either, but do not think that I did not realize when you ran from the cafeteria and if you were with him I do not think you would have done that, I assumed that if you were with Damien you would not It would have mattered that I was with whoever I want" that makes me recalculate one thing.

He saw you.

   He saw me.

He saw you run away knowing he was with the other girl.

   Damn, he saw me run away, he saw me run away and he didn't come after me. He saw me run away, but he kept the other girl on his lap.

"These?" he asks me, passing his hand in front of my face, so I grab it and slap it away, so he looks at me as if he was confused.

"Wait, wait a moment" I say putting the palm of my hand on his chest, pushing him just a few inches. "Did you see me when I entered the cafeteria and you continued with your little game the same? Did you see me and follow?" I'm aware that my eyes are getting watery and I do not care, I will not cry.

"I wanted to make you jealous, nothing more" he says the most normal thing, as if it were an everyday thing.

"And that's why I did what I did, WHY DID YOU WANT TO MAKE ME JEALOUS "NOTHING ELSE" ?!" I shout hitting the table and making quotation marks with my hands when I say nothing more. "I would never do something to you to harm you, and you come to me with this? What were you with a girl with, just because you wanted to make me jealous?"

"I was not literally with her and I know it was wrong ..." I interrupt.

"Evil? Do I know what was wrong? Will you answer me? It was terrible, you did me very, very, very badly, and you tell me about it as if it were nothing to write home about. I can't believe it" I sit back down as I try to calm down a bit, because I know I'm pretty fast.

"But that's why I want to apologize, for everything I did, for everything I said and also for everything I didn't do or say, like going to find you. For what I made you feel, for everything. But what did you mean when you said "that's why I did what I did"? What did you do Sara?" and that is the precise moment in which I realized that I talked too much, too much.

"Hey, nothing" I got nervous, he couldn't know anything, not yet. "I didn't do anything, it was just a saying".

"I'm not fooling you Sari, tell me please" he tries to touch my shoulder but I walk away immediately.

"No Cameron, at the moment I trust you. Sorry but you gave me several reasons not to. Trust is gained but also lost, and if trust is lost ..." I leave the sentence unfinished to see if he can do it.

"How can i fix it? To everything" his answer that falls like a bucket of cold water, if you know what you want you don't stop until you find it, and he doesn't know how to do it, so I don't know what to think. I just know that I was quite disappointed, quite a lot.

"If you really knew me you would know" in my sight, he would know, he should know and he doesn't.

   Once they hurt you, you change. And it hurt me a lot because it is not the first time, the bad thing is that I always come back for him, although I still don't know if that is good or bad.

   Cameron, I wish I could tell you this face to face but I can't, but I wanted you to dry my tears, not multiply them. I went to sleep wishing I didn't wake up but of course, the next day I woke up with a beautiful huge fake smile on my face. We went with the girls to the dining room but Damián grabbed my arm and led me aside.

"You look sad," he tells me as soon as we part.

"Does it show?" now I want to cry, it shouldn't be noticeable, it can't be noticed, no one has to know that I'm wrong.

"Yes" he answers as he passes the palm of his hand giving me a caress on the cheek.

"I thought he was hiding better".

"Sari ..." I know what he's going to say so I decide to interrupt him, I can't hear one more "I want to help you."

"No Damien, nobody can help me right now. Sometimes I feel like nothing makes sense and nothing hurts more than being hurt by the person you thought would never scratch you, and yes, sometimes you think that even when they already did" I confess the latter out loud.

"I'm so sorry" he hugs me, and it's comforting, it's like the hug of a friend, a brother.

"Thanks Dam, are we going to have breakfast?" I come back with my smile and he nods.

   While we were having breakfast, the new girl who was with Cameron yesterday came, I still don't know her name.

"Margaret Gusto" Denise who is next to me whispers in my ear.

"Hi Cami" she sits on my ex boyfriend / ex best friend's lap, and she just looks at me sideways.

"Hello Marge" do you have a nickname on top of it? This cannot be, seriously it cannot be. I am also amused that it looks like The Simpsons "Can you go?" well, that question did not expect me to tell the truth.

"You did not say the same thing last night" the hollow b***h, or better I say Margaret looking at me notoriously, and it hurts.

"But if I don't ..." she shuts him up with a kiss.

"Let your friends know that we are together" I was already hurt and that ends up killing me inside.

Sara don't let the world see how sad you are, pretend!

   And that I will do.

"Congratulations" I tell them, stopping and everyone looks at me surprised, I do too.

"But we don't ..." he can't finish talking.

"Thank you" Margaret interrupts Cameron with a huge smile.

"I have to go to finish some things, with your permission I'm going" and I do that, I get up wanting to cry, and I manage to leave without shedding a tear.

   I get to the room, more precisely to the bathroom. Razor in hand, tears rolling, soul screaming, wrists crying. This is how I am, and this is how I feel.

   I clean everything up, I think "nothing happened here" to be able to believe it, and I return just in time for classes. I don't feel better, I thought I would but no, actually I feel worse.

"I hope you haven't done what I think you did" Damien tells me once I get to his side.

"Of course not" I answer him with a smile, the best I have for him to believe me.

Even your sadness is reflected in your smile, but nobody seems to notice it.

   I know, Sarita I know.

In the end nobody knows you, right?

   From what I see no, only one person seems to pay enough attention to me.

I know, Damien.

   Yes, the same, and the only one. I think he is the best friend I have right now.

It is.

   When we finish all the hours of the university I go with Damián to the giant patio that there is, to talk.

"You like motorcycles, right?" he asks me, I don't know what that question comes to, but my smile widens and I nod.

"YES!" I yell at him with all the emotion that enters my body.

"My dad has a clue, in case you ..." he doesn't finish talking that I was already hugging him. "... I would like to go for a run. You're taking my breath away my dear".

"Oh, I'm sorry" I let go of him but I hug him again although this is shorter. "When we go?"

"Wait little grasshopper, on the weekend" I do a weird dance and he laughs. "Hey" he yells when I hit him in the arm, even though it didn't hurt. I recap what he said and told me "little grasshopper", that's how Cameron used to say to me. That causes my happiness and enthusiasm to drop a couple of decibels.

"Damien" I make her eyes like a wet puppy.

"What do you want?" he asks believing that I am going to ask him something, and the truth is that he is not very wrong.

"How can you think I'm going to ...?" he looks at me rolling his eyes so I'm honest. "Well, you're right".

"I know" he says superiorly.

"Do you want to eat out?" he nods.

"Let's have pizza now, okay?" now I'm the one who nods. "It seems like you are a little girl".

"I know, sometimes I have my moments" I laugh because it's true.

POV Cameron

   I don't understand why Margaret said that today, I despise her worse than ever. It's time for dinner and the girls told me that Sara was probably in the room so I'm going there but when I enter there is a note on her bed so I read it.

Girls I'm going to eat with Damián, I love you❤

   Again with him? IS SERIOUSLY? Before I go, something catches my attention, I know this room from head to toe and I know that under Sara's bed there was never anything. When I pick it up it's a box and inside it has ... a blade? What is Sara going for ...? Oh my god, Sara is cutting, my God, Sara is cutting.

   I need to see her, I need to be with her, I need to understand her, I need to help her. I can't believe I'm doing this. Maybe I'm not going to tell you directly, I'm going to ask you little by little.

   Oh Sara, why are you doing this?