Mafially Yours

35

"I just, I–" he looked away, "this is why I like you, Lena." My heart dropped. Silence filled the room, and I quietly begged him to keep talking. I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't say anything, as if my tongue had been swallowed. He sat there, still and sadly, just staring at my lips. I took a deep breath as quietly as I could. He leaned in just a few inches closer to my lips, but before I could react, he pulled away, falling back into reality as if he was in some sort of a dream on cloud nine and was thrown back on earth. He looked confused, looking around. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for just a few seconds, then opened them to look deeply into my eyes. I bit my bottom lip. Confusion filled me and he saw it. Not sure what to do or what would be the right thing to be done. When he saw my confusion, he shook his head and got up. "I–I just came to uhm–" he rubbed the back of his neck and looked away as if my eyes were stealing his words. as if he couldn't let his tongue speak because his eyes were mesmerized by mine. "I came to thank you for, you know, standing up for me." I watched his Adam's apple rise and fall back into place. He took one last look at me and then turned his back and walked out of the room.

I blinked a couple of times, trying to understand what had happened, but my mind was left confused. so many questions invaded my mind and I wasn't able to place my finger on one to start solving the riddle. But how come I don't find it strange? as if all along I expected Fred to want me, to want to kiss me and I chose to ignore it. But" "why is the question. The puzzle pieces started to get multiplied and I didn't know how to play the game. How come he likes me? How did I neglect it? And why? Why was I never able to look at him the same way he looks at me? Why not? It is way easier, way more reachable.

My heart ached at the thought that I may be liking Huncho. But what is even love, was then my question. Is it the attraction? The affection? The care? I grimaced when I thought of it again. Thinking about Huncho in that way was not a welcomed thought. I cannot allow myself to open my heart to this arrogance, to this pride. And if this doesn't balance the scale, who he is will do the job. How would it be hypocritical if my only problem with my father is that lifestyle if I end up falling in love with a criminal?

I closed my eyes when guilt started to fill my heart again. I shouldn't have yelled at him in front of everyone. I knew what my words could do, words that were able to harm him better than the bullets he survived. He knew how to push my buttons and I broke his ego in the process, the only thing precious to him, the only thing he used to control his men, the only thing he wore as a mask to hide his buried pain. The mask he wore for years and stuck to his face with hot glue that just touching it, was damaging.

Adrenaline shot into my body as an erratic beast I couldn't stop from running around the house, looking for him. But my eyes weren't able to find him. I opened the front door and walked to the back, wishing to find it lingering around nature. And I was right. But what I saw broke my heart better than the guilt that poisoned it.

He sat on the edge of the pool, his legs dangling in the water, wetting the pants, surrounded by empty bottles laying on the ground in puddles. Another one was between his grip and his stare wasn't focused on a specific thing. It was dark and the weather wasn't friendly tonight. The air was cold and the wind was keeping him company. He didn't notice my presence so I stood there in silence, wishing I could go back in time and stood silent as he talked to Fred. My words made of acid found their way under his skin and tore it apart, leaving the broken bones exposed to the hurtful pain.

He chugged more of the liquid in the skinny dark bottle between his fingers. His unsteady movements were enough indications that he was drunk. I tried to create an entry to open the conversation with him but his state was not helping. I didn't know what to tell him or even if I should tell him anything. I knew it was probably a better idea to walk away and let him be but I refused to let that thought in.

He took the last few drops in the bottle, looked at it weirdly as if it wasn't normal that it wasn't providing more of the liquor he expected from it. He let out a long sigh and let it fall next to him, breaking in two. I gasped but he didn't seem to care. He grabbed a full one from behind him, opened it and started chugging it too. He started to lose balance so he placed his empty hand on the glass next to him. He winced and I hurried to his side.

"Careful." I held his hand, making sure he was okay but he was bleeding. It wasn't deep to worry, it was simply on the surface.