The untamed Alpha and his human mate

Chapter 19: Losing control

Amaya

I dished up plates while Esther cooked spaghetti bolognese for everyone. The castle had been warm, safe, filled with the soft clatter of plates and the rich, comforting smell of Esther’s cooking—tomatoes,herbs, something slow and homey that clung to the air, reminding me of home before the war.

Odette was at the table swinging her legs and chatting about the animals and asking when we could go again, and then the table fell silent when Clay walked in. He was covered in blood, by the looks of it, some of the blood was his own. His hair was messy, darkened blood soaked into the edges of his shirt, his face looked battered, but I knew werewolves healed within the day.

His eyes glittered with adrenaline and violence. “Amaya, follow me,” he gritted, his voice sounding strained like he was trying to control himself, and that scared me.

I followed him up the stairs and into his bedroom.

He pushed me up against his dresser, the air in the room suddenly becoming more charged between us. His voice was barely more than a growl. “I hate to ask, I planned on coming back and telling you to forget the whole arrangement of s**x between us, but if I don’t turn my bloodlust into just lust, people are going to get hurt.” He was ripping my clothes off as he spoke. I was surprised by my own feelings of desire and a thrill of having such a dangerous man all over me.

“You can say no, I can try and call Bliss,” he said.

By the look in his eyes, I knew she wouldn’t make it on time before he lost control. The image of him with her flashed through my mind—the way he might touch her, the way he made her laugh, the way she fit into his world more easily than I ever could—and if I was honest, I didn’t want him with her, I wanted him with me.

“Use me,” I whispered.

His eyes traveled over my face, making sure, and then he unbuckled his belt, pulled down his zip, and shoved himself inside of me so hard and fast I cried out in pain. “Sorry,” he breathed, “I can’t take the time to be slow.” He kept going, hard and fast. It hurt, but there was a sliver of pleasure in there too. He threw me onto the bed and climbed on top, pounding me until I thought I’d have to ask him to stop. I wasn’t even sure he’d be able to right now.

One minute he was having rough and hard s**x with me, and the next he shifted on top of me, full-on shifted into his lycan form, not wolf, lycan. I knew werewolves didn’t have a lycan form, but I’d seen enough movies like Underworld to know when I saw a real one above me, it startled me and I screamed.

He jerked away from me and jumped out of the bedroom window, full on jumped two storeys high and landed on his feet below, and ran into the forest.

I sat up slowly. He was huge in lycan form, about seven feet tall, a muscular body similar to a man, but his hands had claws, fur covered his body, jet black like his hair, his head had been that of a full wolf’s head, and his eyes were red.

I hadn’t meant to make him feel ashamed or anything. Did I go after him? Was it safe to? I didn’t know enough about werewolves, let alone gods, to know how much control he had over himself in that form.

I got up and rushed down the stairs, slipping my shoes on and running outside to find him. This was madness. I looked into the forest, knowing that once I entered, there was a very high chance I wouldn’t be leaving it alive, but I entered anyway. The cold hit me as soon as I stepped outside—sharp, brutal, the kind of cold that steals your breath away and fills your lungs with ice.

I ran for a while and then slowed to a walk, I’d only look more like prey if I ran. “Clay!” I called out.

No answer, I kept walking, tripped over some broken branches on the floor, and kept going. The deeper in I went, the stronger the scent of damp earth grew. A growl sounded behind me, low and deep. I froze.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, could feel the menacing presence behind me as he came closer. This was a bad idea, he was not in control right now. I didn’t have to see him to know this, I could feel it in the air, like the quiet before the storm, and all I could think was, ‘Will he kill me quickly?’

Since the war this was always my mindset, flight or freeze, but never fight. Even before the war I had always been a quiet girl with a timid way of living, so naturally my first thought was to just let him kill me and hope it was quick, but then another thought came to me.

Clay had always told me to be strong in mind and not just body when we trained. If I fell down, he always made sure I got back up, that I kept going and didn’t give up. There were times I’d broken down in tears and he had shown no sympathy, he’d demanded I get up and fight him, to never back down and just give up. That was the easy choice.

I knew I had not learnt much from him in such a short amount of time, he’d said it himself that he had only taught me basic defence. Even if I’d been a skilled fighter, I knew I was powerless against him right now in his lycan form, but I remembered what he had said, and I realised, if I couldn’t fight him, then perhaps I could turn his bloodlust into lust instead.

Very, very slowly I lowered myself to the ground, ignoring every instinct telling me to just get up and run. I was too scared to look back, but he hadn’t moved yet, so slowly I removed my trousers and underwear and bent over in front of him, my a.ss up in the air. I was too scared to feel embarrassed or self-conscious. Would he even understand what I was trying to do?

Apparently yes, because I felt him come up behind me, felt his warm fur brush against my body, he leaned down and sniffed my neck, my hair. And I swallowed the urge to scream, tried not to think if he would tear my throat out. He didn’t. I felt his hands grab my hips, his claws digging into my flesh, drawing blood, but I didn’t dare move. I needed his wolf to think of mating and not killing.

I felt him thrust inside of me violently, and I swallowed another scream. He felt bigger. I’d caught a glimpse of him between his legs before he jumped out the window. I’d been surprised to see he had still looked the same, still had a very human, uh, well, you know, just maybe a little bigger, and he had already been big in human form.

I kept still and let him mate with me. He was rough, it hurt, but there were spikes of pleasure, and slowly the pleasure increased and the pain lessened. Maybe I had a depraved side to me. I’d always been into the idea of werewolves or vampires growing up before I knew they were real, and right now I was being taken by one in his lycan form, and it was pretty hot. I liked it, liked the danger of it. He felt good too, and then I was overtaken by pleasure, digging my fingers into the dirt and screaming as I spilled over the edge and came hard. I came harder when I felt him spill himself inside of me.

He pulled out, and I thought that would be it, but while I caught my breath, I heard his sounds of pain, and when I turned to look, I saw him in full wolf form now. He was a beautiful wolf, all jet-black fur, red eyes, and up close I realised hints of flecked gold were in there too. He was also a lot bigger than a normal wolf, about the same size as his human form, actually.

Would he eat me now? I looked into his eyes and then quickly dropped mine, realising that would be seen as a challenge. He came towards me, standing over me and forcing me onto my back. Oh god, did he want to mate in his full wolf form? A light growl from him let me know that yes he did, and I best get into position for him. I didn’t move fast enough, and he entered me with me on my back. He mounted me, and I learned real fast he was all wolf right now, ahem.

A lycan I didn’t mind so much, but a full-on wolf I felt a little weird about. I knew he was a man inside, intelligent, but I would be embarrassed if anyone came by and saw us. I moved and positioned myself so I was bent over again, and he carried on mating with me until he was done. Finally he padded away and found somewhere to shift back to human because he came out from the bushes very human and very naked.

He looked divine, no pun intended, he looked every bit the werewolf god he was, built like a warrior, muscular, with messy, soft, curly hair that fell into his pretty lilac-blue eyes. I saw he had scars too, some thick and ragged, others like he’d fought against beasts, probably other wereanimals. I didn’t get time to get a good look at them all because his eyes still glittered from the adrenaline rush of changing forms.

Bliss had told me in one of our chats that changing forms was painful, but it also produced an insane amount of adrenaline after leaving them with the rush of it. Clay came over to me without a word, pushed me to the floor, and got on top of me. He thrust in and out so hard and fast, so rough, I thought he would break me. I was so sore by this point, my body ached. It was only my second time having s**x with someone, and he had already taken me twice. He was big too.

“Clay, I’m really sore right now.”

“Yeah? Your p*****.’s sore is it?” He moaned.

“Yes.”

He started pounding me relentlessly and breathlessly said, “just let me come, I won’t be long.”

When I tried to get more comfortable, he pinned my wrists above my head. “Keep still, be a dirty little s.lut for me, be my b.itch.”

Woah, ok, it was clear he still wasn’t back in control quite yet. I liked the whole dominant and submissive thing, and only Clay could turn me on by calling me those names, but I was too sore to enjoy it right now. The pain was getting worse, not better, everything hurt a lot, including the twigs that dug into my back underneath me.

He let go of my wrists and leaned on his hands above me, thrusting harder. He looked down between us, and I followed his gaze to see his e.rection had blood on it. Was it his or mine?

I think mine because he seemed to grow more excited and f.ucked me even harder. I winced in agony, there was a spike of pleasure every so often, but nowhere near enough to take the pain away.

He slammed his hips against mine over and over until I was lost in a world of pain, thankfully, when it got too much, he finally came inside of me and collapsed to the floor all sweaty.

Was it r.ape to me? No, I knew what I was risking when I’d come out here to find him. I was willing to let him use my body for lust to stop him from eating me or anyone else who crossed his path, and I’d do it again, but I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he didn’t feel the same. He looked ashamed and embarrassed, angry.

I didn’t know I was crying until he reached over and gently stroked his thumb across my cheek. “I’m so sorry, Amaya,” he whispered.

I had to admit I was in a lot of pain, and I couldn’t form the words to tell him it was ok, so I smiled at him, that seemed to upset him more, though.

“Don’t smile at me like that. What I did was wrong, vile. I’m a c.unt, and you should hate me.” He clenched his jaw.

I shook my head, “no,” I managed to get out.

“Yes, Amaya, I should have stopped the moment you told me you were sore and hurting. I should have f.ucking thrown myself off you the moment I saw I’d made you bleed. I’m so f.ucking sorry. If you want a new master, you can.”

“No!” I panicked and grabbed his hand without thinking. He looked down at my hand holding his, but he didn’t pull away. “Please don’t get rid of me, it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t in control, and I knew the risks when I came to find you. I wanted to help you, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I know you didn’t want to hurt me, if you could have stopped, I know you would have. You weren’t there, the wolf was.”

“The monster, you mean,” he mumbled.

“No, you are not a human man Clay, I’m not expecting you to behave like one, but you’re not a monster either. You lose control sometimes, but it isn’t your fault, you can’t help that. It’s impressive you managed to get yourself away from me in the bedroom, you did that for me, didn’t you? You didn’t want to hurt me, so you tried to get away from me.”

He didn’t say anything and just looked at the ground.

“Clay?”

He looked up at me and said, “yes, but the offer is still there. You can choose another master. Maybe you should. I—”

“No! Please, let me stay. I don’t want to go. Please don’t make me!” I sobbed, startling him.

He pulled me into his arms and hushed, “ssh, ok, ok, you don’t have to go, you can stay with me.”

I sobbed in his arms, and he stroked my hair softly. I didn’t think he was capable of affection, I’d only ever seen him show a little affection once, and that was to Bliss when he had kissed the back of her hand, but that was only because s**x was about to happen between them.

“I’m so sore,” I cried into his chest, and he held me tighter.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.