Not Quite the Opposites (camren)

11 - What Makes You Happy

John H. Roth High School had been busy preparing for homecoming. The big football game for the Roth Dolphins was on the next day with the school dance that night after the game. The committees and organizations were scrambling to finish projects at record speeds which stole my five-people pod from me. Thankfully, Ally had been dragging me to the school gymnasium to help with the décor for the dance.

Speaking of the marine mammal we call our teams with, dolphins depend on each other for many reasons as to greater the chance of survival. They communicate in intricate ways to manipulate their social environment. Their depending on each other also includes mating and that's what Brad and his three little cronies have been doing.

While walking along the swarmed halls of the Roth High, where students were engaged in shallow chit chat preparing to head home, Ally and I were halted by one familiar blonde boy. He flashed us his cheeky smile.

"Well, hello there, Lauren." He greeted with one of his hands suspiciously tucked behind his back. "And..." He trailed off as her c****d his head towards the older Latina I was with.

"Ally." She added with her typical warm and inviting smile despite her wandering, nervous eyes.

I raised my brows as I forced my lips to smile, only making it to an awkward toothless grin. "Hi." I blandly said.

He extended his arm out to shake Ally's hand. He leaned down and pressed his lips on the back of the older girl's hand. "James. Pleasure to meet you, love." His swooning skills were blatantly but it did not work on me.

With that, I had a sudden realization that I may be more attracted to girls than boys. It didn't help that my boyfriend goes ballistic when a guy, even a friend, is around me. It's worse if I seem to be enjoying the conversation.

Ally giggled awkwardly as she looked into my eyes with such confusion yet she could not hide the feeling of flattery. Her cheeks were in a shade of red as she covered her mouth with her other hand.

"Lauren." The Brit began as she let go of my friend's hand. He then retrieved his hidden hand out and with it was a long stemmed red rose as he yet again beamed at me. "This is for you, courtesy of my best mate, Brad."

I let out a breath in amusement through my nose but graciously took the flower from him. I don't necessarily like his shorter friend's attention. Ally's eyes widened as she grinned and I could not tell what her expression was for but the glint in her eyes showed she was happy for me.

"Tell him thank you but I have a boyfriend." I told James politely as I stretched my lips yet again for a toothless grin while raising my brows. For some reason, his smile was unwavering and I could tell he had a little plan. I did not like it one bit.

Soon enough, I could hear strings being stroked into a melody and James hurriedly disappeared in one of the rooms. The students were backing out of the scene and watched intently as they made an imperfect circle around me and my shorter friend.

Unfortunately for me, one boy about the same height as James emerged from the same room holding one more rose. It didn't take long for another one; a shorter one, about the same height as Bradley with yet another rose to show up.

Finally, Brad emerged from the same room with a bouquet of nine roses with James on his tail, playing a classic guitar. His disheveled sweep of a hair was the same as the last time I saw them. He was wearing blank pants and a simple black tee with his worn out sneakers.

The short British boy began to sing a Lifehouse song called "You and Me" with a particularly underdeveloped juvenile yet good voice. I would have been blushing and falling head over heels if I had not have this reserved disdain for the boy for whatever it is he did to me on the beach.

"Oh god, movie clichés." I grumbled as I stealthily rolled my eyes.

I felt Ally reach for my hand and squeezed it tightly as her gaze on Brad intensified. She had such hate for him and I was unaware of it until then. It got me thinking that my friend knows something I didn't.

Brad had tried to look very charming with the way he batted his eyes and that unmistakable smile of his. It was almost as creepy as Jette's. I feel like they'd make a great couple. As he continued to sing, my eyes darted to different directions, looking for a familiar face. The students around us were in awe of the chivalrous display that I am close to being disgusted about.

The moment he rapped his singing up, he moved closer to me, yanked my hand loose of Ally's grasp and stared at me with those eyes of his. He gave me the bouquet that completed a dozen roses as he knelt on one knee.

"Will you go to homecoming with me?" He asked with such glimmer of hope in his eyes that made my heart dive down knowing I had to decline.

My mouth gaped and stayed that way. It was only then that I realized my stomach churning painfully while my pulse was as fast as a moving train. I wasn't nervous because I was excited, I was nervous because I was trying to let the boy down easily.

I looked at Ally who looked at me with an evident discomfort. I held the roses tighter as I urged her to speak but she subtly shook her head and that was the only signal I needed from her.

I inched my head closer to the boy kneeling in front of me. The spectators gasped at the bold gesture but they gasped even more when my mouth landed just an inch away from his ear. They thought it was scandalous, or sweet and even Brad was not expecting my answer.

"I can't." I whispered, deciding it would be easier to let him down as privately as possible. "I have a boyfriend and my friend is taking me." I made sure to give him all the answers to any possible loopholes he could find. He could have insinuated it as a friendly date and I was not keen on going out with him either. "I don't want to embarrass you but do you want the flowers back?"

I don't think Camila would be eager on a super pod, combining our pod with Brad's. It's evident which one I cherished between the two.

"It's ok." He whispered. "I'll just smile and hug you; please pretend to like it." He cackled uncomfortably. The supposed happy sound screamed of agony and not of bliss.

I obliged to his request and the moment he stood up, his small frame engulfed mine in. I tapped his back while the student body erupted in cheers, oblivious to what had just happened. Everyone but Ally and Brad were happy. I was quite happy I declined.

There were conversations I had to make about my family's moving to California and the one with my mother was the top of the list. I had made up my mind and decided not to go.

The moment I arrived, I looked for my mother. Our house was once again filled with cardboard boxes containing items we don't need on a daily basis. The big items were not quite packed yet.

I had found our matriarch in my parents' room, starting to pack her suitcases.

"Mom." I knocked on the opened door and showed myself in. I sat on the edge of their bed as I watched my mother sitting in front of her dresser. I took a deep breath as I ran my hand through my hair, preparing myself for the tough conversation I was to share with Clara. "Can we talk?"

The moment I asked those three words replaced the perfume bottle she was holding and put it back on the table. She gave me a small smile as she pulled her wooden chair towards the bed, in front of me. She descended upon it and grabbed hold of my hands, enveloping them in hers.

"They need me back in California, nugget. I know it hasn't been six months but they urgently need me there." She explained with an apologetic look on her face. "I was ecstatic for you. I mean, Gavin is there, honey and you were very sad when we had to leave." She sighed as she raised one hand and rid my face of strands of hair. "But your dad is right; you're 18. You have the right to choose and I won't hinder you from what it is you want."

Clara's mouth formed into a reassuring toothless smile with her eyes exuding of love and affection towards me which made me look away and bow my head down.

I nodded. "I know, mom. I'm really sorry but I don't really want to go move yet." I frowned. "I just don't to disappoint you."

My stomach was tied in knots as I braced for whatever my mother had to say. I felt as if she was going to be saddened and I hated inflicting such feelings on her. I lived for their joy, even if most of the times I felt the complete opposite. I dropped my gaze down to our hands as I clutched onto hers tighter.

My mother beamed her pearly whites but it wasn't just happiness, it was a mixture of numerous emotions including concern for my safety. "Of course, I'm not disappointed in you. I understand, Lauren." She lifted my chin up so that I may look into her caring eyes. "It's just that this will be the first time you'll be alone. I know you're 18 but you're still my baby girl. However, I'm not stopping you. Are you sure about this?"

I nodded yet again. Somehow I couldn't formulate the right words to appease the situation. "Thank you, mom." I gave her a half smile. "It's just that...I...I feel like I should stay here. You know? After high school, I will reconsider California. But not right now, mom. I'm sorry if that's not what you want." I explained.

"Lauren, it's ok." She held onto my shoulders and pulled me towards her. I wrapped my arms around her with all the love I could muster. "I'm proud of you. I've always been proud of you."

My mother's words stung more than it should. It was meant to be soothing but my guilt from all the sneaking out or sneaking in, for the matter, was too big to contain. Despite everything, even my biggest slip ups that my parents knew of, they remained proud of me and it was stressing me out.

"There's roses downstairs. I don't know where to put them." I said with closed eyes as I clung onto my mother.

Clara pulled away from the hug looking at me with a glint of scrutiny and excitement. It was a weird conversation. Her lips were in a shape of a beautiful smile. "Gavin sent them?"

"No." I simply stated. I rolled my eyes at the memory of the British boy who gave them to me. "Some guy who asked me to homecoming but I said no. I already asked Camila if she could go with me." I waved my arm dismissively.

"Oh, Lauren." She chuckled as she caressed my cheek, making me close my eyes in her pacifying touch.

I took a deep breath as I pursed my lips. I had ran out of words to say and if I said I would miss them, I was going to break down and I didn't want that yet.

"If you're wondering," My mother started after a little while of silence. "Your father's right. I like Camila."

There it was, the corners of my mouth were tugging upwards, immediately forcing me to grin at the thought of the younger brunette. There was something magical in Camila, something lovable that I have never seen before. It was the kind that made parents trust her to be their children's friend. It could be the part where she helped clean up after the small gathering, or the part where she brought a dish over, maybe even both and a combination of many other beautiful things she has done.

After dinner, my brother came to my room as I was trying to finish my homework. I twisted my head to see who it was and noticed he came in with a disappointed look on his face.

"What's up? Why the long face?" I asked as he came closer to me, standing my by table. I dropped my pen and shifted my seating to face him.

"I guess this is the start of the countdown, huh?" He muttered as he shoved his hands in the front pockets of his cargo shorts. He was frowning yet acted as if it was nothing. "You're not coming with us."

"I'm sorry." I apologized as I grabbed his wrist, squeezing it momentarily before letting go. I shook my head as I pursed my lips. I felt a twinge of agony in my chest, sending polluted blood through my veins; physically weakening me.

"No. It's ok." He shook his head, slightly smiling. He scratched the back of his head. "You want to stay here and I understand that. I do. Just please promise me something."

I nodded, looking at his eyes inquisitively. My nerves were getting to me, my hands had become clammy and incredibly cold.

"Be careful, Lauren." He began without any hints of humor. He was ridiculously serious and I knew where he was coming from and what he was talking about. My brother's love and concern for me shined through his words and actions. "Seeing you practically debilitated; even if it was not permanent, was depressing and hurtful."

"I'm sorry." I apologized yet again as I stood in front of him, balling my fists with the lack of anything else to do. It was frustrating me.

"I don't want your apology. Promise me?" He clenched his jaw as his eyes bore on mine.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes in the process. "Ok. I promise."

I meant that promise and I was determined to keep it. I threw my arms around him and held him tight. My brother was the male species between the two of us, he was expected to screw up or mess around. But it wasn't the case in our household. It was me who was causing headaches behind my parents' back.

I laid in my bed that night contemplating on my next move. I was to either live by myself or live with a close friend. The choices were overwhelming me. I had a personal favorite and it would be living with Camila. It wouldn't just be the safe choice, it would be the painstakingly right choice yet it would demand lots of self control on my end. My thoughts of her were already jeopardizing my relationship with my boyfriend.

Although I wanted to and my parents would have been all for it, I couldn't. I didn't want to burden her family with another hormonal teenage girl with a slight drinking problem and an incredibly hormonal boyfriend.

I fell asleep hours after my thinking and had woken up to the jolting pulse of my phone, rattling against the bedside table. It was 10:30 in the morning according to my red font display of my digital alarm clock. The heavy curtains that shielded my window were an impeccable choice for blocking the morning rays out just enough.

With squinted eyes, I prepared for the brightness that will greet me the moment my phone would be right in front of my eyes. I grabbed the device and smiled as I read the familiar display name; Camz. It was a great way to wake up. I had not spent time with her in a while and that did not sit well with me. I rubbed my eyes to cope with my drowsiness, squinting at the bright display.

Her text message read, "Are you watching the game today? It's at 11."

My heart raced as it yearned to be next to her if she did decide to watch the football game. If she didn't watch and I told her I would, I would have lied to her. I was planning on spending the day cleaning up the house until it was time to get ready for homecoming.

I chose the truth and that was what I told her. "I'm not. I have to help my family pack. Are you?"

I dropped my arms on either side of my body with my right hand clutching onto my phone, waiting for her reply. I fluttered my eyes, adjusting my vision.

Her reply was fast; almost as fast as mine. It would have given away how eager I was but my insecurities were not as big as my wanting to spend time with her.

"Do you need help?" She wrote.

I shook my head as a smile infected my lips. She is one heck of a good person, I sometimes wonder if her parents gave her pills to make a perfect daughter. I wanted her to be with me and there was something important I needed to discuss with her.

I clicked on letters and punctuation marks forming my new text message. "Not really. But I need to see you. Do you mind coming later after the game?"

"Nope. I'll skip the game. Be there in 20." With that, Camila Cabello made me rush to the bathroom to at least look like a decent person; one she wouldn't be embarrassed to take to the homecoming dance.

I showered in record speed. I vigorously brushed my teeth as a towel hovered above my head, keeping my damp hair manageable. I cleaned my entire room, shoving everything in my spacious closet. I aligned my chair with the table and flipped my duvet over my bed.

Camila arrived in a little over 20 minutes just like she said. I dragged her towards my bedroom. It was only the second time she came to my sanctuary. We were sitting on my bed; she was leaning back on the headboard while I sat in front of her. I had told her about my choice of staying which left me with a very challenging predicament.

"You can move in with me." The brunette suggested much to my delight. Her brows were up while she maintained a sincere yet straight face. "We have an extra room or we can share my room. My parents are always busy anyway. It would be nice to have another life form in the house." She explained with a wide grin.

My bliss was quickly stolen from me as I remembered I had to decline. She didn't question my choices. She was quick to offer her help with the search of an apartment. What did I ever do to deserve, Camila Cabello? I decided on asking her.

"Camz, what kind of person do you think am I?" I questioned seriously. She drew her head back in confusion with her furrowed brows. "Why are you this nice to me?" I asked further.

"Did you hit your head?" She jested, trying to make the mood lighter. "But you remember my name. So, you didn't hit your head. But what is it? Temporary memory loss?" She pursed her lips as she nodded aimlessly.

I gave in and cackled at her feeble attempts which I appreciated immensely. She threw her head back, now because of her laughter. She shook her head muttering, "That was bad." She slurred.

"I'm serious, Camz!" I pressed the moment I was able to gasp for air.

She took a deep breath and looked deep into my emerald eyes. "You're Lauren Jauregui, my friend." I thought she would end there and chuckle, and it threw me off. She would joke about me being 'Lauren Jauregui' put high in a pedestal with everyone wanting to be my friend and that was just something I couldn't understand.

"You're a beautiful person who may be strong and independent but you have a fragile side that needs to be nurtured as well. You make it your life's purpose to make everyone else happy, you care about their feelings and oftentimes you overlook your own. Your beautiful mind is filled with splendor that a lifetime wouldn't be enough to uncover all your intellectual ideas.

"You're a sensitive little nugget, with a smile that sets boats afloat, birds in flight, and smiles to erupt. You're tough but you need to be consoled, too. You love wholeheartedly but loving someone else more and yourself less doesn't protect you from being disappointed.

"You're Lauren Jauregui, my friend. But you're every friend's dream friend, every guy's dream girl because of your loyalty and the size of your heart, more than what it is that eyes can only see. It's because of what people feel, what you make them feel."

I was deeply touched by her words. Now more than ever, my admiration for Camila had been significantly bloated. Her discerning attitude has never failed to mesmerize me and draw me closer to her than I already am. I was overjoyed and my heart was spewing with love and affection for the younger girl.

The look in her eyes and the flow of her words oozed her sincerity and there was not even a hint of sarcasm or lies. Although I could not fully accept all the compliments she had so easily dropped on me, she was earnest and it was heartfelt. I wonder what would have happened if she was a guy trying to win a girl; or if she was gay and trying to win me. I blushed at the thought which didn't go unnoticed.

"Are you happy now?" She quipped with a knowing smirk on her lips. She folded her arms as she feigned an arrogant demeanor.

I pushed her by the shoulder as we both chuckled at our silliness. I was contented right then and there, and there was no material things involved, no reputations to uphold. I was contented with my life and it wasn't somebody else's words or thoughts, it's mine.

Suddenly, Camila's features softened, it was of sympathy and love. "What makes you happy, Lauren?"

I was halted in my seat. I straightened my back as I looked at her eyes inquisitively. No one ever asked me that before. I was just following my parents around because that made them happy which made me happy but despite that, there was a void in my chest; something that has never been acknowledged before.

She had sensed how tensed I was becoming that she put a soothing touch on my bare thigh. If I was counting our physical contact; I had just lost count. Her touch was exhilarating and I have never felt that thrill before. It wasn't malicious or filled with lust; it was of affection and I had previously thought it wasn't possible given my boyfriend's usual touch.

"Douglas Malloch; you have to believe in happiness, or happiness never comes." She smiled as she rubbed my limb, relaxing me in her touch. "Believe but you also have to think about yourself and what makes you happy."

The words of poets ran rampant in her mind but her mind is beautiful. Her statement got me thinking. It wasn't judgmental and I could tell it came from whatever it is she observed from me during all the days we spent together or the words I have uttered to her. For some reason, I knew she spoke the truth and I did not have it in me to refute her point.

My inquisitive conquest in my mind was interrupted by the minute sound of Camila's phone, ringing. I watched her as she retrieved the mobile device and raise it by her chest.

"Game should be over by now." She muttered as she pressed on the screen, opening her phone up.

"Did you have to watch?" I asked as I mindlessly stared at her lips and it was scaring me. My chest was heaving as my pulse started to run a rapid pace.

"Kinda." She shrugged, indifferent. "Austin's playing. He's a wide receiver." There was no sign of remorse in her words.

I felt discomfort in my chest at the mention of his name. As much as I want to deny it, I was jealous of him and his hold on my friend. They could have been spending time after school while I spent it longing for her. "I'm so sorry, Camz." I pressed my palm against my chest. "Now I feel bad."

"It's ok." She beamed at me. "Dinah just sent me a text, she said they won." She swiveled her phone so the screen was now facing me. "He will ramble about my absence but he'll get over it." She chuckled.

I watched her lips move, forming varied shapes and assuming different sizes as she pressed them against each other. I was slowly falling into a trance, one that I was gladly succumbing to. She was mystifying me and my curiosity was running wild. I just wanted to feel those plump lips; I wanted to know how they felt like against mine.

Soon, they stopped moving and were kept ajar as I felt my body leaning closer, closer to my oblivion. All my rational thoughts vacated my mind as I felt all the emotions, the feelings that I had bottled up inside me. I was craving her.

Her tongue peeked out of her open mouth as it gently stroked her lower lip from right to left, dampening the area, getting ready for what was to come. And there it was; ecstasy. I felt an unnerving jolt of electric pulses running through my body.

My lips molded against her soft ones as I laid my hands against her cheeks, pulling her closer. Her hands gently stroked my waist and then settled for my back as she securely held onto me. We moved in harmony as I savored the beautiful taste of her mouth.

All the built up passion I felt for her was released in that glorious display of affection. My heartbeat was deafening yet the gesture single-handedly silenced all my doubts as I basked in Camila's splendor.

I felt her pull away and I reluctantly allowed her to. Despite that glint in her eyes, an apparent alarm was evident in those chocolate colored irises and I knew what they meant. I had just cheated on my boyfriend.

But I was undeniably happy.