Not Quite the Opposites (camren)

12 - Chaotic

If there was a word to describe my relationship with my boyfriend, it would be chaos. We would go from running around the place, chasing each other; being kids, to multiple fights from the littlest, silliest if not stupidest of sources. Gavin had been constantly yammering about how he misses me and how he couldn't wait for me to graduate so that I could go back to California with him. He was deathly clingy over the weeks that had passed and as much as I wanted to feel flattered by it, it was just not working out for me it seems. If it was doing anything, it was choking the life out of me.

I have not told him about my family's plan to move sooner than he could ever dream, and I did that as I was getting dressed for homecoming.

"I want to finish senior year in one school, Gavin." I explained the moment I finished divulging into details of my family's yet another abrupt change of address.

I was pacing all over my room and I was becoming increasingly nervous about the outcome of our conversation. As much as I wanted to call him with the nickname of endearment, I was too worked up to think about his feelings, too.

"You could have been right next to me, babe." He quickly retorted in defeat. His voice exuded a faint hopefulness that was quickly faltering.

"I know that." I tried not to sound irritated and it took a lot of me to do so considering I was beyond that stage. It was as if I had already leaped off the ledge and there was no way to climb back up. "But for once in my life, I want high school to be as normal as possible and that includes staying in one for at least a year."

He let out an audible sigh and the voice I heard next was too pitiful. "Is your heart not in this anymore?"

For some reason, I had expected him to ask that question. But I was confused still. We still managed to talk every single day since I landed in Miami and at times we would just talk for the sake of talking. The volume of our words were not as overflowing with details or pure admiration. At times, they were merely just words and casual exchanges of sentences. It had gotten worse that I don't even remember what we talked about the previous day. It was as if it was just a routine we couldn't break. Otherwise, we'd feel lost and falter.

I ran my hand through my hair as I huffed in frustration. I closed my eyes shut as my left hand remained tussled in my hair.

"How did we get here?" I breathed as I crashed onto my bed with only my undergarments and a blue robe on.

"Babe, I'm sorry but I know you or at least, that's what I think." He reasoned with such urgency in his tone. "If you had the chance, you would have came. Is there someone else?"

In actuality, if he knew me, he would know that I wanted to spend an immeasurable amount of time on adventures. I wanted to bask in the sun while walking barefoot on the sand. I wanted to jump off a plane and glide down to the earth as the wind ripples through my clothes. I wanted to travel a lot and that's one of the reasons why constantly moving with my family was somehow bearable. He, on the other hand, wants to just stay in San Diego and rot there.

"No! Of course, not." I hit the bed with my free hand and clasped my blanket in my fist. It was the only thing holding me back from full on arguing with Gavin. "Why are you always doubting me?"

I massaged my temples as my calmness slowly vacated my system. I closed my eyes and savored the pressure I was creating on my head. I took deeper breaths to hush my labored cardiovascular muscle.

"You're Lauren Jauregui." He began.

My emerald eyes swiftly revealed themselves in shock. I shot up and sat on the bed as I anticipated his next words. I was silently praying that he would possess the words that Camila had muttered only hours before. I was going to be satisfied with even just a fraction of the brown-eyed girl's words as long as it came from him. I was hoping he would make me regret what I had done without knowing it. I was hoping he would step up and claim me.

"So what?" I furrowed my brows, shaking my head. "What is it in my name that makes you question my loyalty to you?" My heart pounded in my chest as the rest of my body weakened in expectation. His words will somehow make us stronger or make me question why I even stayed with him.

"You're Lauren Jauregui, the girl who could get whatever she wants." He spoke and paused for a painstakingly long moment.

I waited and waited for what it was he could think of but he didn't speak anymore. I know he spoke from the heart with an apparent uncertainty. I wanted to believe him, I did. But he could not pinpoint what it is that completes the person that I am. Instead of the words I expected, or begged for, it sounded more like a poorly written poem.

That was it; that was his chance and he blew it.

"Would you stop being so insecure?" I complained as I crashed back on the bed, creating a thud upon the contact.

He did not possess the words that Camila had told me. I wanted him to. I really did. Somehow, I would have tried to put his head on the younger girl's body and pretend that his lips were moving in sync with the words but it just was s impossible.

He apologized and tried to make it up to me by saying he loves me. I reluctantly told him I love him, too and told him I should get ready. As expected, he didn't leave it at that.

"Do you have a date?" A glint of jealousy was apparent in his seemingly innocent voice.

I huffed, knowing he had had that conversation before. Back when we were physically together, he would often get mad with just the mere thought of me laughing at another guy's joke.

"I already told you." I emphasized the word, hoping I sounded exasperated enough to make him stop. "Camila and I are going together."

"You spend too much time with her." He complained.

My jaw dropped just as swift as my heart. It wasn't true. In fact, since the day I asked my friend to accompany me to homecoming, we had not spend a lot of time together other than the Fridays we had free period together. Even if he knew that, he would still accuse me of something else.

"You know what, Gavin?" I scoffed, gripping on my phone tighter. If I was any stronger I would have snapped it in half. "I'm not having this conversation again." I defensively stated, thinking about something else than just his jealousy.

However, all the bravery in me was somehow seeped out in one swift thought of what had just happened between me and the brown-eyed girl. I had just cheated on my boyfriend and I should at least take it easy. My guilt was creeping in on me and it was getting harder to suppress.

Speaking of the brunette, she acted casual after that heated kiss. There was a certain awkwardness between us that we just stared into each other's eyes without speaking. I knew we both were alarmed and she was concerned. I wanted to ask her something but her phone rang. As soon as she read the message, she excused herself from me to get ready for homecoming and told me she would pick me up at 6.

I was left stunned and I felt used like it was a one night stand but nothing was more alarming than what I felt for her. But for now, I was offended about my boyfriend's words or lack thereof.

I slipped into a short black dress with a lace design covering my chest area and a red silk fabric underneath it. The lace ran up over my shoulders and settled on my lower back. I wore a black stiletto that had red soles to maintain symmetry. I settled with light make up around my eyes but never forgetting eyeliner to accentuate my emerald irises and opted for red lipstick. I let my natural wavy mane drape over my shoulders and I liked how I looked.

It was a mistake to talk to Gavin and I knew that. It was an even bigger mistake to dwell on what he was lacking. I could feel my blood boil as I replayed his words over and over. And Camila was the unfortunate recipient of my cold shoulder.

I heard the doorbell ring and I was quick to bellow, "I'll get it!"

There was an irrelevant flaring of my nerves. I shouldn't have been nervous. Camila's just a friend and yet I wanted to impress her. You have a boyfriend. You're trying to impress him. I repeated that over and over but the more I said it, the more unconvinced I had become.

I straightened my dress and looked at my reflection one more time before I strutted down the stairs. I grabbed the door knob but pausing to take a deep breath. I twisted it open and my eyes were greeted by nothing less than an angel.

Camila wore a white, sweetheart chiffon dress. There was a thick red ribbon around her waist that was adorned in a belt of beads and gems; it was as if they were orbiting a planet and that planet is Camila. She had a black feminine blazer and white strappy shoes embellished by the same kind of beads. Her hair was in lose curls while she settled for a more noticeable pink lipstick than her usual lip balm.

My eyes widened as I let out the breath I had been holding. My cardiovascular area went into overdrive and I just knew it would break bones just to get out of my chest as I admired the view.

"Hello, escort." She jested with a sly smile. She was being her usual self; it was as if nothing happened between us only hours ago.

It was both good and bad for me. I mean, I think I would like to know it meant something to her, like it meant to me. But then, for my relationship's sake, I'd like for us to move past it. But do I really?

"Hi, muse." I muttered as my lips immediately assumed a smile. I had an irrevocable need to kiss her. Oh no. "You look gorgeous, Camz."

I had to look away. It was as if the more I looked at her, the more I was being drawn to her like she was a whirling vortex and I was being forcefully imbibed into her. The problem with that is, no one was forcing me. My heart was willingly jumping on a silver platter, ready to be served to her.

She looked down on her feet and smiled as her cheeks flushed. "Thank you, Lolo." She looked back up to my eyes and shrugged her shoulders. "Let's go?"

We walked to her newly polished car with our arms linked to each other. I ran to the driver's side, the heels of my shoes created a noticeable pitter-patter as it hit the concrete walkway. I opened the door for her seeing as I was the escort for the night. She chuckled as she approached me, throwing her head back.

"After you, my muse." I quipped.

Despite the joke, I liked my display of chivalry towards the younger girl. It felt incredibly to hear her laugh and see her flash those pearly whites. It may have been the first glimpse I've ever had to being someone's, dare I say it, boyfriend.

The moment she composed herself, she mustered up the strength to speak, "Thank you, escort."

All was going well until midway through the drive. Camila and I were laughing at the silliest things. I don't necessarily agree with the saying "all good things must come to an end" but it felt just that the moment I felt my phone vibrate. Gavin sent me a text message and I knew it wasn't going to be good. My stomach churned as my thumb hit the new message icon.

He wrote: "I'm giving you an ultimatum. You either come here and be happy with me or you stay there and we're done."

I decided on not replying to him and shut my phone off. Instead of feeling the beautiful taste of liberty, I felt as if that was probably the worst I could do to my mood. The whole drive to school, I remained quiet as my mind wandered lose. I was quickly consumed by my own overthinking which made me zone out on everything else. Every inch of my body was quickly feeling irritable as I felt significantly colder from the inside. I was beyond anxious and no sane person could miss it.

I was convinced I love my boyfriend but I might not love him enough given who the heaviest anchor that's preventing me from moving is. If I lose my boyfriend, I know Camila would be there to catch me but I was filled with "what ifs" that were only answerable if the former did take place.

What if I lose all self-control and want to be with her and she doesn't feel the same for me? What if I really loved Gavin after all and realize what I have for Camila was mere infatuation? What if I want him back but he has moved on? But then, what if Camila felt the same way?

"Are you ok?" The brown-eyed brunette took once swift glance my way and then fixated her eyes back on the road.

"Yeah." I simply retorted as I stared out the window.

Camila was respectful of my choice. She didn't press the subject on. We just sat in uncomfortable silence and she focused her attention on the songs being played in her radio. She was banging her head and lip-syncing to the words while I continued to wallow in my anxiety.

When we arrived the venue, it was worse for Camila. We joined our friends and I joined in on their conversations like nothing happened but I was unconsciously blocking my "muse". She tried to talk to me and all I did was shrug, shake my head, or nod for answers. I didn't realize I was being a snobby b***h but she did not make me feel that way.

The entire gymnasium was decorated with school banners and streamers, some congratulating the Roth High football team for winning. The place was glaring in bright orange. Big round tables were situated on sides while the food and drinks were to the back. Loud music was playing while old and current students along with some teachers danced their hearts out. The place was packed.

The night progressed with our friends disappearing with their dates to dance or do whatever it is teenagers do privately. I stayed in the table, still thinking about Gavin and maybe Camila, too. I thought I was going to be fine and dandy while I ignored my friend but I was proven wrong when the brunette boy from the beach came to ask her to dance.

"What do you say we dance, best friend?" Austin asked her as he extended her hand. He smiled sweetly and his eyes exuded of his fondness for Camila. I was shaken by the bold gesture, arguing with myself about whether I should step in or not.

He wore a black and gray striped shirt underneath a gray vest which were paired with black pants and white sneakers. He had a black bowler hat to go with his clothes.

Camila chuckled but accepted his offer by placing her hand on his. She didn't even look back to me, she just stood up. Austin, on the other hand, politely excused themselves. He was making it hard for me to hate him despite his taking my friend away. He was doing her a favor; he was saving her from me and my tendencies to bottle everything up.

"Jealous yet?" I heard a familiar voice echo from my back, making me jump in my seat as I pressed my palm on my chest.

I swiveled to find the devious blonde smiling at me.

"You cannot just do that." I grumbled as I took deeper breaths to cope with the shock. Jette was causing me so much discomfort with just her presence and then she had to speak about those things. It was the cherry on top to my doom. I was jealous.

She shrugged her shoulders as she let out a breath. She felt casual despite my blatant complaint. She descended on the chair to my right, which was previously Camila's and looked at the pair of friends who were laughing to each other as they danced.

Austin's hands were on Camila's waist while hers were awkwardly placed on his shoulders, occasionally his ears. She was having fun messing with him. They laughed at whatever it was they were talking about. They were disgustingly adorable but I couldn't look away.

"They look so cute, don't they?" She sneered as she tapped on the table. "And to think you ignored her the entire time she was sitting next to you." She cackled. She threw her head back as she held her palm against her chest, exaggerating her actions.

Dinah revealed herself as she squeezed out from the mob of people with her date, Jeremy, in tow. The smile painted across her features said it all, she was having fun. Normani and her date, Joshua who was apparently Dinah's date's brother also emerged from the crowd, followed by Ally and her boyfriend, Troy. Saved by the friends. I thought.

With my friends walking back, Jette suddenly felt anxious. I had a feeling she hated my friends. I don't really know her reason but I don't really care about what she thinks. But then, she leaned in to my ear as she whispered, "Think fast, Lolo. You're losing her."

I grimaced at her words and the aura that it travelled with. It was creepily spine tingling.

Ally approached the table first while her boyfriend went to the bathroom. Dinah, Normani and their dates were going to get drinks. All that dancing would make them thirsty. The shorter girl looked concerned as she replaced Jette in Camila's seat which reminded me of her face when Bradley Simpson had asked me to be his date.

"Ally, is there something you're not telling me?" I queried as I looked at her inquisitively. "Why did you look like you've seen a ghost yesterday and today?"

The older girl let out a sigh as her eyes were shut. She held her head low uncomfortably, in turn, daunting me.

"Normani and I were there that night at the beach, Laur." She explained as her head slowly made its way up. "We were sober enough to see and remember everything."

I was on the edge of my seat as soon as she said those words. I was finally getting answers. I felt exhilarated yet utterly stressed out as my chest felt as if it was spewing icy cold water; successfully weakening my knees. I was too anxious.

"What happened? Why do you seem scared of little Brad?" I asked, eager to hear the truth. I was unconsciously fidgeting my legs as I bit my lower lip; my unease manifesting itself. "Why does Jette seem to be uncomfortable around you?"

Ally furrowed her brows as she apologetically reached for my hand. I squeezed hers tightly as I bowed down a little while maintaining eye contact to urge her to speak.

She took a deep breath.

"He was purposely giving you drinks to get you drunk." She averted my gaze once more. The conversation was overwhelming her as much as it did to me. She was remorseful. "You couldn't even stand straight. You kept stumbling down the sand and he still gave you cup after cup, alcohol after alcohol. You were out of it very fast and his hands were all over you. He was kissing you from your face down to your neck. That's how he gets girls to sleep with him, Laur."

That explained all the sand in my house. My mouth gaped at the revelation. I cringed as I listened further. My spine was unnervingly tingly that I felt the urge to shrug. What did I get myself into? I knew I didn't really like the guy but he was planning on taking advantage of me; he was planning on forcing himself on me. My head began to spin as I took on the new information.

"We took you home. We practically had to yank you away from him before he could go any further." Ally continued begrudgingly as she had to recall that vile night. "Camila had to leave because of her sister. She looks after her after she comes home. But she didn't leave until she came to us and told us to watch over you. We care about you, Laur; especially Mila. She has these gut feelings about things and people, and so we did as she asked. She was so worried about you and frankly, I'm glad she was. She stayed awake until we told her you were home. She's quite protective over her friends. But yeah...otherwise, you'd be another victim to little Simpson."

My head spun and my vision was becoming cloudy. All the information was causing me so much physical pain that I was finding it impossible to cope with them. I had unknowingly cheated on my boyfriend before I even kissed my best friend. But why does she care so much about me?

"I didn't even notice you guys were there." I murmured in my daze. I was aimlessly looking elsewhere.

"We don't really mingle with Jette and her friends, including Simpson." She explained as she shrugged her shoulders. "They're trouble, Laur."

It felt as if I was deprived of life-sustaining oxygen and I was being choked. I fanned myself with my hands. The news was suffocating me and I needed air; lots of it. Ally noticed my distress and fanned her little hands, aiming at me, as well.

"Are you ok?" The shorter girl probed, concern was written all over her face. She stood up from her seat and moved closer to me. "Should I stop?"

I was taken aback. I didn't expect anything else. I thought that was it. I wasn't sure I was still going to keep my head upright but I wanted to know; I craved for information like it was blood and I was a vampire.

"There's more?" I muttered in a whisper.

Ally pursed her lips and I urged her to continue by slightly nodding my head. "Tell me everything."

"We're not exactly friends with one Janette Zack because she taunts people and she does it in private. She makes sure she scares them enough to not say anything to anyone about it. She especially likes doing that to Mila." She cautiously muttered, as her eyes traveled from one side to another; looking for the blonde. "Camila didn't want me to say it but she has been insulting her for years, mocking her when she has the chance. She would corner Mila and just make up all these things to throw her off.

"It was Mani who found out about it. It was during sophomore year when they were changing after physical ed. Jette thought everyone else left while Mila was in the showers. She was insinuating that Mila secretly likes her girl friends and that she's just being nice because she wants to get in their pants. We later pried it out of Mila and she told us Empress Fakeness has been doing it since we were freshmen.

"Recently, Dinah heard Jette tell Mila something about you. It was something like you already have a boyfriend and she doesn't stand a chance after she dropped you off in one of your classes. It's really bad. I wish Mila would retaliate. There are so many dirt about Empress Fakeness that could easily sink her ship but Mila won't. She's too nice." She shook her head as she bowed down in defeat. Her fists were balled and clenched tightly. Ally was really concerned about one of her best friends. "I guess Jette knows how to pick victims. Mila is strong willed and usually stands up for people but she doesn't do that for herself. It's a beautiful tragedy really."

Camila is too nice. The guilt that set in my chest, quickly dissipated throughout my body. My friend needed me and she has remained strong. She was being bullied because of me, too and I didn't even know. And then I had to ignore her because of something my boyfriend said; because I have some hidden feelings for her.

"What did Camz, do?" I shuffled uncomfortably in my seat. My eyes grew weary as I forced myself to listen some more. I was trying to be brave; just like Camila has been for many years.

"Nothing." She sighed in frustration. "She hates standing out, but she hates fights even more. If it were somebody else from the rest of us, we would have done something. But not Mila. Dinah was going to beat the b***h up." She chuckled as she shook her head, amused at the Polynesian's violent tendencies.

I forced a smile as Ally rubbed my arm soothingly. The girls soon made it back to the table along with Jeremy and Joshua. Troy was surprisingly missing but Ally didn't seem to mind. They had brought me and the oldest girl a drink as well. I looked around to look for the chocolate eyes that I absolutely loved but I couldn't find her anywhere. The music was fading out and some guy just spoke through the microphone. I couldn't care less about him, I just wanted to find Camila and hug her, even if she doesn't hug back.

"Where's Camz?" I asked everyone with urgency in my tone. My eyes wandered around the gymnasium, starting from the spot I last saw her in. I had to see her.

"She's strapping her guitar on." Dinah, who was sitting across me, retorted nonchalantly without gazing at me. Her head was twisted to her left.

I furrowed my brows in confusion and looked at the youngest girl. "How'd you now?"

Dinah pointed to the stage proudly as she beamed at whatever she was looking at. "She's playing tonight."

I followed the direction her finger was pointing to and there I found the younger girl without her blazer, but with a red and white electric guitar hanging from her shoulder. Her prominent collarbones we exposed as she flashed a shy grin. My incessant urge to engulf her in a tight embrace grew that my arms could feel the itch.

The Tongan was of course proud, Camila is her best friend.

"Oh my god." I breathed as I took her physique in. My mouth remained gaped as my eyes travelled from her head, down to the visible parts of her slender legs. My breath hitched as my mouth dried up instantly. Camila has always been gorgeous to me; but that night, she was sexier than just cute and my humble heart quivered in admiration. Wow.

"I know." Normani nudged me by the shoulder. She was sitting to my left, looking at the stage; probably Camila as well. "If I were gay, I would seriously ask her out. Look at that, big booty!" She jested but it sounded like the truth to me. At least, I was hoping she really was gay.

"Are you?" I asked her seriously as I pulled my head back to scrutinize her. I was feeling brave for some reason. I felt that if Normani would say she was gay and she was proud, her courage would rub off on me.

But my ebony skinned friend laughed, genuinely finding humor in my question.

"No." She continued bellowing; shaking her head as she clutched her chest. "Are you?"

"No!" I replied rather defensively; my pitched higher. I scrunched up my face; I shook my head; and I folded my arms. I was very stealthy...not.

"Chill, girl. I was just joking." She furrowed her brows while maintaining a grin.

I pretended to laugh along with Normani until her laughter died down. I looked at Camila one more time, only noticing that she was wearing the bowler hat Austin was wearing only minutes ago. My blood boiled at the sight. It was intensified when I saw the brunette boy to her left. He was in center stage. Troy, Ally's boyfriend was on the other end of the stage with a bass guitar strapped on.

"Did you all know about this?" I looked at my friends and they all nodded. I was feeling aggravated and left out all at the same time.

"How come I didn't?" I complained frustratingly.

"You said you wanted to spend more time with your family." Ally remarked as she swung her arm behind me and pulled me closer and rubbing my left arm.

I was about to speak in my defense but a soft tapping of the microphone caught my attention. I ran my hand through my dark brown locks. I was exasperated that I couldn't even say anything to liberate me from my consciousness despite knowing it wouldn't. I might convince them but I wouldn't be able to convince myself.

"Hi guys!" Austin greeted through the microphone; his voice echoed with the numerous amplifiers scattered strategically. The crowd greeted him back which was funny considering Jette told me nobody likes him. "If you don't mind, we're going to start with everybody's favorite; Mirrors by Justin Timberlake."

Great. He sings, too. I scoffed in my thoughts.

"This is for you, Ally." Troy chimed in as she looked our way, winking at the girl to my right.

Ally squealed, excitedly ascending from hear seat. She urged everyone to run to the front of the crowd, beaming widely at us. They all agreed. I stayed behind, I made a phony excuse about my feet being sore. I did feel sore but it weren't my feet, it was the cardiovascular organ in the middle of my chest cavity. As dramatic as that sounds, I was aching to be around Camila but I was too stubborn to admit that.

Nothing made sense anymore and my mind was all over the place. It was these stupid feelings that get me in trouble and they're the same feelings that's causing me so much happiness and stress at the same time.

"Unless you love someone, nothing else makes sense." I heard Camila's voice resound in my head, reverberating in the rather smooth surface of my seemingly hollow skull. It was what she would have sent or written in a note that I would have kept. It was the irrefutable answer to my questions.

And as if by force of habit, I whispered the author's name. "E.E. Cummings."

It was starting to make sense somehow. I was falling hard for Camila but I would upset Gavin and there's this uncertainty on her end. What if she doesn't feel the same way? That was the question I kept repeating in my head. I couldn't risk everything, only to find that I couldn't get her.

The student band played a couple of songs with Camila offering her incredibly beautiful voice to background vocals. It was such a shame, maybe even a crime that she didn't sing by herself. The bigger crime was the fact that she never bothered to look at our table; the very same round table that I was sitting in. As for the biggest crime, it was committed by me; I ignored her.

I didn't see Camila after she stepped out of the stage. I guess she was spending time with her bandmates and the vestige of jealousy was starting to overwhelm me. I pretended to be fine as my friends gathered back to the table. Whatever they were talking about, I made sure to laugh with them but without really participating.

I only saw the brown-eyed brunette when the night ended. She approached our table, smiling at everyone else and averting my gaze. She reluctantly and sternly asked if I wanted to go home. She was not having any of it and I was too consumed by my guilt that I was frozen in her presence. Fear, too, sparked inside me as she looked at me with no hint of happiness at all. She was pissed and that was not a common sight. But she was so hot like that.

"Look, Lauren." She crossed her arms as she let out an audible sigh the moment she stood behind Ally, facing me. "I brought you here and I care about you enough to at least bring you back home. If you want me to take you home or if you find someone else who can take you home, text me."

She swiveled but I stopped her. My chest was erratically jolting

"Can we go now?" I begged penitently. My eyes widened as I stitched my brows together, forming an arch in the middle. I'm pretty sure I looked like a child who was begging for her mother to let her play outside.

Camila didn't say anything. Instead, she jerked the corners of her lips for a split second making the most mediocre smile that has ever grazed those plump surfaces. She turned her back on me and strutted towards the exit. She walked briskly while I excused us from the rest of our friends who sent me off, smiling brightly. I had to run to catch up to the younger brunette who wasn't even fazed by my calling her name. I really hurt her.

As soon as I was right next to her, struggling with my painful feet, I asked in desperation, "Can I stay with you tonight?"

Again, she opted for silence. But she nodded which was a relief for me. I was determined to make it up to her. It hurt seeing her hurt.

It may have been a hasty choice but it was the only choice that my head and my heart agreed with. My rational and emotional consciousness were pointing to her as if she was holding a marquee outlined by bright lights above her head and I was a moth attracted to the blaring rays.

My mind was in chaos, like a lot of aspects of my life. I was unaware if I made the right decision or not. But there was an undeniable fact that the brown-eyed girl made me feel tranquil and that everything was in place which made my emotional state even more...chaotic.