Not Quite the Opposites (camren)

16 - Before the Worst

Fridays were ours. Camila's and mine. We would go everywhere for lunch; park, restaurant, my apartment, her house, or just anywhere within school grounds. We would either study or just hang out, sharing our new playlist or the latest book we read. Camila and I had grown inseparable while my boyfriend and I were slowly drifting apart.

Gavin was angered when I had decided to skip Thanksgiving. It was different, spending it without my family. Thanksgiving with them wasn't necessarily like the American tradition though. There were no turkeys or anything like that. We would just eat a normal family dinner and celebrate the fact that we are together over some cheap wine that we weren't allowed to drink.

The Cabello's invited me to their dinner which ended up with just Camila, Sofia and I as their parents had to perform a pro-bono surgery. They left before I even arrived. It was that urgent.

So much for traditions and holidays.

Camila had become so special to me in all her beauty and idiosyncrasies. I had never felt so bare while fully clothed with another person. She knew more about me than anybody else does, and without my saying anything at that. I just felt so accepted and, dare I say it, perfect in her eyes. It seemed as if no matter what I'd do, I wouldn't disappoint her. If I did, she was there with open arms, figuratively; ready to encapsulate me in the most comfortable way possible.

One Friday, after the Thanksgiving holiday, Camila and I decided to go to her house during lunch.

It was a bright, sunny day and the wind was a little less humid. It was the usual for us, just lounging by the deck, sitting by the pool, our legs partially submerged in the water. Her nose was buried in the book George Orwell's "The Animal Farm", a reading assignment while I was merely on my phone, browsing for the latest music when I stumbled upon a song called "Benny and The Jets" by Elton John.

Jets. Jette,I thought. I had never attempted to ask Camila anything concerning her odd disdain for the blonde but at the time, I was won over by my curiosity.

I set my phone down behind me, safe from the hazards of the chlorine-diluted water and my rather uncoordinated friend.

"What did your friend do?" I asked casually and adjusted my black beanie. "Why do you hate her so much?"

Camila momentarily looked up just to acknowledge the question but immediately went back to her book. "Which friend?"

For some reason, I grew nervous. I was cautious about riling my friend up. I had never seen her angry since the allergic reaction. It was the first time and the last time for now. I was quite startled by it yet weirdly turned on. What is happening to me?

I sealed my eyes shut and perched my hands on the wooden surface that we were sitting on, gripping tightly while slowly uttering, "Janette."

"Well, in that case," She began, slapping her book shut and set it on her lap. I finally nabbed all her attention and she shifted to meet my gaze. "She's not my friend." The brown-eyed brunette continued, shaking her head making the white bow that sat on top of it wiggle from side to side.

"Okay..." I trailed off; still debating on whether I should continue shooting questions. I decided to take the plunge, taking a deep breath. "What did Jette do? Why don't you like me hanging out with her?" I looked at her inquisitively which made her avert my stare.

From the looks of it, Camila was hesitant. She would move her lips but there were no words. She bowed her head and shook it incessantly.

"She used to be so nice." Camila stared off into the trees that separated her house from the neighbors. "We used to be really close; like really close. But something happened to her that made her...wicked. Some people learn from pain, others just become the pain, you know?"

I nodded my head in understanding despite her not looking at me. "So, you're just not going to give me a concrete reason? And I have to listen to you?" I jested, hoping she would at least loosen up.

Camila didn't. Instead, she furrowed her brows and looked at me dead in the eyes asking, "Do you trust me?"

There was severity in her tone and I could sense I jabbed a hurt locker. I regretted my probably irrational desire to ask the question. I wanted to apologize but I felt as if that was just me rubbing salt on an open cut.

"I do." I retorted without hesitation. The months I have spent with her was enough to tell that I found a great friend yet all I knew were bits and pieces of her story; the one that made her Camila.

"Good." Camila breathed and reached for the book with the white cover, stopping when she realized something. "All things truly wicked start from innocence." She blankly narrated, again, starting into the limited horizon.

"Ernest Hemingway." We said in unison, making both of us grin in the process. Hers was still a little hesitant while mine was tainted with guilt.

"You read a lot." I commented timidly; tapping my fingers on the deck in succession.

My friend let out a breath through her nose with a forced smile on her lips. "I will answer you with another Ernest Hemingway quote." She looked at me with a rather serene look on her face.

"What?" I raised my brows, smirking at her. I finally found an avenue to show her I knew things, too; not that I needed to brag. It's just that, if I was a guy, Camila was emasculating me. "There is no friend as loyal as a book?"

The younger brunette nodded incessantly. There was pride in her eyes and my chest was about to burst from relief and elation, if there was such a combination.

She pursed her lips, nodding. "We're on the same frequency."

We ended up laughing lightly at her little comment. It wasn't a hearty laugh but at the time but it was enough for me.

"Seriously, Camz." I planted my hand on her lap, rubbing my thumb on it. "You're my best friend; you will always have my loyalty. I promise."

"I'll hold you to that." My friend grinned and rested her hand on mine. "But me, too. You have mine. You always have." She said reassuringly.

I had thought about my cheating on my boyfriend with her so many times to count. Somehow, I felt like I justified my actions no matter how society would see it, no matter how Gavin would see it. Camila gets me and I feel safe with her. However, she doesn't deserve what I have been doing to her. She should be the one, and not the one I cheat on someone with.

Despite the smile on her face, I could see weariness in her eyes. There was something she wanted to tell me that she felt like she couldn't. And I knew that I needed to know but I had to wait, wait until she's ready to tell me.

"Do you want to invite the girls over?" Camila suddenly probed excitedly.

I was beyond ecstatic. I have never been in that contemporary home with the other three girls. It was always just me and Camila, and I never complained. Being with her, alone, is one of the best times of my life.

"Where's Austin?" Sofi asked as soon as the three girls walked through the front door after school. She jumped up with her arms raised to Dinah, prompting the tallest girl to pick her up.

Camila and I had decided to skip the rest of the day which we haven't done before. We played dolls and dress up with her little sister. It was an interesting afternoon. It was good until Sofi had asked the question. My looming jealousy was just about boiling.

"He's been here and we haven't?" Normani protested while everybody else seemed shocked.

I was quite surprised to learn that little trivia. Friends usually hang out in each other's houses and Camila's parents were quite warm when I met them. Although, Ally's house is everyone's favorite given the garage and all the instruments they have.

Ally had a different, more rational explanation. "They've been friends since they were children, Mani." She reasoned.

"But Lauren has been here..." Sofi interjected, trailing off as she counts her little fingers with her knitted brows and ended up holding all 10 up. "More than this."

Camila and I both cringed at the little slip up. I did, however, expected it given children aren't necessarily liars. They tell the truth, often times spilling things that are supposed to be secrets. If my hanging out with Camila at their sanctuary was indeed a secret, I would want to keep it that way if it meant she wouldn't feel apprehended.

Dinah pulled her head back with a scrutinizing look on her features, looking at Camila and I. "Chick, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you two are dating."

There was an apparent discomfort in Camila's face. She was frowning the moment she noticed our tallest friend contorting her face. My heart sank. I was hurt, thinking that she would feel such deluge of bitter feelings with the thought of dating me.

Camila actually down played it again, just like she usually does and offered to give everyone a tour of their house. The girls marveled at the big, contemporary house we were in just like I did the first time I was there. By the end of the tour, we settled on the dining table, filling the six-seater. Camila took the seat facing away from her room with Sofi to her left while I sat to her right. Normani sat next to me, who was facing Dinah while Ally took the last seat, right in front of Camila.

We were eating some roasted chicken with some heavenly gravy, buttered carrots and peas, and oven-roasted red potatoes. Camila was busy shredding Sofi's chicken and potatoes into little pieces for her to comfortably eat by herself. The carrots were in the size of the peas.

It was a good early dinner over some laughs and playful banter with some intriguing teases from Dinah Jane herself. I'd expect nothing less from her.

"Why do you wear bows?" I asked Camila as I took a sip of my non-alcoholic cider.

The youngest Latina narrowed her eyes at me as she pursed her lips. Her expressions showed how serious she was, her feigned offence was selling. Her brows were sent high that her forehead creased. "Why do you wear beanies? It's Miami."

I let out a puff of air in disbelief through my gaped mouth. "Why do you care?" I retorted rather proudly.

Camila's walls were crumbling down and a smirk replaced her pursed lips. "Why do you ask?"

"Why does that concern you?" I grinned knowingly with a brow raised in scrutiny. I was amused at out childish banter with neither of us answering anything.

By then, we had caught everyone's attention and all I heard were cutleries gently colliding against the plates with little murmurs...even a gasp.

"Why do you answer my questions with questions?" Camila challenged as her face had been apparently pushed closer to mine with a wider, toothy grin and boy, did she look so adorable.

I flared my nostrils as I playfully rolled my eyes, my go-to annoyed expressions, "Why do you do it, too?"

My best friend chuckled, her shoulders jerked slightly. "Why are we talking like this?"

I shrugged, pursing my lips. "Why are you asking me?"

"Why don't you stop?" Camila's voice had begun to sound rugged as she succumbed to her giggling.

"Why don't you do it yourself?" I dared as I had unconsciously moved my head closer to her with our faces mere inches apart.

My breath hitched as soon as I felt her exhaled against my lips. I was beginning to lose of rationality as I remembered how the afternoon before homecoming played out. My mouth had become dry, as dry as a dessert as my heart decided to move up the pace. I felt hot, really hot and flustered that I could feel my torso burning up.

I wanted to kiss her, I really did. But the thought of Camila's discomfort at Dinah's joke earlier made me think otherwise.

"Okay, I will. Just because I'm the mature one." She gave me a self-assured smirk as she sat back down. She crossed her arms as she quietly celebrated her victory.

All I could do was shake my head before I reached for a glass of water. I needed a drink to cool me down after being worked up by Camila's charm. I had chugged the entire contents of the nearly eight ounce volume of the goblet.

To my surprise, Camila was eying me suspiciously as I planted the glass back down on the table. It was a shocked, maybe mortified expression that I had seen before. I was getting worried. I thought I needed another glass.

"Camz, what?" I probed. I was on the edge of my seat as I waited to hear her answer. My little secret admiration may have not been that much of a secret. I feared that the little episode I just had screamed out of me, even without words.

"You drank my water." She timidly retorted as she lifted her hand up, her index finger sticking out, pointing to the glass planted to my right.

"No, that was mine." I good-humoredly insisted as I sat up, forgetting about all the tension I was creating for myself. I reached for the filled goblet and planted it right in front of her. "This one is yours."

"Okay." Dinah breathed, clapping her hands together. "You guys see my hands? This is what I want you two to be." She bobbed her brows repeatedly with those eyes practically dissecting Camila and I.

"I know, right?" Normani chimed in with Ally clapping excitedly, beaming at us.

I reluctantly shifted my gaze back to Camila who was forcing a smile for them. It bothered me how the whole teasing affects her. Her brown eyes never exuded the usual playfulness. They were weary and I was not sure if my reaching for her lap would help but I did.

She didn't look at me but her hand soon found its way on top of mine as her shoulders relaxed. Her tensed expression soon softened and the smile I was hoping to see finally showed up.

The girls and I ended up having a little pool party underneath the early December night. We were all in the pool with Sofi on Dinah's shoulders, holding onto her hair. Apparently, the Cabello girls gravitate towards our tall Polynesian friend. Dinah is admittedly close to children, though, given her string of younger siblings.

We were tossing several beach balls, splashing water at each other while giggling. We were all having a good time. It took me quite the effort to pry my eyes off Camila's toned body and her infamous behind. No wonder people stare at them.

All the fun and games ended for me when I heard my phone ring, just like it always has since the day I arrived Miami. I excused myself from my friends and pulled myself out of the pool. I grabbed the nearest towel and wrapped myself with it before stepping into Camila's room to muffle the sound of laughter and splashing water.

"You were with Camila again weren't you?" Gavin immediately scolded the second I hit accept. There were no such things as greetings and well wishes, he just dived right into it.

I let out a sigh in frustration, slumping my shoulders down. "Why does that matter?"

"Lauren, if it still isn't obvious; I'm jealous." He reasoned. It was a rather immature one and I was supposed to have grown accustomed to it given the frequency of him saying it. "You spend most of your time with her. Heck, you spent Thanksgiving with her."

I cringed at his words.

After processing all my thoughts, I had come to the conclusion that his jealousy had some good grounds, and that was him not knowing of the little kiss I shared with my best friend. There is something I should do and I was not quite sure if it was the right choice. I was hurting my boyfriend despite my annoyance. However, I could not just cut the cord and pretend like the months we shared prior to or during my friendship with Camila was nothing because he did make me happy, somehow.

"You're really jealous of my best friend?" I retorted defensively. I ran my hand through my hair, letting it stay behind my head. I made my way to the sliding glass door and watched my friends enjoy themselves yet I could not find Camila.

His answer came rather swiftly. "She gets to spend time with you whenever she wants, babe. You live in the same city. If you just moved to California we would be able to fix this."

"And here we go again." I groaned as my insides felt like being constricted. All the bliss that I had experienced only minutes ago were washed away. "Gavin, I'll be done in less than a year! I'll even be there for Christmas. What more do you want from me?"

"Your time, babe." Gavin countered with a hint of desperation in his voice.

It had ripped my heart knowing I might have just been stringing him on. He could have been just a contingency plan in case Camila rejected me. Was I even trying to win my friend? I was beyond conflicted that I felt as if I was in a tunnel with no end.

"We talk everysingleday." I emphasized. He knew that, too. However, as far as I'm concerned, the content of our conversations don't hold as much volume as it used to. "If that's not what you call time, I don't know what is."

"You're not there when I need to talk to you." He said with a long sigh and I could tell he was losing his fight.

"I have school, Gavin. You do, too." I reasoned as I dropped my hand to the side of my body, hitting my leg.

It was true. The time difference had been rather staggering for us. He'd still be asleep when I get ready for school and when I'm done with it for the day, he's still stuck at his.

"Fine. Okay. I'm sorry." He mumbled. I could see him shaking his head from all his mannerisms when we fight. If mine was to run my hands through my hair, his would be the head shaking.

"Sure." I reluctantly mumbled.

I heard a low creaking of the door and I quickly snapped my neck to see Camila. Why I immediately felt a little calmer? I don't know. But she was wrapped in a blue and white striped towel with her wet tangled hair dripping on their hardwood floor. I looked down to my feet and saw a puddle forming around me.

I mouthed an "I'm sorry" to my friend to which she grinned at me and raised balled fist with her thumb sticking. She then pointed at me and raised the same hand and thumb asking if I was okay. I offered her a toothless grin and opted for honesty knowing I would talk to her about it anyway.

Camila left me with a nod taking my calmness with her.

"I mean it, babe. Believe me." Gavin implored forgetting about his pride. "I mean, this could just be some sort of a test for our relationship. When we move past this, we'd be happier."

I did want to be happier yet I was not sure if that happiness included my boyfriend. I was being more and more unfair by letting him suffer the distance that I was not particularly dreading.

"I have to go to bed. Good night." I lied. I needed more time to think my decision through. I had asked myself if I preferred a relationship where I loved more of less and the one I have with Gavin was clearly him loving me more. With Camila, my feelings might be one sided and that would hurt.

Is that heartbreak ever going to be worth losing Gavin?

"Okay." He was hesitant but he agreed to let me go without a battle. "Good night. I love you."

"I love you, too." I retorted yet I found myself watching Camila as I mumbled those four words.

I went back down to my friends after I dropped the call. Normani and Ally were having a swim contest while Camila, Dinah and Sofi were not in the little pool party and I figured it was the little Cabello's bed time. I returned the towel on the white pool lounger and sat on the same spot of the deck.

The smell of the salt water close by coupled by the warm sea breeze had offered me serenity that I so desperately heeded. To be surrounded by two oblivious friends who were laughing like idiots made my situation a little easier. I did not want to have to open up to everyone about my love troubles.

"Are you okay, Lo?" Camila queried, her voice emanating from my back. The sound of her voice made me nervous, working my somnolent heart up.

"It's Gavin." I frowned. I held my head low, watching the ripples of the water. "We don't really talk anymore. He is still so caught up with my staying here. I mean, we talk but we're not really having a conversation these days. They're just platonic nonsense or petty arguments."

"He just wants to be with you." She reasoned with the same low volume as mine but her raspy, sweet voice had provided me stillness through the rocky path that I am hurdling in. She sounded so sure of what she was saying like she shared the same emotions, the same mind as Gavin. She joined me on the deck, on the same spot as that afternoon.

Camila's and my hand were side by side on the deck. I stared at hers without her knowing as her gaze was plastered on the trees in front of us. I debated against myself if it was appropriate or even rational to put my hand over hers. I could even make it seem like an accident but that would have been another lie.

I let out a sigh. I was looking for someone who shared the same sentiments as me, not him. I needed to hear some encouragement with what I was thinking of doing. But Camila had constantly been a voice of reason, even amid our friends' defending her from Janette Zack.

"I think I have to let him go."

"I think it's...it's really important to sort things out though and not let things fester." Camila followed my gaze, watching the water as she fluttered her legs. "Just like in any relationship or friendship, I feel like communication is probably the most important thing."

Through my uneven, rapid breathing, I had managed to speak clearly. "I have told him we could end up breaking up because we fight so much and the distance is killing him, maybe me, too."

"Maybe you will just have to see." She adjusted her gaze so she was looking at the side of my face. She had a very gentle look in her eyes with that toothless grin. "I mean, maybe both of you should just stop obsessing over the being away part and start realizing that this could just be the little bump in the road that would allow you to reap beautiful rewards in the future."

"That's what he said." I protested. Maybe Camila and Gavin were on the same wave length and not her and I. "Well, not the poetic half of that statement." I pursed my lips, shaking my head.

"You probably just didn't pay attention to what he was saying or what he was saying, Lo." Camila reasoned. I would have felt judged but it was Camila who said that. She had always been careful with her words.

I puffed out in defeat. "But Camz, all we do is fight."

"You're just not seeing eye to eye." She shook her head.

Before I could even complain, I felt the warmth of her hand on top of mine. She slipped her fingers through the gaps of mine and I had just lost it. An innocent touch had sent me going insane, what would another kiss do to me? s*x with her might just be the cause of my death.

"Why are you being so philosophical on me?" I playfully probed as soon as I replenished my lungs with air.

"I'm not." Camila chuckled with that bewildered, innocent look in her face. She timidly looked back down to the water. "I'm just giving you some sound advice that you're probably not asking for."

"I am. I value your words and opinions, Camz." I reassured her, elbowing her with a grin.

We watch Ally and Normani practically cheat with their little swimming contest. Normani pulling Ally by the foot and catapulted herself farther than our shorter friend. Our blue-haired friend eventually laughed too much, she choked. It was a laugh fest for all four of us.

Camila's torso continually jerked from her giggling and I could feel my face getting redder with the warmth I felt on my cheeks.

"Do you know you change your voice when you talk to him?" Camila asked as soon as we recovered from laughing.

I took a sharp breath. She had caught me of guard with that question. I furrowed my brows, inquisitively looking at her. "How?

"It's not hard to tell, Lolo." She shook her head, slightly chuckling and I was practically becoming red, only this time, it was from embarrassment. "You significantly change it to a soft, kitten-like purring."

I wanted to run and just hide in a cave where she, or anyone else wouldn't find me. A pillow covering my face would have been enough.

I bit my lips as I playfully shook my head condescendingly. "Remind me to stay away from you when we talk or how about you not coming after me?"

She grinned at me, bobbing her brows repeatedly. "It would be my pleasure."