The Space Between

Nathan 1-4

My heart clenched.

“You’re right, and I’m sorry. There’s nothing you can say to make me feel worse than I already do, Britt. Nothing. I just hope you believe me. I hope you can forgive me, and we can start over.” I was looking right at her, but she wasn’t looking at me. I looked at her neck again, at my mark there, like it was my heart, displayed for the whole world to see.

Her eyes briefly met mine before looking away again. They were no longer glowing, but I saw the fear and confusion still there.

I turned and left her room, gently closing her door. I’m surprised I made it to my room before I broke down in tears. I flopped across the bed, realizing then that I hadn’t even slept in it. That the two nights I was here I spent in Brittany’s room, sleeping with her in my arms. I wanted to spend every night for the rest of my life like that.

There was so much we hadn’t talked about.

So much I didn’t know about her.

So much she didn’t know about me.

I laid there for about an hour before I got up and took a shower, got dressed and packed my bag. The Alpha and I were supposed to leave today, and it was a five-hour drive back to our land. A knock sounded at my door and my heart started racing. I flung open the door.

“Alpha.” I stepped back to let him in.

Andrew’s eyes took in everything. And I knew he could smell her on me. “Nathan, there is no meeting today. We will leave when we planned.”

“Yes, Alpha, but you could have just called.”

“Your phone must be dead, because I already tried that.” Normally, if we were on pack land, he would have mind-linked me, but we weren’t. Mind-link didn’t work outside our borders.

I took my phone out of my pocket and tried to turn it on. Nope, it was dead now. Damn it! What if Brittany had tried to call me? I walked away from Andrew and rummaged around for my cord so I could plug it in.

I heard Andrew step in farther. “Nathan, what happened?” He gestured to my neck. “How did that happen?”

“She marked me, Andrew.” My shoulders dropped.

“But how, she’s not a wolf.”

“I told you I thought there was some in her bloodline.” I pointed to my neck, to her mark. “Apparently, I was right.”

“And your mate, does she bear your mark?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Then what’s the problem? Nathan, trust I speak to you as a friend, not your alpha.”

“I scared her, Andrew.” I couldn’t look the man in the eyes. “I made her feel fear. I let jealousy cloud my judgement. She couldn’t even look at me.”

I heard Andrew sigh as I continued to look at the phone in my hand. There was finally enough battery for it to power on. “You need to talk to her. It’s just going to get worse if you don’t. The mate bond won’t let it go for long.”

“Did you ever make your mate feel fear?” I asked him, finally meeting his eyes.

Andrew sighed again. “The Luna and I have been together for a long time and I’m sure, at some point during these years, she’s felt fear. Not to mention anger, resentment, and any other host of emotions. Relationships take work, even destined ones like a mate bond.”

“Um, excuse me?” We both heard from the door and Andrew and I turned to see Brittany standing at my open door.

I dropped my phone and started towards her, a smile on my face. “Brittany, come in, please.” I stopped right before I made it to her, she still looked at me warily, but she stepped into my room at least. “Come and meet my alpha.”

“Alpha?”

“Yes, he’s the leader of my pack, Alpha Andrew Brown.” I lightly placed my hand on her elbow and gently led her to stand in front of the other man.

“Nice to meet you,” she said, holding out her hand. “My name is Brittany St. John.”

I watched the alpha’s eyes raise to mine, a definite question in them. In our culture, once a female was mated and marked, any other male, aside from her family, dared not touch her. Not only out of respect, but because the smell of another man on your mate would make a wolf go crazy. I understood his hesitation, but Brittany didn’t. I gave him a slight nod to let him know it would be ok to take her hand and shake it. His touch on her hand was brief and light, but he saw how much I struggled with even that.

Andrew stepped back to a respectable distance. “Well, I’ll let you two talk.” He looked up at me and nodded. “Beta,” he said before he walked out of my room and shut the door.

Brittany turned to face me then. “And what does beta mean? Some secret wolf thing?”

“Beta is my title, Brittany. Like alpha is his title. It’s no secret.” I searched her eyes for any of the fear I had seen earlier. All I saw now was confusion. I could work with confusion.

“Feel free to go ahead and speak to me like I’m an i***t and I have no idea about the hierarchy of a wolf pack.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think about it. Please, sit down.” I sat on the bed and patted the spot next to me. The look she gave me wasn’t lost on me when she sat next to me. We had just spent the last two nights tangled up with each other. I wanted to take her hand, but I thought it might be too early for that. “Beta is a title given to the second in command of a pack.”

“Like, vice president is to president?”

“I suppose that analogy works.”

“So, you’re like, the vice president of the pack?”

“Basically, yes.”

“I thought you were an ecologist.”

“That’s my job. Alpha is a lawyer.” I shrugged my shoulders. “For the pack, I am the beta.” I reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. I couldn’t resist touching her.

“Nathan, what’s going on? I don’t understand what’s happening.” She turned to look at me. “On Friday, I thought, I don’t know. You crashed into me and asked me on a date and that suddenly sounded better than hanging out with my friends all weekend. So, I thought, what the hell, he’s gorgeous, I’ll have one of those hot vacation flings.”

“A hot vacation fling?”

“I mean, at first, yes, that’s what I thought.”

“But now?”

“What is this?” She asked me, pulling down the neck of the sweater she was wearing. “Did you seriously give me a hickey like a fifteen-year-old?”

“Brittany, it is not a hickey.” The mark was only as big as a dime, in the spot where her neck met her shoulder. This close, I could see the swirling design in it. It made my mouth water just looking at it.

“Then explain it to me.”

I sighed. How did I explain it without pissing her off or scaring her away? “It’s a mate mark.” She remained silent, her eyes on me as I searched for the words to explain it to her. I never imagined my mate would be someone who didn’t grow up knowing what it was. Or even had an inkling. “For shapeshifters, at least the ones I know, we all have a mate. Our soulmate if you will, our other half.”

“And you think that’s me?”

“I know it’s you.”

“How did you know it was me?”

“I smelled you.”

“You what?”

“I smelled you,” I told her again, moving in close to her, closing my eyes, breathing in her scent. “I was waiting for Andrew in the lobby when I started smelling jasmine. When that elevator opened, it exploded around me. You were all I could see.”

“You think I smell like jasmine?” Her voice was soft.

I opened my eyes to discover I was within inches of her lips. “To me, you do. That’s when I knew you were meant for me. In case you didn’t notice, I couldn’t take my eyes off you when you walked by.”

“I very much noticed.”

I scooted my body closer to her. “For us, we know the moment we find our mate. There’s a lot more behind it, but for now, I want you to understand that’s how I know you’re mine. And that mark, it’s kind of like a wedding ring in our world.”

Brittany pulled her head back from me. She had been drawing closer to me, just as moved by the mate bond as I seemed to be. “Wait, a wedding ring.”

“Are you telling me you don’t feel it too?”

“Nathan, I - I…”

I pulled my own shirt back so she could see the mark on my neck. “Look at this.”

Anger rolled off her then. I felt it. The type of anger a jealous female wolf would exhibit. “You already had a mark?”

“No, Britt, you marked me. You’re the only female I would let mark me. My mate.”

Brittany shot to her feet then and I rose just as quickly, stepping in front of her so she couldn’t leave. “I’m not a shapeshifter.”

“You clearly have a wolf somewhere in your bloodline, because your canine incisors were in my neck.” I could feel her anxiety and confusion in my chest, thanks to the mate bond.

“I can’t breathe. I need to go. I’m going to throw up.”

I pulled her into my arms then, trying to help her calm down. Her entire body was shaking. “Baby, just breathe. Try to calm down.” I ran my hand down her hair, stroking her, trying to let my calm comfort seep into her. This might be more difficult than I thought, with her being my mate but not a wolf at her core.

“I need to go home,” she said into my chest.

“To my home?”

“No, Nathan,” she tried to push herself away from me, but my arms tightened around her. “To New York. I need space. I need to think.”

My entire heart shattered. It was broken. Everything in me wanted to scoop her up and force her back to my home here in Colorado. But that was not going to win her trust. That was not going to win her heart. Even though we’d already claimed and marked each other, her heart could still reject me. The loss of my mate would hurt me more than it did her, considering I was a purebred wolf. Being away from her would crush me, but if that’s what I had to do to win her, what other choice did I have?

“Ok,” I said softly, “but there’s something you need to understand. I will come for you. Whatever it takes to win your heart, I will do it. I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth, Brittany.”

“Nathan, please don’t.” She pushed away from me again and that time, I let her go, but I lifted her head up so she could look me in the eyes.

“No, Brittany, there is no please don’t. Because I am and I will. My word is my truth.” My pupils dilated and I felt my wolf surface. “You’re my mate, my soul, and I will come for you. Nothing will keep me from you.”

“Good luck finding me, then.” All I saw in her eyes was fear, but not fear of me, fear of what we had. Fear of heartache. Fear of rejection. Fear of whatever happened to her in the past that I didn’t know about.

“Trust me,” I said, “it won’t be a problem.”

As soon as my fingers left her face, she bolted out of my room. Everything, and I mean everything, in my being wanted to chase after her. I had to clench my fists in order to stand still. I felt my claws come out and pierce the skin of my palm. My whole body shook. I had to get out of here before I destroyed this room. I grabbed all my stuff and headed to Andrew’s room down the hall. If I’d have knocked any harder, I would have split the door in two. I was breathing heavy, and I know my wolf was in my eyes when he opened the door.

“Alpha.” I know he could tell what was wrong with me based on the look in my eyes.

“I’m ready, let me grab my bag.” I remained in the hallway, trying to control my breathing. I needed to run. I needed to shift. Andrew came out and closed his door, “Come,” he said, using his dominant tone on me. He knew that was about the only thing that would make me listen. I followed him, but I don’t really remember it. I know I was pacing in the elevator. Prowling. Nearly climbing the walls.

It just got worse after that because I could smell her when the elevator doors opened. She was sitting in the lobby with her two friends, and I could tell she’d been crying. I know she saw me. I tried to swerve towards her, but Andrew stopped me by placing his body in front of mine. In this state, with my wolf just under the surface, he knew I was stronger than him and I could easily break his hold on me. Growls came from deep in my chest.

“Get in the car, Nathan.” His alpha command was the only reason I complied, otherwise, I’d have scooped her up and ran into the woods with her. Still, he had to push me out of the resort and to his car. I was barely human when I threw my bag in the backseat of his car and got in the front passenger seat.

He drove down the mountain pass as quickly as he could, and we’d barely made it past the city limits when I started undressing. “Let me out.” My voice was no longer recognizable as my own.

“We should get a bit farther from the city.”

“Let. Me. Out.” When he just kept driving, trying to get as far as he could, I lost my patience and slammed my fist into the dashboard. “Stop the f*****g car and let me out!”

As soon as he pulled off to the side of the road, I exploded out of the car and was in my wolf form before my paws hit the ground.

I ran.