Roadblocks

Chapter 6: Alex

Chapter 6: AlexCall me! We need to talk.

On w******p, on Skype, per email, she had even texted Silke and what had she gotten back? Nothing. And since that damn Skype had done away with the availability status, she couldn’t even tell whether Silke’s laptop was on. Or her phone for that matter. Putting her legs on the coffee table, she checked her phone one more time. Ten forty-two, not quite their usual time to talk and Sunday instead of Saturday, but so what?

She stared at the little circle with the picture of Silke for a moment then pressed Enter. It rang and rang and rang and by the time the tin voice announced Silke’s unavailability, Alex was fuming. Still, she pressed Enter again and, for good measure, used the call feature of w******p as well. No response on either. Furious, she tried both again and again and when there was no doubt that the little b***h had muted both, she gritted her teeth and used Skype to dial Silke up directly. Call denied. How dare she? Luckily, Alex hadn’t deleted any of their old emails, and after scrolling through about twenty or so, she found what she was looking for.

“McKnight residence, how can I help you?”

Got you. “Goddammit, Silke, why the hell aren’t you answering your phone?”

“Alex?”

“Yes, Alex. The one you once proclaimed undying love to, remember?”

Silence, except she could hear Silke breathe. This wasn’t going well, not at all.

“Anyway,” Alex soldiered on, suppressing her anger. “I haven’t been texting you for no reason. I have good news. I closed the office down for a whole two weeks. So we’ll have plenty of time to do stuff. We could even go somewhere if you want.”

Silence, still. For so long that Alex couldn’t hold it in any more. “For Christ’s sake, Silke, say something!”

“Um…”

“Words, please.”

“Well…”

“How about this is great?”

“Alex…I’m not coming.”

“What?”

“Keep in mind that I am the new employee still, the most recent hire. And the others all have children and families and…” She cleared her throat. “I know we had planned to spend the holidays together, but I just can’t. Everybody else is getting off before me, so…” She cleared her throat again. “I am on call from December 23rd until January 2nd . Meaning, while I may not actually have to go in every day, there is no way I can leave the country.”

“And when exactly were you going to tell me this, this news of yours? I closed the office down, for Pete’s sake.” Okay, so Silke’s impending visit hadn’t been the main reason, but Silke didn’t need to know that.

“I was going to write you. I just found out myself on Friday.”

“So? Today is Sunday.”

“Yeah, well, I was really busy yesterday. I visited Kayla and then Lauren needed, um, help with, um, the laundry. We stripped all the beds and washed the linens because Kayla is going to be released soon.”

“And, of course, you had no time in between putting the sheets in the dryer and folding them to drop me a simple line? Come on, Silke, just how stupid do you think I am?”

“I….” Alex could almost see her fidgeting, so palpably was she stressed out. “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“That’s it? No I’m heartbroken that I don’t get to see you?”

“Well, I’m disappointed, of course. And I know my mom will be disappointed, and Lara for sure. I bought this really cute stuffed armadillo for her and you wouldn’t believe what they charged me for shipping it.”

“Stop diverting!”

Silke shut up at that, but when Alex realized what she’d just said, she became even more furious. “When did you ship the damn thing? When?”

“I just…Thursday.”

“This week or last week? Never mind, I don’t give a s**t if you shipped it on Easter Sunday. Just tell me why you’ve been avoiding me like this.”

“I haven’t.”

“Oh, please.”

“I told you I wasn’t going to be in touch as much. I need time to figure this out, Alex, and maybe my year here was just what we needed.”

“What you needed, you mean. I had no say in that.”

“Whatever. You knew I wanted to start a family. I told you before I left there.”

“Yes, and you knew I didn’t. I’m not going to change my mind either.”

“Then why are you all bent out of shape that I’m not coming? After all, it’s getting more and more obvious that we weren’t meant for one another.”

“That’s not true and you know it. We were having a great life together. Your decision to all of a sudden jump on the baby wagon doesn’t change that. Or have you decided not to be lesbian any longer as well?”

“Don’t be silly! Of course not.”

“Then where are you going to get the sperm from? Not to mention the fact that no health insurance is going to cover artificial anything unless you’re married.”

“Checked up on it, did you?” Silke’s voice changed from apologetic to bitchy.

“Anything for you, darling. Have you thought about how you’re going to support yourself once you do manage to get pregnant and have the kid? From what I’ve heard, life as a single mother isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either.”

“There are ways to get help, I’m sure. And if all else fails, there are always my parents.”

“Sure. And just how is having an unwed and unemployed lesbian mother under his roof going to sit with that father of yours?”

The silence that followed told Alex that she’d hit her mark. After all, hadn’t Silke mainly left Germany to not be unemployed? The stupid girl would do anything as long as it kept her from disappointing that bigoted and prejudiced father of hers.

“Dad would support me.” Silke’s voice trembled a little.

God, how Alex hated it when she turned into her daddy’s little girl. “That he would,” she nevertheless agreed. “The question is: how you would deal with that underlying scorn of his?”

While Silke’s father never once had said anything even slightly homophobic in front of Alex, or even Silke for all Alex knew, he had never accepted them as a couple. Politically correct to a T, he’d welcomed Alex as a guest—as a family member even—but that had been on the surface. Deep down he harvested an old-fashioned mistrust of anything that didn’t fit into his own narrow view of how things should be. Not that Alex blamed him. A lot of people of that generation were that way, and she couldn’t have cared less as long as he didn’t outright accuse her. No, what had always pissed her off and still did was Silke’s childish need to somehow achieve and keep his approval. Realizing she could never win the prize for the perfect husband, wife, and baby conglomerate her sister had so effortlessly produced, she settled for being the perfect breadwinner instead. Success meant everything to her—well, not to her as such, but as a means to prove her worth to Daddy.

“I said, if all else fails, I would turn to my parents, not that I would move in with them tomorrow. Besides, there are other lesbians out there who like children.”

“So you’re on the prowl now? I would have never taken you to be that shallow. But, hey, go ahead and look for some breeder-type butch. I’m sure there are plenty out there just waiting for the opportunity to jump a woman who’s afraid her eggs are going to dry out.”

“Ohhh!” Now Silke was fuming too, providing Alex much-needed satisfaction. “Just so you know,” she sputtered, “Ana would happily have a dozen kids with me. Tomorrow, if need be. And Lauren, too. She loves babies.”

“Now let’s be serious here. You know a grand total of two women in San Antonio and both of them can’t wait to marry you so you can have your precious baby?”

“Um…”

“Ha! I bet you never asked either one of them. Then again, why would you ask Lauren? After all, she is a freshly bereaved hetero woman.”

“That’s what you think. Either way, they both like me and I bet you anything they would both be more supportive of my wish to become pregnant than you will ever be.”

“You got that one right, sister. So, go ahead, ask them! Just don’t think you can come running home to me later.”

“I won’t.” Silke gritted out, and for once Alex couldn’t tell whether she was mad or crying. “Trust me.”

“Bye, then. And good luck finding a willing baby mama.”