MY BEATING HEART

CHAPTER 8- MIXED SIGNALS

Walking to school with Prisca that morning felt like a blur. The weight of the previous night clung to me like a heavy fog. My mind was too scattered to focus, and my steps felt heavier with each passing moment. It wasn’t just the exams looming ahead; it was Daniel.

Prisca, with her boundless energy and carefree demeanor, seemed oblivious to my inner turmoil. She chatted about random things, her words filling the silence I refused to break. But the quiet peace I tried to build crumbled the moment I saw him—Daniel—walking towards us.

My heart plummeted into my stomach. I wasn’t ready to face him, not after the sleepless night, not after hearing those words. I love you. The memory of them still stung, sharp and unrelenting.

“Prisca, let’s go the other way,” I murmured, clutching her arm in a weak attempt to steer us away.

But Prisca was faster than my fear. She tightened her grip on my arm and, before I could stop her, waved enthusiastically. “Hey! You’re Daniel, right?”

I froze, my legs unwilling to move as her words hit the air. A deep wave of dread washed over me.

She grinned, turning slightly toward me. “Grace has told me so much about you.”

I wished the earth would swallow me whole. Why, Prisca? Why now? My face burned as I avoided Daniel’s gaze, staring down at the ground and wishing I could disappear.

Prisca, blissfully unaware of my silent panic, stretched out her hand toward him. “I’m Prisca. Nice to meet you!”

Daniel looked at her outstretched hand for a moment before giving it a quick, almost reluctant shake. The exchange felt painfully awkward, but Prisca didn’t seem to notice.

His eyes shifted to me, sharp and unreadable. “I’ll see you after class,” he said. “Can we meet and talk?”

His voice sent a shiver down my spine, but not the good kind. The kind that came with foreboding. The kind that made your stomach churn and your mind race.

“What does he want to talk about?” I whispered to myself as he walked away. My anxiety swelled as I replayed his words over and over. Was it about last night? Did he know I talked about him to Prisca and others? What did he want from me?

The rest of the day passed in a haze. Nothing my professors said made sense. My notes were blank, my pen still, my mind consumed by questions I didn’t have answers to. Prisca, who had started this whole ordeal, was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t in my major, so I had no one to distract me or help me process the chaos brewing inside,plus angel was absent from class today so i was completely alone.

Evening came too quickly. I spent the last few hours agonizing over whether to text Daniel, unsure if I even wanted to know what he had to say. Finally, unable to bear the waiting, I sent a simple, “I’m ready.”

He responded almost immediately. “Come out. I’ll meet you.”

When I stepped outside, he was already waiting. We walked toward his place, the air between us heavy with unspoken words. My palms were sweaty, my heart racing with each step. Daniel, as always, seemed calm, his expression unreadable.

As we neared his house, he broke the silence. “What would you do if other girls were interested in me?” he asked casually, as though the question was of no significance.

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. I stumbled slightly, trying to process what he had just said.

“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice trembling despite my best efforts.

He shrugged, his gaze fixed on the path ahead. “You know, if other girls wanted to be with me. How would you feel?”

I knew what this was. It was a test, a trap designed to gauge my feelings. And I couldn’t fall for it.

My heart begged me to tell the truth, to confess everything I’d kept bottled up for so long. But my mind screamed louder, warning me of the consequences. If I told him I loved him, he would leave. I wasn’t ready to lose him, not yet, even if it meant continuing this painful charade.

“I wouldn’t do anything,” I replied, forcing the words out with as much indifference as I could muster.

Daniel glanced at me, his expression unreadable. “Really?”

“Yeah,” I lied, each word like a dagger to my chest.

The silence that followed was unbearable. I wanted to scream, to take it back, to tell him the truth. But I couldn’t. The risk was too great.

As we reached his place, I regretted every second of that reply. I hated myself for hiding my feelings, but I hated the thought of losing him even more.

His question hung in the air, heavy and unsettling. The casual way he asked it made it worse, like he wasn’t aware of the chaos it unleashed in me. Finally, unable to hold it in any longer, I asked, “Why? Why would you ask me something like that?”

He didn’t answer immediately, his gaze fixed on the path ahead. “I just wanted to know,” he said eventually, his voice calm, almost indifferent.

I couldn’t stop myself. “Do you have someone in mind?” I pressed. “Do you like anyone? Has… has any girl confessed to you?”

Daniel stopped walking and turned to me, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “I think your friend,” he said, “the one I met this morning. Prisca, right? She might be into me.”

The words felt like a slap. Prisca? I blinked, trying to process what he’d just said. A laugh escaped me, though it felt forced and hollow. “No way,” I said quickly, shaking my head. “Prisca isn’t like that. She’d never do something like that.”

He raised an eyebrow, his expression somewhere between amused and smug. “You’re naive,” he said, his tone light but cutting. “You don’t see what I see. Prisca’s 100% into me.”

My stomach churned, a mix of disbelief and irritation bubbling inside me. “You’re wrong,” I insisted, but my voice wavered slightly, betraying my uncertainty.

Daniel shrugged, his tone almost playful. “Am I? If you give me her number, I’ll prove it to you.”

I hesitated, the suggestion both ridiculous and unsettling. “I’d have to tell Prisca first,” I said, my voice cautious.

He nodded, still grinning. “Sure, go ahead. But here’s the thing—Prisca will fall for me. Just watch.”

“And if she doesn’t?” I shot back, frustration creeping into my tone.

He stopped walking and turned to face me, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “If she doesn’t,” he said, “I’ll let you pick a place. Anywhere you want. I’ll pay for us to go on a two-day date.”

His confidence grated on my nerves, but curiosity gnawed at the edges of my anger. I wanted to prove him wrong, to show him that Prisca wasn’t who he thought she was. “And what about you?” I asked. “What do you get if I lose?”

He smiled then, a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I don’t need anything from you.”

His words cut deeper than I expected. The sharp ache in my chest was immediate, a pain I couldn’t ignore. I needed to do something, to close the gap that seemed to stretch between us with every passing second.

Before I could stop myself, the words tumbled out. “I want to give myself to you today,” I said, my voice trembling but resolute. “All of me.”

Daniel froze, his brows furrowing in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I want us to have s*x,” I said, the words leaving my lips before I could think them through. My cheeks burned, but I forced myself to hold his gaze. “I want you to be my first.”

His expression shifted, a mixture of surprise and discomfort flashing across his face. “You’re not ready,” he said firmly.

“I am,” I insisted, my voice steady despite the storm raging inside me. “It’s my body, and I know what I’m saying. I’ve thought about this. If I don’t do it now, I’ll regret it.”

Daniel shook his head, his tone calm but resolute. “I’m not interested in virgins,” he said bluntly. “I don’t want to.”

The rejection was like a slap, but I swallowed the sting and nodded weakly, pretending it didn’t hurt as much as it did.

We continued walking, the silence between us thick and oppressive. I tried to focus on the path ahead, but his earlier words about Prisca wouldn’t leave my mind. They echoed relentlessly, feeding a paranoia that gnawed at the edges of my thoughts. Could Prisca actually like him?

I hated myself for even entertaining the thought, but I couldn’t shake it. The idea clung to me, festering like a wound I couldn’t heal. Was he right? Did I miss something?

By the time we reached his house, I felt emotionally drained. I wanted to prove him wrong, to show him that Prisca wasn’t interested in him, but a small part of me—the part I hated—wasn’t sure anymore.

As Daniel opened the door, I caught a glimpse of his smile—calm, confident, and completely unaffected. It irritated me, how easily he carried himself, as if nothing fazed him. I envied that.

“Do you want to come in?” he asked, his voice casual, as though the last hour hadn’t happened.

I hesitated, glancing at him before shaking my head. “No, I should get back,” I said quickly.

He nodded, unbothered. “Suit yourself,” he said, stepping inside.

As the door closed behind him, I stood there for a moment, the weight of everything pressing down on me. I felt like I was losing control, and the worst part was, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stop it suddenly, i heard the door open back again as I was lost in thought, i felt a hand wrapped around my waist, a warm kiss on my neck and lastly, a gentle tug on my waist, i lost my footing as i stumbled into Daniel's house he held me tight, his back to the wall and my head resting on his chest, i could still feel the soft breeze coming from the open door but to my surprise, i felt something else, something surprising, Daniel's heart was beating uncontrollably. Worried that something might be wrong i looked up at him and as our eyes met, Daniel kissed me in a way that I never knew was possible.