MY BEATING HEART

CHAPTER 10 I AM LOVEABLE

Sleep was impossible. I lay on my side, staring at the faint glow of the streetlights filtering through the curtains, my thoughts tangled in frustration and self-doubt.

I felt exposed—not just physically, but emotionally.

Had I misread everything?

the way his fingers brushed against mine, the kisses, his touch, I had felt the heat between us, the way his breath hitched when I leaned in closer. So what changed?

Was I not appealing enough?

A deep ache settled in my chest. Maybe it was because I wasn’t the type of woman he usually went for. I wasn’t delicate or slim, the kind of girl men instinctively gravitated toward. I had curves, soft places, flesh that begged to be touched.

Or maybe… maybe he just didn’t want me.

The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I hugged the sheets tighter, replaying every second of last night. My skin still tingled where his hands had explored, where his lips had grazed. I had let myself believe that he wanted this as much as I did.

But then—he pulled away.

No words. No explanation. Just a quiet, distant tension that made my stomach sink.

I swallowed hard, pressing my fingers into the pillow.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I should have been lying here, breathless and spent, wrapped in the warmth of him. Instead, I was drowning in a pool of doubt and insecurity.

I couldn’t bear the thought of facing him in the morning, of seeing indifference in his eyes. So I prayed—begged—that he wouldn’t be in the sitting room when I slipped out.

The first rays of dawn crept through the curtains as I sat up, my body heavy with exhaustion.

I moved cautiously, my bare feet whispering against the floor as I crept toward the door. My heart pounded. One step. Then another. I held my breath, fingers wrapping around the handle.

Then I heard it.

Daniel’s voice, low and casual, drifted from the other bedroom.

Relief flooded me, and I let out a shaky exhale. He was distracted—probably on the phone, which meant I could slip out unnoticed.

But as I reached for the door, something inside me rebelled.

Why am I running?

I wasn’t the one who should feel ashamed. I had given him everything last night—my touch, my trust, the soft, vulnerable parts of me. He should have been grateful.

Instead, I was standing here, feeling small.

My pulse quickened, but for a different reason this time.

No.

I was not going to let this end with me feeling unwanted.

A slow, unfamiliar confidence spread through me as I let my hand slip from the doorknob.

If Daniel thought he could dismiss me so easily, he had another thing coming.

My fingers found the hem of my shirt, and in one swift movement, I pulled it over my head, letting it fall to the floor. My shorts followed, pooling at my feet, leaving me in nothing but my barely-there bathing suit.

A smirk curled at the edges of my lips as I turned toward the staircase.

Let’s see if he can ignore me now.

The wooden steps were cool beneath my bare feet as I climbed toward his room. The air felt heavier, charged with something unspoken, something that buzzed beneath my skin.

I reached his door and hesitated for just a second before pushing it open.

Daniel was sitting at the edge of the bed, shirtless, his dark hair tousled from sleep. His phone rested beside him, his attention locked onto the screen—until he saw me.

His breath hitched.

For a long moment, neither of us spoke. The air between us grew thick, dense with something raw and electric. His gaze traveled over me, lingering on every inch of bare skin, the way my curves lay bare before him.

His jaw tightened. His fingers flexed against the sheets.

Good.

Let him see me. Let him feel the weight of his mistake.

I stepped inside, closing the door behind me with deliberate slowness, watching the way his muscles tensed.

Still, he said nothing.

So I gave him a reason to speak.

“I was going to leave,” I murmured, letting my fingers trail along the doorframe. “But then I thought… why should I?”

Daniel swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Grace—”

I tilted my head, stepping closer. “You don’t get to say my name like that.”

His breath shuddered out, and I felt a flicker of satisfaction at the way his gaze darkened.

“You were cold last night,” I continued, voice soft but firm. “Like none of it mattered. Like I didn’t matter.”

Daniel ran a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. “That’s not—”

I didn’t let him finish.

I stepped between his legs, close enough to feel the warmth of his skin, the barely restrained tension in his body. His hands clenched into fists at his sides, as if fighting the urge to reach for me.

“Then prove me wrong,” I whispered.

For a split second, he didn’t move. But then—

A sharp inhale. A flicker of something dangerous in his eyes. And suddenly, I wasn’t sure who was in control anymore.

He moved fast—faster than I expected.

One moment, I was standing over him, taunting him with my presence. The next, I was beneath him, the mattress dipping under our weight as his body pressed into mine, heat radiating from every inch of him.

His breath was uneven, his eyes burning with something fierce and possessive. “You think I don’t want you?”

I shivered at the roughness in his tone, at the way his fingers brushed against my waist, sending sparks skittering down my spine.

His lips hovered just above mine, teasing, testing. “You have no idea how hard it is to stay away.”

I arched into him, tilting my chin just enough for our lips to brush. The barest touch, but enough to send a jolt of heat between us.

“Then don’t,” I murmured.

And just like that, the last of his restraint snapped.

His hands found my hips, gripping me with an urgency that sent a jolt of anticipation through my veins. “Grace…” he breathed, voice low and strained, but I silenced him with a kiss.

Our lips met in a fiery collision, need and desperation tangled in every movement. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me flush against him as if he was afraid I’d disappear. He kissed me like a man starved, his lips devouring mine, his tongue sweeping deep as his hands roamed my body, tracing the curve of my waist, the dip of my spine.

A soft moan escaped me as his lips left mine, traveling lower, down the line of my jaw, to the sensitive spot beneath my ear.

My body trembled as he explored me, fingers mapping every inch, every curve. Then, just as I felt myself melting under his touch, his hand slipped between my thighs, his fingers pressing against my heat.

I gasped.

A slow, teasing stroke sent a sharp jolt of pleasure through me, but as his fingers slipped inside, a sharp sting followed.

I bit my lip, my body tensing instinctively.

Daniel stilled. His breath was warm against my skin as he whispered against my ear, “You’re so wet.” His voice was thick with desire, but there was something else there too—something tender.

His hand moved to my waist, his grip firm but patient as he turned me, guiding me onto all fours. My chest pressed into the mattress, my back arched, my hips tilted toward him.

He hesitated, his fingers tracing slow circles along my spine. “Are you sure?” His voice was softer this time, edged with concern.

I swallowed hard, my heart hammering against my ribs. I had waited for this moment, dreamed of it, but now that it was real, fear and excitement tangled inside me in equal measure.

“Yes,” I whispered. “I want this.”

For a moment, he said nothing. Then, I felt the press of his body against mine, the heat of him sending shivers up my spine.

But as he began to push inside, a sharp, searing pain tore through me.

I sucked in a breath, my fingers gripping the sheets, my body tightening around him.

Daniel cursed under his breath, his hands gripping my hips as he forced himself to stay still. “Grace…” His voice was ragged, strained, as if he was holding back with everything he had.

I bit down on my lip, willing myself to relax. The pain was more than I had imagined, a deep, stretching ache that stole my breath.

He exhaled shakily, pressing a soft kiss between my shoulder blades. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

I turned my head slightly, meeting his gaze. There was something in his eyes that made my chest tighten—not just desire, but something deeper.

I managed a small smile. “Then make it worth it.”

A low growl rumbled from his throat. He moved carefully, his touch slow and reverent, his lips brushing over my skin, soothing the sting. And as the pain slowly melted into something new—something intense and Overwhelming.

As he moved inside me, slow and deliberate, I felt myself adjusting to him, the pain gradually dulling beneath the heat of his touch. But then—he stopped.

His hands, once firm on my hips, suddenly loosened. A tense silence stretched between us, his breath unsteady against my skin.

Then, in a voice softer than I had ever heard from him, he murmured, “Grace… you’re bleeding.”

My body tensed. Confusion flickered through me.

Bleeding?

I shifted slightly, and that’s when I saw it—the deep red staining his skin, proof of what we had just shared. The realization hit me like a wave, and my cheeks burned with both embarrassment and something deeper—an unfamiliar kind of vulnerability.

Daniel exhaled slowly, brushing a hand down my back before gently pulling away. “Go rinse off,” he whispered, his voice filled with something I couldn’t quite name.

I swallowed hard and nodded, slipping off the bed and making my way to the bathroom. Warm water cascaded over my skin as I washed away the evidence of my first time, my mind still hazy with everything that had just happened.

When I stepped out, a towel wrapped around me, Daniel was waiting.

He stood near the door, his expression softer now, his dark eyes tracing my face with quiet intensity. He reached for me, cupping my cheek before pressing a lingering kiss to my forehead.

Then, with a small smile, he murmured, “Let’s continue from where we stopped… tomorrow.”

My heart skipped.

He brushed a gentle peck against my cheek before adding, “I know you have class this morning.”

There was no disappointment in his tone, no frustration—just understanding.

Before I could respond, he took my hand and led me back into the shower, pulling me under the warm spray with him. His arms wrapped around me, holding me close as the water washed over our bodies. He didn’t let go, not once.

In that moment, I realized something—this wasn’t just about desire.

It was more.

As we stepped out of the shower, he dried me off with careful hands, then asked, “Do you want to stay back? Are you in pain? Do you want to skip class?” His voice was laced with concern, his eyes searching mine for an answer.

I hadn’t even thought about how I felt physically. But as I took a deep breath, I realized—I was fine.

So I smiled, shaking my head. “No, I’m okay.”

A flicker of relief crossed his face before he handed me my clothes. “Alright. But if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

I got dressed, my body still tingling from his touch, and left for my dorm. The day awaited me, but my mind stayed behind—with him.