The Rebel

Amina-3

I can’t even finish my train of thought, because the man throws the pack into the corner with some curse words, and before I could do anything, he throws his meaty right arm over my shoulder, as if we were old buddies. My breath is caught in me, I don’t dare move, his touch freezes me, and I’m shocked by the helplessness that I have no idea what he wants from me. My hand moves towards my belt, with shaking fingers I try to feel for my pocket knife, but the belt is hidden under my thobe. As it is, I would need to half strip myself to access it. What a fool I am for not thinking about this before! I should have left that damned cabin with a knife in my hand – I scold myself with despair, but at once I begin to wonder what I would have done with a knife. Would I stab the guy that started to get violent with me? We are at sea, damn it!

“It was high time you had stuck your nose out of that cabin, boy. You’re feeling crap, right? You look pale as death. Are you sea-sick?” the man gabbles, giving me no chance to even think about a response.

“I…” I groan, but he interrupts me, and begins to drag me towards the steps with determination

“Too bad. But almost everyone gets over it. I have a really efficient remedy for this thing in the kitchen,” he says sniggering, while tapping my back, and I am close to stumbling over the steps.

I follow him looking down, not daring to contradict him in case it would wind him up, but while he constantly talks, all I have on my mind is that an unknown man has never touched me, and this one is squeezing my shoulder as if it was the most natural thing in the world. As we approach the kitchen, I begin to feel seriously squeamish, but it has nothing to do with sea-sickness. It’s the oily-sweatiness emanating from him and the knowledge of being fully exposed to him. I must pull myself together! I can’t look weak in a situation like this. I’m wearing men’s clothes, they all see me as a man, so I must act like one – I keep convincing myself.

We arrive at a place that looks like a dining room, from where I can see the kitchen. The man presses me down onto a bench, and tells me to stay put while he digs out the magic potion. With fright, I look around, but to my relief, only one young man is sitting in the canteen. He has a mobile phone in his hands, and a headset on his ears. He briefly looks at me, and studies me with a frown while I, to cover my face, pretend to fix my shemagh. He is visibly not in the mood for making friends, because without a word he turns back to his phone. Great. We are in perfect sync. The older man gives me a shout from the kitchen to ask if I wanted to eat anything, because he would put something together from the leftovers, but I quickly respond that I don’t want to eat. No way! I would throw up right here, for sure. I’m just thinking about giving him a shout to just stop looking for things, and I would quickly beat it before the others show up at the dining area, when he comes back with a brown bottle in his hand. With difficulty he drops himself onto the chair next to me.

“Why are you scratching so badly?” he asks, pulling his mouth, and at first, I don’t even grasp what he’s thinking.

“Sorry?” He jabs his chin towards my hand, I follow his eyes, and just then, I realize I have almost scraped myself to bleeding. “Oh, that? It’s nothing. The cabin is full of mosquitos. They bit me at night,” I explain.

“Damned blood-suckers. There is no way to get rid of them. They are brought in from Pakistan, with the cargo,” he mumbles, then pushes the bottle in front of me. With distrust, I stare at the muddled liquid, and he puts down a glass for me too, and begins to pour some.

“I brew it myself, based on my own recipe. A tiny glass in the morning and in the evening keeps the doctor away.”

“But… but I—"

“It’s also excellent for sea-sickness,” he winks, and pushes the glass towards me.

Oh God, if I haven’t puked yet, now I definitely will.

“The thing is…” I chew on my mouth uncertainly, but the man laughs out loud.

“Don’t s**t yourself, boy! It’s my treat. The first try is always free.”

Now I see the only way out of this is to surrender. I exhale deeply, grab the glass and lift it to my mouth. No messing about, I take a determined drag of it, and make haste to swallow it. My eyes are popping out, and immediately I get a coughing fit. I don’t know what could be in the drink, but it’s really strong. I have no idea how I will keep it all down, but just then, it looks like the Creator has mercy on me at last. Someone from outside is shouting Olaf at the top of his lungs, so my chef begins to roll his eyes and shouts back, “on my way, keep your cool”.

“The Captain is having a game of poker, and I’ve promised to join in,” he mumbles, and slowly gets up from the table.

I nod with understanding, even making an effort at a smile.

“Can you play poker?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

The thing is, Hamid has taught me, and sometimes we even played just for a laugh when our parents couldn’t see us, but I’m not a great player. A cosy game of poker with the sailors is at the bottom of my wish list. And they probably need some i***t they can skin.

“No, I can’t. I’d rather just go back to my cabin. I’m not feeling too good.”

“As you wish, boy,” he shrugs his shoulders and waves with resignation. “You look lousy,” he adds while limping out of the dining room.

As soon as he disappears behind the door, I jump up and rushing to the sink, I pour out the remainder of the drink, then get out of the dining room. I take the wrong turn, because the hall suddenly looks unfamiliar. With confusion, I look around, suddenly I don’t even know where I am. When I boarded the ship. I was so scared that I didn’t really pay attention to where they were taking me, I wanted to lock myself into the cabin as soon as I could. Since then, I have only been out to the toilet, so now I have no idea where my cabin is. s**t! I start walking backwards, in the direction of the kitchen, but everything is so similar, so strange. I am just about to panic when I hear loud yelling from behind. There is a mixture of male voices as if being in competition who’s the loudest, so my guess is that I’m ear-witnessing the poker party, which is supposedly in the captain’s cabin. I immediately turn in the opposite direction, and walk down a stairway. The place is half lit, I only see a little light at the end of a wire, it looks like a light bulb. I hear moans and quiet giggling, so I suddenly freeze and stay close the wall. What could this be? I make big eyes, but at first, I don’t realize what it is I am seeing. Bodies. People, yes, two people tangled in a strange position. Sighs and something like a growl… oh God! It’s a woman and a man, and they’re having s*x right here, down the hall. I am totally paralyzed, don’t even dare make a move, I’m just staring. I don’t want to watch the scene, I swear, yet, I can’t seem to take my eyes off them. The woman’s back is pushed against the wall, she leans back her head as she puts a leg around the man’s hip. The bottom of her dress is slid up to her waist. The man is pressing her against the wall, his trousers are down to his thighs, his body is pushing against the woman at an even pace. Under a spell, I stare at the tight male backside and feel the heat pouring over my cheeks. I’ve never seen anything like that before… I mean, live. Crap, what am I doing? Such a shame. I shouldn’t be here watching them, but I can’t make a move in case they spot me. You could still close your eyes, that wouldn’t make any noise – my conscience says to me deep inside, but its voice is too powerless, curiosity oppresses it fast. While I watch them feeling ashamed yet mesmerized, I suddenly think, what if I am witnessing a rape? Holy Lord, what if I should help the woman? I have no idea what to do, my hands and feet begin to shake as I’m gripping the edge of my thobe with sweaty hands. I open my eyes even bigger to see the woman, but the more I watch her, the less I think she doesn’t like what’s going on. She is groaning with pleasure, repeating the man’s name while stroking his back with her palm. Nothing suggests this could be an act of violence, I am more inclined to think I am the unwanted witness of a secret meeting. The man digs his fingers into the woman’s hair, moans loudly and his moves are becoming quicker and stronger. Hell, this is too much! I must beat it, and quick.

I turn around to walk up the stairs, but just then I kick something in the dark, and there goes my incognito. Frozen, I stand and wait. Soon I hear the man calling grumpily.

“Who’s there?”

That’s it. I’m busted.

“It’s… it’s just me. Sorry, I was just looking for my cabin.

“Who the f**k is that?”

“Leave it,” now she speaks. “It’s just that boy the captain has taken on board. You know that youngster… What’s your name?”

My name? Oops!

“A...Asad,” I quickly say the first name that comes to my mind. Rashid named me that spontaneously when we were spying after the sheikh at the camel derby, and now it comes in handy.

“What are you doing here?”

“What do you think?” the woman howls. “Peeping.”

“No, I’m not,” the words break from me with offence, even though, to hell with it, that’s exactly what I was doing. The skin is burning on my cheeks, it’s quite lucky the room is not well lit. “I got lost in the dark. All I want is to get back to my cabin,” I gabble, now with a lower voice.

“Which is your cabin, dear?” the woman coos with a voice that makes my hairs stand on their end.

“I… I don’t know,” I stutter, but then I remember. “The doctor’s cabin.”

“Well, then you are on the right path. This way, this way!” she says, and beckons me towards herself with her fingers.

“End of the corridor,” the man mumbles, and nods in that direction.

Ok at the end of the corridor. That means I have to walk past them, quite close, and they still stand there stuck to one another. The woman pressed against the wall, and the man… inside her. I scratch my head, not knowing what to do. Do these guys really have no sense of shame?

“Well, what now?” the guy roars at me with impatience, making me quiver. “You still want to watch it, or what the hell?”

Quick as lightning, I take my eyes off them, and continue walking down the hall. As I get beside them, the woman stretches out her hand and runs her forefinger down my shoulder. At once, I break out in sweat.