14. Harder Than it Looks
1125 Words
Mary’s party was a success. The entire town was there, or so it seemed. Mack kissed Mary in front of everyone, amidst a chorus of whistles and cheering. She was happy and she truly deserved it. From the bottom of my heart, I could only cheer them and sigh. Because that seemed unachievable for me.
Herbie came to me when I was cleaning up the mess. The majority of the people had left, and only a few couples were dancing, Mary and Mack included. They both seemed a bit drunk, but oh so happy.
I was jealous. They deserved to be happy, they loved one another. Mary had already gone through so much... They've had their happy ending, but this big chunk of ice in my chest was making me act automatically, and yes, even a bit jealous.
"Now, would this pretty lady give this old fart a dance?"
I couldn’t dance for the life of me, but Herbie laughed it all away. And so I took his hand, admiring his joi de vivre, when I felt so dead inside.
"You know, my idiotic grandson did a number on you."
Is matter-of-factly tone threw me off guarded.
"What?"
"That i***t has s**t for brains and so decided to be brooding holed up in his house the entire day. Don’t know what he is up to, though… but if he doesn’t take care, someone will pick this wild flower in my arms and take it away…"
My eyes started tearing up again. It seemed I was truly emotional and having Alexander so near and at the same time so far was crushing my heart and tearing my eyes.
"We… had an argument."
"That much I understood, thank you very much. I’m old but I’m not stupid. But if you let a little argument be in your way, then you’re bound for misery. Do you think my life with my Gwen was all peaches and roses? That woman had a nasty temper… and was pro at throwing skillets, as well. Almost broke my head once or twice, and I have a tough as nails skull. But there isn’t a day that I do not miss her or even speak to her. In my head, of course. I’m old but I’m not stupid, y’a know?"
I looked at him. He stopped dancing – if that was what he was doing – and smiled lazily.
"You need a picture? Go to him. Throw a skillet. Throw a tantrum. Hell, throw something up in the air with enough strength so that he knows you mean business. And then kiss and make up. I’m not getting any younger and I’d like to know my great-grandson someday."
I almost choked at his words, but at the same time my face lift up. If Herbie was telling the truth, then there was hope for us. And he was right. Either Nadine or Elisabeth, they were both part of me. They had made me get up when I was down and made a life for myself. I wasn’t wrong in fearing my nemesis, I knew all too well what he was capable of… but I was wrong in letting him win. I was in love with Alexander… Damn, Alex! Not Alexander, Alex! And I needed to fight for that love. For himself as well as for myself.
I just had to muster enough courage for that.
Herbie was eyeing me carefully. When I lifted up my head, I asked:
"Could you please take me to him?"
"Gladly."
The oldest Cupid in the history of Cupids drove me to my love’s house. I had been there once or twice, but it was too far to be on foot and I wanted to confront him before my courage wailed. But by car? It was a fifteen minutes’ drive. And Herbie had a heavy foot on the accelerator, so we got there in half the time.
I found him sprawled in a rocking chair in his porch. Herbie made enough noise so that he knew we were coming a mile away, but he was there nevertheless. His face sullen, as I had never seen him.
"Isn’t a bit late for social calls?"
"Then it’s a good thing we’re not socializing."
It was Herbie who responded, while I left his truck and walked right up to him.
"I need to talk to you."
"I think you said enough."
"Not nearly enough."
A lifetime of pent up anger was suddenly unleashed and I truly wished I had something to throw at him.
"You don’t know what I’ve been through. You’re all almighty and stuff, but you care nothing other than your hurt feelings!"
"Bullshit! I am not wrong in wanting a true relationship with you! We deserve that!"
"Yes, we do! But you’ve been in my life for a few months! You don’t get to change my feelings in a single night, or a lifetime of misery. You don’t know what I’ve been through!"
He moved so fast I hardly seen him coming. One minute he was resting in his rocking chair, the next he was caging me against the wall, his mouth a thread of hair of mine.
"No, I don’t. Do you know what I want?"
His hip pressed my own and I felt his hardness against me. I wasn’t afraid of him exactly, but this Alex I was facing… it wasn’t the gentle lover of yesterday… it was the soldier that had never truly left the Army… he was unknown to me altogether. And although not afraid of him, I took a lot more courage than the one I had to face him. I gulped and could see how he was struggling for control.
The tension was as deep as the Mountains… and Herbie cut right through it with a silver knife:
"You mind telling me if that was the education your gran gave you?"
"Stay out of this, old man!"
"She would be ashamed of you."
"I said, stay out of this!"
"There’s no steel harder that your skull, boy! You’ve embarrassed yourself and your gran’s memory tonight. Hell, even I'm ahamed, and that's saying something... You don’t deserve her."
Herbie motioned me to follow him into the truck and Alexander allowed me to move. He wasn’t my Alex… he was Alexander, the soldier. I was right from the first time. I should have never trusted him.
The tears were already falling from my eyes before I had reached the truck. Alexander was where I left him, eyes lost in the depths of the night. When Herbie drove away, I felt my heart smash in little pieces. And I cried.
- Writer
