The Trouble With Apples and Trees

Inglorious Seconds

Tullisa has to bite back a groan of distress -- the second once since she'd noticed Jesse sitting all tall and imposing in the small chair in the waiting room. He'd looked a tad out of place cramped between those two out of town women and a mite uncomfortable. 

From the dark look on his face, she'd known right away that he'd tangoed with her mother. The knowledge had made her run a quick check over him to ensure that he showed no sign of injury -- big or small. She just couldn't help it. His emotional wounds, however, cannot be assessed with the naked eye. 

Since he has no missing limbs, nor bears any welts or bruises on his perfectly tanned skin, all marvelous six feet plus inches of him, with his tousled hair full of wood shavings, trail her steps to the break room. She's never seen him look better with his disheveled look and probably a mind to either throttle her or take her over his knees. 

Other than his obvious anger, she has no idea what he is thinking -- how he feels about the idea of a baby.

She takes a chance at glancing at him over her shoulder and finds his furious scowl that he'd been wearing in the waiting room back on his face. His general look gives her mixed feelings. 

Jesse is handsome. No, belay that. He's not handsome. He is downright gorgeous -- plain and simple. He's the only source of fuel for the dirty fantasies that she has and a glance from him, in her direction, has never failed to set her heart jittering and insides aflame and melting. 

When she was little, she had little understanding of what that meant. Then, she'd grown up and had a deeper comprehension of desire. Now, she's a woman, one who has experienced what those strong hands and that sturdy chest, made bronzed and sculpted from hours of hard work in the sun feels like. Honestly, she'll never be the same after that night. Even if it hadn't been all that she'd been expecting. 

Just knowing that Jesse is in such close proximity has her short-circuiting. At the same time, she dreads the upcoming conversation. 

After today, she plans on disowning Lily for making this situation far worse than it had to be. And she can just get right on practicing calling her Lily, rather than mom. Luckily, the transition should be easy, since as an adult, she doesn't need the approval of the court. And even then -- even if she had been below the age of consent -- she's certain that no judge would deny her request to be divorced from mother. With, the stunt that she'd just pulled, Tullisa figures that the courts would be happy to set her free. 

All she'd needed was some time to take the pregnancy test and if it was positive, she'd take a day or so to string together the right words to say to Jesse. If it had been negative then, no harm no foul.

The way Lily had gone off half-c****d to accuse a man who, really, had done nothing wrong had been foolish. 

Expecting the inevitability of Jesse showing up at her place of work just as incensed as her mother, Tullisa had tried to come up with what she would say to him in short order. The revolving door of patients had made it impossible to concentrate on anything else but treating those poor animals. 

If she could devise a way that she can get Liza-Beth and her big mouth kicked out of town, as well, she would work that angle too. 

Even if she had predicted that this would have been the outcome -- that Jesse would come on the hunt for her -- she hadn't been prepared to face the cold storm brewing behind his eyes. The hue of them might be soft and inviting, beckoning her to drown herself in their warmth but the set of his jaw had been a road sign saying approach with caution. 

She'd been ready to flee, to lie, to tell him anything but what he'd came here to hear. The look on his face had said it all. He was going nowhere without what he came for. 

Damn Liza-Beth and her verbal diarrhea. 

"You know, you're just giving people more stuff to talk about," Tullisa says to try to cut the tension ready to choke her. "You showing up here all beastly and angry is going to spread like wildfire."

"I'm used to it," Jesse mutters behind her. 

"But I'm not, Jesse," she whispers and just manages to keep the whine out of her voice. "It would really be better to talk about this later where there is no chance of anyone overhearing us. Liza has done enough damage as it is," she adds with a sigh. 

He says nothing -- doesn't object or agree; merely continues to follow behind her. 

Resigned to the turn that her day had taken since running Fresh Water's matron, she pushes the door to the break room open and steps in. After taking a heaving breath to reinforce her nerves, Tullisa turns around with expectation of the hard look still set over Jesse's otherwise enticing features. 

"I'll tell you the same thing I told my mother. It's busy and I need to get back to work," she huffs and crosses her arms over her breasts. 

She notices Jesse's eyes drop a fraction so she follows his glimpse to her bosom pushed up against her scrubs. 

"I don't plan on taking up much of your time," he mutters. "I just..." he starts to say but falters.

His features soften a bit. 

"I need to know the truth, Tully," he requests almost pleadingly. "The truth is that I've been suffering for two weeks and now this..."

With another sigh, Tullisa reaches into her pocket and pulls out the pregnancy test that she'd unboxed, only to read the little leaflet inside. 

Jesse looks at the strip of plastic. His chest swells with a heavy breath. He strolls across the room the counter and leans his back against it while running a hand over his face. 

"So, it's true?" he asks. "You're..."

"I haven't taken it as yet," she answers softly. "I've been too scared because...because..."

Sensing her distress, Jesse walks closer and places his warm hands on her shoulders. "I get it. But we have to know, right?"

She nods. On a little chuckle she admits, "my bladder is about ready to burst. I've been holding it for the longest while."

Unfortunately, Jesse doesn't join in her humour. As a matter of fact, he looks panicked now.

"I know that this won't change anything," Tullisa sobers up to say. "I'm not going to demand anything from you or anything like that," she assures him while everything inside her twists up, unbearably painful. "I'll just...give me minute."

She scuttles off towards the bathroom without giving Jesse a chance to respond, because she simply wouldn't be able to take it if he agreed with her the offer she'd just put up on the table to absolve him of all responsibility. 

Two minutes pass with her standing in front of the bathroom staring at her reflection in the mirror mounted up over the sinks. There, she tries to will all her tears that she'd accumulated safely behind her eyeballs back within their confines. 

The last thing she wants is to make Jesse feel guilty or more raw than he already does. He's contended with so much already and she won't add herself to the list. 

Knowing that she can't put it off any longer, with him waiting, she gets the deed done. One blue line appears immediately in the display and Tullisa waits with her fingers crossed and the air stuck in her lungs while she waits. Though, she's conflicted what she wants the final result to be. 

She finds him hovering outside the bathroom door when she steps outside. 

"What does it say?" he asks immediately. 

"It's negative."

For a second, Jesse only blinks. His throat works with a swallow. Then he nods his head. 

"That's good, right?" he asks. 

"Yup," she responds, smacking her lips on the last letter. "So, we're good? I can go back to work now?"

Jesse nods, again. 

Before she can walk away, he stops her to ask, "why didn't you tell me, Tully? I mean..."

Tullisa tilts her head to the side to look at him. What does he expect that she would have said? She'd taken advantage of him when he had been in a vulnerable way. Had their roles been reversed, there are probably a few choice terms society would have used to label him. 

"You were drunk," she offers. "I didn't think that it would mean that much to you. You didn't say anything the next day and..."

"I was drunk, Tullisa," he snaps. "I hardly recall a thing from that night. You know if I hadn't been, it never would have happened..."

Her soft pained chortle cuts him off. 

"Exactly," she tells him. "Which is why everything that happened is my fault. Not yours." Because she can't help wanting him to feel a measure of the hurt that she's feeling she adds, "There was also the fact that you grunted your dead wife's name after you...you know," she explains with a pretty blush infused in her cheeks.

Her words seem to stun Jesse into silence. He searches her face as if for looking for the truth. The horror in his eyes, she can see when it's replaced with an emotion that he decides not to share. 

Tullisa shrugs even if it feels like a deep black hole had been carved inside her and it was sucking everything but the heartache right out into no man's land -- a place where she might never be able to find them again. 

She turns around to make her exit while some of her might still be in tact, but her interrupts her retreat again. 

"Did I say anything else?" he asks. 

Why is she putting herself through this? Tullisa asks her brain or her heart or whichever organ is responsible for the overload of emotions currently vying for dominance over her feelings. 

She snorts an incredulous bout of laughter that has nothing to do with joviality or joy or happiness -- not even marginally. 

"I don't..." she starts to say. Then she gives him the hard truth. 

"You grunted a total of eight words to me, Jesse," she explains. "Including, nightstand," she starts to count out on her fingers. "Umm...let's see...the other was 'now' then 'Natanya.'

She pauses. 

"What were the others?" he asks. "You said eight."

Tullisa blushes again. 

"You feel good beneath me," she says, repeating the exact words he had spoken so gently against her skin. They'd filled her fooish, hopeless heart, inebriated by her love for him with hope. "That's what you said to me."

Breifly, the two of them stand in an awkward silence.

"I'm sorry," Jesse says when a few seconds pass.

"I told you, it was my fault," Tullisa reminds him. "Anyway..."

"Was it..." he cuts her off. "Was it any good for you?"

Tullisa rolls her eyes. At least he had the grace to blush, but she would deliberately knock it right out of his cheeks. 

"You mean, the full ten inglorious seconds that it lasted?" she asks in driest tone that she can manage. 

Jesse throws his head back with a groan. When he seems to have revived himself out of mortification, he says, "I'm sorry about that too."

His obvious embarrassment hangs in the air around them. Lily tries to think of something else to say to make him feel better, but at this point, her stretched nerves feel liked they've been strained to capacity. All she wants is the rest of the day off and stiff drink or two or three so that she can live in the plain where life's worries are muted by the delicious buzz provided by alcohol. 

The Bucket has a date with her later, for certain.

She watches as Jesse massages his fingers. At first, she thinks it's a reaction to nerves or humiliation but upon taking a closer look, Tullisa notes the slight discoloration there. Immediately, her mind jumps to Lily.

Had her mother truly tried to hurt him?

A part of her wants to not care but unable to help the love that she can't deny Jesse Caine, she reaches across to take his hand in hers and gives his fingers a gentle stroke. 

"What happened?" she asks while assessing the mild bruise. 

He makes a little embarrassed chuckle. "I had a run-in with a door...and a steering wheel. They obviously won," he says to add a bit of wry humor. 

Tullisa gives him a curious look. 

"I'm no doctor, but, I'll take a look at it if you want."