The Wolf in Sheep's Skin

Chapter 42

“Gwen, we should talk about this.” Maeve said, walking closer to me. She sounded like she was whispering to some wounded animal. I pressed a smile on my face, and straightened my back, turning to her.

We locked eyes and worry swam in hers.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I said, glancing between her and Quinn. “It’s just a little momentary upset. It’ll go away.” I shrugged, waving my hand like it was nothing.

“Are you sure? You always talk me through a difficult breakup. You deserve the same, Gwen.” She sighed and her lips pressed into a thin line.

“We weren’t together.” I said too quickly and tried to think of a better response.

Movement out front through the large glass windows caught my eye. A man went to the front door. He looked more like Maeve’s type than the man who’d delivered the flowers. I nodded to him as he smiled at us through the window.

Finally.

Maeve frowned at me as she went to the door and unlocked it. They said their hellos and I fumbled with some papers on the counter.

“Gwen. Are you sure? I can stay.” Maeve’s voice was tight. Almost like she was pleading with me.

“It’s not that serious, Maeve. I’ll be fine.” I smiled, trying to reassure her. She sighed and gave Quinn an odd look before heading out with the man. The two of them walked off, going to his car that was parked nearby.

Quinn and I stewed in awkward silence as the car drove off. She glanced at me, rubbing her hands on her pants.

“So, uh… is there anything else we need to do here?” Quinn looked around like she hoped a giant pile of trash would pop up.

“No. Let’s go home now, I need to work on your dress.” I grabbed my bag and keys from behind the counter, glancing at the flowers one last time, and Quinn and I left together in my car.

The first part of the drive was tense. Silence echoed between us. I cringed inside, knowing they had to have heard me crying. I squeezed the steering wheel, trying to think of anything to say.

I don’t want them worrying about me. I’ll be fine, I can handle it. I ground my teeth together, wishing I could expel Jay from my mind. But the hole in my stomach remained and the thought of the flowers sitting alone in the dark shop kept popping up in my mind.

A hint of orange lingered in my mouth, and part of me wanted to speed home to brush my teeth.

But the other part ached at the thought.

Stop that! You’re only torturing yourself. I adjusted in my seat and glanced at Quinn. She’d been watching me, sneaking glances from the corner of her eye.

“Are the plans for the ceremony finished?” I made my voice high pitch, hoping I wouldn’t sound upset. Please, talking to me about anything. The note and ribbon burned a hole in my pocket. It took all my will power not to shove my hand in there, making sure they were still there.

“Mom and I are working on a few final things. Prepping the food, the decorations. But it’s mostly finished.” She shrugged. She fidgeted, her hands fumbling around in her lap. The air was stagnant, missing the familiar scent of her anxiety. But I could hear her quickened heart rate.

“You know, if you’re nervous you can ask me questions.”

“I talked to mom about some stuff. Kind of, you know how distracted she gets.” Quinn rolled her eyes, frowning out the window. With all the littles running around, getting her attention was a challenge. And if they were in bed, she was too tired to pull together a coherent thought.

“I know. Which is why I’m guessing you have questions.” I raised my brow at her, and she laughed, rolling her eyes.

Her face fell, and she went silent. Staring out the window. I can’t imagine how scary it would be. Going one moment from being practically human, and the next you’re a wolf. The anticipation. The unknowing of what it would be like. Having people tell you what it would be like can only get you so far.

I was so young when I shifted the first time, I had no idea what was happening. Only that things were different afterwards. What’s worse? Not knowing, or anticipating it? I shivered at the thought, remembering the afterwards of my first shift.

I’d witnessed so many of my siblings go through the change, I could almost understand how it would feel. But my memory of that day, when I’d changed for the first time was so blurry and fast, I could barely recall it. It was mostly pain. Fear. Instinct.

And even though I’d already shifted, Lilith had acted crazy around my sixteenth birthday. Constantly on edge, I could barely control her. My stomach twisted in knots at the thought. If I’d already shifted before my birthday and had a hard time, it must be awful to go through it the normal way. I glanced at Quinn and wished there was something better I could say to reassure her. But maybe it was only hard for me since I got stuck with a crazy wolf.

“Mom said I’d know my rank in the pack after I shift. But I don’t really understand how. Like, will I just know I’m dominant or submissive?” Quinn’s voice was tight, startling me from my thoughts.

“It’s something that comes naturally. And you aren’t just dominant or submissive. It’s fluid. A spectrum. Dominance is at one end, and submissive on the other. You’ll fit somewhere in the middle. You won’t ‘change’ your rank after your first shift. Your personality determines it, and your personality is already set. You don’t become a new person on your birthday.” I glanced at her, and our eyes met. She blinked at me with relief, and I focused back on the road.

“But… you get your rank…”

“Kind of. When dad explained it to me, it was more that the pack gets your rank. Like, you’re becoming an official pack member. And now they can sense your rank. But if there’s wolves close to your rank, they might try and fight you to see whose more dominant.”

“Oh. That’s way different from what I thought.” Quinn sounded excited, and I could see her smile from the corner of my eye. “Everyone makes it sound like I’ll become this whole different person.”

“There will be changes, but you’ll still be you.” I smiled at her, remembering having the same worries after my first shift. She returned the smile and settled into her seat.

“At least I’ll be at home. It doesn’t seem as scary somehow, you know? I can adjust to shifting… and everyone won’t watch me do it.” She scrunched up her nose, frowning. I let out a chuckle and she glared at me.

“Sorry. It does sound scary to shift in front of everyone. Very… exposed.” I cringed at the idea, being naked, having everyone’s eyes on you during such a vulnerable and painful moment.

Quinn continued talking, telling me about her plans for her ceremony. How excited she was to shift and be part of the pack, yet how scared she was. I tried to reassure her the best I could, but I struggled to focus.

Memories of being little, after I’d shifted kept playing in my head. Of my dad teaching me about the pack rules. How to act around others, teaching me to be submissive. The right way to address an Alpha, and make sure I didn’t offend pack members.

I could still see him, sitting alone with me in our little shack of a house at the time. Going over the rules with me, making sure I understood. Practicing my behaviors and words, so I’d get them right in the heat of a moment.

My stomach twisted into knots, and I gripped the wheel tighter. All that practice and I still manage to mess things up.

I glared at Quinn, unable to control my face. No one will have to teach her how to act in the pack. She’ll just know. Like wolves are supposed to. I scowled out the front window and focused on the road.

Soon we pulled into the driveway, illuminating the house. I climbed out of the car, but Quinn beat me, still chatting.

“Can I try on the dress? Just for a little bit, I promise I’ll be quick!” She bounced up and down, grinning from ear to ear. I laughed and nodded, my heart warming.

“Yes. But only for a few minutes, I need to work on it!” At least she likes it. And she’s excited about her ceremony.

We went inside, just in time for dinner. We joined the rest of our siblings, sitting at the loud, boisterous table. Bridget and Erik were still on their ‘vacation’. My mom kept sneaking glances at me, like I was about to snap. She cleared her throat, and set her utensils down, looking right at me.

I tensed and sat up straight and met her gaze.

“I have something I need to talk to you two about after dinner.” She said, glancing between me and Quinn.

I blinked at her, shock rolling over me. She wants to talk to Quinn, too? It better not be about Bridget. Quinn and I exchanged a confused look.

“Of course.” I smiled and nodded at our mom. I glanced at my dad, but he didn’t seem to have noticed. Dinner resumed and was soon finished. While all the younger kids were put to bed, Quinn and I cleaned the kitchen together.

Eventually, mom came down after the kids were asleep. I was finishing drying dishes, using a towel to clean a pot. Quinn and I froze, turning to her.

Our mom rubbed her hands on her pants, darting her eyes between us. Her heart raced, and a lump formed in my throat.

Maybe it is about Bridget. I scowled, steeling myself for an argument. I’m not apologizing for what I did. Bridget went against the family. Mom can be upset all she wants, but she can’t deny that it’s unacceptable for Bridget to go against us like that.

“Quinn, I… the ceremony is going to be at the pack house.” My mom said, cringing as she spoke.