My Zodiac Guardian

Dangerous Feelings[7]

I remained moodily silent during the trek in the woods, my inner dialogue hanging overtop of me like a gloomy, grumbling storm-cloud.

The dark thoughts must have been obvious on my face, because Aquarius' easygoing features suddenly became softened by empathy. “I know you are hurting and are looking to even the score, I truly understand that… but also know that you are finally going to attend the academy you have dreamed of for years. Surely that can be a bright spot in a seemingly endlessly dark tunnel?”

I shrugged. “You’re right. Quest for vengeance aside, this is an opportunity that I am only fortunate enough to get, because for whatever reason, you decided to chain yourself to me.”

“I did not chain myself to you-“

“So you can choose to leave, then? If you decided I was no longer worth indenturing yourself over?” I couldn't help but ask, head tilting as I observed his reaction. To be honest, I didn't know if I would like the answer, depending on what it was.

Aquarius seemed wounded by this question, taking a step back from me. “Do you want me to leave?”

His hurt tone sent a tremor through me. “No!” I blurted out, blush rampaging through me as my words echoed throughout the woods. “No, I do not want that. I just- why stick yourself with me? Surely you saw Danicka. She went out of her way her entire life to do acts of charity, and sure she was a b***h through most of it but it doesn’t change the fact that she still did it.”

“I didn’t choose Danicka because it was obvious she was trying too hard,” Aquarius sighed, “and I cannot tell you why I chose you. And even if I wanted to, which I do not, I couldn’t leave you now.”

Pity flooded me at the conflicted expression on his face. “You can’t tell me why you chose me, but can you at least tell me why the Guardian Zodiacs always choose a person every century?” He shook his head again, and my chest deflated further. “Fine, fair enough. Sorry I’ve been so inquisitive today, I just… I don’t get why you, an all-powerful celestial body, are forced to serve us pathetic mortals for such a long time. It makes no sense to me.”

That conflicted look remained. “You have… no idea how much I wish I could tell you. For centuries that’s all we have wanted to do, and the Gods know it would make what we’re doing so much easier-“

“'What you’re doing?' What is it you’re doing exactly?”

“I-“ he suddenly gags and topples over, coughing and sputtering like something was lodged in his throat. Panic slammed into me and I rushed to put my hand on him, but he brushed me off. “Can’t… say…” Aquarius wheezed, standing up to his full height again and taking slow, deep breaths.

“Will it… kill you to tell me?” I asked, in the most literal sense possible.

Another weak chuckle from him. “Not killed. Painfully evaporated and sent back into the stars? Absolutely. So I guess there is one way to get rid of me.”

I shook my head, now horrified at the prospect. “I don’t want that, Aquarius. I’ve only known you for a day, and while you seem to be this know-it-all ass-“ this got a quiet laugh out of him, “I find myself enjoying your company, and… I’m grateful to you. You did save me after all, and if it weren’t for you, I would have been spell-less and laughed out of the Arcanima. So, yeah. Thank you. And please stay, no matter how much I want to know of the Guardian’s secret intentions.”

He looked at me then, in a sort of way that was soul-searching, making me feel like I was laying everything bare to him all at once, and he was taking it all in. When he was done, he gave me a handsome smile, and reached forward.

My breath caught in my throat as his hand came towards my cheek, my blood thrumming throughout me as my skin tingled with anticipation, only to fall flat as he brushed a stray hair behind my ear. I swallowed, surprised to find my mouth dry and pasty.

“We should get moving, Rimona. We’ve wasted enough daylight as it is. I would like to reach a suitable spot to camp by nightfall.”

“Mm,” was all I could manage, afraid that my voice would break and shatter from all the anxiety that riddled me inside.

Oh Gods, I was really in for it, wasn’t I?

~~~

The sun and birds chirping woke me up, and I stifled a groan as I sat up, brushing off the dead leaves and branches that blanketed me.

Aquarius was already standing over a cobbled campfire, a pot of boiling water already roaring with steam. He cast me a quick glance with those azure orbs. “Good morning, hope you slept well. The tea is just steeping now.”

“I slept as okay as one can on cold dirt,” I said with a suppressed shiver, sitting down next to the fire. “You’re making tea? With what?”

He twisted his hand, and I watched, mesmerized, as the water and leaves brewing in it swirled around at his silent command. I was, admittedly, jealous of his natural talent as a water-bearer.

“There are leaves and herbs that manage to grow in the harshest of weathers. My last bond had a garden full of many brewable plants in her garden that would stay strong year-round. And with my skills as a water-bearer…”

I waved off his humble-brag. “What am I going to drink this delectable brew with though? I don’t see any mugs around these parts,” I said with a gesture towards the snow-covered woods.

He chortled. “You don’t need one. Here, it’s ready.” He twisted his hand and brought it up, and a thin tendril of brownish-green tea obeyed him. It coiled around his hand and approached my mouth. “Open your mouth,” he asked, and though it embarrassed me I listened, choosing to close my eyes rather than hold contact with his.

Herbal flavours washed over my parched mouth, a minty tingle soothing my cold throat and aching bones as I swallowed. To drink water he controlled, it seemed so personal and intimate.

When it pulled away I opened my eyes, clearing my throat as I couldn’t help but watch him pull that same tea past his lips, closing his eyes as though it were a normal occurrence for him.

“Do you normally do that? With your other bonds, I mean?”

He paused, considering me for a moment. “No. I haven’t. Did I make you uncomfortable? I won’t do it again if I did. I didn’t even stop to think-“

“N-No, you’re fine. I mean, I wasn’t going to drink straight from the pot, and I don’t have any sorcery I can rely on, so… you were doing the next best thing. Thank you,” I managed to shut myself up before I said something embarrassing, thank the Gods.

“It wasn’t too personal or intimate?”

No,” I lied immediately, and immediately regretted it as the stream floated back toward me. I fought to keep my cheeks from flushing. “T-Thank you,” I gulped before leaning in to accept his tea once more. Truly, it was delicious, yet I felt like some sort of vain Goddess being fed grapes by her servant. On a fundamental level it felt… wrong.

I held up my hand and stopped him, standing up. “Thanks, Aquarius… but maybe… let’s not do that again,” I finished, shock lighting his features. “It didn’t feel right for me to be just… fed water like this. I’m sorry.”

“So it did make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry, Rimona, but why did you lie?”

Honestly? I didn’t know. Maybe it was to preserve his pride, or to convince myself that these useless fluttering feelings in my chest meant nothing, because surely harbouring feelings of affection for my Guardian would be frowned upon, much less, if he did by some hair of a chance return those ridiculous feelings, then being in a romantic relationship was definitely forbidden.

Wow, that really threw me for a loop, huh?

Maybe there was a way for me to be honest without completely giving away the fact that I was maybe developing a crush on the one being that showed a modicum of affection towards me?

“I wanted to appreciate that you were being kind, but in the end I couldn’t get over how- well, how do I put this… it felt romantic.”

His eyes went wide. “Oh.”

“I’m sure that was not your intention, so I’m sorry my mind went to such a weird place.” I cleared my throat, though it didn’t help him lose the shocked look on his face.

“No, it's… you’re right, I crossed a boundary with you.” He stood up and scooped out the tea with his magick, effortlessly dousing the campfire. “We should hurry on. We’ve got a boar to kill after all.”

My willpower wavered, something inside me begging to be truly honest with him. But I picked up my satchel and held my tongue, nodding my head that felt so, so heavy.