Our Sinful Desires (The Color Of Passion)

Priorities

Alice

"Pregnant," those words rang in my head. I ran out of the doorway and into the hallway. I heard Santiago call out for me but I didn't stop. He ran after me but I don't know for how long. I got in my car and drove back to my old apartment.

"Hey, Alice, what's wrong?" Ady asked. "Why are you crying?" I didn't even notice I was crying. I walked over to the sofa and put my hands on my face.

"Alice, what's wrong?" Ady asked again.

"Alice," Lisa said softly. "What happened?" I heard her ask but I think she was asking Ady. I lifted my head slowly.

"Santiago got some model pregnant," I told them. "I don't know what to do."

"You leave him," Lisa said. My heart sank into my chest.

"Lisa," Ady snapped. "It's not like she can just leave. She should talk to him first."

"I guess but like that is so messed up," Lisa added.

"It's not like he cheated," Ady defended Santiago. "You just need to talk to him and see what he is going to do."

"He should be with her," I whispered.

"Alice," Ady said.

"I don't know," I said.

Two Days Later

I went back to the penthouse as nothing happened. Santiago wanted to talk but I just went to the bedroom and sat on the bed. Mateo came to check on me. We began to watch a movie together. The three of us had dinner together. It was awkward but I tried to keep my composure.

"Alice," Santiago said in a monotone."

"Yes,"

"We need to discuss this," he said.

"So, discuss,"

"I don't want anything to do with," he told me.

"Okay,"

"Okay," he said sounding upset. "Okay, what?"

"She is pregnant. She will be a part of your life forever now," I told him. "Where does that leave me?"

"You are, you are," Santiago couldn't find the words. "YOU ARE MINE."

"Right," I rolled my eyes. "I am here. I am trying to pretend nothing has changed. I will help and support you but seriously understand that I have no obligation to and you are on thin ice."

"I know," he said softly.

"So, we are all good," Mateo smiled. I looked over at him.

"We are," they both didn't like that answer. I got punished that night but no one was complaining especially me.

Two Weeks Later

Everything was fine in the beginning, but soon Sasha's presence was becoming a burden. I tried to stay calm but she would come over to have dinner with Santiago under the ruse she needed to talk about the baby. Some days, Mateo and I would stay in our bedroom watching tv, and other times Mateo would take me out to eat while they had their meal.  Soon, Sasha would come over randomly and tell Santiago she wasn't feeling good. She would spend all day at the penthouse. She then started to leave her things here.

One day I was reading on the balcony when Sasha approached me.

"I don't know what you're still doing here," Sasha said.

"I live here," I answered sternly.

"Well, as you can see, Santiago has his hands full with us," Sasha rubbed her belly as she spoke.

"Well, that's nice," I said not looking up at her.

"You should leave, you're just in the way. Soon, Santiago will ask me to marry him and you will be forced to leave," she told me. I softly chuckled and continued reading. Santiago came home and she ran out to greet him. He smiled at her. I watched the two of them interact for a bit. If they were going to be a family maybe she was right. There was no room for me. Could I stay in a relationship with Mateo? I didn't want to do that to either of them. I wanted them both. I wanted to be selfish and take them both back. We hadn't had s*x in a week. Sasha is either around or calling. I find it hard to stay in the mood with that distraction around. They had dinner together and then he drove her home. I was pacing for hours until he came back home.

"Alice," his voice calmed me down.

"Hey, your back,"

"Yeah, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing," I said.

"Really," he walked closer to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Alice, tell me."

"Are you happy?" I asked him suddenly.

"I am, why?"

"I meant about the baby,"

"Oh, I guess, I mean," he paused. "Alice, you shouldn't worry."

"I can't help it," I let out a small sob. He held me tighter and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you," it was a low whisper but I heard it still.

That night, he got a call and left in the middle of the night. He had a business meeting in Paris. I stayed behind with Mateo but I soon found out Sasha went with him. He came back home three days later and so did she. He made a room for her, supposedly for her and the baby but there was no baby stuff in there yet. Santiago stayed up late that week. Sasha couldn't sleep so he stayed up with her until she fell asleep in his arms.

"What the f**k am I still doing there," I told Ady.

"I don't know but if it's not working then leave, take some time to think about everything," she said.

"His priorities have changed. I wanted to believe they wouldn't but they did," I explained to Ady.

"Alice, I am so sorry," Ady said.

"I know, I just have to figure out my priorities too," I felt the tears forming in my eyes.

"What about Mateo?" that question made me jump out of my skin. How could I think about leaving him behind? He was nothing but kind to me. He made his mistakes but he learned from them. He has done nothing wrong. I was going to hurt both of them. I knew that but inevitably I was hurting myself more by staying. I wish I could explain it to Mateo but he would just try to stop me. I had to do this. I had to. I had to disappear.