Please, Forget me Not

CHAPTER 27

Kinabukasan, nagising ako at agad na hinanap ng mata ko si Zach pero hindi ko siya nakita sa loob ng kwarto.

“Zach, where are you?” I called out pero walang sumasagot. Tumingin ako sa orasan at nakitang alas sais pa lang ng umaga.

Tinanggal ko ang comforter na nakabalot sa katawan ko at bumaba sa kama. Dumiretso ako sa cr para tingnan kung ando’n siya pero wala. Nagtungo naman ako sa balcony at napangiti nang makita ko siyang nakatalikod sa akin at nakaharap sa dagat.

Binuksan ko ‘yong sliding glass door at patakbong nilapitan siya. Nang makalapit ay niyakap ko siya sa likod.

“I was looking for you. Andito ka lang pala, akala ko umalis ka nang hindi nagpapaalam.” Napanguso ako. Tinanggal niya ‘yong braso kong nakayakap sa kan’ya at humarap sa akin. Natigilan ako nang makita ang malamig niyang tingin sa akin.

“We need to talk,” aniya gamit ang seryosong tono na kailan man ay hindi ko narinig mula sa kan’ya. Ngayon pa lang.

“Talk about what?” kinakabahang tanong ko. Hindi siya agad umimik at tinitigan lang ako. Ibang-iba ang tingin niya sa akin ngayon kumpara kagabi. Right now, his eyes were cold and emotionless.

“I can’t do this anymore. Let’s end this.”

Napaawang ang labi ko. What did he just say?

“Ano’ng sinabi mo?” tanong ko ulit kasi feeling ko mali ang pagkakarinig ko sa sinabi niya.

“Let’s end this relationship.”

Pinilit kong tumawa kahit parang sasabog na ‘yong puso ko sa sobrang kaba. “What are you talking about? You’ll break up with me? Are you trying to pull a prank on me?” Tinitigan ko siya sa mata para tingnan kung nagbibiro lang ba siya pero walang pinapakitang emosyon ang mga ‘yon.

“No, I’m serious. I’m breaking up with you.”

“Hindi, Zach. Nagbibiro ka lang, e.” I tried reaching out my hand to hold him, but he dodged my touch. Lump started to form in my throat. Ramdam ko ang pangingilid ng luha ko. Why is he acting like this?

“Do you really think I’ll joke about something like this?”

“Why do you want to break up with me, then?” naiiyak na tanong ko sa kan’ya pero hindi siya sumagot. “May nasabi ba ako na hindi mo gusto?” dagdag ko.

“Wala.”

“May nagawa ba akong mali?” Umiling siya. “Ah, mukhang alam ko na. Nakikipaghiwalay ka dahil wala akong oras para sa’yo at nakukulangan ka sa pagmamahal na ibinibigay ko, tama ba?” But just like a while ago, he shook his head. 

“Then why? Tang*ina, Zach, wala tayo sa pinoy henyo at hindi ako manghuhula. Just tell me the reason why you wanted to break up with me!” My voice cracked.

“I don’t love you anymore.” Napahawak ako sa railings nang bawian ako ng lakas dahil sa sinabi niya. Napailing ako.

“Hindi totoo ‘yan. Nagsisinungaling ka.” A bucket of tears left my eyes as I shook my head, not believing what he said.

“I’m not lying. Hindi na kita mahal.”

“Pinaglololoko mo ba ako? You just told me last night that you’re f*cking in love with me. Tapos ngayon sasabihin mong hindi mo na ako mahal?”

“I lied.”

“No, you’re not. Ramdam kong totoo lahat ang sinabi mo sa akin kagabi. I saw it in your eyes. You looked so in love with me last night. You can’t just fall out of love overnight.”

“I was just pretending, pero ang totoo ay hindi na kita mahal, matagal na…”

“Then why did you follow me here if you’re not in love with me anymore?”

 “I followed you here because I wanted to break up with you. Everything I did last night was to make sure that I have no feelings for you anymore.” Parang tinutusok ng milyong-milyong karayom ang puso ko dahil sa mga salitang binibitawan niya.

“Ha!” Napabuga ako ng hangin at hindi makapaniwala sa mga narinig ko. “So, nasigurado mo nang hindi mo na ako mahal kaya ayaw mo na?” Tumango siya. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kan’ya at tinuon ang paningin sa dagat na nasa harapan namin. “Tang*nang ‘yan, hindi ko in-expect na pati sa pakikipaghiwalay mo sa akin, pag-e-effort-an mo rin. Sinundan mo pa talaga ako rito. Ang sosyal ko naman. I just got my heart broken during sunrise at one of the most beautiful beaches in Cebu.”

Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba o maiiyak ako sa sitwasyon ko ngayon, pero ramdam ko ‘yong bigat sa dibdib ko. Ang sakit, sobra.

Hindi siya umimik kaya nagsalita ulit ako. “Zach, may iba na ba kaya hindi na ako?” I was waiting for him to say yes. Mas gugustuhin ko pang may iba na siya kaya siya nakikipaghiwalay. Oo, masakit ipagpalit, pero mas masakit pa rin ‘pag na fell out of love lang sa’yo ‘yong taong mahal mo by chance. ‘Yong wala nga siyang iba, pero bakit hindi na ikaw? ‘yon ‘yong masakit, e. Tagos na tagos ang sakit hanggang sa kalamnan.

“Yes…” Parang tumigil ang mundo ko sa sagot niya kahit ‘yon naman ang gusto kong marinig. Ramdam ko ang pag-agos ng luha ko kasabay ng pagkapunit ng puso ko.

Parang ibang tao ‘yong kaharap ko ngayon. The way he answers all my question seems like he doesn’t care even if that will hurt the hell out of me. He was looking at me as if I was a stranger. Napapikit ako nang mariin. Hindi gan’yan si Zach. Hindi gan’yan ‘yong lalaking mahal ko. He will never hurt me like this.

Zach falling for someone that wasn’t me never crossed my mind. Mahal na mahal niya ako, e. Ramdam ko ‘yon. Bakit kami umabot sa ganito? Ano’ng nangyari?

“I met her during those times that you’re not with me. She was there every time I needed someone to talk to, to encourage me, to support me, and to share my achievements with. She was always there for me while you’re busy doing your own thing that you almost forgot you have a f*cking boyfriend. You can’t blame me for falling with someone who can give me what you couldn’t.”

“So, it was really about my job. Zach, you should have told me! You should have complained about everything to me. How would I know that something was wrong when you’re acting like everything was okay?”

“Do I have to ask you for your time and attention? I think I shouldn’t because I was your boyfriend. If you really love me, you will do your responsibility as my girlfriend without me asking for it!” Napapikit ako dahil sa pagtaas niya ng boses sa akin.

 “Oo, inaamin ko na may pagkukulang ako sa’yo, but that doesn’t change the fact that I love you,” mahina at garalgal na sabi ko.

“If that’s how you love someone, then I don’t want your love anymore.”

“I’ll quit my job for you, just… just don’t give up on me. Give me a chance to make up everything for you. I don’t want to lose you. Zach, I can’t lose you.”

“Too late, I already love someone else,” malamig na wika niya na mas lalong ikinadurog ng puso ko. Halos hindi na ako makahinga nang maayos dahil sa labis na pag-iyak pero parang wala lang sa kan’ya ‘yon dahil tinalikuran niya lang ako at pumasok sa loob ng kwarto.

“Zach, w-where are you going?” tanong ko at sinundan niya sa loob. Dinampot niya ‘yong maleta niya at naglakad patungo sa pinto. Taranta akong tumakbo at niyakap siya sa likod para pigilan siyang umalis. “Please, don’t leave me… Hindi ko k-kakayanin,” pagmamakaawa ko pero walang imik na tinanggal niya ‘yong pagkakayakap ko bago dumiretso palabas ng pintuan at hindi man lang ako nilingon.

Napasalampak ako sa sahig at napahawak sa dibdib habang pinapanood ang likod niyang unti-unting naglalaho sa aking paningin.  

“Zach!” umiiyak na tawag ko sa kaniya pero ni isang beses ay hindi na niya ako tinapunan pa ng tingin.

“Zach, please, come back to me…”

“Wake up, Kaiah. I’m here….”

Nagmulat ako ng mata at bumungad sa akin ang nag-aalalang mukha ni Zach.

“You’re crying in your sleep. I guess you’re having a nightmare.” He reached out his hand to wipe my tears.

Everything was a nightmare.

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag at agad akong naupo para yakapin siya. “I thought you’re leaving me for real,” takot na sabi ko habang nakasubsob sa dibdib niya. Hindi ko mapigilang hindi maiyak dahil pakiramdam ko talaga ay totoo lahat ‘yong napanaginipan ko.

Marahan niyang hinagod ang likod ko. “I will never leave you. Please, don’t cry…”

“But in my dream, you did. You fell in love with someone because she can give you the time and attention that I couldn’t give as your girlfriend because of my job. You leave me for someone else, Zach. Everything was vivid. I can remember clearly how you stared at me with cold and emotionless eyes. How you raised your voice with me and the way you dodged my touch. You don’t care about my feelings anymore. Hanggang ngayon ramdam ko pa rin ‘yong sakit sa dibdib ko.”

“Shh… It’s just a nightmare, okay? Hindi mangyayari ‘yon. Don’t think about that too much. I will never hurt you like that. I know your job is your dream career and you’ll always have my support. I don’t care if I’m not your top priority for now. Even if you’re my girlfriend, I still want you to have the time of your life doing what you love. But if you already had enough, sabihin mo lang sa akin at itatali na kita.” He uttered while gently stroking my hair.

Napangiti naman ako sa sinabi niya at unti-unting kumalma. He’s right. I shouldn’t think about that dream too much. The Zach I have in my reality was way too different from the Zach in my nightmare. He will never do that to me. I trust him and the love he has for me.

I pulled back to look at him. “Itatali saan?” taas-kilay na tanong ko kahit alam ko na kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin doon.

“Sa akin…” Huminto siya saglit at binigyan ako ng pilyong ngiti bago muling nagsalita. “I can tie you in bed, too.”  

Napaawang ang labi ko. “Zach!” Hinampas ko siya sa dibdib at tumawa naman ang loko. “Are you having dirty thoughts about me, huh?”

Umiling siya at hinila ako para yakapin. “No, I was just trying to lift your mood.” He then laid us back on the bed, not letting go of me. He buried his head on the crook of my neck perfectly like that spot was made only for him. “I’m serious about that, though,” he whispered before planting a soft kiss on my neck.

“Zach!” saway ko pero hindi niya ‘yon pinansin.

“Let’s go back to sleep, maaga pa. Ilang oras pa lang ang naitutulog mo,” he mumbled in a sleepy voice and hugged me even tighter. Tiningnan ko ang orasan na nakasabit sa dingding. Mag-aalas singko pa lang ng umaga. Madaling araw na nang natulog kami kaya paniguradong bitin pa sa tulog si Zach. He needs to rest more dahil alam kong pagod siya dahil pagkagaling niya sa trabaho, bumyahe naman siya pa-Cebu para puntahan ako.

He never failed to make me feel loved and important.

Bigla ko na namang naalala ‘yong napanaginipan ko kanina at nakaramdam ako ng takot.  I'm scared not because of him cheating on me dahil alam kong hindi niya magagawa ‘yon. Natatakot ako dahil iniisip ko na may gustong iparating sa akin na mensahe ang panaginip na ‘yon. Like I wasn't the one for him. That he belongs to someone that wasn't me.

Lumps started to form in my throat by just thinking about it.

I thought Zach had fallen asleep already while I was playing on his hair but then he looked up at me, drifting me away from my deep thoughts.

"What are you thinking?" he asked as a soft smile appeared on his lips.

"I was thinking about us," I answered honestly. There's no point in lying to him anyway because he could read through me.

"What about us?" His forehead creased. “Is that about your nightmare a while ago?” I stopped for a moment to think whether to tell him or not, but then I decided to tell him all my worries so it wouldn't get into our relationship. I don't want to play those mind games with him. I want us to be transparent to each other, so we could fix if ever problems arise.

I cleared out my throat before I spoke.

"I was thinking what our tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the next day after the day after tomorrow would look like. What if we're not really meant for each other? What if we're just building each other for someone else? Today, I might wake up to the warmth of your love, but tomorrow, I might end up drowning in tears from losing you. Zach, it terrifies me to think about this same time, next year or the year after next year, and we're no longer together anymore, just strangers with memories we can never reenact. I don't know if I can live with that, but I don't want to find out because that would only mean I really lost you." Zach's hand flew on my face to wipe my tears away. I didn't even know I was already crying while saying all of that.

He stared into my eyes.

"I'm not sure if you were made for me either but something in your eyes tells me that you are. The way you look at me and smile for me makes my heart skip a beat. The way you could make me feel at ease just by holding my hand or kissing me. When you wrap your arms around me, all the tiredness I have seems to disappear. I hadn't spent a day without thinking about you. Whenever you're away from me, I can't help but dream of you, of us. In the coming days that I want to go wherever you are and spend all of my time with you everywhere in the world. After all of that, at the end of the day, we will sleep at peace in each other's arms just like this." He paused and tucked the strands of my hair behind my ear before his eyes went back to mine and continued.

"I don't know if you were made for me, but I found a home in you, and so are you. You've got a very special place in my heart. Yeah, we may not be sure if we were destined for each other, but we are sure of our love. We are sure of our hearts, beating for each other. You're not the only one scared here, Kaiah. I did, too. But I trust you, I trust us, I trust the love we have for each other. I've waited for how many years to make you mine and I want to assure you. I chose you today, and I'll choose you over and over in a thousand lifetimes, in a thousand worlds, in a different universe, without pause, without doubt, in a heartbeat, I'll find you and I'll keep choosing you with every chance I get."

He cupped my tear-stained face and placed a gentle kiss on top of my head before he rested his forehead against mine. I could see the overflowing emotions in his eyes as he stared at me. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and fluttered them open again. This time, his eyes were serious as he spoke.

"I love you so much, Kaiah... Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with me?"

For a moment, I felt my heart stop beating after hearing his question. Did he just...

"A-are you proposing to me right now?" I asked, bewildered.

"If asking you to marry me without a ring can be considered as a proposal, then... yeah," he said with a shy smile. Here we are, laying in bed while cuddling each other. There are no flowers, no grand gestures, and no ring. But for me, his proposal was the most romantic one. Unplanned and out of pure love. And it was Zach, for God's sake!

I stared at him, teary-eyed. He was waiting for my answer with a nervous look in his eyes. I smiled.

Baby, you have nothing to be nervous about.

I closed the space between us and shut my eyes as my lips brushed against his. I felt his body relaxed from being stiff and nervous that I would turn him down.

I pulled away and showed him my most beautiful smile. "Of course, I'm more than willing to spend this lifetime with you, Zach. To be yours, to be just yours in this lifetime and a thousand more—that's what I aspire to be. I love you very much, and if this was a dream, I don't want to wake up forever." I felt my tears streaming down my face when he pulled me again in a hug.

I can feel his heart beating against his chest with the same rhythm as mine. I'm not aware that two heartbeats could perfectly sync with one another.

"This is the best birthday gift I've ever received," he whispered. "Asking you to marry me wasn't part of my plan when I went here. But after knowing how terrified you are of losing me, of losing us, I want to give you the assurance you deserve. I want you to forget all those worries, instead, I want you to look forward every day knowing that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together with a smile on your face. I want you to always remember that at the end of the day, you're the person I want to come home to. You're the person I want to tell about how my day went. You're the person I want to share my happiness, sadness, frustration, and success with. You're the last person I want to stare at before I close my eyes, and the person I want my eyes to lay upon the moment I wake up in the morning. Kaiah, you're just my dream nine years ago and what kept me going was the thought of having you was having everything I need in this world."

My tears kept running down my face while he was saying all those words to me. I was crying because of so much happiness that my heart started to ache. Hearing all of those was too good to be true. I sobbed.

God, what did I just do to make him fall in love with me so much?

He gently caressed my face and looked at me with his eyes full of love and adoration. He fixed his eyes on mine and stared deeper.

"Lost in your eyes, I'm seeing the rest of my life and I wouldn't say a word, my prayers were heard. I finally caught a glimpse of my future today in the shape of us. If I could take all the words in the language, it still wouldn't describe how much I love you. Khyrss Sariah Carreon, what have you done to me?"

I held my breath and tried to gain control of my racing heart but ended up crying even more when I saw tears forming in his eyes.

"Please, don't ever leave me. I don't know what will happen to me if I lose you." After saying that, his tears finally made their way down his face, telling me that it was the most terrifying thing he doesn't want to happen.

I hit him lightly on his chest. "What if it's you who'd leave me if one day you woke up feeling indifferent..." I trailed off. "... and you no longer remember the love you once had for me, huh?" I continued. My heart started to ache by the mere mention of it.

He looked at me like I’d said something hilarious.

"Silly, that's impossible. Listen, Kaiah, the love I have for you could last for thousands of lifetimes, so it would never fade. And even if my brain starts to malfunction and can no longer remember you, I know my heart will do it for me," he said confidently.

I hope so, Zach. I hope so.

I smiled at him before burying my head on his neck and he hugged me even tighter until we fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up feeling someone staring at my face. I slowly opened my eyes and it landed on the beautiful pair of hazel orbs.

"You finally woke up." A warm smile flashed on his face.

"Are you watching me sleep?" I asked when I saw his position. His elbow was pressed against the bed, and his chin was resting on his palm. He nodded.

"I've been watching you sleep for almost an hour now," he said casually like it was nothing.

I was about to yell at him when he spoke again.

"Don't worry, you still look pretty kahit na tulog ka," he uttered as if he already knew what I'm about to say. He then stood up and pulled me up. "Come, sleepyhead. I'm waiting for you to wake up so we can eat lunch together." He pulled me towards the balcony of his suite.

He pulled out a chair for me. I was waiting for him to sit in front of me, but he stayed behind me. I was about to turn around to look at him when I felt his hands on my hair.

"W-what are you doing?"

"Stay still. I'll tie your hair." He gently combed my hair using his hand and collected it on his left hand while he held out his right hand in front of me. "Give me your hair tie."

I handed it to him. His hands were gentle, trying so hard not to hurt me.

Right after he finished tying my hair in a messy bun, he sat down in front of me.

"You look even more beautiful with your hair up," He remarked as he stared at me.

"My fiancé is so sweet." My lips curved into smile. Natigilan siya sa sinabi ko. Mukhang hindi niya ine-expect na tatawagin ko siya nang gano'n. Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ko.

"Caught off guard, huh?" I teased. "You should get used to it starting from now."

 My forehead creased when he shook his head. But before I could even ask why, he spoke.

 "I like you calling me that. But I don't want to get used to it since you'll be my wife soon." Ako naman ang natigilan sa sinabi niya.

 You'll be my wife soon. Ang sarap pakinggan.