Goodbye, My Love

2—Can You Stay Tonight?

Despite the fact that he had been home when I had gotten there, I hadn’t gotten so much as a glimpse of Austin. But I was also in no mood to go looking for him, and even though the awareness of the entire situation was still hanging heavily on my shoulders, I was thankful that it hadn’t been necessary for me to speak to him again. I couldn’t deny the fact that it was difficult for me to know that he didn’t even bother to make sure that I had gotten home safe, but it was something that I knew was not in my control.

It hadn’t taken long for him to leave again.

And when he did, I had been expecting it.

I had been left with no choice but to spend the evening with myself—something that happened more often than not. And that right there, was why I was comfortable making dinner in the company of myself, and I didn’t feel odd eating alone either. I made sure that I only made enough pasta to make one serving, because trying to put a meal away for Austin, was going to be nothing more than a waste of time. Out of all the times that I had thought of doing it before, it had ended up being wasted, staying in the oven until the next day, when I replaced it with the next meal.

Until I just stopped doing it.

By the time that I got into bed, Austin still hadn’t come home, and truthfully, I wasn’t expecting it to happen any time soon. I knew better than to expect him home this evening. It was one of those things that never happened, and if they did, it would only be because he wouldn’t be able to spend the evening with Simone. It was one of those things that I had come to accept, and there was nothing more to it.

It must have been ages that had passed, before I heard his car pull into the driveway. Even if he had tried to keep it quiet, I doubted that it would have been quiet enough to keep me from hearing. I was still wide awake, and I was certain that I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep any time soon—especially not at the rate that things were going.

I had gotten so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn’t even taken note of the fact that the front door had opened, until the bedroom door opened. I was laying with my back facing the door, and truthfully, it was something that I was thankful for. I didn’t think that I was going to have the stomach to look him in the eyes, knowing that he must have spent the evening with Simone.

I followed the sound of his footsteps, and it led me to believe that he had gone straight to the bathroom, without even doing so much as trying to find out if I was still awake. My assumptions were proven to be correct when I heard the shower turn on, confirming that he had gone to the bathroom.

I let out a sigh, using my arms to push myself upright in the bed. He hadn’t bothered to close the bathroom door—something that he had never done, since I had met him—and I knew that it would be best for me to get his clothes ready for him. It was something that I always did—because I was always awake whenever he got home, and even though he didn’t always acknowledge it, I was certain of the fact that he was aware of it.

I put my gown on first, knowing that he would call me indecent for walking around in my pajamas. I failed to see how something like that was indecent, especially considering the fact that I was doing it in the comfort of my own home, but I wasn’t going to challenge him about it either. I didn’t have a lot of fighting spirit left inside of me, and truthfully speaking, I was fine with that. It was one of those things that were simply beyond my control—one again.

I got him a clean set of boxers and simply put them down on the edge of the bed, not actually wanting to go and give them to him in the bathroom. I could only imagine the discomfort that I would have to live through then, and I truthfully didn’t want to be doing that.

In an effort to escape from having to face him, I decided that I would go out onto the balcony. Maybe the fresh air would do me good, and make it easier for me to fall asleep later. Maybe if my body was able to acknowledge the fact that the sun had already set, then maybe I would actually be able to sleep. Although I knew that if I fell asleep now, it would only be because Austin was back. But at least I was honest enough with myself to know that.

To my surprise, there was a fine drizzle in the air. I hadn’t once heard it, or been able to take note of it while I was inside, and even though I knew that standing in the rain was far from good for me, I still had absolutely no desire to go back inside. I would continue to stand out here until I had no choice but to go back inside.

Unfortunately for me, that time came sooner rather than later.

The show cut off, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before Austin would go into the bedroom. I could only imagine what he would say when he saw me standing out here, and I didn’t think that it was going to be nice. I let out a sigh, feeling my shoulders slump as I was forced to accept my fate. Whether I liked it or not, I was going to have to go inside, and I was going to have to face him. It was one of those things that I simply could not avoid.

By the time that I managed to get back into the room, Austin had already managed to get to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. He had a towel draped around his waist, and I had to keep my irritation compressed, because I was all too aware of the fact that he was still sopping wet, and he was sitting on the bed. But if I said something, he would simply react to me and tell me that it was his money that paid for it, and I should go sleep in the spare room if I had a problem with all of this.

I decided to close the balcony door, knowing that I wasn’t going to get anywhere if I left it open. I needed to make sure that there was nothing that he could complain about. I didn’t think that I was willing to put up with it. And besides, if he got upset enough, he would simply bring up the topic of our divorce, because he would know that that would be the dagger that would plunge the deepest into my heart.

It was what he always did, and I doubted that he would have experienced anything that would have given him a change of heart, in the meantime.

When I turned back to him, I found myself caught off guard by the fact that he was staring at me. But it wasn’t an ordinary stare. There was something going on in his head, something that was shining through towards me through his eyes. It was something dark and unfathomable, and I knew that I needed to try and prepare myself, to brace myself for what was to come.

“Come here.”

There it was.

The something that I knew I would need to prepare for.

I took a deep breath as I made my way towards him, feeling the way that the hair at the nape of my neck stood on edge. I didn’t want to keep him waiting, especially since I didn’t know what it was that he wanted just yet. It was better for me to be safe, rather than to be sorry.

I didn’t know why I was surprised when he shoved a towel into my hand, practically dropping it onto the floor in the process.

“Dry my hair.”

The instruction was cold and clear.

This was something that he had always done, and I had long since managed to get used to it. I should have expected this to be the cause of him telling me to come close to him, but this just proved to me how out of sorts I was.

I prepared to get onto the bed and go behind him to dry his hair, but he seemed to realize what I wanted to do—and that wasn’t what he wanted me to do. He pulled me in between his legs, keeping his hands on either one of my legs, making sure that I knew that this was where I was supposed to stand, that this was where he wanted me to be. This was the way that it always worked with him. He gave instructions without doing so much as mentioning a word. Deciding that I didn’t want to keep him waiting—and I felt quite uncomfortable having him so close to my belly, having him so close to our child. I knew that it was a feeling that I would have to get over sooner, rather than later, but for now, I felt like I could manage it through making haste.

I wrapped the towel around his head, using my fingers to move it, and to apply pressure to his scalp, both drying his hair, and giving him a massage. I believed that this was one of the only things that he enjoyed doing with me. Other than that, there was nothing that he went out of his way to do.

“Don’t forget that it is your grandfather’s funeral tomorrow. You might want to go there earlier than everyone else is scheduled to arrive.”

I didn’t know why I bothered to speak, but the silence was something that was getting to me, and making me uncomfortable. He seemed to be so caught up in the fact that he was getting his hair dried, that I was fully convinced of the fact that he had forgotten about it. I was almost certain of the fact that I would need to remind him of it in the morning again.

But despite the fact that I had just spoken to him, he didn’t say anything. He didn’t even acknowledge what I had said. The only tell-tale sign that he hadn’t one and fallen asleep, was the thumb that was stroking up and down my thigh.

I guessed that it was his way of telling me that he didn’t want to communicate with me too much, and therefore I decided that I wasn’t going to speak any more. Once I was certain that his hair was dry enough and it wouldn’t irritate him too much, I decided that it would be best for me to get back into bed.

I had already sacrificed so much sleep in order to wait for him, and I needed to appreciate this time in my life while I still could. I knew that it was only going to be a matter of time before I would find it impossible to rest.

Austin had a habit of going to his study. I didn’t quite know what the time was, but if it wasn’t late, then he would be bound to go there and stay there until he was sure that I was asleep. But tonight seemed to be different, because he didn’t look like that was where he was going. Once he had changed into the boxers that I had laid down for him, he laid down. On the bed that he only ever slept in. And what made it so much more suspicious, was the fact that he got underneath the blanket with me.

I could feel my heart starting to race, practically doubling in pace as I realized what was to come. I was no fool, and I knew that a man only acted out of character when there was something that he wanted, and this right here, was exactly that.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, tugging me backwards, forcing my body flush against his. And as if that wasn’t already overwhelming enough, he started to place feather light kisses down the nape of my neck—kisses that felt like they were burning my skin.

Panic started to flood through me, warning lights flashing in my mind. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t just go along with all of his and have s*x with him—because that was what he wanted. I couldn’t do it, not without knowing that it wasn’t going to be a risk to the child that I was carrying. But I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to say no to him without giving him an explanation—and it was safe to say that I was far from ready to tell him that I was expecting his child.

“Austin, I—“

“You want me to stop?”

Even though he was warning me with his voice, asking me if I wanted him to stop, he gave me hungry, lingering kisses, sucking on my neck and groping my body in ways that made my insides tingle. I closed my eyes for a moment, desperately trying to figure out what I was going to do, how I was going to handle all of this.

He turned me around, forcing me onto my back—although the movement was quite willing and natural on my part. Even though I had the chance to look at him, and to have him look at me, I found that I couldn’t seize the opportunity. I simply couldn’t. He was my husband—the man of my dreams, the man that I loved. How was I supposed to turn him away when he was offering me all of this on a silver platter?

“Please be gentle with me…?”

It was the least that I could say.

If I didn’t have the heart to stop him, I needed to have the heart to make sure that he wouldn’t do anything to harm the baby.

He stilled, and for a moment, I could do no more than wonder whether I had made a mistake in asking him that. What if he decided to stop? What if I missed this opportunity?

I found myself feeling the courage to look up at him for the first time since he had come in through the door, and I found his eyebrows knitted together. He wasn’t saying anything. He wasn’t even blinking. But it didn’t last very long—and it seemed to be that my words didn’t have much of an effect on him either.

Before I had much time to resist or realize what he was doing, he had turned me around, and my body reacted to his instantly. I arched my back, my legs spreading of their own accord, and I could already feel the tingling sensation between my legs. I was as ready for him as he was for me.

“You look so f*****g good with your a*s in the air.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, I felt his fingers separating my folds. My breathing was already erratic, the anticipation of what was to come affecting me in ways that I couldn’t even imagine. He wrapped his hand around my neck, pulling me back up, and resting his head on my shoulder.

“You’re already wet for me.”

And with that being said, I felt him dip into me, and I couldn’t keep a satisfied moan from slipping out of my mouth. I didn’t have the words to explain how I felt in that moment. It had been ages. Six weeks. And I had been craving this since the moment that the previous round had come to an end.

He forced me toward again, my back arching with him inside of me, making it easier for him to keep pounding into me. The bed was slamming against the wall, matching the rhythm of his thrusts, and truthfully, I didn’t want it to end.

He pulled me in one last time, burying himself deep inside of me, and I could feel the way that his c*m spread through my insides. My legs went numb as I reached my own c****x, and I found myself sitting upright, leaning against his body as I finished.

We stayed like that for no more than a few seconds, before he pulled out of me and pushed me forward. I had barely been able to catch myself on the bed, and I was already aware of the fact that he had gotten off of the bed, going to the bathroom.

It took me a moment to realize that he was talking to someone on the phone.

No. It couldn’t be?

I looked at the clock on the wall, and I found myself acknowledging the fact that it was already after midnight. The only person who would dare to call him this late at night, was Simone.

And just like that, the high that I had experienced from having an amazing s*x session, disappeared in an instant, replaced by feelings of resentment and apprehension. I didn’t know what was going to be said on that phone, but I knew that it wouldn’t mean anything good for me. That was something that I was sure of.

“Simone, don’t be ridiculous!”

So, I had been right.

It was her calling him after all.

He stormed out of the bathroom soon after that, and I felt my shoulders tense as he started throwing on a fresh set of clothes. He was leaving. He was actually leaving, after what had just happened.

“Where are you going?”

No answer.

He didn’t even look at me.

Everything was happening so fast that I didn’t know what to do, but I knew that I wanted to stop him. I didn’t want him to ruin this beautiful experience by leaving. I grabbed a hold of his arm just as he had been about to walk out the door, digging my feet into the ground to assist me with stopping him.

He turned to look at me, a bitter frown on his face, and it was obvious to me that he wasn’t impressed by what I was doing.

“What?!”

I had to keep myself from pulling away from him, knowing that he would simply use it as an opportunity to leave, and I wasn’t about to give him that.

“Please stay with me. Stay with me tonight.”

The frown that had been on his face, only deepened, his mouth forming a sneer as he spoke. There were no words to explain how upset he looked. He was furious.

“I f****d you, Laela. The only reason I would stay, is to keep f*****g you. Don’t ask for more.”

His words were cold, sarcastic to the point that I felt them driving a knife into my heart. I was frozen in place, unable to do anything for a solid minute before I found my dignity once more, tilting my head to look up at him.

“Tomorrow is your grandfathers’ funeral. I told you that, did I not? You and I both know that leaving to go to Simone, is going to make it impossible for you to attend the funeral. If I were you, I would take the day off, and be a good grandson. Instead of skipping the funeral, altogether.”

“Excuse me? Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?”

His eyes narrowed, and I let go of him as he turned to face me. He looked even more upset than he had been before, but one thing that I considered to be a win, was the fact that he was no longer trying to leave.

He let out a cruel laugh, and honestly, it caught me off guard. I didn’t understand why he was laughing, and truthfully, I didn’t think that I wanted to know, either.

“And you claim that I’ve changed! For the sake of my sanity, Laela, you need to acknowledge that you are the one who’s changed.”