Goodbye, My Love

7 –Simone’s Caretaker

At the funeral.

“Until we meet again.”

I sprinkled the handful of dirt over his grave, being careful not to wipe my hand on my slacks, but I also knew that I couldn’t just walk around with a filthy hand. After some mental negotiation, I decided to take a wet wipe out of my handbag and wipe at the dirt, feeling the way that my shoulders began to slack as I acknowledged the fact that this was it.

The funeral was over.

I turned around to leave, fully intending to call a cab once I got to the entrance of the cemetery, but it seemed like fate had different plans for me today.

Austin was standing a few paces behind me, watching carefully as the ground workers started to shovel more and more dirt into the grave. When had he come? That was the singular thought that drifted through my mind as I looked at him, although, I did not believe that I would receive an answer.

He was dressed in the very same choice of attire as the rest of the funeral party was—black. Such a morbid color, and yet, it suited him so well. He was staring at his grandfathers’ grave, in the very same way that I had been moments ago, and I couldn’t help but wonder whether or not he wished that he had been an active participant in the burial process—but even as the thought entered my mind, so did the answer.

As much as I would like to think that he cared about his grandfather, I was doing nothing more than making a fool out of myself.

“We should go.”

We?

Did I hear that correctly?

He said we? Did he mean me? Was I supposed to leave with him?

When he turned around, seeming convinced that I knew what he meant, I realized that it would be safer for me to follow him. It would be easier to be turned away, than to be left behind, deliberately.

But as we walked, and I was able to fall into step beside him, it was becoming quite obvious to me that he was mourning. He was upset, and I had to admit that I was somewhat relieved to find that he was actually feeling the weight of his grandfathers’ absence.

I thought that comforting him would be a good thing to do—after all, there was no one else here to do it, and therefore, there was nothing stopping me.

“Austin, I know that you’re upset that he’s gone, but you should remember that he is in a better place. Everything that he spent his life working on, is being passed on to you and Colin, and I just know that he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. The two of you meant the world to him…”

I allowed my voice to trail off when I realized that he was looking at me, and I felt like it was safe for me to say that it was not a kind one, either. He looked like he was ready to shove a sock down my mouth, just to keep me quiet—and that was something that I was not comfortable with.

I was a little bit overwhelmed by what was going on, but I told myself that I needed to get a grip on what was happening, especially if I had any hopes of not making a fool out of myself—since that was something that happened so easily. Austin looked absolutely furious, and after he walked away without saying a word—after giving me the look that he had given me—I couldn’t help but feel surprised. After all, what reason could he possibly have not to say whatever it was that was on his mind?

Austin ended up leading me to his car, and I couldn’t keep myself from looking over my shoulder at the place where I had left my driver. He would still be waiting for me by now, but to my surprise, that place was empty. Austin must have realized what I was looking at, because he started to talk—and he sounded rather impatient.

“He is not waiting for you. I have already sent him away. So, you either leave with me, or you stay here. The choice is yours.”

It was then that it dawned on me that he thought that I was looking for the other driver, so that I would be able to leave with him, instead of getting into the car with Austin. And as if to solidify my suspicions, Austin opened the door for me—something that had never happened before.

I was no fool.

I knew that I didn’t have much of a choice, and truthfully speaking, I wanted to leave with my husband. I wanted him to know that I had no reservations when it came to spending time with him, but I also knew that stating that plainly, would do nothing other than to humiliate me.

When Austin slammed the door shut after I had gotten into the car, I couldn’t help the sudden tension that I felt. Up until now, I had managed to push all thoughts of Simone to the back of my mind, and I had been doing quite well. But now, I couldn’t avoid it any longer.

I was dying to know what had happened when he had taken her to the emergency room. I wanted to know whether or not the baby had been lost, or whether she was still alright. I knew that it was unlikely for it to be the latter of the two options. There had been too much blood. But I wasn’t about to expel the possibility, simply because I knew that I would be the one who was disappointed when they news came to light. I was actually just trying to protect my own feelings in this scenario.

Of course, there came a time where my curiosity got the better of me, and I couldn’t keep myself from asking the million dollar question.

“Have you heard any news about Simone?”

There were a lot of other things that I could have said then, instead of asking about her well-being.

I could have told him that I had not pushed her down the stairs, and that she had been the one trying to hit me—a woman who was also pregnant with his child! But I refrained from doing that, because I knew that working myself up over something like this, wasn’t going to benefit me in any way at all. I needed to keep a cool head, or else I might just end up in the same situation as Simone found herself in.

We had managed to get out of the cemetery, and Austin pressed harshly on the break, sending me flying forward. If it hadn’t been for my safety belt, I doubted that I would have been fine. With the speed and intensity with which he had done that, I was almost certain that I would have been bashed my head against the windscreen. I could do no more than to turn to Austin, fury bubbling up inside of me.

But Austin did not realize that I was looking at him in this manner, because he was staring at the road ahead of us, quite intensely if I might add, his hands gripping the steering wheel as if they had been glued to it. My legs had gone numb from the emotional impact of what had just happened, and I could only hope that it would go away before he told me to get out of the car.

Because that was always what he did when he did this.

Always.

It took all but another moment to have him turn his head to face me, looking just as upset as I felt. I guessed that it was my question that made him feel the way that he did now. Every atom in my body screamed at me, warning me to make myself small and shrink back into the chair, but I found that I didn’t want to do that. I refused to allow him to make me feel this way.

“Austin—“

“What do you want me to say to you, Laela? What? That Simone has been hospitalized? That she has lost the child?”

He seemed to catch himself, realizing that he was having a rather intense emotional outburst, but it was too late. It had already progressed long enough for me to realize that Austin was quite upset about the fact that Simone had lost the child. And the only reason why he would feel that way, would be because he had wanted it. I refused to accept any explanation other than that one, and I was also certain of the fact that there was no other one. I was as sure of it as I was of the fact that my name was Laela.

After he had regained his composure, Austin started speaking again, the tone of his voice so cold and abrupt that it made me feel like he was talking down on me, like he somehow considered himself to be superior.

“Laela, I would like to make it clear to you that I have every intention of divorcing you. I know that you have been left shares by my grandfather—but that is nowhere near enough to convince me to stay married to you, so if that is what you are hoping, then you are in for a big surprise. Do I make myself clear?”

My heart felt like it was about to bounce out of my chest, like it could no longer be restrained by my ribcage. I had only learnt of my share in the company a few hours ago, and he had already managed to find out about it. How? How on earth had he been able to find out about that? How long was it going to take before he found out about the baby? Even as my mind followed that train of thought, I told myself that there was no point in getting worked up about it now. There were other things that needed my attention.

“I still don’t understand why you would want to divorce me, Austin. I don’t see your reason behind it, other than Simone being a prominent factor in your life—and now you think that I pushed her down the stairs. I didn’t. Just by the way.”

I made sure that my own anger and bitterness leaked into my voice as I looked directly into his eyes, challenging him to tell me that I was wrong, that there was some other reason as to why he wanted to divorce me. But he didn’t, which proved to me that I was right. He had no reason to leave me, other than Simone. It made me resent him and the situation even more than I already did.

“And the fact that you’re throwing my shares in the company back in my face, is wrong too. I didn’t once think of using that to keep you with me, and the fact that you did, proves which one of us is actually the schemer. Since you’re so eager to get this divorce underway, then so be it. Have your attorney draw up the documents and I’ll sign them. I’ll sign them with pleasure.”

And just like that, after my outburst, there was nothing but silence between the two of us. He stared at me, and I stared at him, and the only audible thing, was the sound of the wind as it smashed tiny pebbles against the windows and the car itself. It was like the charged buzz of aggression had now left his body.

It seemed like he was quite surprised by the fact that I had actually gone ahead and agreed to the divorce, and that I had done it as willingly as I had.

“So, now that you put Simone in the hospital, you’re willing to agree to a divorce? Is that what you think is going on here? I’m sorry but that is not happening. I’m not going to allow you to walk away from your responsibility to her.”

“My responsibility to her? Please, feel free to tell me what responsibility I could possibly have to Simone, because as far as I am aware, I have none.”

He started the car, and I got the impression that he wasn’t even going to answer me, that he wasn’t going to acknowledge anything that I had said—but I was wrong. Just before we pulled away, he decided to make his final statement.

“When you wake up tomorrow morning, you’re going to have a new job—you’ll be looking after Simone, whether you like it or not.”