The Lustful Chronicles

1.3

So, you can see how conflicted I was after that night? On the one hand, it was everything I had hoped and dreamed of from him, but on the other, it was as if sawdust had filled my mouth. I was bitter. It took us being apart and him having his fill with other women to give me the desired results. Don’t get me wrong, I could overlook it. It's not like he cheated on me. It could even flatter me that he went through the trouble to learn, but how could I be happy? It took two years for him to actively work on it after I had left him. They say you never miss your water until the well runs dry. I wondered how badly he had hurt before he jumped into the sack with someone else. It had only been a week since our breakup that he had started going out again.

Anyway, I had gotten an orgasm, and he continued going. Still coming down from my orgasm, Andreas continued to thrust. By then I couldn’t think properly. I could only think about how good it felt. I wrapped my legs around his waist. Pulling him deeper inside me. Andreas wrapped me in his arms. We were so close one would have a hard time separating us. Now that I was sitting in his lap, he kissed my neck. I met his strokes with my own.

I should’ve at least had him move us into his room or at least from in front of the door because neither of us heard the click of the lock. Or the door opening. His roommate had come home. “Damn it, Andreas, if you were going to do that, you should’ve sent me a message. I didn’t want to see all that. I told you no random women in the apartment.”

When he realized it was me, his expression changed. His roommate was nice, and I had always liked him. I couldn’t even look at him, so I buried my face in Andreas’ chest. “Sorry. I was drunk and Leigha helped me home.”

“Yeah, by the looks of it, she helped you in the house and out of your clothes. Well, you helped her out of hers.”

“Just go to your room. We’ll be out of the way soon.”

The guy smirked, and I was sure he was about to tell his boyfriend what he had seen. Sure enough, before the night was over, I had a message from my friend. You know, the one that wanted Andreas but never actively said anything. Well, after he and I were interrupted all my senses came back along with a bit of regret and confusion. Andreas had let me go so that I could get dressed. “Did you want to stay the night?”

“No, I should head home.”

“It’s late. You may not get a cab.”

I looked at him with my tongue in my cheek. “Even so, I have pepper spray, and walking the twenty minutes from your place to my home won't do me any harm. And if you hadn’t noticed.” I pushed two of my fingers through the blinds. “The sun is rising. I’ll be fine.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that because now Andreas held a smirk on his face. “So … we been at it for hours.?”

I scoffed. Opening the door, I was almost outside when he took my hand. “Bye Andreas.”

“Wait, what are we?”

I shook his hand off me. “We are two people that had s*x. Nothing more. Bye Andreas. It was … interesting.”

He didn’t call out to me or want to talk anymore. I mean, how could he ask if there was anything more between us? I needed to unpack these emotions I was feeling, but there wasn’t anyone I could actively talk to. The girls I knew were gung-ho Andreas and wanted a chance with him, and the guys were hoping I would see how amazing they were so I could give them a chance. Like it was useless. Hell, even if I didn’t have s*x with the bartender, at least he would’ve been an unbiased shoulder to lean on.

I sighed on my way home. Most people aren’t aware of their surroundings, but even if I’m deep in thought, I’m not so airheaded that I wouldn’t make sure that I was safe. Which I was, the whole time, going home. When I made it home, I fired off a message to Andreas. [home. Gnight]

I didn’t have to send him a text, but it would’ve been wrong not to. He was worried I wouldn’t be safe.

[thnxs. Can we tlk after sum sleep?]

I was sure he wanted to talk about what happened. I may not be able to talk to friends about this, but I sure as hell could get out how I feel towards him. It took a nanosecond to come to a decision. [at the Jackson park under the gazebo.]

[c u @1]

That was long enough for the both of us to get some sleep. Maybe even talk to someone. Like I said, I didn’t have anyone. It’s a shame cause before Andreas I had friends. Not that I ditched them for him and focused solely on him, but more like they became the pick me women or hoped for the downfall of my relationship. The only way I would have college friends was if I had joined a sorority. Which I didn’t, so no point worrying over spilled milk. I stripped out of my clothes and just as my head hit the sheets; I was in la la land. That was at six thirty in the morning.

A few hours later, I was waking up with the sun blaring in my eyes. My blinds weren’t the best, but they worked well enough most days. I checked the time and saw that it was now eleven. That wasn’t much time for sleep, but hey I lived off three hours of sleep and magic juice. My own recipe to help keep me awake. It's equivalent to getting a full night's sleep. Not healthy all the time, but in moderation.

I dragged myself to the shower and scrubbed last night off me. I could still smell him on me. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it also wasn’t pleasant at the moment either. I kept on scrubbing until I felt and smelled like me. Once I was out of the shower, I got dressed in to something cute but casual. You never know who you would meet at the park. It wasn’t far from Kari-Hope. I wasn’t sure why he suggested that park when he knew I had wanted to go to an amusement park with him for our entire relationship. The more I thought about it, the more I came to realize how much he had changed during our time apart. The two of us getting back together wouldn’t be something I would push for or agree to.

Well, I headed down to the park and I swear I could see the top of a few rides. It was so close I thought maybe I should skip this meeting with him and just go on my own. No sense holding out to go with a guy. I could buy flowers for myself. Just as I was about to take a turn to the right to go to the amusement park, that’s when Andreas called out to me. “Leigha!”

I checked my watch to see it was twelve-fifty. He was usually a couple of minutes late. I could’ve ignored him like I hadn’t heard him, but I answered. “Yeah?” When I turned to face him, his hands were in his pockets and he held a carefree smile on his face.

“You look amazing.”

“Yeah, well, why shouldn’t I?”

“It was a compliment. No need to be hostile.”

I shrugged.

“Well, let's walk and talk.”

“Sure, why not?”

I followed him. And we talked about what happened last night.

“So… did I give you what you had wanted?”

He had, of course, he had. “Yeah, but so what? It took us breaking up and you being a man w***e to give me what I deserved for two years in our relationship.”

He scratched his cheek. “I wasn’t really a man w***e. I really did read books and used food to practice.”

“You’re saying you went American pie on food?”

He stopped and looked at me crazily. That movie was before our time, but when you have cool parents, how could you not know about it? “What?”

“Yeah, exactly. See, I did some thinking. In truth. Andreas, you’re a great guy. An amazing guy, but there are things about me that you don’t know or chose to ignore.”

“Like what? I know we had issues with the s*x, but that was it.”

“Yeah, that was because that’s what I focused on more. It just hit me how little you know about me. I conformed more to your ideology than just continuing to be myself.”

“I really don’t get it, Leigha. I did this so you could see how much I care about you.”

“Boy, do you have it ass backward! If you were doing it for me, you would’ve done it while we were in a relationship. Not after it was over. To me, that seemed more like revenge. ‘I’ll show you how good I am in bed, so you’ll have to take me back.’ Yeah, it showed me you’re willing to make an effort if you want.”

“But Leigha, I really didn’t have s*x with all of them. Like three.”

“Yeah, and I'm not upset that you did. You’re not listening. I’m upset that there were things I wanted to do with you, accomplish with you, grow with you and instead I kind of withered into the background and let you lead and take control.”

I hadn’t been paying attention to where we were walking. “But a man should lead.”

“Maybe that’s your upbringing, but sometimes a man can’t lead if he doesn’t know how. It would be like the blind leading the blind.”

We stopped walking. We were outside of the amusement park. I looked at the gigantic neon sign and derisively laughed. “It’s funny. I wanted to go to this park with you. Asked you several times, but you know you never wanted to do anything that was childish. Hell, when I said I wanted to watch the American pie movies series, you declined that too. It’s no wonder that you didn’t get the reference. We never watched it together.”

His once broad shoulders seemed to shrink in front of me. He was quiet. I figured I had gotten my feelings across, but I was still angry. “I’m sorry. I can’t say I didn’t pay attention to you. I did. I knew when something bothered you and wanted to do what I could to make you smile. Yeah, I could’ve been a billion times better than what I was. I just assumed we would be together forever to make everything work out.”

I shook my head. “A lifetime of mistakes wouldn’t be worth it. Who’s to say you would even work on it or change? Last night, I will admit, it was amazing. It was the best I ever had from you. It was everything I had dreamed of.”

He smiled. It was the light at the end of a tunnel. “Yeah?”

“But it was too little too late. I hope you can find a woman that will be everything that you need. I don’t think that woman is me.”

He reached out to hug me, but I sidestepped his outstretched arms. “I think you are everything that I’ve ever wanted. Is there any way we can start over? Not as a couple, but as friends? Nothing more?” He lowered his arms.

“Maybe, but right now I want to enjoy the single life. Plus, we would need a lot of boundaries.”

“I get that. Then can I take my friend to this amusement park?”

“No.” I smiled. “I’m taking myself to the amusement park. I actually was going to ditch you before you called out to me.”

“Yeah, I saw the way your shoulders stiffened when I called out to you. They say it’s more fun with friends.”

“Yeah, but I waited for two years to go with you and now I want to go alone. So for now, Andreas, I’ll reach out to you when I'm ready to be friends.”

He held out a hand. I took it and gave it a shake. With that business concluded, I headed to the entrance of the park when I bumped into an older gentleman with three children. “Excuse me, I’m sorry.”

“My apologies, miss.” The guy had two young children clamoring for his attention and an uninterested teenager standing off to the side. “Dad, are we going in or not?”

I could see he had his hands full. “Are you going in with three kids alone?”

“Yes, it’s to keep them occupied.”

“I see. Well, I’m sorry again.”

We parted ways. He still wrangling his two younger children and his teenager, hoping to hurry and get inside. Kari-hope may be more fun with friends or family, but if I had to deal with all of that, then I was better off going in alone for my first time.