Chosen by the Fates

Man of Her Dreams

Aisling ~

I sit curled around a fluffy pillow on our couch, head buried in my arms.

"So like... nothing? The whole rest of the night after that?" Tiffa is using her thinking voice. The one where I word vomit at her, and she tries to help me sort out all the pieces. I had just told her every detail of our date. It's late, we both have to work, but she knows I'm upset. 

I shake my head into the pillow.

"I mean, maybe he's just a gentleman?" Her voice is gentle, "And he hasn't texted back?"

I shake my head again.

"So like, it's only 11. Maybe he's still driving home? Or maybe something came up? He doesn't sound like the kind of guy to play games. And at least from the way dinner started, it absolutely sounds like he was interested? But you're right. It’s kinda weird that he kept his distance after that though. Especially with how he kept being sweet to you."

I finally come up for air. "He was really thoughtful. I felt like I was in some kind of movie. He kept helping me with doors and my coat... but you should have seen this place. It was... so different. Like high society, all the women had long legs, and gorgeous bodies with perfectly fitting designer clothing. I was standing there looking at him, and he's gorgeous too. Like he just fits in with it all. And I..." I wave my hand at my sweater dress and knit stockings. "I didn't. It's like... For the first time in my life I just realized how small I am compared to all that. My whole life is small compared to that." Tears fill my eyes as I remember how awkward and out of place I felt surrounded by so much beauty. What is wrong with me? It was literally one date. I rebury my head in the pillow, grappling the overwhelming feeling of insecurity from the night.

He is absolutely perfect. He's prince charming. And I don't fit in with him or his life. My mind spins as my body weeps.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. You. Are. Not Small. You are gorgeous, too! Hey, hey, hey!" Tiffa scooches across the couch, wrapping her arms around me. "What is this? Where is this all coming from? Is this the same woman who has a soap box for how staged appearances can be? Especially for media, models, and fashion? The same woman brimming with confidence that I've gone out dancing with? You are always the first to dress to the nines in some of the bravest and sexiest things I've ever seen a girlfriend put on. And dayum if you don't also clean up well when you decide to rock those dark shadowed eyes. 

Listen to me... you're not used to it. I get it. 

We are lucky to have what we do, and even then we struggle paycheck to paycheck. And yeah, maybe Sol is mister wealthy pants... why does that matter? He's a human. He has hopes, dreams, and desires like the rest of us. He's not any better or more worthy as a person than you. He's just luckier when it comes to resources. He's just a guy. A guy that might like you." Tiffa pets my hair. 

 "Frankly. He's lucky to have your attention. Most women would see this as a good thing. And any other romantic interest, myself included, would likely milk the crap outta a guy that wants to spend that kind of money and time on her. Take any part of me you want while we jet set to all the invite only restaurants in our designer clothes together." I can hear the smirk in Tiffa's voice. 

When I look up, my eyes are read, but I am also smiling. "You harlot."

Tiffa winks at me. "Aint no shame in living it up. I'm sure he's got plenty to spare if he can afford to take a first date to a place like that." 

"You're absolutely incorrigible." I shake my head at her in mock disappointment.

"It's one of my best traits." She laughs as I chuck my pillow at her.

I sigh, "You're right. I just. Feel like the whole thing threw me off center. Like the night started weird, then there was this palace of a restaurant, and all these beautiful people. And then the moment at the bar just sent my hormones and whole body haywire. Then I became even more painfully aware of how awkward I was compared to literally everyone there. And everything was so EXTRA. uhg. And then when things finally seemed to go well, nothing. Like, he didn't even get close to me. And I just ... I know I didn't do anything wrong, but holy cow what a weird night." I fall back on the couch, eyes on the ceiling. 

Tiffa hovers over me, still holding the pillow I chucked at her. "It sounds a little like you're scared he might not like you."

"I mean. Yeah. I'm nothing like anyone there." My voice feels as small as I feel.

"Maybe that's the point?" Tiffa smiles, her eyes twinkling cleverly as she twists my self-doubt into a compliment. 

"How are you so good at that?" I return her smile, my heart swelling as I consider what a good friend she is.

"Good at what?" She leans back as I sit back up.

"Reframing any of my doubts to remind me that I don't need to doubt myself?"

"Well to be fair, I've never seen you doubt yourself like this, let alone after one date or a missed text. Like... I mean obviously girl talk. But, you really seem to be attracted to this guy. And you just met." She leans forward over the pillow and whispers conspiratorially, "Maybe its fate." 

I roll my eyes. "What, that some billionaire playboy accidentally ran into me at a coffee shop, then took me out for dinner at one of his 10 star restaurants only to discover my fashion sense is supermarket chic and I have absolutely zero game when it comes to intimacy? Thus forever ending the night as the weirdest date ever..." 

Tiffa golf claps for me. "Such a great performance. Such drama. Such personal dragging. But seriously, what if he really likes you?"

"Then I suppose he would have replied. Or he's into games. Which I'm not." I straighten up and take a deep breath. It's been a decade since my awkward teen years, I have no intention of being played, no matter how rich and gentlemanly the guy is.

Tiffa raises an eyebrow and nods approvingly. "Now that's more like it. Well, something still could have come up."

I get up and stretch. "I guess. I should just try to sleep whatever this feeling is off. I don't know what my body is doing. Maybe this is what everyone warned us about with our s*x drive when we get older."

Tiffa snorts out a laugh, "You're in your late 20's, you're not older yet, my dude." 

"I don't know. It was just... so crazy."

"Maybe you just need to get laid?" The clever twinkle is back in her eyes.

"Nope. Nope. Nope. I need sleep. Will readdress the issue after sleep and morning coffee."

Tiffa's laugher follows me down the hall, "What if he texts you?"

"Then hopefully by then my libido has figured itself out, and we can have a normal date like normal people." 

"Oh right, like normal people. On his private yatch?" She calls after me.

I just can't keep thinking about it. How poor I am. How rich he might be. It doesn't even matter if I don't hear from him again.  

Miss Meow Meow appears and pads quietly down the hall after me. My sweet little seal point shadow. When I'm finally finished getting ready for bed, I check my phone one last time. Maybe he was still driving... Nothing. Just the message I left him when I got home, thanking him for dinner and letting him know I got home alright. 

I heave a long sigh before plugging my phone in and rolling onto my side under the blankets. Miss Meow Meow's purr fills the dark of my room as she paws gently at me, kneading at the blankets I'm wrapped in. I pull her into a hug, and she rubs her face against mine.

So much of my life is just fine, I need to stop thinking or worrying about one guy and one night. 

My last thoughts are of Sol's deep lapis eyes, and the shape of his lips so close to mine as I drift to sleep.

***

I am in the coffee shop, about to leave when a hand grabs my wrist. The warmth feels familiar, and when I look up, my eyes meet the bright eyes of Ashleigh. I pull my hand away, "What have I told you about grabbing at women you don't know?!" My voice is frustrated. Suddenly his brothers are on either side of me.

"But we do know you, Delphi." His voice caresses some distant part of my memory, and I am overwhelmed with a sense of Deja Vou. 

"Look, I already said I would help you find your friend. Why is it you don't know what she looks like if you're friends?" They keep calling me that. Delphi. Why?

Sionainn leans close to Ashleigh, his voice soft. "She may not realize where we are..." His hair is so white it almost seems to glow in the bright daylight of the coffee shop.

I roll my eyes, glancing between them. "I can hear you. ‘She’ knows the Rise and Grind. I come here all the time to draw and study." I shake my head and look around me. The coffee shop is hazy, walls seem less solid, and the furniture sometimes shifts position when I look away or look back. What is this place? 

Ashleigh nods, as if considering his next words carefully. "Why do you come here?" His question seems unusual, but as he asks it, I find myself thinking about how to answer. As I think of all the reasons I love to come here, the shop seems clearer, the strange shifting of furniture stops. I guess I was just feeling dizzy. Chairs don't move themselves. 

"It is comfortable, bright, and warm, I love the smells..." The grinder can be heard starting up behind the counter, and I smell fresh coffee being made. "It's the perfect balance of noise and quiet for me to focus on my studying or art."

Ashleigh and Sionainn exchange a glance and a nod. I look to Cian, who has remained quiet. I realize he is wearing a leather outfit, which doesn't match what he'd had on just moments ago when I'd first noticed them over by the counter.

"Wait... you weren't wearing that." I frown. Was he? 

Cian looks worriedly between me and his brothers, but remains quiet.

"Oh for the love of... it also wasn't daylight when we met." Ashleigh's voice is frustrated.

Sionainn frowns and shakes his head at his brother.

I blink, my gaze shifting to the bright sun outside the front windows. He's right. It was evening.  I glance back to Ashleigh, shocked, but then when I look out the window again, it's dark with snow flurries dancing through the sky.

Something doesn't feel right, though. Someone else was here. I instinctively look behind me at the door, but the doorframe is empty. My heart aches, and I don't know why.

I hear Ashleigh's sigh, "Look, you said your name is Aisling, correct?"

I nod, looking back to him.  

"You also said you would help us find our friend, and we exchanged numbers, remember?" Ashleigh studies me.

I glance down at my phone, seeing the phone numbers already in my phone. The letters and numbers seem to shift, but I know we just exchanged numbers, now that he mentions it.

I nod again, looking back up.

"Alright, so would you be willing to spend a little time with us to help us with that?" His voice is gentler now, his eyes searching mine. My heart skips a beat and I nod. I keep feeling like I have other plans, but I can't remember what they are. And I did promise. 

"Of course." My voice sounds uncertain, even to me.

"We promise to return you here immediately upon request." Sionainn offers me his angelic smile. Who can say no to that?

"Alright." I nod, sounding more certain.

"Excellent, after you milady." Sionainn gestures politely ahead of him, but his words stop me short. For the briefest moment, when I hear 'milady' my mind brings up the memory of someone with deep blue eyes. But the image is fleeting, and gone as we depart.

As we trudge through the snow toward the far end of the parking lot, a soft voice catches me off guard. "Wouldn't it be easier if it was still daytime and sunny?" I glance back to see Cian, rubbing at his arms.

I realize I don't feel cold at all. Why am I not cold? A shiver courses down my spine at that. As if summoned by the thought alone, my hands are now freezing. Sionainn takes a few long steps to catch up and walk beside me. He slips his long white coat off, draping it over my shoulders without asking. 

It is warm, and smells like pleasant herbs. The smell reminds me of one of my favorite teas. "Thank you." I smile, and he is quick to return the smile. The crinkles at the corners of his eyes indicate that smiling comes easy to him.

"I can tell how much you love this place by how poetically you describe it." 

I pull his coat close and laugh, "I, Sir, am no poet."

"There can be a certain poetry to the way we remember the people and places we love. Even if words cannot do those memories justice." His eyes and smile almost seem sad as he speaks, his mind on some distant thought.

"That is a beautiful perspective." I am touched that he shared it with me.

His gaze returns to me, and he winks at me without reply. It reminds me of Tiffa, for the briefest moment. "You remind me of one of my closest friends." I say, reappraising his idyllic beauty and halo of white hair. He almost looks startled at my words. "But her smiles aren't angelic, they're actually pretty wicked." I grin.

The shock dissipates from his features, replaced by amusement, "She sounds like someone I would very much like to meet."

"I hope you get to, she -" Before I can finish, I hear a vehicle door open. We are standing in front of a strange model of SUV that looks almost like a military vehicle. Fog lights shine brightly into the dark of the moonless night. Ashleigh has opened the passenger side door for me. I shrug off the jacket, offering it back to Sionainn, thanking him. Then I climb into the seat. Sionainn and Cian get in the back, Ashleigh drives.

"Where did that other man you were with go?" I try to remember if he was still in the coffee shop when we left, but I can't.

"Our manager? Oh he's busy at the moment." Sionainn leans between the seats from the back. Cian has put on a set of headphones.

"Cian doesn't speak much, does he?" I nod at his headphones.

Sionainn shakes his head. 

"So where are we going?" I ask, curious.

"To see where this road ends." Ashleigh answers seriously.

I laugh as we pull out onto the highway toward the city. "Well of course the city. Unless you plan to keep on driving?"

"You're certain of that?" Ashleigh's eyebrow arches, and for some reason I'm not certain anymore.

"I mean, I used to drive in for my college courses... why would..." My voice trails off as I realize nothing surrounding us looks familiar anymore. The snow drifts have turned into waves of ocean. The mountains are gone, replaced by tall clouds. The stars drift and move with the flow of the ocean tides.

I gasp, what I see challenging my expectations. Dream. The thought is jarring. The vehicle starts to fade.

"NO. NO, no, no, no." Ashleigh suddenly sounds worried, veering the SUV off the empty highway. 

"I told you not to startle her." Sionainn's voice is suddenly more serious than I remember. 

I feel incorporeal. Cian fades first.

Ashleigh dives for me, arms warm and solid around my waist as Sionainn vanishes, too.

"What... what is happening?" I glance around us, unable to explain how we got from the coffee shop to the beach.

"We were going to the beach..." Ashleigh's rich tenor is almost a soft plea. His eyes are filled with some emotion I've never seen before. Everything about him seems familiar, real. I suddenly don't mind his arms around me, I feel comfortable. Safe.

The sound of gulls fills the air. When I turn to look, the sun shines brightly in the sky as the birds dive playfully across the beach where the waves dance across the sands. "It's beautiful here."

Ashleigh's eyes close and he lets out a sigh of relief, resting his forehead against my shoulder. His breath is hot on my skin, awakening something like a memory within me. "How long have we known each other?" I ask, not sure why I need to ask.

"A long, long time." He replies into my shoulder, his voice almost seeming pained.

"How could I have forgotten?" I ask, unsure of why I would forget someone who makes me feel so safe.

Ashleigh doesn't answer with words, instead pulling me closer to hold me. I relax into the warmth of his arms. 

I'm not sure how long we stay like that, but everything about it feels familiar and right to me. It's comforting, and I savor it. 

"What do you say we go explore the beach?" He sits back to study me. 

When my eyes settle on him, he appears a little different than he had when we first met. His eyes seem darker, his features gentler. "Could we just sit like this a little longer?" I'm surprised at the tenor of my own voice. I realize my body feels a little different to me.

He reaches out to me, tracing my brow line with his thumb, the shape of his mouth drawing out into a pained smile. "It is you."

"Who else would I be?" I laugh, the sound is richer than my usual laugh.

Ashleigh shakes his head, drawing me suddenly into a tight hug. My body feels lean, and just a little taller than usual against him. "I don't know if it's a blessing, or a curse. We have to get you out of here. But I don't know how." His voice is tight with worry, and urgency.

"Oh No... I know you are not bringing me to the beach, only to drive off with me before we get to see it?" I can't bear to hear how concerned he is, the weather is perfect for this trip.

Ashleigh leans back, studying me for a long moment before nodding. "Alright. Right. Of course you're right."

"Of course I am." I lean in, kissing him gently on the lips. It feels right. Who else would I be here with, but my partner? The heat of his lips against mine sends shivers down my body.

Ashleigh stiffens, eyes widening in surprise. I sit back, and for a long moment we hold one another's gaze. I'm confused, why wouldn't my partner kiss me back? He looks as if he's seen a ghost.

"What's wrong?" My voice is soft, unsure. I reach up, touching my lips hesitantly. They feel different from my own somehow.

"It's just... been so long." His eyes are filled with need, his voice soft.

I lean forward, "Then we should make up for lost time?" My breath falls on his lips, which part ever so slightly. When I touch my lips to his again, his mouth greets me in full. Our tongues tangle, and his hands grip tightly at my long shirt. My hands slide under his shirt, roaming the sculpted form of his body. He moans quietly into the kiss, his body pressing desperately into the touch of my hands. His hands tear open the buttons of my shirt, dragging it off my own broad shoulders.

I shiver against him as he traces circle patterns across my exposed top. Every part of me, aroused. He tilts his head, deepening the kiss. His whole body surges forward against me, pushing my back against the far door. I entwine my legs around his waist, and his hands grip my thighs tightly. We break from the kiss, and I gasp for air. His features are etched with longing, and pain. I can't bear to see it. 

We used to be happy, didn't we? 

The sky seems to darken, and his expression shifts. We both look out to the beach. Clouds roll in, dark and tumultuous. 

"That... was fast." I release my legs from around him, staring out at the oncoming storm.

He sits back, also watching the storm front, "We should go." His voice is low, and suddenly solemn.

I nod. "Another time, then."

We exchange a long look, his reply hesitant. "I hope so."   

With that he starts the SUV and he heads back to the highway. I tie my shirt closed, smirking at the fact that the buttons no longer being usable. As I'm tying the shirt, I notice my bare chest is smooth, masculine. It doesn't seem particularly new or unusual to me.

"Do you remember anything beyond the beach, coffee shop, or that we were partners?" His voice is rough, as if he struggles with the question. 

He said 'were'. Past tense.

A frown pulls at my mouth. "What else would there be?"

He sighs deeply. "So much more. Lets start simple. Do you know where we are?"

I look out the windows. The trees, mountains, ocean, storm behind us, blue sky ahead of us. Dream. This time the thought feels gentle. As if I am the one recognizing it for myself, rather than being told. 

I look back to Ashleigh. "I... I'm not sure."

"Check your phone again for our numbers." Our numbers? It's just the two of us. I look down at my phone. I don't remember having it the moment before, but now the phone is sitting in my hands. I see his number, and two others, but the symbols seem different than they were when I checked before.

Where was I before?

At the coffee shop. Where I met Ashleigh, Sionainn, and Cian for the first time.

I gasp, looking down I see my own breasts covered by my bra and a different shirt. Dream. My thoughts whisper at me.

Ashleigh is quiet, patient as I put the pieces together.

"I'm dreaming."