In the Middle

Dreams

beep- beep- beep- beep-

What is that?

"She's stable now"

Who's there?

'Did it work?'

'Her pulse is strong, and her vitals are normal'

Who's there? are they real? I must be dreaming again.

Wait, how long has it been? The last time I heard something, was when I dreamed about that night, the screaming and the sound of burning and ripping of flesh was so real I almost thought I went back in time.

Some people think being a Vampire is a blessing. Like that old woman who sells tomatoes and eggs back then in the village, she always give me free eggs and tell me to bring her good luck and blessings like I'm some sort of talisman. She told me she prays every night for her 16 years old daughter to be a Vampire's bride, she told me she doesn't care even if the man is ten or twenty years older, as long as he's a pure Vampire. Sometimes I wish she get kidn*pped by Noxes and get sucked to death. I mean, who in their right mind would wish their daughter to be a Vampire's host?

I know she's dead now and it wasnt really her fault, since our lineage were considered as gods. After all, our ancestors freed many people against the tyranny of the royals, but that was back then! That was when all the Vampires were pure, that was before we started drinking human blood. But now its different, when we see a human, all we see is food, livestock. When we attend a festival full of humans, its like being inside a restaurant, their aroma just dances around us and we can barely control our hunger.

So, being a host of a Vampire is a nightmare! Nothing's worst than being sucked out of blood until youre half dead, and being treated just to be food once again. I still remember my Dad eating chicken or pig liver just to increase his blood while my Mom watches him like a Wolf watching its next prey. Yes, it was consensual, and I know they love each other, but being able to hurt the one you love, isn't love at all, it's just selfishness with a hint of lust.

That's why I was never in a relationship. In my 24 years of living, I never considered having a lover.

'Her pressures dropping!'

There it is again! I wonder what dream this is, this is the first time that I dream of something that isn't a part of my past, usually its about the painful experiences I had, I rarely get good dreams. But that's ok, I mean, what more can a dead body in a coffin do?

Well, on the first few years after I died, I tried counting the days, weeks and months that had passed. At first it was a hard task, but as time goes by it started getting easier since I got nothing else to do. However, after these dreams occured, I got interrupted and lose count. Sometimes I continue where I left off and other times I just stop.

If I continue counting now, I would be dead for 2 days, 8 months, and 432 years already.

Aaahhh I've been dead for so long, I wonder if someone still remembers me.

There were also instances when I just cry, I cry and cry and cry. Even when I dont feel bad anymore or when I feel drained, I continue crying, not because I'm bat s**t crazy, but because I want to feel something again, not emotionally, not in my mind, not in my own world, but physically. I want to feel the warmth, the coldness. I want to feel the tears rolling down my cheeks and I want my eyes to swell. I want to feel my heart race and my chest tighten. I want to feel something. Even if it hurts, even if wound me, I just want to feel like how I used to be.

I want to feel alive.

But that's impossible because I'm only a half Vampire. Even though, we aren't easy to kill and our healing abilities are fast just like the pure ones, a simple gold dagger to the heart can kill us. Well, not exactly dead, more like imprisoned.

And for a very long time, I've been a prisoner of my own mind. If only my parents were normal human beings things for me would be much easier. Yes I would be fragile, and in our world I would be nothing but a mere prey, but seeing where I am now? I'd rather be truly dead than this. I'd rather forget about everything, reincarnate, and have a fresh start all over again.

But, if there's something I'm thankful for, even right now, it would be being able to remember her face. I forgot about her name, maybe 200 years ago, but I can still picture her, the color of her skin, her long eyelashes, her short hair, her pinkish lips, and her deep brown eyes.

I can still remember how our eyes first met and how she gazed at me with awe while sitting by the lake, talking to her friends. I can still remember how I stood up and felt a pang in my chest as I walk towards her because I smelled her sweet and delicious aroma.

And I wont ever forget how heavy my feet felt as I turn my back and walked away from her because she's a human.

Life really is cruel, if I can only control my dreams, I would replay that moment non stop. I would not get bored or sick of it, instead, I would try to do something different everytime. I would repeat that same occurrence, but since its a dream, I'll try to talk to her, I bet her voice sounds nice too. Since its a dream and I know I wont hurt her, I would try to be closer to her, even a friend would do. I wont just stare and look at her from a far, I would be beside her, feeling the touch of her skin and the warmth of her breath.

I know I said I dont want to be in a relationship, but, I wasn't numb. I can feel emotions and I know I loved her. And me, being a Vampire isn't the only thing that would complicate things, it would be a lot more complicated because she's a woman, just like me. If I ever acted on my feelings, and if she reciprocated my love for her, she would be exiled or worse she would be burned or drowned to death. People would call her a Witch, and they'll never blame me, even if I started it all, I will never be in the wrong because I'm a Vampire.

This is a mess, I'm a mess. Why do I feel so bad for something that could've happened hundred of years ago? Why do I cry over spilled milk?

There's no way of changing things now, I'm dead.

And I'll remain dead, forever.