Demonic Wolves

Please Let Go

When I awake from my wild dream I am protruding sweat from every follicle in my body. The feeling of my blanket sticking onto my skin and the feeling of my drenched hair touching my skin makes me cry out. The pain, it’s unbearable, the feeling of hot, white knives repeatedly being shoved in the back of my head is just how painful it feels.

I can’t take it, the pain, it hurts so much. Why is this happening to me? Why, please make it stop, it hurts to much.

I let out a powerful scream at the feeling of my spinal cord shifting, my entire body paralyzes at this, the fear of not being able to move anything screams inside my head.

My wolf whimpers at the thought of me in pain, she simply hides in the corner, not knowing how to help me. But I cannot blame her, for I have no idea myself what is happening, it’s like I am experiencing my first shift once again, only this time it’s ten times stronger.

Something pushes at the back of my head, as if it is trying to enter my mind, to open me up and see all my vulnerableness.

“Lucifer! Help, please, someone, anyone, please help me!” I yell out in despair, the ever growing pain on the back of my head makes me choke on my words, the pain of it all is too much. Please make it go away, please.

I let out a loud wail as the pain intensifies, it’s too much. My spine moves once again, my bones shifting as if trying to adjust something, but it hurts all the more.

“No, no, no, no...” I repeatedly repeat as I continue to feel my bones shift. My gums begin burning, the feeling of my fangs coming out and scraping against my lips makes me whimper.

What is happening? Why is this happening? Today’s not a full moon, so why is this happening to me?

Through my screams I am able to make out the sound of my door slam open, but I can’t look, the slightest shift of my head makes the whole world spin in powerful waves.

I hear a gasp and all of a sudden I feel someone touch my arm but it makes it all the more worse. Pain erupts on the place that I was touched. I let out a gasp and try to move away from the source of my pain.

“Please don’t touch me, please, it hurts.” I silently plead, hoping the person is able to hear my pleas.

“Lucifer, it’s happening. Lucifer! Lucifer!” I hear footsteps leave my side and I let out another cry. No please don’t go!

I feel something push harder against the back of my head, this feeling much more intense then the last, and all the more painful. My tears burn my skin, the feeling of the hot, scalding tears racing down my skin cause me to flinch.

Everything is so hot, why? Please go away!

The distant sound of my door being once again opened reaches my ears. I feel someone at my side, I open my watery eyes and look up to see bright red eyes.

Lucifer. Please help me, please. I plead through my eyes, my mouth won’t move, it’s paralyzed just like the rest of my body.

The pain is there but my body won’t move. I panic, the state of not being able to move any of your body parts, the feeling of being stuck inside your mind is frightening. My tears fall at a faster pace, my eyes continue to look up at Lucifer’s red eyes.

His eyes hold so much sadness as he gazes at me. The feeling of all the sweat accumulating against my body makes me let out a silent whimper, all of this is so irritating.

Lucifer takes a deep breath, he looks towards my eyes with a hard glance. My own eyes widen in fear.

“Evelina, you need to stay with me. Your body is trying to adjust to Violentiam and Sapientiae, you need to take deep breaths. C’mon breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out....” he tell me taking deep breaths and exhaling.

I try to breathe as well, slowly taking deep intakes and then exhaling. My heart begins to palpitate as I feel the intrusion against the back of my head start up again. Audible grunts leave my lips, whatever this thing is, is very persistent.

“Evelina? Evelina. I need you to breathe, what you are feeling right now is Violentam and Sapientiae trying to build their connection with you. Listen to me, you have to let them in, this is the only way that this pain will go away. Evelina? Evelina, stay with me. You can die from this, I need you to let them in Evelina please, I can’t lose you.”

Evelina listen to Lucifer, the more you try to resist, the more painful it will be for you. Please for the sake of your life, please let us in. Sapientiae? I thought it was all a dream? Why is she speaking to me right now? Unless, am I dreaming? No, this pain that I am experiencing is much to real for me to be dreaming.

How?! I scream inside my head, I’m so confused on what they are telling me, how am I supposed to let something inside my mind? How? Can someone please explain to me how?!

“Just let go, Evelina. Let go. They will guide you through this, but you need to put your trust in them. Just like how they have put their trust in you, put your trust in them. Let them help you through this. It’s a teamwork effort, but you need to work from your side as well, so please, please just let go.”

My eyes shut on their own accord. I know that I need to let go, but I just can’t. My mind won’t let me let go of myself. I know I have to, but it’s becoming progressively hard for me to keep holding on.

My mind feels as if it is shutting down, I feel as if my body is not cooperating with me anymore. My limbs feel numb as if I am floating. I look towards Lucifer in alarm.

His own eyes are filled with fear. He speaks to me, but it’s like I’m underwater, I can’t hear anything he is saying, it’s all muffled to me.

My wolf begins trembling, she looks this way and that as my mind slowly begins blacking out. She howls to the moon as if calling to the moon goddess herself to help her, but there really is nothing that the Moon Goddess can do herself.

So, is this what dying feels like? Huh, it seems much more peaceful then I thought it would be.

My eyes look up one last time, I look towards the bright red eyes that are now looking at me with full on fear. I look past him to see the six Demonic Wolves all looking at me with mixed emotions. Damon and Faith are crying hysterically, Aki gazes at me with apprehension, Dianne gazes at me with a sympathetic gaze, meanwhile Howakhan has this dark look to him, his eyes are completely blank, he sees, feels and believes nothing.

So why would he feel anything for me, after all the sole reason as to why he hates me is because of my ‘involvement’ with Ethereals death.

But as I have mentioned before, I had nothing to with her death. So, what is this everlasting grudge that he holds against me really about?

It doesn’t matter anymore, because now I will be completely off of his hands, all of their hands to be exact. At least I won’t have to burden them anymore.

And to think that I could have actually become a good leader for them. What kind of bull s**t is that? Did I really think that someone like me could protect people like them?

Huh, maybe they are better of without me. My wolf lets out a final howl, this one of despair and sadness, and I finally close my eyes and let the never ending black hole of death take me in its arms.

***

I always figured I would die at the hands of the Blood Moon pack. It was inevitable, the constant physical abuse, the degrading.

Everyday was a constant fight to survive and to not let their degrading actions and words get to me. And to think, I actually survived, for sixteen years I put up with them. I let them control me, I let them use me as a punching bag. I became a slave to them, and you know what, after all that constant abuse I still survived.

And now being what it is, I ended up dying at the hands of people that I have only known for two months. I didn’t necessarily die at their hands, much more at the hands of what they were.

Even if I died because of them, I am forever thankful for them taking me in and giving me a home. Those two months, believe it or not, were the happiest of my life. I was able to think of a happy future with them.

I was able to put myself out there, I was able to have my own voice. In a sense, I felt important, for once. And now that is all over, I just feel so incomplete. As if my chapter wasn’t supposed to end like this. As if there was supposed to be more than just that.

Behind my eyelids I am able make a bright, white light. The saying ‘the light at the end of the tunnel’ has never made more sense until now. My eyes open on their own accord, not minding the harsh light.

My eyes look around, taking in the familiar setting. Am I in my soul realm again? I look around in confusion, why am I here?

“You have let us down, little one.” I look towards the source of the voice, behind me is Sapientiae, she shakes her head at me and looks at me with utter disappointment. My guilt overrides me at the thought that she was counting on me. The fact that she put her trust in me but I still ended up letting her down.

Violentiam comes from behind her, his eyes, a hard set gaze directed towards me. He hates me, I think silently. He has put his faith into the wrong person. I was nothing more but a traitor to them.

“You-you imbecile you good for nothing waste space, we trusted you. Not just me and Sapientiae but Lucifer to, and you let us all down. You had one thing that you had to do, and instead you did the exact opposite, how in the hell did we ever for a second believe that you would ever make a good ——“

“Enough!”

The voice causes all of us to stand still. The sound of a slight hum, the feeling of someone standing behind me makes me slowly turn.

She’s beautiful.

A tall women dressed in all white is what stands before me, her eyes a pure white shade that complements her features perfectly well. She is beauty, and perfection.

“Moon Goddess.” My eyes search for Violentiam but I find him kneeling at the women’s feet along with Sapientiae. My ears process what it is that he has said. Moon Goddess.

Within an instant I am on the floor kneeling, my head firmly towards the floor. The Moon Goddess is standing before me. The goddess who protects all Wolves, the mother to all Wolves. Their first Luna. The person that all Wolves search for in times of despair stands before me in my soul realm.

A hand is placed on my head, I flinch on instinct expecting a hit but nonetheless I feel the hand running circles into my scalp. It’s relaxing. The hand lowers to my chin and gently lifts my head up. I look up into those piercing white eyes. She gives me a soft smile and shakes her head slightly.

“There is no need for such formalities young one. We are all equal here.” She says this as she picks me and softly bends down to lightly dust off the specks on my white dress.

My eyes widen on their own accord, the moon goddess is kneeling before me. My hands reach out to hers, slowly stopping what she is doing.

“Moon Goddess, there is no need for you to do that, I am below you, you shouldn’t bend down to the likes of me.” Her eyes harden at this and she stands to her full height with a huff.

“I may be a God but I am still one with all of you, I was once just a werewolf as well. I understand where you are coming from little one, taking on the challenge of becoming a god yourself is very difficult. I understand why you want to give up, but that is not how I raised my werewolf’s to be. We werewolf’s are hard-headed creatures who will take on a challenge head on. So it is with that, that I command you to go back and face this challenge head on. It is not your time yet little one, you still have a long way to go, but until then please enjoy yourself and live life to the fullest. And you two——“ she states as she looks behind me towards Violentiam and Sapientiae “take your time with this one, she is very special, is that understood?”

They both nod their heads quickly. She gives them a small smile and slightly shakes her head. “For the sake of all of us, I truly do hope the lot of you are able to come back with us, things have been very hectic up there without you guys.”

With that she turns and slowly starts to make her way back. My eyes follow her, the goddess of all werewolf’s has told me to keep moving with life. To keep going, to enjoy life.

My eyes water, this woman is really something. I smile, the thought of being able to own up to my problems plagues my mind.

With a start I turn towards the two wolves that are standing behind me. Their eyes follow where the moon goddess once was. Their eyes do not, for a second turn to me. They are focused on everything else but me.

As an impulsive decision I kneel on the floor, my head faces the ground as well. I need to apologize for my inexcusable behavior, I let my insecurities drive my need to not be here. They put their trust in me and instead of keeping that promise I decided that leaving everything behind would have been the best thing for all of us.

What would have happened to them had I gone into the next life. Of course, Violentiam would have just returned to Lucifer, but what about Sapientiae? Where would she go? What would happen to her? She won’t be able to survive without another persona.

She chose me, well I was the only option, but she still decided to give me the benefit of the doubt. She gave me a chance to prove myself and I ended up letting her down. I broke her trust in me and now I have to win it back.

And with Violentiam, he seems like a hard man to please. He’s very hard-headed and has a strong personality. It seems as if he has trouble putting his trust onto people, but he gave me a chance. Not knowing who I was or what my intentions where.

They blindly trusted me and I let the idea of finally leaving this earth get to me. I should have fought, should have ‘let go’ as everyone was telling me. I should have tried. But now I have a chance to prove to myself to them to show them that I can and will fight. That this journey that they have take with Ethereal and Lucifer doesn’t end here, because they will build more memories with me, they will have happier days and nights. We will get to know each other, be our life support, and through all be one with another.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. Both of you saw potential in me, you guys gave me the benefit of the doubt and decided to put your trust in me. And I——I let you guys down, and for that I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have let my insecurities get in the way, I promise to actually fight this till the end. And I definitely promise to prove to you guys that I can and will be a good leader. So please, Violentiam...Sapientiae, please give me another chance to prove myself.”

My tears flow freely, as do my words. I’m not lying when I tell them that I will fight. They may not trust me now but I hope that in the near future we are able to grow from this. I’m going to become a better version of myself for them. I truly do hope I do.

I feel someone stand before me, I look up and see Sapientiae teary eyed expression. She leans down and nuzzles my neck, slowly burying her face inside of my hair.

My arms wrap around her neck, holding her closely and dearly to me. My sobs soon are heard, the wrenching sounds of my heaving makes its way to Sapientiae ears and with that she lets her tears fall as well.

The scalding feeling of her hot tear rushing down onto my shoulders and her shaking and quivering body is all I can make out in my dazed state. It’s all too much the feeling of her putting her trust in me once again, I definitely do not deserve this, nor do I deserve her.

Something lands on my back, a grumble soon follows. I turn my head and see Violentiam laying against my back. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

“Alright no more tears, jeez you emotional wrecks.”

I let out a slight laugh at this and turn to give him a hug, he sees this and let’s put another rumble but allows me to put my arms around his neck and nuzzle my face in his soft fur. His head comes down to my head where he slightly nudges it with his snout.

Sapientiae lets out a snort. “Already getting attached I see.”

“Like you’re doing any better.” He rebuts. They both gaze into each others eyes and let a simultaneous sign.

I get up with a start, lightly dusting off the invisible specks that have gathered at my knees. I look towards the horizon wondering how I will be able to leave my souls realm.

“So, what happens now?” I ask turning to the both of them to see them both gazing at me.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to agree to something if you don’t want to do it. We completely understand if you don’t want to.” Sapientiae speaks, a little apprehensive of what my answer will be.

Violentiam gives her a side look, a look of pure irritation crosses his face.

I chuckle slightly and shake my head. “I already promised, didn’t I? I’m not going to break your trust again just because I’m being a scaredy cat, I’m going to own up to this and fight with everything I have.” I say as I stand tall, well as tall as I can stand, but stand tall nonetheless.

They both give what would be considered a Wolves smile. Violentiam strides towards me and once he is in front of me he slightly nudges my cheek with his snout.

“Well, be prepared, this might come as a little shock to you but you have been dead for a good while. Who knows how much time has passed. You need to connect with your soul again, right now your just a conscious that is roaming around without a soul. You need to meet your soul in the middle and let it take over your body. Become one with it, then and only then will we be able to make this transformation any easier.”

I take a deep breath and slowly exhale it. My mind is running a hundred miles minute, but for the sake of myself I try to calm down and connect with my soul.

My mind takes a trip down memory lane, from the day I was born to now. I can see my very first time and my last time seeing my mother, her obsidian black hair and grey eyes making an appearance. She was so beautiful, but unfortunately because of me she is not longer able to walk the realms of this earth. But with everything in me I truly hope that she is happy wherever she is. I hope that she was able to forgive me for causing her death and I hope that she has found love once again.

My mind then takes me to the very first time that I received a beating. I was two, I was starved past the point of death, I was only skin and bone, so can you blame me for wanting something to eat? I remember going into the kitchen past my bedtime and reaching for the chicken that was inside of the stove. To say the least I ate all of it, Dominic found me later that morning on the floor with half of the chicken gone. He was pissed——no he was more then pissed, he was past the point of getting ready to shift. I remember him taking me to the basement where they torture all of the trespassers. He beat me for hours, they were points where I believed this would never end, where the pain that I felt was never ending. It took 4 guards to stop him, they held his wolf back from tearing me up. And ever since that day I didn’t leave my room I never even saw sunlight, I stayed locked away as if I was some dirty little secret.

Flash to my 6th birthday where I was treated nice for once. It was a simple act but an act that has always lingered in my mind. The Day was coming to an end and I had stayed in my room the entire time, listening to the pack talk amongst themselves and smile and laugh.

I stayed tucked away on the poor excuse of a bed and muffled my sobs. They never stopped, when I heard the sounds of laughter, my tears would only come down faster. The sounds of their happiness proved to be my biggest torture mechanism.

The sound of my door opening caused me to flinch, I didn’t turn for the fear of who was opening the door. The door closes and the sound of approaching footsteps is the only sound heard. My breath stopped at that moment, anything and everything can and will happen.

The sound of a lighter makes it way to my ears, the smell of fire reaches my nose. My head snaps towards the direction in which I heard it.

There in front of me is was one of the elders. She held a cake in her hands, the number six candle lit up. On the floor next to her was a small bad with the words ‘It’s your birthday,’ my eyes watered, that small act of kindness was the only thing that made me want to keep going on with life.

The possible thought that there are more people like her out there made me want to live forward. Needless to say I didn’t see her again after that small act.

Flash to about two months ago, I remember sitting in kitchen waiting for everyone to eat, that way I could clean the kitchen and hide away in my room.

But today of all days wouldn’t be like that. I had grown used to the routine of hiding myself in my room after doing my daily chores but today was different from that.

Sasha, Dominic’s mistress, didn’t let me leave the kitchen, she made sure that I would be stuck in the kitchen for another hour cleaning the mess that she created.

I had gotten fed up with her once she threw the food away that I made her and ended up yelling in her face. She had called Dominic with crocodile tears running down her face.

To afraid to face Dominic’s wrath I hid away, trying to not be found. Later that day once the whole pack was gathered in the stadium in which I was hiding, was when I was found.

I was beat and almost died from the pain, it was at that moment in which I wasn’t afraid of death and in fact welcomed it with open arms if it got me out of that mess.

But then I met Ethereal and Lucifer, they made me feel something that I only felt on my sixth birthday; they made me feel complete, important one might say.

I got to meet the seven crazy werewolf’s that have made me feel nothing but happiness, I was able to make friends though it was a short amount of time and I was able to for once feel as if I belonged in a pack.

And I definitely do not want it to end, I want to be with them. I want to grow with them, I want to be a good leader for them. I won’t just give up this time, I will fight for them, for us.

With that my mind goes completely blank and I fall into a never ending black hole.