The Asters of Ogaza

No turning back

Pa Anfari stirred the tomato mixture over the fire. Zoka set the dishes and filled the glass jar with water. Smoke rose from the pan, soaring freely through every part of the kitchen. The spicy aroma of the food made Zina’s tummy dance. Pa turned off the stove and took off his apron. He left the stew to cool and sat beside Zoka who had downed two cups of water.

“You are not going to have any space left in your stomach if you keep drinking so much water, Zo”

Zoka poured him a cup he drank in a quick gulp. Everybody sat, not saying a word, just staring into space

“Why?” Zoka started. “Why did they do that? Why weren’t they kind to him?”

Pa exhaled, a deep breath. He always had answers for his granddaughters. Whatever it was they wanted to know, he always told them, showed them. Now, he sat with both elbows propped on the dining table, wondering how to answer Zoka.

“Nobody has done that in a long time, since you were about 7. I thought everybody had put the past behind them, but I was wrong. I was extremely wrong”. Pa shook his head “This is terrible”

“But, what if…what if he had no family, no friends. Why is he the bad guy for trying to find the people he loves who may be locked far away in the South?”. Zoka’s voice was soft and sad, as though she was about to wail. Pa squeezed her shoulders

“People come, and they leave too. Sometimes, it is best to let go off the people who leave. There is no point going after them, especially in situations like this. It is mere folly”

“So, he was wrong? To be tired of living miserably, to seek the happiness he used to have? Nobody attempts to cross the Obsidian without a reason, Pa!” Zina’s icy voice came. She hadn’t slept all night knowing someone had just been beheaded.

“If we do everything simply because we have a reason to, would we truly live happily? Would we actually be satisfied?”

“You sound so insensitive right now, and disappointing. A man was just executed. The least we can do is be kind and not blame him. If you’re looking for someone to blame, blame the King then. The entire Royals who enacted the darn rule!” Zina and Pa hadn’t squabbled in so long that this argument made Zoka panic.

“If you were over there, I’d cross the Obsidian to find you, Pa” Zoka turned to face him “I never want to live without you and Zina. I would run as far as I can until I find you”

Pa nodded. He knew, and he didn’t want to live without his daughter and her husband either. For so many years, he longed to go in search of them, but he knew it was a risk. He could die, and he didn’t want the girls to grow without family, so he stayed, through the pain that cut him open each day. He stayed, for them.

“Rules are rules, my child” He took Zoka’s fragile hands “I am never, ever going to leave you and Zina alone. But if I ever go to the other side, I would not want you to come looking for me. I would not want you to be in danger”

Zina clucked her tongue. Rules my black bottom! She stormed over to the stove and took the pan of stew, poured it into a large bowl on the table and then sat. Zoka set Pa’s plate and served him. She then served Zina and herself, and everyone ate. The clinks of the cutlery and plate were the only sound in the room. Zina barely finished her food before withdrawing into her room. Pa got up and went to the living room for a while. Zoka’s appetite disappeared like it was never there, so she fiddled with her spoon, worried about how long the day would be now that Zina and Pa were mad at each other. He returned to the dining room with an envelope. Taking his seat, he opened the envelope and took out its content; a paper with an official stamp and the words “Congratulations, Zina Anfari” clearly inscribed with a golden paint. He held the paper firmly, sweat from his palms dampening the edges of the paper.

“She made it. She really is an Aster now”. Zoka said and Pa nodded. A small smile sat on his face as he read the words aloud, again.

Congratulations, Zina Anfari.

You have been counted worthy of wisdom, discipline, hard work, kindness and talent, and are hereby chosen among other young people to serve North Ogaza as an Aster. You will be picked up by the Noble Coachman on Sunday Night. Be prepared, leadership is service.

Congratulations again.

Pa ran his fingers through the official stamp, it was smooth, velvety. He folded the letter and put it back into the envelope.

“You’re going to miss her, aren’t you?” Zoka rested her head on Pa’s shoulder and he chuckled

“I did not know it would feel like this” He placed his left hand on his chest “My heart feels...empty”.

“I know, me too. I’ve never thought about her leaving us”. She sighed

“I am proud of her. Very proud. Your mother would be so glad”. Zoka nodded, if she was here, she would definitely be proud, being an Aster is everything to be proud of.

That night, Pa and Zoka slid the letter under Zina’s door so that she could see it again. And she did. She picked it up and read. She was an Aster; she really was an Aster. A lump formed in her throat as she walked towards her window and stared into the thick night. She was going away from the life she knew, the one she loved. To do something bigger, to be someone better. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought about Zoka, her sweet sweet Zo. She was going to miss looking after her. And Pa, his jokes, his cooking, his love. She was going to miss that too. She stared on at the stars and she cried, she poured her heart into the darkness, like she was waiting for something to come out of it and comfort her. She would have gone to sob in Pa’s arms, but she was still upset with him. So, she stood there by herself and sobbed. She didn’t stop crying while she folded her things into her suitcase and in her knapsack. When she was done, it was already 2:55am on her wooden table clock. Moving sluggishly, she curled in fetal position on her bed and stared at the clock, watching each minute come to life. Forcing her mind to focus on something different, her heavy eyes sought rest, so she drifted off into sleep.

The golden rays of the sun stirred her eyes open. It was noon, yet, she was exhausted. It felt like a carnival was hosted in her head and the party wasn’t over. Blocking out the rays of sun with her left palm, she shut the curtains and left to have a bath, the last she’d have in her bathroom for a while.

Zoka sprawled on the rug flipping the pages of Pa’s book

“I hate this one” She shut it abruptly and went to the shelf to search.

“You are one book lazy child. Well sadly, that is the most interesting one I have for children your age” Pa sat with wool and two pins making magic.

“Why can’t I read the others? I can understand them just fine” Zoka tried to negotiate and when Pa ignored her, she returned to the rug and lay on her back. Pa sneaked a peek at her face and met the most unwelcoming scowl, he chuckled.

Zina came dragging her suitcases. Zoka got up when she heard the noise. Locking eyes with her sister, she grinned.

“Did you fight with ghosts at night? They beat you up so bad?”

“No, Zo. There is no such thing as ghosts. If you read the book I gave you, you should have figured that out.” Pa was still knitting. Zoka rolled her eyes and rushed to give Zina a hug

“Thank you. For being my sister”. She mumbled into Zina’s clothes. Zina rubbed her sister’s back

“Of course. Thank you too” Her voice was faint, almost disappearing without being heard. She detached herself from her sisters embrace and held her at arm’s length.

“You know you’ve got to help Pa at the shop now, right?” Zoka shook her head and touched Zina’s eyes

“Did you sleep a wink? Or you stayed up crying? Why do you look like Mrs Jeffa after she got stung by her bees?” Zina smiled softly. Poor woman, she was unable to leave the house for weeks, and when she did, her face was so puffy it was almost unrecognizable. Pa had gotten up, but they didn’t notice.

“I slept, all the winks in the world”. She took Zoka’s hands, longer than hers already. She held her gaze, troubled and somewhat assured.

“Promise me, promise me that you’d take care of yourself. That you’d take the bones out of your fish, and not forget to turn the tap off. That you’d stand up to Binnie and Binga at school, and wash your hair every week. Promise me that you’d take care of Pa too.”

Zoka’s eyes moistened. She had cried last night because her sister was leaving, but standing her like this, realizing that she would begin to take responsibilities for herself, her tongue tied itself up and stayed dry.

“Promise?” Zina reminded, she could see the fear dancing wildly in her sister’s eyes, but she knew Zoka, she would learn things, no matter how hard it is, regardless of how long it takes. Zoka nodded, first slowly, then vigorously. The vigor from her head travelled down her entire body and she began to sob, loud, ugly sobs. Zina embraced her and patted her back.

“It’s okay. You’re going to be okay”. Pa watched his girls and his chest tightened. A dry cough left his mouth calling the girls attention. Zoka took a seat, hiding her face in her palms.

“I cannot let you leave home keeping a grudge” Pa started, he avoided her eyes, not wanting either of them to pass on their pain. He pointed at the bags and woven baskets on the table “So, I made these, hoping we would iron things out, like grown-ups”.

Grown-ups. Till now, it never really hit her, that she was actually grown, an adult who was leaving home. She strolled over and opened one basket. Pa had baked, Bundt cake, vanilla cookies and bread. He had gotten plain yogurt and put it into her leather water bottle. In the next basket, he packed small bottles of medicine and towels, if she ever gets sick or injured. In the bag, he put books to read, and new sketch pads he got her.

“Is this how grownups settle fights? With food and supplies?” She adored her new sketchpad and although she did a spin in her heart, she remained cool on the outside.

“Not always. But this is how grandfathers settle fights with their favourite grandchildren” Zoka’s head shot up

“Pa! I thought that was me?” She yelled but her voice was hoarse from the crying, the others laughed

“Thank you, Pa. Really, thank you” Pa motioned for them to seat and they did, he was in the middle of the children.

“I have lived all of my life hoping to raise the perfect family. I wanted everybody to be happy at home, and I had that. My wife was happy, my daughter was happy, she got married and her husband became happier than he used to be. Even his family members who used to visit were happy” He smiled softly “And when Zina was born, happiness lived here. We threw feasts every other day and celebrated. Zoka’s birth completed our joy. The entire neighbourhood gathered to party with us. Nobody ever cried a tear of sorrow, until…” His voice trailed off and the girls took his hands, squeezing them with comfort. It’s okay, we’re here.

Pa shook his head as though forcing the bad memories away.

“I have the both of you, and that is all I will ever need”

Liar. Zina saw through him; the way his heart bled each time he spoke about the past. The longing his soul had to relive the past.

“You’re all we’d ever need too, Pa” Zoka said wiping her eyes dry

“Woah! Hi there Mrs Jeffa, you look a lot less swollen today” Zina teased her sister who reached out to swat her shoulders.

“I know you would do great, Zi. I packed tons of books on martial arts, easy to read guides on how to behave as one of the Royals, and all the notes your mother took. I am certain that you would thrive, and maybe grow your hair out again?” Zoka snorted with laughter. They had all secretly hoped Zina would keep her hair again even though she always said she felt more confident and alive without it.

“That is not up for a conversation, Pa. Not happening. You can enjoy Zoka’s hair” Pa giggled and got some cookies for them to munch on. They cooked more food, ate and talked about the Palace and all the perks of being an Aster.

It was almost 6pm and Zina went to get dressed while they waited for the Noble coachman. She returned in black linen pants and brown boots that touched her knees. She wore a black shirt and her light weight milk coat draped over the entire outfit. Her Ankara head wrap sat perfectly on her smooth head, the bun pointing forwards. Zina was surreal, Pa and Zoka concluded within themselves. Zoka helped her sister put on her antique earrings, and Pa fixed on their necklace.

The necklace was an important item for them. Ma Anfari and Mama made the necklaces for all of them. A white necklace designed with small round beads that went all the way down to their mid chest, ending as a purple flame pendant.

“Look at this, and remember us. Live well, and no matter what happens, always know in your heart that you cannot disappoint us. Hmm?”. Zina nodded. She tucked the flame pendant into her coat, leaving just the beaded part visible. Pa and Zoka moved her things close to the door awaiting the Coachman’s arrival. Zoka didn’t talk much, she perched close to her sister and helped her with whatever she needed, her knapsack, half eaten cookies, the pencil that rolled under the chair.

There was a knock on the door.

“I bring greetings from the Royal Palace!” A voice followed the knock. Pa and the girls exchanged glances; it was time. Pa walked slowly, trying to make every minute count, and then he opened the door. A small man stood there, his large gleaming eyes piercing with each stare. He bowed

“Greetings, sir. Is this the residence of Zina Anfari?” Pa nodded and the small Coachman held out a list. “A letter was sent two days ago. Miss Anfari has been drafted as an Aster” Pa smiled

“Pinch me.” The Coachman’s eyes were close to falling out of their sockets

“Pardon?” Pa reached for the Coachman’s hat and took it off. He observed it closely before putting it on.

“This is real. This is definitely real” Pa went inside to meet Zina and Zoka’s curious eyes. He gave them an approving nod and they started to lift suitcase, knapsacks and baskets. When they had put everything into the carriage, they went back in and Pa pulled them both into a hug. Zoka was sobbing again.

“Write to us often.” Zoka nodded

“Yes, give us all the details. Who you’ve met, what the Royal Palace looks like, how the bed feels, how the air smells, everything!”

“I will” Zina promised “Every little detail”

As they walked her to the door, she took a deep breath, trying to memorize the scent of the house before she leaves.

“Zina” Pa called and she turned to face him “The Obsidian, let it be. Please” His voice held grief, pain that only him could truly feel.

Zina smiled, a weak, false smile.

“I will” She swallowed, her voice was shaky

“Your mother would be so, so proud of you” Pa assured, and they hugged and kissed her goodbye

When she climbed into the carriage, the elegant brown horse neighed and trotted away. Pa and Zoka waved until they were out of her sight. Rubbing her nose dry, Pa’s sadness stayed etched in her thoughts, all the times he would talk about her childhood, his eyes as bright as the stars, how the brightness would disappear when he spoke about her parents, and even now that he mentioned her mother. She sat upright, straightening her shoulders. If Pa couldn’t peacefully go back to the past, she would bring the past to him. This was a promise she would keep, even if it meant disobeying him.