All tinsel and glitter

03 Helpless

" So, how was the appointment?" She asked. We sat in our favorite cafe and our big tropical sundae to share had just arrived. I sighed as I had no other choice than to answer her questions or to be asked repeatedly ... She won't stop befor she get her answer. I knew she only wanted to help. So it was best to answer now and get it over. "A full blown catastrophe. There is no help..nobody can or wants to do anything. They just told me as long as there is no imminent danger there is no possibility to do anything. It is not enough that my mother is drunken all day. It is not enough that I have to handle everything and she is only good at insulting and threatening us if she is not completely out." Corinna's eyes went big."That was the answer? I thought they help victims of abuse? ". I could only laugh. "Yep. That's on their Homepage and their advertisement. As long as we go to school frequently, have enough to eat, clean clothes and are not abused physically, we are no victims. I asked them what I should do? I mean, if I stopped caring for my little sister, that would be the result. But the problem is, I care for her and therefore there is no point in interacting with them. Also, that there is no physical abuse because I'm stronger than my mother and slapped her the times she tried is not enough. She did nothing as I reacted faster than she was in her drunken state and saved my sister. So also no point." I sighed." It is totally f*cked up. As long as I do not abandon her there is no help. Oh.. I forgot the best! Their recommendation is to wait until I turn 18 in summer and move out. Because my dad earns too much, I would have to proceed against my father if I want to try to get into assisted living for minors and that would take time until after my 18th birthday, so that is also no option.. If he was unemployed I could try immediately and due to the situation my chances were good of getting a place. What a pity he has a well-paid job. And if it worked out some how I would be separated from my sister. So regardless, if there is any chance for me, it is no option without her. I will never move out without Elli."

Corinna moved beside me and took me in her arms. " You know, Elli and you are always welcome at my parents' house. My mother wouldn't even bother to take both of you in." "I know, and I'm so grateful to know that there is a place we could go when things get unbearable," I sat up and took a spoon of my ice cream. Before eating it, I added " But Dad would never allow it. He still has hope that everything will be fine. And every time mum doesn´t touch the bottle for a day, he thinks it´s over and we are back to be a happy family...". "Thats ridiculous!", Corinna scoffed. "I mean you live in this situation around 7 years by now and he really thinks she will stop one day by miracle and be the mum out of an advertisement?". " He loves her. Really loves her. I hope one day I will also find a man who will fall this deep for me and never lose hope in having a happy ending. But he does not get how he hurts Elli and me in the process and that he cannot safe us all... and that without doing anything the situation will never change." Corinna looked at me as if she could not believe what I just said. " Love? He is abroad most of the time for his job and leaves you alone with her and your sister. He takes the easy way out and you have to carry the burden. Even if he loved her this deeply, it is completely unfair to you both! Godammit! You both are his children and before everything he has to make sure both of you are safe." " I know, but what options do I have? We tried everything and nobody could help. It is always the same. We are just two minors with an ill mother and a father who has closed his eyes to reality. As bitter as it is, I think we handle the situation as well as we can. I mean Elli is fine and ..", Corinna cut me off, "Only because you care for her. You are 17 and she saw you as her mother." "What can I do? I have no ideas left", I shrugged my shoulders. My best friend just starred out of the window. After some minutes she whispered, "I don't now. I also feel completely helpless. How F*cked up is this situation? Everybody sees that you need help but nobody can do anything? ". I nodded. "I know, there is only the possibility that mum searches for help for herself and fights her addiction or dad abandones her to make our lives better. But that would mean she is on her own and I think when she gets in this situation she will lose the last straw which held her in live and let her not completely loose herself to alcohol."

Silently, we finished our ice cream. Our mood was depressing, as we both did not know what we could do. It was not the first time we discussed the situation, and as every time we didn't find a solution. This organisation I went to today was our last hope and now we need to find a new one.

"By the way", I asked her, "how was your date with with Steffen. Her eyes immediately began to glow out of happiness, and there is a slight tint of red on her cheeks. "Perfect! He invited me for dinner and cooked himself . It was fantastic. I'm not even sure if my mother could cook this good, and after that, we sat in the living room and saw a film together. He is really sweet and caring, and I like him really much. " "I'm really happy for you. Who thought that there are guys like him outside? And that you will find him at work" , I giggled. "Yeah, I'm really happy and we'll see where we go. We'll meet next Saturday. He invited me to a concert. May I land of the short black dress?" I nodded. I was happy that I could switch the conversation to a lighter topic. Here at least we could do something and I can help her. It's the first time she was interested in a guy and so I really hoped he's the right one for her. After the ice cream, we ordered a latte macchiato and continued chatting for the next two hours until it was time to go home.

I didn't know what to expect today, but it seemed to be one of the good days. When I entered the house, my dad was sitting in the living room together with Elli and it looked like he was helping her with her homework. Mum was in the kitchen and I heard the TV and chopping sounds.

"Good timing, can you help me with preparing the table? Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes." I went in the kitchen and saw mum preparing tacos for today's dinner. "Sure", I went to the closet and started to prepare the dining table in the kitchen."How was school today? Was everything fine with your history test? And how is Corinna? I haven't seen here the whole week", she asked. We continued chatting until everything was done and had a nice family dinner like everybody would've expected it from a normal family.

Three hours later I was finally in my room. My mobile vibrated with an incoming text.

Alex: hi beautiful , how was your day? will u be in the shadow on Saturday? I would love to see you again

I felt giddy remembering the dance with him. It felt so natural and... who was I kidding. His body felt amazing. So why don't give it a try to have some fun ?

me: hi handsome, I had a nice day with my best friend. And yes, I want to go there on Saturday. 22:00 at the bar?

Alex: sounds great!

I clutched the mobile to my heart. Why couldn't be every day end as good as today?

Chatting with a hot guy after a boring normal evening with my family?

The phone vibrates a few times more, but I did not bother to look. I was happy at the moment and with that feeling I wanted to drift of for sleep.