Unexpected Home

Chapter Twelve — What Is Wrong With Me?-Atlas

Three weeks.

Three weeks since I had seen Josiah.

And somehow, in those three weeks, my life had become increasingly irritating.

I had a problem.

Actually, I had several.

The first one was the most obvious.

Something was wrong with me.

I had never had problems with attraction before.

Never.

Not once.

If I wanted someone, I knew it.

If I didn’t want someone, I moved on.

Simple.

Predictable.

Controlled.

But lately?

Nothing.

I had taken people home.

More than once.

Beautiful people.

People I had been attracted to before.

People I had no reason not to want.

And yet, every single time, something was missing.

I couldn’t explain it.

The attraction just wasn’t there.

My body wasn’t responding the way it normally did.

I would look at someone and think they were attractive.

Then…

Nothing.

No interest.

No desire.

Nothing.

At first, I thought it was stress.

The New York expansion was taking up most of my time.

The casino project was moving forward.

The hotel development needed my attention.

The hospital charity gala was happening that weekend, and I was coordinating a significant part of the event with the hospital.

There were meetings.

Contracts.

Investors.

Employees.

Numbers.

Deadlines.

I had enough reasons to be distracted.

But three weeks was too long.

And then there was the second problem.

My dreams.

I had started waking up in the middle of the night with my heart beating faster than normal, my mind full of images I didn’t understand.

And almost every time, there was one person at the center of them.

Josiah.

Not even anything dramatic.

Sometimes it was simply his face.

Sometimes it was the way he’d smiled.

Sometimes it was the way he had stood in my kitchen doorway.

But the image that kept returning was the first night.

Josiah bending down to pick up his bag.

Wearing my black T-shirt.

The shirt hanging loosely on him.

His hair slightly messy.

His expression confused and embarrassed.

That image had somehow lodged itself in my brain.

And I couldn’t get it out.

I hated it.

I hated that I remembered something so insignificant.

I hated that my mind had decided to preserve every detail.

And I hated that I couldn’t figure out why.

I sat in my office late one evening, staring at a report.

I hadn’t read a single word.

I leaned back.

“What is wrong with me?”

The room didn’t answer.

Obviously.

I looked at my phone.

No messages from Josiah.

I didn’t have his number.

Why would I?

We weren’t friends.

We barely knew each other.

He was simply the man who had accidentally broken into my apartment.

The man who had slept in my bed.

The man who had cooked me lunch.

The man who I had returned his container three weeks ago.

That was it.

Nothing more.

So why had I been going to the apartment building almost every day?

I didn’t even live there.

Technically, the apartment was mine, but I rented it primarily because I liked having somewhere private to take people.

It wasn’t my family home.

It wasn’t even where I spent most of my time.

It was convenient.

Private.

Easy.

No questions.

No complications.

But lately, I’d been going there without taking anyone with me.

I would walk into the apartment.

Sit down.

Work.

Drink something.

Look around.

And leave.

Sometimes I’d stand in the hallway for no reason.

Sometimes I’d look at Josiah’s door.

And then I’d get annoyed with myself and walk away.

I hadn’t seen him once.

Not in the elevator.

Not in the lobby.

Not in the hallway.

Nowhere.

And somehow, that made it worse.

I hadn’t realized how often I had expected to run into him until I stopped seeing him completely.

I knew he worked at Cedars-Sinai.

I knew the hospital was busy.

I knew he was a cardiac surgeon.

But that didn’t explain why I kept wondering where he was.

I glanced at the clock.

Almost midnight.

I closed the laptop.

Enough.

I wasn’t going to think about him tonight.

I stood.

Grabbed my jacket.

And left.

⸻

The club was already crowded.

Music.

Lights.

People.

Exactly the kind of environment I normally enjoyed.

I walked through the main floor, greeting a few employees as I passed.

Caleb was already there.

Of course he was.

He was sitting at the bar, watching the crowd.

When he saw me, he raised his glass.

“There he is.”

I sat beside him.

“You’re early.”

“I’ve been here for an hour.”

“Why?”

“Because I like the place.”

“You own better places.”

He smiled.

“I like annoying you.”

I ordered a drink.

Caleb watched me.

“What?”

He shook his head.

“Nothing.”

I narrowed my eyes.

“You’ve been doing that a lot.”

“Doing what?”

“Looking at me like I’m strange.”

He laughed.

“Because you’re acting strange.”

“I am not.”

“You are.”

I took my drink.

“How?”

Caleb leaned back.

“You’re quieter.”

“I’m always quiet.”

“Not like this.”

I said nothing.

He continued.

“You don’t flirt anymore.”

“I don’t need to.”

“You used to.”

“I grew tired of it.”

“You haven’t taken anyone home in weeks.”

I looked at him.

“I’ve been busy.”

He laughed.

“Atlas.”

“What?”

“There’s something weird about you.”

I stared at him.

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Then don’t say it.”

He smiled.

“You’ll figure it out.”

I took another drink.

I didn’t have the energy to argue.

The truth was, Caleb wasn’t wrong.

Something was different.

I just didn’t know what.

And I didn’t want to know.

Because the moment I admitted what was happening, I’d have to explain it.

And I couldn’t explain it.

My eyes moved across the club.

There were plenty of attractive people.

I noticed them.

Of course I did.

But none of them held my attention.

Then I saw someone bend down to pick up a phone.

And immediately, my brain betrayed me.

Josiah.

That same posture.

That same movement.

That same memory.

I looked away.

“Damn it.”

Caleb turned.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

He studied me.

“You’re definitely weird.”

“Shut up.”

He laughed.

I finished my drink.

Then stood.

“I have work.”

“It’s midnight.”

“I know.”

“You’re going home?”

“Yes.”

“Alone?”

I looked at him.

“Yes.”

He stared at me.

Then shook his head.

“Okay.”

I walked away.

⸻

Back at the apartment, I stood in the living room with my jacket still on.

The place was silent.

I looked toward the bedroom.

The same bedroom.

The same bed.

The same room where I had found Josiah asleep.

I walked toward it.

Stopped at the doorway.

For some reason, I could almost picture him there again.

Curled up beneath the covers.

My black shirt on him.

His face peaceful.

I closed my eyes.

This was insane.

I turned away.

I couldn’t keep doing this.

I had never been the kind of man who obsessed over someone.

I didn’t even believe in obsession.

I believed in choices.

Control.

Distance.

But apparently, my brain had decided that rules didn’t apply anymore.

I went into the kitchen.

Opened the refrigerator.

Nothing looked appealing.

I closed it.

My phone buzzed.

A message from my assistant.

Charity gala schedule confirmed for Saturday. Hospital representatives want final coordination meeting tomorrow morning.

I stared at the message.

Saturday.

The gala.

The hospital.

Cedars-Sinai.

Josiah.

I frowned.

There was no reason to think he’d be there.

He was a doctor.

The event was a charity gala.

But somehow, the thought crossed my mind anyway.

Maybe I’d see him.

I immediately rejected it.

It was ridiculous.

I wasn’t going to the gala because of him.

I was going because it was my project.

My responsibility.

Business.

Nothing else.

I put my phone down.

Then stood there in silence.

Three weeks.

Three weeks without seeing him.

And somehow, I was already wondering what would happen if I saw him again.

I rubbed my face.

“What the hell is wrong with me?”

I didn’t have an answer.

But for the first time, I was beginning to suspect the problem wasn’t that I had lost interest in everyone else.

Maybe the problem was that my interest had finally found one person.

And I had absolutely no idea what to do about it.