Remember me..

10. Finding Embla

Erik

It's been a week since I woke up to find Embla gone, seven endless days of gut-wrenching emptiness. My world has dulled in her absence, reduced to a haze of duty and sorrow. Each day, I drown in my thoughts, barely able to think clearly. I’ve always been strong, unshakable as an Alpha, but right now, I’d give anything to be just another wolf, free to drop everything and run after her. Instead, I’m shackled by my responsibilities, torn between my heart’s desperate need and the burden of leadership that weighs on my shoulders.

Deep down, I know there’s no point in chasing her. She left on purpose this time, and when Embla makes up her mind, she’s as immovable as stone. That’s part of who she is, stubborn, and defiant. I’ve always admired her strength, but now I resent it. It keeps her from me. The only thing I can do is send the trackers out, hoping against hope that they find some trace of her. But with every day that passes, hope slips further away.

A knock on the door drags me from my thoughts. "Come in," I rasp, my voice hoarse, rough from lack of use.

Anders steps inside, dropping a stack of files on the desk. “This week’s report,” he says, keeping his tone formal, though I can see the concern in his eyes. “Everything's sorted. You just need to file them away.”

“Thanks,” I mutter, barely glancing at the papers. My gaze drifts back to the window, where the grey sky outside mirrors the storm raging inside me.

Anders doesn’t move to leave. He lingers, his silence thick with unspoken words. When I finally look at him, his sharp, commanding presence is softened by worry. "Erik, we need to talk."

I gesture for him to continue, though the weariness in my bones makes even that small motion feel like a chore.

“You can’t keep doing this. The pack needs their Alpha. If you’re not leading, they need to know you’re out there looking for your Luna.” His voice is firm, but there’s something gentle in it—a friend trying to pull me from the pit I’ve sunk into. “You can’t hide in this office forever, Erik. She’s gone far beyond the pack grounds by now. If she hadn’t, we would’ve found her. And you know that.”

The guilt hits me first, sharp and unyielding, but it’s quickly overtaken by frustration. "It’s not that simple, Anders, and you know it," I snap, tension tightening my shoulders. "If I leave, we’re vulnerable. An Alpha without his Luna is a prime target. I can’t just walk away and leave the pack exposed to an attack."

Anders crosses his arms, his muscles taut beneath his shirt, his jaw locked with tension. "You leave me no choice," he says, each word sharp and deliberate. His eyes bore into mine, unwavering, relentless. “Everyone knows Embla is missing. If another wants to take advantage of this, we are already doomed” His voice hardens. “Right now we’re sitting ducks, Erik. You’re not at full strength and your mind is all over the place. We all feel it. We’re vulnerable.”

A low, dangerous growl rumbles from deep within me, vibrating through my chest like a warning. Hakan, my wolf, surges against my control, his fury rising in response to Anders’s words, a clear disrespect. The room seems to shrink, the air thick with a palpable tension that makes it hard to breathe. My fists clench, nails digging into my palms as I fight to keep Hakan in check.

Anders doesn’t flinch, but I can sense Astro, his wolf, prowling just beneath his skin—ready, watching. Ready to strike if necessary. His gaze remains locked on mine, his own tension crackling in the space between us like a storm about to break. Neither of us moves, both on edge, both dangerously close to losing control.

“You know I’m right,” Anders presses, his voice a quiet challenge, steady despite the crackling energy in the air. "The bond between Alpha and Luna is more than just tradition. It’s power. Without her, you’re fractured. Weak. The pack feels it. You feel it.”

The truth slams into me like a punch to the gut. My chest tightens, and I close my eyes, the weight of his words crashing down on me, suffocating. He’s right. I’ve been lying to myself, pretending I can lead, pretending I’m whole. But I’m not. I’m breaking, shattered by Embla’s absence. The bond that once grounded me and gave me strength is gone, and with it, my power, my certainty.

I force myself to breathe, but each inhale feels shallow, like I’m drowning. Without her, I’m not the Alpha I once was. Not even close. I open my eyes, the bitterness of my weakness sinking deep into my bones. I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "You’re right," I admit.

Anders exhales slowly, his shoulders relaxing just a fraction. "So, what are you going to do?"

I don't answer right away. The weight of his question lingers in the air. With a sigh, I push myself up from the chair, my legs stiff from hours of sitting. I cross the room slowly, feeling the pull of every step, and stop by the window. For a moment, I simply stand there, staring out at the pack grounds.

Outside, life moves on. Wolves bustle about with their daily tasks, kids play under the watchful eyes of their mothers, but there’s an unsettling stillness beneath it all. A tension that hums through the pack, vibrating just beneath the surface. They can sense it—her absence, the imbalance it creates. I feel it too, the wrongness in the air that refuses to fade.

My gaze lingers on the horizon, where the forest looms dark and thick, the unknown stretching beyond it. I rest my hand on the windowpane, the cold seeping into my skin, grounding me. The ache inside me deepens with each passing second, the pull to go after her stronger than ever. Yet I hesitate. I feel torn between my duty as Alpha and the desperation I feel to find her.

“I have to find her,” I murmur, barely louder than a breath, my voice wavering with the weight of the admission. The pack grounds blur in front of me as I think of her out there—alone, far from here. “Not just for me, but for the pack.”

The words feel hollow against the reality of what leaving would mean. My heart tugs, every instinct screaming for me to chase after her, to not waste another moment. But duty—it’s always there, a heavier chain, pulling me back. "I will not be gone for long at a time, so don't reschedule my next meeting" I add quietly, a part of me already fighting the idea of leaving at all.

Anders nods, though his eyes are cautious. "Who will you take with you?"

"No one," I reply, turning to face him. The shock in his eyes is immediate. "If I leave you in charge, I need all my best warriors here to protect the pack. If something happens, they’ll need you."

"I don’t like it," he says, his voice tinged with frustration. "What if something happens to you out there? Alone?"

“I can’t risk weakening the pack any further,” I say, my voice firm despite the fear gnawing at my insides. "You know that, Anders. If I take anyone, we’re more vulnerable here."

He watches me for a moment, weighing his words carefully. There’s conflict in his eyes, a worry he can’t hide. Finally, he sighs, nodding reluctantly. "Just promise me one thing. Find her. Bring her back. We all need her, Erik. You most of all."

His words strike something deep within me, stirring the ache that’s been sitting like a stone in my chest. I nod, unable to respond, and he turns to leave, closing the door softly behind him.

As night falls, I step outside, the cool air washing over me like a balm for the tension that’s clung to me for days. For the first time in what feels like forever, I breathe deeply, feeling the forest around me come alive. Hakan is restless, pacing beneath my skin, eager to run, to search for our mate.

At the edge of the territory, I pause. Embla’s scent has long since faded, but I close my eyes, reaching out through the faint, invisible bond that still lingers between us. It’s weak, but it’s there. She’s alive. That knowledge is enough to send a surge of relief through me, small as it is.

I shift into my wolf form, Hakan taking over, and we run, paws barely touching the ground as the moonlight filters through the trees. Every so often, we stop to search, sniff the air, and listen for the faintest sign of her.

As dawn breaks, painting the sky in hues of pink and gold, I rest by a stream, lapping at the cool water. My thoughts wandered back to our last conversation, to the moment I asked her not to push me away. She hadn’t promised me anything then, and now I know why.

She had already made up her mind to leave.