Caught In His Shadows

Chapter 4:

Zai's Point of View

It had been a few weeks since the world started to feel a little less suffocating. The pandemic wasn’t over, but restrictions had loosened. There were still signs everywhere reminding people to wear masks, to practice social distancing, but life was slowly returning to a sense of normalcy. People were outside again, walking the streets, hanging out at cafés, and even going to the mall. Things were starting to feel... real again.

But for me, it didn’t feel much different. I was still stuck in my head, lost in thoughts of everything that had happened—everything that was happening. There were moments when it felt like I was waking up from some long nightmare, only to realize I was still stuck in it.

The day after I crashed at Gia’s house, we spent most of the morning sorting through our school modules. We were both supposed to graduate this year, but because of the pandemic, everything had been shifted online, and our lessons were given through modules that seemed never-ending. It felt like a distant memory now, the idea of going back to a real classroom and seeing everyone in person again. For now, it was just the two of us, sitting on the floor with our books and papers spread out between us.

“Did you finish the marketing module yet?” Gia asked, flipping through the pile of papers in front of her.

I shook my head, letting out a tired sigh. “I don’t even know how I’m supposed to finish these. It’s like the whole world is spinning and I’m stuck in the middle.”

Gia smiled sympathetically, clearly understanding what I meant. "I know what you mean. I feel like I'm just going through the motions, waiting for everything to get better, but it's like no one knows when that'll be."

I nodded, agreeing with her. Despite the fact that things were "getting better," there was still a lot of uncertainty in the air. We couldn’t go back to the way things were before, not just because of the pandemic, but because... I wasn’t the same person anymore either.

We spent hours working through the modules, helping each other when we got stuck. In a way, it was comforting to have Gia around. She was my one constant in this strange, pandemic-filled world. But at the same time, there was a part of me that felt completely out of place in my own life.

It was a routine, the same one I had been following for weeks now. Wake up, do the modules, talk to Gia, try to forget everything that had been weighing me down. But it didn’t change the fact that every night, I was still alone with my thoughts.

Days turned into weeks, and I realized something. I hadn’t seen Kael.

At first, I thought maybe he had just been a part of some fleeting moment, someone who I’d never see again. But as the days went by, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was waiting for him to show up again. There was something about that night we’d walked together that made me think he would reappear. Maybe I was just being naive, but I kept hoping.

One night, after a long day of finishing my modules, I decided to take a walk. I had to see if he was still around. Maybe, just maybe, if I walked down the same streets, I’d run into him again.

But the streets were empty that night. The familiar hum of the city felt distant, and the houses looked just as they always had—quiet, still, and unchanged. I walked past the house at the corner, the one that always catches my eye. The one with the flickering lights. It’s the same one I passed that night, but there was no sign of Kael.

I continued walking, the night air cool against my skin, but still, there was nothing. The streetlights flickered overhead, but it didn’t matter. He wasn’t here.

I stopped at the end of the street, standing there for a moment, feeling the weight of disappointment settle in my chest. Maybe he was never meant to be a part of my life. Maybe that night had just been a random encounter, something I’d convinced myself had meaning when it didn’t.

With a sigh, I turned around and walked back home, my footsteps echoing through the empty street. The gate creaked as I opened it, stepping into my yard. I couldn’t help but feel the sting of loneliness settle deep inside me. I hadn’t seen him in days—weeks, really—and part of me wondered if I was just fooling myself by hoping he'd show up again.

The next few days passed in a blur of schoolwork, modules, and more long walks where I still couldn’t find him. I walked the same streets, passed by the same corner store, but Kael was never there. It was like he had vanished, disappeared into the night with no trace.

Weeks passed, and still no sign of him.

I tried not to think about it too much, but the thought of him lingered in the back of my mind, gnawing at me. What happened to him? Where did he go? Did he leave because he knew I wasn’t ready for whatever it was between us? Or had it been nothing at all?

I didn’t have any answers.

But life kept moving forward, with or without Kael.

-

It’s been three years since I graduated high, and I’m still adjusting to how much things have changed. The pandemic? It feels like a distant memory now, almost like it never really happened. Life has almost returned to normal, or at least to a version of normal that feels more familiar, more like it did before everything fell apart. People are back at work, restaurants are full again, and the world is buzzing in a way it hadn’t in months. I still wear a mask in public out of habit, but the heavy, suffocating feeling of fear is gone.

My family moved to a new city after I graduated, not far from our old hometown, but enough for things to feel different. The streets are quieter here, less chaotic, and somehow, I’ve found that I don’t mind the change. I thought I would, but the quiet has been soothing, in its own way.

There’s still that part of me, though, that thinks about the past—the person I used to be, the things I used to feel. Kael. It’s strange how quickly someone can go from being at the forefront of your mind to just... fading into the background. I searched for him online once, just out of curiosity. I tried looking for him on social media, but there were no signs of him. Not even his last name. He was like a ghost, someone I had imagined into existence, someone who slipped away like sand through my fingers.

I think I’ve almost forgotten him now. Almost.

College started last year, and I’m already in my third year. Time has a way of speeding up when you’re not paying attention. I don’t have a lot of time to think about the past anymore. There are assignments to do, classes to attend, and deadlines to meet. But when I have those quiet moments, when the noise of everything fades, there’s still a hollow place inside me where Kael once was. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe it was never meant to be anything more than a passing moment.

Gia’s at another school now, a different one, but we still make time to catch up whenever we can. We message each other, share memes, talk about our struggles with school. I miss the days when we could just hang out whenever we wanted, but we’ve adjusted. And on weekends, when we both have time off, we make sure to get together, sometimes with our high school friends. I always look forward to those days—it feels like nothing has changed.

College has been an interesting experience. I’ve met new people, made new friends. Ynnah and Ezca are my closest friends now. Ynnah is loud, outgoing, and always full of energy. She’s the kind of person who can walk into a room and instantly change the atmosphere. Ezca, on the other hand, is more reserved, but he’s incredibly sharp and has this dry humor that cracks me up every time. They’ve made the transition into college life a little easier, and I’m grateful for that.

Even though I’ve made new friends, there are still times when I feel alone. It’s different from before. I have people around me, but there’s this distance, this quiet space that I can’t seem to fill. Maybe it’s because I’ve never quite learned how to fill it myself.

I don’t think about Kael as much anymore. Maybe I’ve finally let go of that chapter. But sometimes, when I’m walking to class, when the breeze hits just right, or when I hear a song that reminds me of that night, I can almost feel him again—like a presence, just out of reach. And I wonder what happened to him, if he’s okay, if he ever thinks about me.

But life moves forward, whether I’m ready for it or not.