Divorce Never! Love Again?

Episode 7

Saturday had arrived. Since our encounter on the terrace, I hadn’t seen Lucian. We had returned home in our separate cars on Friday evening, and he had left early this morning. Usually, we set off in the afternoon on Saturdays.

I was ready and waiting for him. We had a discreet, modest car specifically for Saturdays. We only used it for our weekend outings and parked it in a multi-story car park near the hotel chain owned by Lucian's family.

The hotel wasn't far from our home, about a twenty-minute drive, but we always agreed to meet in the same parking lot on Sunday morning. Although I never asked, I knew he sometimes stayed at the hotel overnight. He had mentioned it in passing during one of our car rides. We rarely had conversations; just a few sentences here and there before retreating into our own worlds.

I never asked who he stayed with, of course. The more questions I asked, the more it would allow him to ask questions in return, and I didn’t want that.

I wanted to keep my secret. No one in the world knew except for one person. Not even Chloe, my closest friend, was aware. I wasn’t sure if I wanted Lucian to know.

One day, everyone would find out, but when that day came, I wanted to be at the top. I wanted to have overwhelming power. That would be the moment I could finally show my family that I wasn't the disappointment they thought I was, that their constant belittling and obstacles against my dreams had been in vain. Contrary to their beliefs, I wasn't a failure.

Trying to fit into their mold had made me lose myself. My biggest mistake was trying to win their approval.

Their ridiculous standards and expectations were the real disappointment to me.

I didn't fit into other people's molds. The more I tried to confine myself to their boundaries, the more I lost my identity.

It all started back in my junior year of high school when I joined a club.

That year, I joined the music club. I had also started liking Aiden around that time. He had joined the football club, and since we couldn't be in the same club, I chose music on a whim.

My grades were above average, and everyone had started theorizing about what major I would choose in university. Elisabeth was in her senior year and everyone knew she was going to study law. Her grades were already perfect.

My father talked about how both of his daughters would become lawyers like him. He never asked me what I wanted. The options were clear: either I would study law or international relations to work at the ministry. Neither of these options appealed to me.

In the music club, I discovered something they would absolutely hate. I wanted to become a singer.

I knew they would hate the idea, but their reaction was far worse than I had anticipated when they found out.

I started by singing in the music club, then learned to play the guitar. With my own savings, I bought myself an acoustic guitar. At first, my family didn’t seem to mind me playing at home. But when I started dedicating more time to music, things changed. I still vividly remember the day I told them I wanted to be a singer. It was like a small apocalypse erupted at home.

"You should already know which major you're choosing by now. Without a goal, you can't achieve anything," my father said, sipping his coffee.

We were having a forced family breakfast on a Sunday.

"Actually, I've realized recently that there's something I truly love," I said, despite knowing how they would react. Deep down, a tiny hope lingered that they might support me.

"What is it?" my father asked, raising an eyebrow. My mother scrutinized me carefully, while Elisabeth watched my parents' reactions closely. She must have been terrified they might support something I wanted.

"I want to be a singer."

My father nearly spat his coffee onto his plate. Elisabeth burst into laughter, lifting her eyebrows in that irritating, know-it-all way.

"Don't be ridiculous, Adeline. Just eat your breakfast," my mother said as she picked up food from the table.

"I have talent. People say I have a good voice, and more importantly, I can write songs. Why are you so against it?" I asked again, hating how confident I sounded. Seeing I was serious must have frightened my father even more.

"Do you hear yourself? Are you trying to disgrace us? We have a family name to uphold. Did I work all these years to see my daughter ruin the legal empire I built?"

"What's so disgraceful about it? Why would I disgrace you?" I retorted. My father abruptly stood up and headed for my room.

As he stormed up the stairs, I got up and followed him.

He grabbed my guitar from my room. His face was red with anger. He held the guitar by the neck and smashed it against the marble corridor. The wooden pieces of my guitar scattered everywhere. The strings snapped.

Along with my guitar, my dreams shattered.

With it, my identity, my heart, and finally, my hopes.

A lump formed in my throat as I stared at the splintered wood. I had shared my dreams with that guitar, written my first song on it. I had composed a song for Aiden with that guitar.

That shattered guitar knew my biggest secrets, my first love.

It was the first significant day that damaged my belief in life. After that, I faced many blows and disappointments. I made countless mistakes.

If I had a chance to go back to that day, I would have left that house and never returned. I thought I was brave, but I was just a coward.

I was afraid to stand on my own two feet.

That day, I didn't just lose faith in life—I lost faith in myself. The only person who helped me partially regain my sense of self, who made me hold on to life again, was Aiden.

The day after that big and destructive event at home, I dragged my feet toward the entrance gate of the schoolyard. My eyes were brimming with tears. I was hurt, probably because of my own weakness.

I wanted to spend some time in the yard to gather myself before heading to class. If I went to class in that state, everyone would know something was wrong. I didn't want to tell anyone.

I walked toward the part of the yard that connected to the forest. The trees thickened there. There were usually the rustling sounds of branches in the wind and birds chirping. As I turned the corner of the building, I saw him.

He was lying on a wooden bench, his arm tucked under his head, while the wind gently tousled his hair. I felt magnetically drawn to him and soon found myself standing there, just watching him.

When his eyes suddenly opened, our gazes met. Aiden's deep green eyes scanned my face carefully. Then, all of a sudden, he smiled. When he smiled, I couldn't help but want to smile too. He had such a strange effect on me.

"What happened? Tell me," he said, sitting up and patting the bench next to him for me to sit.

I sat down, and at that moment, a leaf detached from a branch above and drifted down, landing in my lap. I picked up the leaf and turned it in my hand before looking at him.

As our eyes met, he waited for me to explain why I was upset. Aiden was odd like that. It was as if he was always ready to rush to everyone's aid.

Just the other day, he had stolen exam papers so his close friend Ian wouldn't get a low grade.

The previous week, he had taken the blame for some ridiculous mishap to keep another friend out of trouble.

"There were just some silly arguments at home. It's not a big deal. Why are you here? Are you feeling down too?" I asked, trying to steady my breathing as I spoke. When he was around, even my heartbeat seemed to go off rhythm. I felt like a different person. My emotions overshadowed my thoughts, becoming overwhelming.

"No, I just came here to rest. Nothing can bring me down, Addy," he said with his usual nonchalant laugh.

But when I looked into his eyes, I saw something entirely different.

He was lying.

I didn’t know how Aiden convinced himself of what kind of person he was. Maybe he thought he had superpowers or something, but in the mold he forced himself into, he wasn’t allowed to be sad.

“There’s no need to lie to me, Aiden. I’m the last person to judge you, and I’m good at keeping secrets,” I said, this time holding his gaze.

“Come on, we’re going to be late,” he said, quickly getting up from the bench. Aiden never let anyone see his true self. Maybe that’s why no one could find him when he disappeared. No one truly knew the real Aiden.

“Are you ready?” Lucian asked, coming up to me. His voice startled me. I had been lost in a fragment of the past. I had been thinking about Aiden more and more lately, though I didn’t know why. I kept remembering scenes from the past, and details I thought I had forgotten started coming back to me.

I hadn’t wanted to think about him for a long time. Sometimes, I thought my feelings for him were a curse. For years, I had loved only him. I loved him desperately. I knew I was forgetting him; the traces of him were slowly fading from my life.

As he faded from my mind, I recreated him in my fantasies, which made him seem even more perfect. Maybe that’s why I thought no one could ever be like him.

“Yes, I’m ready. I was waiting for you. Let’s go before we waste any more time,” I said, getting up and walking towards him.

“What’s the rush!” Lucian said sarcastically. I noticed that he squinted slightly when he was being ironic. I started to think that his cologne was unique to him, and instead of hating him for liking his cologne, I chose to enjoy it. Okay, I admit, hating Lucian takes a certain amount of energy, and I’m quite tired.

“Saturday is my favorite day, you know.”

We were almost at the parking lot. Lucian got in the car and slammed the door.

“There’s not much left before we’re officially divorced. Are you going to marry him right away?” he asked, driving onto the main road quickly. This time, he was driving too fast.

What an unpredictable man!

“You don’t even know who he is. And besides, what does it matter to you what I do after we’re divorced?” I said, smirking slyly as I looked out the window. If he was really jealous, I could drive him crazy.

I enjoyed his passive-aggressive responses. I didn’t even understand why he was jealous of me. I was sure he didn’t love me. Maybe he was worried people would talk if I married someone else right after our divorce. They might say I had been cheating on him while we were married. Yes, that must be it.

He didn’t love me, we both knew that. And I didn’t love him either.