Timothy`s boarding school

Chapter 15 - The walls all crumble down

The week really went quite well on most parts. The cheating during exams continued, with the help of the sixth-formers who had different things to gain from all of this. I did manage to talk to Christine on Tuesday. She was not that excited to see me neither was she disappointed, she was just okay with the whole thing but I didn't want 'okay', I wanted something special with her. I did tell her how I felt, I thought her response was going to be harsh and heart piercing but she just said okay. What was that supposed to mean? Didn't she like me too or it was her brother. I try to ponder her for more details, I even threatened not to come to talk to her anymore but she claimed that wasn't necessary. For the rest of the week, I kept visiting her, she didn't refuse to see me but she seemed like she was always on the edge. Like a bank robber, looking out for the police in the process of stealing the cash. It was definitely her brother. I did I ask her about it, but she said she didn't know and that I should probably talk to him by myself since we were in the same form. Little did she know, it wasn't that easy to talk with Theo, I could barely pass the salutation stage with him. We just didn't vibe. Trying to figure out Christine was like trying to read Chinese in reverse.

By the end of the week, I was out of ideas. I just didn't know what to do anymore. I therefore sought the help of someone experienced. I asked Rodney to help me out. He was kind of ecstatic about the whole matter, he said he was excited to see this side of me, he had no idea that it existed. He coerced me to drop everything I thought I knew about girls and start from scratch. He was going to teach me everything step by step. He claimed the reason I had took so long to get Christine was because I sort of seemed desperate to her, a man was supposed to never show that he totally liked a girl, it made him look weak and seem too much into his feelings. Girls hated clingy boyfriends.

Stacy has been smiling at me a lot this week. It seems so weird. Every time she greets me now, she also does it with a handshake, not to overlook that she holds my hand a minute longer than the normal handshakes. During tests I can tell from the corner of my eye, she will be just looking at me and smiling. It feels a bit creepy now, at first I thought it cute but that ship had long sailed away. I have been trying to act cool about the whole situation, saying what I had to say and nothing more, answering only when questioned, I certainly didn't want to lead her on.

My relationship with Theo seems to be getting strained more and more each day. Now we can't stand to be in the same room, when one enters the other leaves or vice versa. On our table, we totally ignore each other now, if we want to say something to each other, we direct it through the third person, totally ignoring each other's presence. If we happen to see each other on the same road and about to collide one changes road or we both look down, ignoring eye contact. Our stream mates seem to be enjoying the situation; some are even fuelling it by saying things they know will provoke either one of us or both and of course Brian is the ring leader in all this shenanigans. This situation was getting more acrimonious by the day.

Glenda and Rodney had broken up once more and they both had confessed to me that they just wanted a break and to see other people as well. They said their relationship was getting a bit boring and thus getting new experiences with other people was definitely going to bring some fire back into the relationship. As always when it came to their relationship, I just nodded and moved on, trying to be a mediator or a voice of reason to these two, was a very daunting task that could get you in the emergency room or worse mentally unstable. Their relationship was just too erratic. Glenda had moved on and was dating Brian or were they just making out? Wasn't sure and I definitely didn't care, what she did with her body was her choice. Rodney constantly moved from one girl to the other, he was never satisfied with one. As he had exhausted all the forth-formers, including all the upper forms, he had moved to the third-formers. He talked to different girls and all of them seemed to like him. Maybe it was his charismatic voice, his charming flattery talk or his care free attitude. He was fun, most girls claimed. Although his lifestyle was a bit over the top for me, I did fantasize myself sometimes in his shoes, just imagining what I would do with all that attention from the girls.

As today is a Friday, it is a half day as usual, meaning all lessons or examinations finish at one. I'm going to make my move today on Christine. It's no longer my first as I had already confessed my love to her but received that confusing response, this time I was going to use Rodney's method. He claimed it was bullet proof and it had worked for him on most girls. I was going to give it a chance although I was a bit skeptical at first. I so hope it works because if it backfires I don't know what I will do to Rodney, I will certainly castrate him that's for sure. He had planned that he goes first to her and talks about how cool and awesome I was. I didn't agree with him on that one but a beggar is not a chooser, and then I would come after and sweep her off her feet with compliments and admiration whilst holding a picture I had drawn of her. Rodney always said that girls fall for the silliest things ever, therefore there was no need to complicate things, and the key was in keeping it simple. That sounds fishy to me as there was nothing simple in that plan of his. With his plan he was chucking me under the bus; I would put myself out to the wolves, what if she totally rejects me whilst I'm holding a portrait of her? What will the people around us say? I will be the laughing stock for the whole school. My pride and reputation will be in the drains. People will just refer to me now as the nerdy kid who tried to fly before he could run. Nerdy guys are meant for the library not the lovers' couch but didn't we want to be loved too?

This heated debate in my mind was making me go crazy; it was going to make me fail my English language test, which I'm currently writing. I look at my sides to make sure no one saw me in my deep contemplation; as always at my left side Stacy greets me with a broad smile and to my front Chido and Jack seem pre-occupied with their exam. I exhale in relieve, I wonder what I was so scared of. Were people's opinions that important to me? I certainly couldn't live on some image people had fixed on me, which I was supposedly supposed to conform to. To truly get the social life and the girl I wanted I was supposed to break out of this stance, make my own rules and portray the best image of myself that I wanted people to come to love and admire.

The siren rings signalling the end of our last mid-term exam, I so hope I passed. As soon as the papers are collected, people are laughing, hugging each other, smiling and generally happy that the heavy studying had come to an end. In my mind I kind of felt sorry for most of these guys as their happiness was going to be short lived. When the exam papers came back from marking, most of these guys happiness was going to be shattered to pieces as reality would hit them hard. Well I should probably let them have their moment.

Rodney barges in to the classroom, pulls my arm and we head out. We stand at the entrance to the school block, he tilts my body to look at him, places his hands on my shoulders, "Its time dude, are you ready?" he says with a broad smile on his face. I nod although my hands had begun to tremble, what was I so scared of? I had done this before to her already, what was the difference now? Was I afraid that Rodney was going to tell the others and laugh at me? Or maybe, this was now getting too real for me; was I just playing around before? The truth to the matter was that I had to do it, whether I liked it or not. I couldn't be scared of ghosts my whole entire life, I had to man up for once. We both notice Christine walking along the hedge on the perimeter of the hall. She is plucking out leaves from the hedge as she moves. Rodney immediately approaches her and makes his move as planned. I stand back and wait on the doorway learning against one side, definitely quaking in my boots.

It definitely feels like a year has passed when Rodney lifts his hand to me, signalling me to come over. There are both smiling, seems weird, I hope Rodney was not shooting his shot on my girl. As I'm walking towards them I can feel the sweat running done my face, my hands are now moist, making the portrait want to slip out of my hand, I hold it tighter and lean it against my side for measure. Just a few more steps and I'm staring Christine right in the eyes.

On arrival, I stand beside Rodney, my tongue is stuck, and I can hardly murmur any word out. Rodney notices how nervous I'm and taps me hard on my back with the palm of his hand; he brings me back to life. I say "hie", she responds "hie". She is stealing glances of my face as she is playing with the leaves on the hedge. The green hedge is just above knee height and about half a metre wide. I can't stop ignoring the glances I'm receiving as people pass us by, I feel like I'm shining, radiating my insecurities, nervousness and inadequacies to everyone else.

"So guys, I'm going to head out. Sort yourselves out. You got this Tim." He says as he taps my shoulder, releases a large chuckle and walks away towards the school block. I affirm him by simply nodding and smiling in return to his chuckle. In my mind I was crying for him to stay, he can't leave me like this, I can't do it alone. As soon as Rodney leaves, a sudden silence engulfs us. The awkwardness of this moment is killing me; my shyness so painful it tears me in agony.

I try to start a conversation with her. "Look I made you this" I say brushing the back of my head with my free hand and passing the painting towards her with my other hand. She looks at the painting, beams brightly but quickly fades. I ask "What's wrong? Don't you like the painting?" She points at the corner of the portrait, "You got my eyes all wrong, and one is way bigger than the other". What? Really? I look at the painting; they looked perfect to me, the right size in fact.

"I will fix that for you, if you like?" I ask apologetically. She shakes her head "That won't be necessary", passes the painting back into my arms "Thanks though, didn't know you could draw." I'm confused on what to do next now. I think it is better to call it off now before it gets worse.

"Let me accompany you to lunch" I say tilting my body and pointing us towards the way to the dining hall as we were already running late.

"No thanks, I will go by myself." She says and starts to walk towards the dining hall. I follow her, start walking beside her. "Why don't you like me? Did I do something wrong?" I say, as I had enough of this nonsense, of being held at an arm's length, she had to let me go if she didn't like me.

"Well I don't hate you but I don't think I can date you." My heart stops beating, my breaths start to get heavy and my vision seems to be getting blurred.

"Why?" I finally ask. "I think it's just the wrong time and place." What was that supposed to mean? She would only date me in another dimension or something. I'm heartbroken. I never knew rejection could hurt so much; this had really cut me deep. After her last statement I turn back without saying goodbye or anything, I head back to my classroom. It is vacant as all the day scholars had already gone home, I stand just beside the door, leaning against the wall. I'm disgusted by myself. Stacy barges into the classroom, rushing to her place and grabbing her bag. She doesn't notice me for a while, I wipe some tears from my eyes, she turns, sees me and comes over.

I put up a smile. "Hy" she says waving her hand as she gets closer to me. There is barely a few feet between us. Before she can say anything else, I kiss her.