LOOKING TROUGH YOUR EYES

CHAPTER 4

-        Honey, were you laughing? – Lindsey asked

-        No mommy, Mr. Rabbit is having tea with Lucy - she said pointing to her little doll and her bunny

The mother looked at the toys, noticed that the doll was the one who was wearing the necklace. The flower looked dead, colorless. Immediately, Lindsey took the necklace and put it on her little girl's neck.

-        You should never take off this necklace, ok?

-        why Mommy?

Lindsey didn’t know what to answer, Alice hadn’t explained the reason well, she had only warned her that it was necessary that the necklace always was on the little girl's neck

-        Mmmm ... it's just that, it's a very nice necklace, don't you like it?

-        Yes, I like it, but why is it so important? Can't I lend it to Lucy?

-        No my girl. You cannot give it to Lucy because it’s a gift that someone gave you with great affection, and if you don’t use it, they will think that you don’t like it and they may feel bad

-        Whose is it, mommy?

-        From someone who loves you very much - Lindsey said - now run to continue playing before Mr. Rabbit's tea gets cold

The girl returned to her game and she went to her room. When she opened the door, Paul was (once again) stretched out on the bed with the same clothes from the morning. But there was something about him; it looked quite like a gray cloud about to drop raindrops, at first Lindsey thought it was dirt on the adjoining wall, but the cloud seemed to move and suddenly it faded and instead she saw a smile, it showed the teeth, but no face. She got scared.

-            I'll be back - she said as she took her coat

When she was leaving, her mother asked her where she was going.

-        I need to get some air - she replied with a dry tone

She didn't know where she was going, but she couldn't stop walking. Suddenly, without realizing it, she was standing on a bridge. One more step and she would have fallen.

-            watch out! - Said a voice - your life is in danger; you must get away from him!

That voice was…. musical and melodious, tender and kind; it sounded like the voice of an angel. But it was heard far away, it seemed that it was getting further and further away. In addition, she sounded worried, uneasy and even bossy.

Lindsey turned and looked around for the person who had spoken to her. There was no one around.

-          Who is it? - She asked terrified

But she got no reply. She waited almost 5 minutes standing, waiting for someone to respond or someone to come out of somewhere. Nothing happened. She adjusted her coat and walked home. By the time she arrived, Sheryl was already asleep.

-          Daughter, where have you been all day? I was calling you, I was very worried. have you eaten?

Lindsey looked at the watch, it was already 8 PM. How come time went by so fast? She wondered. She was sure she'd been out for about thirty minutes at most. But the clock wasn’t lying, she leaned out the window, everything was dark, the street lamps were already on.

-          How strange, how come I didn't notice when it got dark? - She said, thinking out loud - I'm fine mom, I haven't eaten yet, but I'm not hungry, thanks, did Sheryl fall asleep long ago?

-          What do you mean you didn't realize that it was night already? Didn't you see that everything was getting dark?

-          Yes, just that ... I don't know what I was looking at. In fact, I don't even know how I got to the house, I don't remember which way I took. I just remember that I almost fell off a bridge, I don't know which one… now that I think about it, I've never seen that bridge before. But, just before taking the step that could end my life, someone spoke to me, the voice said that I must get away from * him * ...

-          I don't understand, who spoke to you?

-          I don't know, mom ... it sounded like an angel, he was talking uneasy, agitated ... like a child who has just run. And well ... you know, I think that's the signal I needed - she sighed - it's time to separate from Paul - she continued with tears in her eyes. She breathed, trying to calm herself - is he still lying on the bed? She asked, wiping his tears.

-          I think so, he didn’t leave the room all day. And in fact, at lunchtime Sheryl wanted to call him, she went into the room and hugged him to try to pick him up. He got to his feet and yelled her out of the room. I didn't know your husband was like that ...

-          Wow ... no, it’s not usually like that. He was always very loving and attentive ... well, until a while ago - he said with glassy eyes

-          Calm down, daughter. It's not worth crying for a guy like that

-            That's the problem, mom. He's NOT like that, Alice was right. That girl Melany has something to do with all this ...

Lindsey couldn't take it anymore, she went to the couch and leaned back. She hugged a cushion and began to cry like never before. Her mother came over, hugged her and stroked her head.

-     Don't worry, everything will be fine - she murmured in her ear

Hours passed and they fell asleep on the sofa, hugging each other. Sheryl woke them up very early the next morning. It was time to get back to normal activities, Lindsey had to get back to work.

-          Mommy, why doesn't Daddy come down for breakfast? - Sheryl asked as they were eating

-          He's tired, little girl. You have to let him rest, okay?

-          But he slept all day yesterday….

-          Yes, my girl ... but he has been working very hard lately

-          You're right, I won't bother him today - said the little girl smiling

Lindsey remembered the incident the day before. "I can't leave her here" she thought.

-          Mom, why don't you go to the amusement park with Sheryl today?

-          But daughter, there are many things to do in the house

-          I know, but ... - she said trying to point to the room where her husband was

-          Well ... I don't think the world will collapse if I don't wash the floors today. It would be nice to have fun together one day, right Sheryl? - She said after realizing her daughter's concern

-          yeah! - Shouted the little excited - will daddy come too?

-          No, remember that he must rest.

-          Well ... - the girl said somewhat sad

That day went by quickly, Sheryl and Grandma had a lot of fun. For Lindsey, time also ran, she was finishing many pending tasks at her work, she was leaving everything ready to ask for a vacation; Since she had made the decision to move away from her husband, she had to do it as soon as possible, to avoid complicating things.

The next day, Paul had come to himself. He got up early and wanted to go downstairs to make breakfast, but his wife stopped him.

-          We have to talk - she said in a very serious tone

-          Good morning, I didn't realize that you were already awake. What's up?

-          The day before yesterday you yelled at Sheryl, just because she hugged you, why did you do it?

He was silent.

-          I really don't remember, I just remember that I was in bed all day, I felt sick and yesterday, I got hungry. When I went down to look for food, I realized that there was no one at home. Where did they go?

-          That's the problem. Lately you are not yourself, I don't know if you notice it, but that hurts us, it separates us as a family ...

-          Sorry, I'll try to improve. It's just, you know ... I don't know what's wrong with me, sometimes my mind goes blank, my head feels empty and my heart heavy. But I promise you that it won’t happen again - he said approaching his wife to hug her

-          No - she said, putting him aside - it's not your fault. I really don't know why things have to be this way. But… Sheryl is suffering, she misses playing with her dad, I can see it in her little eyes. And as much as I wish I could believe you, I know that you won't change. We need to separate - she said as she got out of bed

Paul was petrified, the news took him by surprise

-          B-but, you can't make such a hasty decision. Let me prove to you that I am going to change. Give me a chance please! Nothing like this has ever happened before, you can't leave me just because of one mistake - he said begging

-          You just don't understand; don't you remember everything we talked to Alice?

-          no! I already told you that these days I have not felt well; my head spins every time I try to remember something. Tell me what did she say? And why would she have the right to have a say in our marriage?

-          It doesn’t matter, the less you remember, the better... but it’s necessary that we separate. Please, we have to do it for the sake of our daughter. She will suffer a lot if things continue like this - Lindsey said with tears in her eyes

Paul didn’t like to see his wife cry, he loved her very much and didn’t understand why she was suffering. It hurt because it was his fault, she was crying over his absence. But he wanted to prove to her that he would change, that things could be as before ...

-          But I love you, you and our daughter. I can't get away from you two, that would tear me apart. Do you no longer love me? is there anyone else?

-          No. It's not that… you have no idea how difficult this is for me. I love you too, more than you can imagine. But Alice said that, if we continue together, not only will Sheryl and I suffer ... but you will also suffer, she said that you will go through very difficult things anyway, but that, if we continue together, the ordeal you go through will be even harder

-          I don't understand… why do you trust more in what a stranger says than in me?

-          Don't ask any more questions, please ... don't make it more difficult, just understand that we must separate. I won't separate you from Sheryl, you can still see her. But we can no longer live together - she said, just before bursting into tears.

Paul was confused, devastated. He had always been there to protect her, he had loved her like no one else, he had cared for her. They were friends since elementary school and a couple since high school. They’d had problems, but they could always solve everything together, supporting each other, understanding each other; because the love they felt was stronger than any obstacle that life put them. He couldn't believe that this was all over so suddenly. He wanted to cry, he needed to remove that sword from his heart

-          Okay, I won’t ask anything else - he said as his voice broke - but I want you to know that I still love you, and I will continue loving you forever. I want you to always remember that you have been and always will be the best thing that could happen to me. Maybe our relationship has not been perfect, but I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world, you’re the most understanding and the only one with whom I could be happy. But I understand if you don't feel the same way anymore. I wish you the best, I hope that one day we can get back together. You should know that I will be waiting for you ... forever ...

He got up from the bed, trying to hide his tears. He went to the bathroom to change. Lindsey was stunned, it also hurt her to get away from the man she loved so much. What if she was really making a mistake? What if Alice had lost her mind and what she was saying was a lie? Millions of doubts began to surface in her thoughts. She was still with tears in her eyes, about to knock on the bathroom door and ask him forgiveness, ask him to stay; but Sheryl came into the room.

-          Mommy, will we also go to the amusement park with grandma today? - She asked enthusiastically

-          No, my girl - Lindsey said as she wiped her tears – today you will go with daddy for ice cream and then we will all go to the movies

-          Why are you crying, mommy? - Asked the sad girl

-          I'm not crying, it's that a pebble entered my eye ... but it has already come out. Go! get ready to go out daughter - she said forcing herself to smile

Sheryl ran to her room, changed, and went downstairs to have breakfast with her grandmother.

-          Will we really do all that today? - asked Paul, who had heard everything from the bathroom

-          Yes, I think the best thing is that Sheryl has good memories of us as a family ...

The 3 of them went out and had the best day of their lives, they had a lot of fun, they enjoyed every second as a family. At night, when they returned home, Paul didn’t go in with them, he gave his little daughter a big hug and said:

-          Always remember that daddy loves you

But the girl was too tired to respond, Lindsey had to carry her to her room; She put her to bed and went out to talk to her still husband.

-          It was a very nice day, thank you for supporting me in this. I wish you the best - said the woman trying to hold back her crying

-          I also enjoyed it a lot. When will we do the papers? - said Paul trying to show indifference

-          Tomorrow ... at 10, is that ok for you?

-          Sure, I'll be waiting for you at the conciliation office

-          Okay. Have a good night.

Paul gave her one last hug - I love you, never forget it - he whispered in her ear. And, without waiting for an answer, he left.

Lindsey needed a shoulder to cry on, but her mother was already sleeping, she didn't want to wake her up. She ran to her room, lay down on the bed and hugged the pillow tightly, she cried curled up all night, trying to make her screams of despair drown between the sheets, she didn't want to wake her daughter or her mother, she didn't want to make suffer anyone else, it was already too much to know that her husband was suffering because of her, it was already unbearable the pain that afflicted her heart for having forced him to leave. And even worse was the idea that hovered in her head "what if it was a mistake?" She knew that she would never forgive herself if she was wrong, but she feared so much for the happiness of her child, she was her world in a small way, she was the reason of her smiles ... but where was Paul? Did he no longer matter? She felt guilty, she didn't know what else to do, she just kept crying, until she fell asleep, sunk between the sheets wet with her tears.

The next day, she carried out all the divorce proceedings; to her surprise, it wasn’t too much paperwork, everything seemed to be ready to sign and present to the authority, everything seemed already prepared for their separation.

In the afternoon, Sheryl was surprised when she saw her mother enter without her father.

-          and dad? what time will he come? - She asked hurriedly

-          Daddy will no longer live with us - Lindsey explained.

-          but why? - Said the girl with her eyes full of tears - Did I do something wrong? I promise I will never misbehave again! I will no longer wake him up when he is resting - she continued saying while crying

-          No my girl, nothing is your fault… it's just, daddy needs to take time to think things over… but don't worry, he will come to see you every 15 days. You can go out to eat an ice cream or wherever he wants to take you.

The girl didn’t answer, she just ran up to her room and locked herself there until nightfall. She was crying because she didn't understand why her father had abandoned her, if everything was fine; just a couple of days ago they had so much fun together.

-          Don't cry - said a voice

-          who you are? - Sheryl asked, as she checked under her bed - where are you?

-          Don’t be scared, I am here to protect you

-          where?

-          Here, on the necklace

The girl looked at her necklace, it was shining. It shone like the sun itself. She wanted to remove it from her neck to see who was speaking to her.

-          No, stop - ordered the voice - you must always have it on, next to your heart, only then can I protect you ... - said the voice, this time more distant

-          who are you? - asked the girl once again

There was no answer. Sheryl kept crying until she fell asleep.

The next day, the girl woke up to her mother's crying; she was in Grandma's room, crying at the foot of the bed.

-          What is going on mommy? - She asked confused

-          Grandma ... has died

Sheryl ran to hug her granny, tried to wake her up, but all her attempts were useless. She hugged her mother very tightly while they both cried.

The wake was the next day, there were not many people; Lindsey's siblings were in other countries and had not had time to attend, that bothered her a bit, they all sent beautiful and very expensive flower arrangements, but none attended.

The days passed, everything was gray in Lindsey's life, she was devastated by the recent departure of her mother, she suffered every night because she still missed her husband, she knew nothing about him. And Sheryl, poor girl, spent all day locked in her room, having no one to play with, her mother needed to work, so she hired someone to take care of her. Daniela, the babysitter, went early every day, made breakfast and, when Lindsey left, she stuck to her cell phone and paid little attention to the girl.

-          where is daddy? - Sheryl asked one day

-          I don't know - Lindsey answered, who just realized that Paul hadn't come even for a weekend to take his girl with him - I'll call him tonight, now I have to go to work - she said while kissing her goodbye

She didn’t have to call him, that same day, on her way home, she met him. He had changed, he was no longer that tender and sincere man that she knew; there was still sweetness on his face, but ... in his eyes, there was something wrong, he seemed tired, he seemed to be suffering. Lindsey felt bad, "I should never have walked away from him" she said to herself.

-          Good afternoon, Paul – she greeted him

-          Hi! how are you? I haven't heard from you for a while ...

-          Well, the truth is, I'm a bit sad, my mother died the day after you left

-          Wow, I'm sorry

-          Thanks ... but hey, what I really want to talk about is Sheryl. You haven't come for her even for a weekend, why?

-          I know, I was a bit busy ... but don't worry, I'll go this Sunday

-          Okay ... and how are you?

-          Pretty good. When you told me that we couldn't be together anymore, the truth was that the world fell apart. But I'm much better, I found someone who does love me. She’s helped me a lot. The truth is, I think you were right, our relationship was over long ago.

Lindsey was devastated when she heard that, it hurt her a lot to know that it had been so easy for him to forget about his family, she still missed him, but she couldn’t blame him for anything, after all, she had thrown him out of the house.

-          I'm very happy for you ... well, guess we'll see you this Sunday, see you later

-          Take care, and tell my girl to be ready, because we’ll have a lot of fun

Lindsey kept walking, she was only 5 blocks from her house, but she got confused on the way and ended up in the center of the city, she had to take a taxi that made her take a long time. By the time she got home, it was already 9 p.m., Daniela waited for her at the door.

-          Good night, Mrs. It is already 9 at night, the girl is already asleep, you’ll have to pay me overtime - she said coldly

-          Good night, Daniela. Yes, here you go - she said as she handed her a check from her wallet

Lindsey was still confused, dying of curiosity to know who would be Paul's new partner; her heart was broken by the news, but she knew there was no going back, it was the decision she had made herself.

That night, Lindsey had a very strange dream: she was with her mother, in a field of sunflowers, the air smelled of cotton candy and children's giggles could be heard everywhere. Her mom hugged her, - daughter, be careful with Paul - she said, - but mom, you are the one who said it wasn’t convenient to trust Alice, now I realize that I should have listened to you - No! I was wrong ... you must do everything Alice said. But above all, be very careful this weekend. Warn Sheryl not to take off the necklace, not even if they get into the pool, the necklace will not rust, she should keep it on her neck ... - but why mom? Why is that necklace so important? – asked Lindsey, but her mother didn't answer. Suddenly, everything began to fade, the air became nauseating and dry, the figure of her mother moved away with the wind and, instead of the sweet giggles, cries and wailing were now heard. Lindsey was terrified - mom! - She shouted looking for something or someone to help her get out of that world. The alarm woke her up, it was already late for work. She hurried out of her house, she didn't even wait for her daughter to get up. The week passed normally, but on Saturday night, she heard a faint voice whisper in her ear "don't forget her words." She didn't know what she was referring to, she understood that it was something important, but she couldn't remember the dream. She tried to remember and finally succeeded. She called her daughter and said:

-          Tomorrow your dad will come to take you for a walk. You must behave well, ok?

-          yeah! - Sheryl replied enthusiastically

-          And something else, remember that you must always have the necklace on. It doesn't matter who tells you to take it off, don't listen to them

-          What if someone just wants to look at it?

-          Tell them that you can't take it off because if you do, I will punish you

-          But why, Mommy?

-          Because it is very important ... now go to sleep so that tomorrow you wake up early and full of energy to play with dad

The girl ran to bed, she was excited, she would finally see her father, after so long.

The next day, she got up early and ran to her mom's room.

-          Mommy, what should I wear? where will we go? Can I take Lucy?

They went together to choose clothes. Sheryl looked beautiful, she wore a blue short-skirt with a white blouse, cream sandals with gold details and, most importantly, the golden necklace that shone on her neck.

At 6 in the morning, someone rang the bell. Lindsey opened it, it was Paul, with a bouquet of daisies and a huge smile.

- Is my princess ready? - he asked

- yeah! - Sheryl replied as she came down with her doll in hand  

She hugged her dad and he gave her the bouquet of flowers, she thanked him and gave it to her mom to put in water.

Paul and Sheryl left, Lindsey stood there holding the bouquet in her hands. She remembered the first time that Paul gave her one, they were in the 4th year of secondary school, she’d always come to the classroom early and, that day, her classmates tried to prevent her from entering; When they finally let her in, she found chocolates on her desk, a letter that smelled like roses, and a heart-shaped candy. When she sat down to contemplate so many cute gifts, someone touched her on the shoulder, it was Paul, her unconditional friend. He had a bouquet of roses and a sign that said "will you be my girlfriend?" he was kneeling in front of her. Lindsey didn't know what to do, she felt like she was going to faint. She’d been in love with him for a while, but she didn't know how to tell him, she was afraid that he would reject her, she didn't want to ruin the beautiful friendship they’d had for so many years. She hadn't realized it, but the expression on her friend's face had already changed, she noticed that she was taking a long time to answer his question. She didn’t think about it anymore and jumped over him, hugged him and whispered to his ear "that’s what I would like the most in this world." He stood up and hugged her with tears in his eyes "thank you," he whispered.

Lindsey sighed. She no longer wanted to continue suffering, she had cut him out of her life and had to accept the consequences. It was time to accept that she lost him forever. She just wished it hadn't been in vain. "Remember that it’s for the happiness of your daughter" she said out loud, trying to give herself strength not to cry. She put the flowers in water and went to sleep, she knew that if she was still awake, crying would be inevitable.