To love and Be Unloved

chapter 3: To be wanted

The two straightened themselves out and went back to business as usual acting like nothing had happened; enjoying the home cooked meal and beer, making plans that could be brought to Zane's new house and deciding big and when Zane would have a party to break in the new house, everyone always showed up to any party Zane through so they knew the house needed to be in perfect shape.

That was how the two worked, destress each other and go back to normal; never let emotions get in the way and never catch feelings for one another. Only there to take care of each other the way some best friends do except sometimes this sort of commitment left Jae feeling depleted which maybe was needed so she could relax but after eight out of the ten years they have been friends they have used each other for s*x more Zane using Jae here and there whether it was for his own sanity or a reminder that no matter where she went Jae always ended up being back by Zane tending to his needs.

Exhausted Jae went to the back porch to turn on the music and enjoy her beer, Jae drifted back to her thoughts about how Zane and his family helped Jae out when they -more Zane- had found her at one of the old industrial buildings in town that he would go make rounds at; Jae had run again from being moved to another school, she had run from the eye screws and abuse from her step brother that was obsessed with her, Jae had run until she felt she could no longer run which meant defeat bec6she never gave up. Jae made that promise to herself years back when she had to drag her mother's drunken a** quickly into the house before anyone could see in fear they would lose yet another house and have CPS finally catch up which could never happen because Jae had to help her mom that was until her mom drive off and left her burden behind with her not so newish husband and step son.

Jaelynn remembered Zane hitting the dumpster waking her from her cold slumber in the chilly fall weather, she jumped and apologized gathering a small bag so that she could move on out of fear the cops would be called but instead she was stopped by a hand, Zane's hand reaching out looking her over with her scars and few now disappearing bruises, inviting her to a place she finally felt safe and wanted. Zane became her safe place, her solid rock when all else felt chaotic and she felt she would forever owe him because either she would be dead or who knows if it wasn't for him that day; to this day she has always wondered why he helped her but he always refused to answer just leaving well enough alone.

"Are you okay Jae bird?" Zane asked as he walked out the door with more beer; it took Jae a minute to come back to reality, she smiled "Yes, just looking at the stars. " she smiled at her best friend, "You and those damn stars" Zane poked at her as he opened 2 new bottles making Jae smile so big her one simple showed which Zane absolutely loved. The two sat down at the table and talked about Jae's work day, she was a secretary for a high end veterinary hospital but she could see Zane was distracted by something on his phone which was fair enough because he would get upset and threaten to hunt down all the people that hurt animals in Jae's honor if he kept listening, "Damn this girl is hot, mmm the things I would do to her!" Zane exclaimed as he scrolled through f*******:, Jae could hear the pop of the reaction button as Zane went through the photos of his new conquest; "Here we go again" thought Jae to herself wondering what new thot would screw her way into the group now. Jae scolded herself for thinking like that, who knew maybe this one could be the one to make Zane truly happy but she didn't want to get her hopes up after seeing what all the previous ones did to him, it would hurt her to watch his pain all over again and only because Jae had a secret love for her best friend that was banned from coming to light. "Pass me another beer already! " Jae teased as she impatiently rolled her eyes to mess with Zane even more; Jae ruffled his hair as she walked passed him to grab her own beer from inside nothing their little cooler was empty, "Grab me one too please!" Zane asked as he eyed her going through the back door, she gave him no reaction as always refusing to feed into his "you know you want me bullsh*t" and of course it got under his skin because every girl wanted to hook up with him if given the chance, every girl wanted him except for the girl he always longed for secretly.

Jaelynn always refused to be that girl, yes sure she has messed around with him a few times over the years but that was different neither had feelings to catch them up -or so they acted like- she could remember a very wasted Zane on his birthday last year admitting he loved her but of course she didn't believe him because she always did her best to not try and believe in love because people that say they love you always leave and she knew if she acted like she had no love to give she couldn't lose anyone, less painful if you don't accept the things that could hurt you.

The wind chimes started to blow, Jae could hear them which meant the April cool front had finally arrived, walking into Zane's room to grab pajamas so she wouldn't freeze on the porch made her think about the easy going flow they had which would get messed up if anything seriously popped up between them, in fact she knew he would leave which meant losing her best friend, her protector, her safe place and none of that was worth it; "Goodness a few beers and 2 shots have me up in my feelings damn cold weather and damn pajamas!" Jae scolded herself.

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"Would you stop playing all my favorite songs! " Jae said as she went to hit Zane's hand away from her beer, "I will mess you up jerk if you take my beer!" she added laughing uncontrollably failing to keep a straight face, By this time she lost count of the shots which made her feel beyond bubbly and being on another beer only added to her good mood was now in; laughing and having moment of just enjoying the night she realized this was the perfect night making Jae realize she felt at home which finally encouraged yawns that suddenly came back to back, "Sh*t almost four in the morning already!" Zane laughed as he looked at his phone noticing Jae yawn again, "Come on let's get you to bed old lady" he shook his head and stood to help Jae up as she slightly stumbled from everything plus exhaustion, sleep would be very welcomed.

Jae stripped off the pajamas all of sudden to warm to stand them touching her skin, the oversized shirt provided enough cover that was perfect, "How about I put on a movie on until you fall asleep and then I will go in the other room?" Zane asked as he watched Jae wrap up in a blanket, "Okay" Jae mumbled, he moved the lounge chair closer to the bed so they could both watch the movie. Jae glared over at Zane "You are in my chair sir!" she said playfully buzzed "move your ass!" she laughed which only made Zane get more comfy on purpose, "Make me!" he egged her on; walking over to him ready to fight for her spot only set Zane's trap in motion, for some reason more than ever he needed her close, he needed to have his arms around her in that very moment. Zane pulled she unknowing Jae into his lap making her laugh, she squirmed trying to get out of his hold but stopped when she realized it was a total loss; straddling Zane's lap only gave him a better hold on her escape attempts. Jae thought about distracting him so she could move away but feeling his hardening erection against her told her that no plan of her will work, again she glared and stuck her tongue out which made Zane laugh "haha I win!" he said pulling her closer for a hug; As he held her Zane started to kiss her neck knowing that was her weakness, Jae let out a small sighing moan giving into the kisses. Slowly Zane kissed down her collar bone as he held her close with one arm while letting the other explore, grinding his hard erection against her sensitive place already feeling how wet he has made her.

"I shouldn't do this, I told myself no more!" Zane thought to himself but Jae felt so good, every part of her so warm and loving slowly driving him mad and making him want more, "It was supposed to be different this year, no more using her when I felt starved just because how full she makes me feel isn't fair" Zane scolded himself quietly but Jae's small soft kisses made him push those thoughts away, "I need you, I need you now please ride me just f**king ride me baby" Zane kissed Jae as she flinched hearing the word "baby" but Zane reaching down to free himself, letting every hard inch rub against her brought her back to this moment of him looking for the permission he knew he always had to keep going. Moving the fabric of her panties to the side he slowly began to enter her wanting to move fast but at the same time wanting to love her and every moment of this, her blue curls bounced with every motion the two made together, "Show me how I make you feel" Zane whispered against her lips as she found yet another release, he kept going as he picked Jae up and laid her down on the bed "Not done yet baby" he made his way back into her, watching her blue curls spread over the bed looking so beautiful it hurt him to feel something for her but to feel like he was using her more than giving her what she needed.

"You are so beautiful my little bird. " Zane spoke as he moved quicker and harder needing to be as close to her as possible, he was feeling like he couldn't get enough of her all of a sudden wanting to move fast and harder when he was until Jae yelled and her eyes filled with tears, "Sh*t! I hurt her, no no no!" Zane thought to himself as Jae whimpered, he wiped her tears and went to move away but was caught off guard by Jae pulling him closer, "I need you if only for tonight, I need you please don't stop" she spoke softly next to his ear while dragging her nails along his back making him come undone just with those words, "Show me how I make you feel Zane." Jae spoke in between kisses; Zane moved faster completely coming undone, finding his release inside his best friend once more holding her close and not wanting to let her go.