The Girl Who Never Truly Lived

Remembering

I walked away from Austin still confused about how he knew my birth name. I changed my name from Rabello to White. Taking my mom's last name, my dad and I keep getting into arguments. It has been getting worse since my Grandpa died 2 months ago. i think it hit us all hard. I'm still struggling with it, but I'm hiding it behind everything else. I need to focus on looking after my mom and sister, so I don't have the chance to think about how I'm feeling, or what's going on with me. To be completely honest, it's draining, but I hid my emotions for far too long now, to the point it's just a habit.

I took one last look at Austin, then walked over to Saffi. She is staring at me. Why? I'm not sure.

"Amara..." she says, looking at me.

"Yes?" I replied to her.

"Why was Austin Stallard talking to you" she asks in complete disbelief.

"Oh he got me mixed up with some girl, I'm guessing", lying to her.

"Oh BUT HE WAS TALKING TO YOU, THAT'S THE FIRST" she shouted. I shush her.

"Keep it down, the whole cafeteria doesn't need to know and why is it such a big deal" I questioned, with a blank expression.

"Sorry, it's just he doesn't talk to anyone except his friends, let alone a girl, and if he does talk to someone, it's to bully them." she says, looking over my shoulder at Austin.

"Oh cool" I replied to her. I wonder how he knows my actual last name. I'm going to have to find out when he is alone, and I'm not busy.

For the rest of the day, the name Austin Stallard kept running through my mind. I swear I know the name, but I can't pinpoint how I know it. I'm done with all my classes today and I said bye to Saffi, then walked out of the university and to my bike only to see that Austin is waiting near it.

"What do you want" I said as i walked towards him.

"I need to talk to you" he said sternly.

"About what?" I asked, "Oh and how do you know my birth name", I added.

"That's what I need to talk to you about" he says, looking at me softly, why is he looking at me like that? I rolled my eyes.

"Fine, talk to me then" I said and looked at him, waiting for him to talk.

"Let's go somewhere else, there are too many prying eyes" he says, and I look around to see that the is, oh great, just the attention I need.

"Okay, off campus or on campus?" I said to him.

"Off campus, then no one knows who we are and can't talk s**t" he says.

"Okay, hop on" I said, putting on my helmet. He gets onto the back of my motorcycle and I get on after starting it up, backing up and driving to my favorite place. The cliff, as I call it, overlooks the sea and it's a very quiet place. Every time I go there, no one seems to be there.

After 15 minutes, we arrived there. I turned off my motorcycle and told him to get off. "You can get off now", he complies, and I got off after him, removing my helmet.

"Okay so?" I stated, clearly wanting to get it over and done with. I started walking to the rocks and sat down, letting my legs dangle over the edge. He follows me.

"You really don't remember me do you?" he questions, saying the same thing he said earlier.

"No I don't, should i? All I know is that i have heard your name somewhere before." I said to him, looking out at the sea. It's peaceful.

"You should, I remembered you all these years and looked for you for 3 years." he says softly but looking serious too. i read his face.

"And who are you to me exactly," I asked him.

"Do you remember a boy from when you were younger always playing together? He asks me and I think.

"Not really. I do have flashbacks sometimes to me playing with someone, but I'm not sure who, it was a long time ago, and it's all a blur". I said to him and he looked somewhat relieved.

"That was me" he said. I looked at him shocked.

"Really?" I asked in disbelief, "so that's how you knew my birth name."

"Yes, and why do you keep saying your birth name?" he says.

"I changed my name" I replied to him.

"Why?" he asks, curious.

"For reasons," I replied to him, not wanting to go into detail.

"Okay" he replied, then took out his phone and looked at the time. "Oh crap i have to go," he added.

"Where do you need to go? I'll drop you off," I asked him.

"To pick up my little brother from school," he replied to my question.

"Okay, I'll take you, just tell me where to go," I said to him, standing up and walking over to my bike, putting my helmet on, and he follows me and gets on first and i get on after. Starting up the bike and starts going the way he is telling me to go.

After about 10 minutes, we arrived at his brother's school, and he got off his bike.

"Hold up, wait here for me to get back" he says, and I nod. He starts walking into the school.

I took out my phone and messaged my sister Isla.

Me - everything okay there?

A few minutes later, I got a text back from her.

Isla - yeah, everything is okay. Mom is okay, when are you going to be back?

Me - I'll be back soon. Don't worry.

Isla - okay mara, see you soon. She replies using my nickname. I smile.

"Who's making you smile," Austin said, surprising me as I didn't see him walk back. I looked down and saw a cute little boy smiling at me.

"My sister" I replied, and I got off my bike, took my helmet off and crouched down. "And who may you be?" I asked the little boy.

"I'm Reece" he replied shyly. "What a nice name you have, I'm Amara. You can call me Mara if it's easier," I replied gently to him.

"Okay, your very pretty" he says shyly again and i smile. "Why thank you little man, your handsome yourself," I say. i then look at Austin and finds that he is smiling.

I stood up. "Okay, I should go," I said to Austin, and he just looked at me and said "alright, bye."

"Bye" I said, putting my helmet on and getting on my bike. I waited for them to step back before I sped away.

I hope I don't run into him again. I haven't got the time to remember someone from a decade ago.

Later that evening, I was back at home. Scrolling through i********: when I receive a message from Saffi

Saffi - how's it going?? want to go out?

Me - go where?

Saffi - to the club. I'm dying to go out after the first day back at uni. Please, please, pleaseeee.

Me - alright what club?

Saffi - club nitro, the usual

Me - alright want to meet there at 9?

Saffi - sounds good. See you soon.

It's 7:30. I have an hour and a half to get ready. i go upstairs and get into the shower. Thirty minutes later, I got out and go to my vanity, starting my make-up, putting on primer, foundation, concealer, bronzee, blush, then face power. After doing the major bits, I put half-flash lashes on, and some eyeliner. Then, I grabbed my eyeliner pencil and put it on my waterlines. I did my lip combo for my lips, which is basically a dark nude outline and a lighter nude on the actual lips with some lip gloss. I went over to my closet and opened the door. i pulled out a black mini skirt, a red tube top and my favorite black bomber jacket. I also get some tights. I get dressed, then I blow-dry my hair, leaving it down. I walked out of my bedroom and headed downstairs, grabbing my mid-thigh boots and putting them on. I look in the mirror and approve of my outfit. My mom and sister are sleeping, so they should be fine. i grab my house keys and walked out, and got a taxi to the club.