“No one knows this exists. Turner, bless him, the greatest painter this country has ever produced, he stashed this one and I found it in a farm house in Wiltshire. Turner was born and bred right around the corner from where I come from. Had we lived at the same time, we might have been friends. He gave me the idea for the show, Lockdown Castle. Painted a lot of castles, he did. I managed to rent many of them for my show. Every episode another pile. Disposable castles, so to speak. And now the critics are scratching their heads because the final is on No Man’s Fort. Because that’s the odd one out, as Turner never painted it. Only it isn’t. This canvas is priceless. It’s an impossible canvas. It shouldn’t exist, and yet it does. It’s the world’s last practical joke. The painting will survive
