Devoted to The Tide

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHARLIE

I held onto my chest, on the verge of vomiting after my encounter with Perseus. My palms started to sweat and my vision started to blur. The sight of my room started to fade in and out like a telescope trying to focus on the sky. I sat down on my bed, my knuckles grasping onto my chest as my breathing became rasp and harsh. I felt a stray tear fall down my cheek, but I wasn’t able to feel it from my eyes. Losing balance on the bed, I struggled to hold myself up. Breathe. Just breathe. Inhale… then exhale… inhale… now exhale. I shut my eyes to avert my focus on strictly my breathing. Inhale… now exhale. Perseus wasn’t going to do it. He wasn’t going to slit his own throat. Not in front of me like that. He was bluffing. He had to have been bluffing. A million thoughts ran through my mind as I tried to gather them, attempting to put the puzzle pieces together on why I was feeling this way. Why was I feeling this way? Was it because it reminded me of Vlad? But he didn’t die from a slit throat. Why was death so difficult to see now? I can still kill if I need to though, so why do I feel this way now? Was it Perseus? Did I want him alive that bad?

Question after question after question after question, it was all too much. So many questions and not a single answer to any of them. I felt tension in my face as I had my eyes squeezed shut. I slithered down from the bed to the floor, holding my knees to my chest. My head rested in my palms as I kept trying to even my breathing. Suddenly I felt hands on me, making me jump ever so slightly. “Hey, hey… It’s okay. Just breathe, I’m right here.” I kept my eyes closed, almost as if I were afraid at this point to open them. I was careless for who was here with me right now. “Slow breaths, Captain. Breathe with me- ready?” It wasn’t Caspian. He wouldn’t call me captain at a time like this. It was Perseus. He took in a slow breath and I followed his lead. Inhale and exhale. “There you go, nice and slow.” His hands remained on my shoulders keeping me still. Inhale and exhale. I felt my heart start to calm and my body gaining feeling, the numbness slowly fading away. I finally had the courage to open up my eyes, finding Perseus’s eyes gazing into mine. We sat in silence for a brief moment, his hands still holding onto my shoulders. He then slowly released his grip, his eyes still looking into mine. “Are you okay…?” He asks, his voice calm and steady. I felt my cheeks grow warm for I hated that he saw me like this. Not even Caspian saw me like this. I didn’t respond, I just sat there, remaining in an upright fetal position. “Captain, I’m sorry. I was trying to prove a point… I shouldn’t have done it like that.” I looked up at him, my movements still. “And what exactly were you trying to prove?” I hissed. His face fell ever so slightly. “I just don’t want you to hate me. I’m trying to prove myself to you and the only reason you’re repulsed by me is simply because Vlad was my father and you don’t think I belong here because I’m nothing like him.” I finally push myself up to my feet, Perseus mimicking me. “Don’t flatter yourself. I’m not repulsed by ya because you’re nothing like Vlad. I’m repulsed because you’re the furthest thing from him. You call it bringing honor to him but all you do is insult what we do here. You live your life in ignorance.” “Which is why I’m trying to be enlightened but you push me away! Caspian’s hatred I understand, but yours? You won't even take the time to get to know me! You didn't even know Vlad had a son until you met me!” “Because it doesn’t bloody matter!” He takes a step closer. “Then you have no right to assume all of these things about me if you don’t know the whole story! I may not know anything about sailing or being a leader, but I do know a thing or two about neglect. And saying you care about your crew members and then completely dismissing them for no reason, is neglect. And THAT makes you a s**t Captain.”

I was taken back from his insult once again. “Then leave.” I spat. “If I’m such a s**t captain and you can’t handle what we do here, then take the next ship back to Irongarde and get out of my sight.” Perseus just stands there, scanning my face. “You don’t belong here, Perseus. You never have and you never will.” I spat again, my gaze piercing into him like I was trying to set him on fire with nothing but my eyes. He didn't say anything else. He just shakes his head and walks out of the room.

…

I sat inside the chicken coop, watching the small chicks eat the feed I had just placed in their tiny trough. There are less here than last time. I’m assuming Mrs. Tinley lost a couple over the season. Then again, last time I was here was six months ago, so if anything, these must be new chicks. Either way, watching them was my favorite thing to do to clear my head. Watching them peck away at the feed and make small peeping sounds as they snuggle underneath the heating lamp. Sometimes I envied their lives. Being able to live in a small little pen with their brothers and sisters, sleeping all day under a warm heat source. Sometimes it sounded like paradise. Other times, it sounded miserable. Either way, I liked animals. More than people think to be honest. The way that they are so careless in this world. I wondered if they had thoughts like us, dreams, goals. Or do they simply just exist?

These were things I thought about every time I came in the chicken coop to help Mrs. Tinley with chores as a thank you for allowing my crew to stay in her barn. Every morning I was here for, I would help take care of her chickens while my men would move heavy supplies around the ranch when they had time. Mrs. Tinley ran this ranch for decades, and with her widow lifestyle that she lived for the last twenty years, she mostly hires people or asks around the village for help to keep the property in shape. She deserved it to be honest. Because her carefulness and hospitality always goes unmatched.

I came out of the coop with the chicken water jug to dump out the filthy water and replace it with fresh water from the fountain. But to my surprise, I saw Perseus from afar, slowly approaching. I didn't pay any mind to him. I was still aggravated and annoyed from our last talk. He didn't respect my authority and he knew I wouldn’t do anything about it either… but the reason why I wouldn’t, remains unknown. I fill the water and go to lift it, underestimating the weight of six gallons. “Here, I got it.” Perseus says, swooping in to pick up the slack and carry it to the other end of the chicken coop. “It goes in the last pen on the right.” I instructed. He then later comes back out as I gather the eggs from the other few pens within the coop, still paying no mind to Perseus’s presence. “Need help with anything else?” I shook my head in response, continuing to carefully count eggs in my bucket. He just stands there, looking around the coop as I start to head out, carrying to bucket eggs with me back through the field to the cottage. “The stock is done on the ships. We should have enough to make it to Zadavi and back home to Irongarde without needing a pit stop.” He says, trailing behind me. I just nod, keeping my words to myself. Silence lingers as he walks by my side, the sun beating down on the both of us. “I didn't know you had a love for farm life.” He adds, trying to fill the silence between us. “I don’t.” He looks at me, still taking strides to keep at my pace. “Is that why you’re cleaning the coop that isn’t yours?” I kept walking, gripping the handle of the bucket of eggs. “I’m just doing Mrs. Tinley a favor. She’s the reason we were able to sleep in beds last night. Perhaps you should help out somewhere before we depart tomorrow morning.” More silence lingered between us. “Actually, Mrs. Tinley asked me to retrieve you. She said a girl named Amora had stopped by and is waiting for you back at the cottage.” I stopped in my tracks and looked at him. “Amora is here?” He nods. “She’s with Caspian right now I think.” I then continue walking, my pace quickening. “Is that the little girl I saw you hugging at the docks yesterday? Is she family?” “Something like that.” I responded. “A sister? Cousin maybe?” I chuckle to myself in disbelief of the million questions he likes to ask so much. “No. She’s my daughter.” Perseus slows his pace, trailing behind me. “You have a kid?” “Is that so hard to believe?” More silence falls between us. “No. Just couldn’t imagine you being captain of a fleet while also trying to raise a child.” I shake my head a bit, also slowing my pace. “Well, she stays with her father’s parents while I’m away.” “Where is her father?” I stop again, looking at him with annoyed eyes. “That’s not what you wanted to ask. You want to know who her father is, not where.” “What? No, I-“ “I’m not a fool, Perseus.” He chokes on his words in defeat, causing me to roll my eyes and continue walking. “Alright well I guess I’m just curious about your life.” “Well to answer your question, her father sails with me, so he’s not around for her either.” He pauses. I could see him trying to figure it out in his head. “Go ahead, guess.” “What?” “Guess which sailor on the crew shared a bed with me one drunken night eight years ago. I’ll give you a hint, my daughter… is technically your family too.” It didn't take long for Perseus to finally put the pieces together because he then gently turned my shoulder to stop me from walking any closer to the cottage. “What- you mean Caspian? Caspian is the father of your child?” I didn't respond, I just glanced over at the nearby cottage. “So you guys are…?” “Gods no. Not that it's any of your business but no, we never married nor pursued a relationship. We just had one drunk night, and one time is all it took because ten months later, I had Amora. Now, do you have any more personally invading questions? Or can I go see my kid?” I could see the wheels turning in his head as he struggled to wrap his mind around everything I was telling him. “Good.” I say before he could say anything else, walking into the cottage to greet my daughter.